Changing the way you perceive yourself and the feeling tone of thoughts you have is like turning a big battleship in the ocean. You can’t just flip a U turn, it’s a slow intentional process.
Rachael's lavish love and devotion has shown me I am worthy of so much love, grace and support.
Standing in my truth is a way I bust up the lies I tell myself to "keep myself safe" by keeping myself small. I know because I have gone through something someone else out there probably has, too. My story will help somebody.
Today I want to share what I do when I don't have much to give energetically but still want to milk the holiday cheer for all the seasonal depression busting magic it has to offer my dopamine stash.
I'm not convinced that Santa "isn't real." I think the spirit of generosity alive in each of us, woven together, is what makes the holidays so magic. I think of Santa Claus specifically as an energy of generosity that works through people in little nudges, grand gestures, all sorts of merriment, and even last minute stressed out putting together a big under tree presentation to foster childlike wonder.
Ginger is naturally very warming and a good ally when you're shivvery and cold!
There's science around condensation. When a glass of water is cold it will get wet on the outside. Why? Condensation.
That affects RV walls! On the inside and outside, but most insidious inside. I had neighbors whose trailer had to be demolished because the entire closet walls were moldy beyond repair. A whole house uninhabitable because previous owners didn't take precautions! (😳)
When all the astrologers referred to the early part of December as a time of heightened agitation and being annoyed I said, "Who me?" And, in fact, I've found myself annoyed! Here are some tools that help me:
If I was Paris Gellar and leading this group project I would have everyone take my supplement protocol (funded for anyone who needs it--a public health equivalent to passing out condoms).
I think I seem like an optimist because I speak on positive thinking so frequently. But I’m actually wired pessimistically. (Scorpio Moon, stellium in Scorpio and Virgo–I’m wired to see problems and can get very fatalistic.)
I speak so frequently on positive thinking because I really need it as a tool to not spiral into depression. I spent the entirety of my teen years depressed and have battled depression most of my adult life. I know my mind is part of why and how I experience life and that’s why I work so hard at creating a life worth living for me. This summer I’ve been having some success with a framework I want to share based on a tarot card!
During the Spring the 4 of Cups tarot card kept coming up. In personal readings, in collective readings, everywhere I turned it seemed to be present.
The four of cups is typically depicted with three spilled or empty cups and one cup that the subject of the card’s image typically isn’t looking at. Cups is the sign of emotions– BIG FEELS.
I love this image most of all–from the Modern Witch Tarot by Lisa Sterle. I have gotten to look through it because of friends and it’s gorgeous! This deck is on my wishlist.
This is a deck my friend and cosmic guide Jana from Feeling Loudly uses and she’s how I learned the empowering message behind the card.
I’m a big fan of using spiritual tools for empowerment and while it doesn’t feel empowering to know a bunch of your cups are spilled–things you put emotional energy into–it is empowering to remember to look around for what cups are full that I’m not paying attention to.
So I set out to spend the summer focused on 4 of Cups Livin’. The art of looking for the full cups and celebrating the heck out of them.
I’m particularly skilled at downward spirals, I think we all can dwell in negativity and get into the bog of stench. But creating a habit of upward spirals is a lot of thought life discipline.
We can’t control the first thought but we can control our second, third and subsequent thoughts. The longer I practice meditation the better I get at becoming an observer of my thoughts.
I believe “you” are your soul, but we are conditioned to be a “you” that is a projection of what we want people to think we are. When I’m focused on what other people think of me I’m not focused on what is right for me. That’s how I ended up going to law school and trying to perform perfection for love and acceptance.
Now I trust that my genuine self is enough (thank you Mr. Rogers) and anyone I have to perform for isn’t a connection I want to nurture.
I know through practice I can capture my thoughts and dwell on the ones that delight me. This summer has had a focus on flowers because they do delight me! First it was lilacs, then foxgloves, and right now the sunflowers are so epic. I began feeling hopeful this week for no external reason other than perhaps all the sunflowers in my garden!
Being a big dreamer comes with a lot of grief! I can get so hard on myself because I keep setting goals I haven’t achieved yet. I love my job and it hasn’t been paying enough for me to live off this summer so I’ve had to get creative, more frugal than ever, and take on a side job to support the work. I still believe in it, but I think most entrepreneurs who have had downturns in volume of clients served know that sometimes your passion needs you to supplement. Money problems specifically have spiraled me out many times.
4 of Cups Livin’ is a daily practice of pronoia where I know that my cup is as full as the air in my lungs! The trees I choose to walk amongst! The authentic connections I nurture! It’s bigger than just gratitude it’s more like a gratitude rampage, really working myself up so the gratitude is so big it overwhelms the grief I feel that I’m not yet where I thought I “should” be by now.
4 of Cups Livin’ is, once again, releasing control and struggle so I can experience contentment and sufficiency. Fully present! Mindful!
I’m reading a book right now called Failing Forward by John C. Maxwell. He talks about contentment being part of the process of pursuing passion. You experience contentment with that vigorous gratitude practice while surrendering to the journey of success, which is designed to build us through discomfort into the kind of person that can sustain our goals.
Little kids learn and are uncomfortable frequently because they are always growing, but they balance that with play and rest. That’s the balance people of all ages need to strike to have a growth mindset and pursue our potential.
Maxwell also writes about how the past impacts the present. The ability to put past events behind us and move on allows a person to focus on the present challenge with enthusiasm. Saying “I have yet to meet a successful person who continually dwells on past difficulties.”
As someone who is in her forties I know from witnessing friends go through emotional challenges how folks can get really stuck never risking love again, resentments and just isolating. Sometimes we need times to heal and slow down, but I really admire the grit of someone willing to risk love/a big dream/whatever again. On Shark Tank they always edify an entrepreneur who has had the grit to try again.
4 of Cups Livin’ has been a way to remind myself to be in the glory of what is instead of wishing it was the Big Dream. A mindset shift that has me feeling legit hope and not resting on how bleak things feel objectively. I hope it helps you!
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I can’t create more time for you but I can help you identify simple ways to improve your quality of life slipping into the time you have!
Around May of 2020 I went to an online wellness event and one of the teacher suggested running cold water on the back of the neck as a way to soothe our nervous system.
At the time I was a little over six months living down the street from my mother for the first time since I was 17. I truly never thought I would live near her. As I reconnect with old friends a lot of them check in about how it’s going living so near to my mom with trepidation–my relationship with my mother has not always been harmonious.
I consider my current relationship with her one of my greatest life successes. We’ve both grown a lot and know how to communicate in a way that doesn’t devolve into fights. I have a great therapist and I have a considerable amount of tools to deal with being triggered.
There’s something special about parents who installed all of our buttons and then push them later in life without being conscious of it. When I first moved up here she triggered me frequently! I had my tools, so I could go regulate myself, but I noticed that once I got intentional about the cold water on the back of my neck every morning for 20-30 seconds I stopped getting triggered by her. (With a couple exceptions this has remained true!)
You hear rich people talk about cold plunges all the time on social media because cold water therapy has numerous benefits and now they sell rich people cold plunge pools!
A cold shower has lots of overlapping benefits, and I started taking cold showers in 2017 after being influenced by Shaman Durek, a teacher I adore. Summer is a great time to start this practice!
It wasn’t the cold showers, it was the intentional exposure of my vagus nerve that was the game changer.
The vagus nerve is a major player in your parasympathetic nervous system. It’s how your heart pumps, you digest, your immune system functions and you don’t have to think about it. (THE BODY IS A MIRACLE.) When you’re a traumatized kid your body wants to keep you safe. Nerd out more about the body keeping you safe on my podcast episode (#143) with Jes Baker.
I now perceive triggers as opportunities to heal old wounds in the present moment when I am SAFE and HAVE CHOICES unlike when the original trauma happened. The trigger train now makes final stops in my life because I can regulate my nervous system, get curious, get under the hood and investigate what is seeking to be healed.
In the Winter I jump into the shower before turning on the water, using the cold water that rolls out on the back of my neck and by the time the water is warm my vagus nerve has had her 20-30 seconds of cold exposure. (Be mindful of taking cold showers in the winter or you’ll be like me and have no water outflow til the snow thaws because it all froze in the pipes after a cold shower. When I know better I do better! Haha!)
My understanding of why this works is just teaching your nervous system that you’re safe no matter what. I also do a five minute tapping video first thing in the morning. It’s way easier for me to stay emotionally regulated when I’m resourcing myself with nourishing habits!
Anyway, I hope this simple self care helps you! Click here to read more simple self care posts! You deserve to feel awesome!
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On the day of the Leo new moon I was kind of spiraling. It was a bonkers day and I was feeling heart weary.
I respond to downward spirals with self care. It’s so much easier to get out ahead of the Bog of Stench when I sniff it than when I’m being pulled under. I stopped working and shifted my attention to a grounding and clearing meditation through Chris Corsini’s New Moon donation based workshop on you tube dot com. (Highly recommend his work, his workshops are fantastic and accessible even for spiritual newbies!)
I then hopped into my Glowing Goddess Sisterhood 4:20 sister sesh workshop for the new moon in Leo, a full 24 minutes late (at 4:44, I love an angel number!). We have an online members forum on Discord dot com that has text chat and voice/video chat rooms, where we host regular events and casual hang outs. Doing dishes is more fun while chatting with friends!
My heart was open from the previous workshop and my friends were gleeful to see me. Dreya, who was leading, told me we were complimenting each other and to sit back and receive.
Receiving is the powerful part of asking for help. You can ask all you want; if you’re not open to receive it falls flat.
Each of my friends took turns showering me with sincere appreciation and compliments. It was overwhelming in the good way. I received.
And I felt better! I remembered an old simple self care tip I used to use when I was going through it–reaching out to a trusted friend to ask for compliments. “Hey I’m having a hard time. What are some of your favorite things about me?” has opened up a lot of great heart-warming things I’ve never forgotten.
Receiving a serenade is hard work emotionally. My First Love was a singer songwriter and they couldn’t look me in the eye when they played for me–so bashful, in fact, that they would face the wall. I still loved it.
I reflect on that and remember how much easier it was for ME that I could just receive the song instead of receiving the full force of emotion with face and eye contact.
I believe we incarnate on Earth to embody love, to learn to love MORE. When we give freely and receive freely we are in this sacred infinity.
We don’t necessarily receive from where we give, sometimes we receive from people we can never “pay back” we can only pay it forward. Think about how an infinity symbol looks, the flow is there but it’s not transactional. I’m focused on relational living and giving freely and receiving abundantly.
I love to give a compliment serenade. I would love the opportunity to tell someone what they mean to me. I am slowly becoming the kind of person who sends lots of greeting cards and who lavishes their friends with hearty approbation and sincere praise out of nowhere just cuz I was thinking of them.
If you want to deepen your understanding of how to love on your people (and how you can communicate more effectively so they can really feel your love) I recommend the book How to Win Friends and Influence people. I wish it was more accurately titled “How to shave off your rough spots so the people you love actually KNOW you love them.” (Either the original or the digital age version, I have read them every year since 2019 and it’s really opened my eyes! I was raised to believe criticism was love and that is INCORRECT. That’s why I stayed away from my family of origin for 15 years.)
I hope this little message hits your heart and you remember when you’re low that you can shoot a text asking for compliments. Someone once told me “I love that you’re the kind of person who asks questions until you really understand.” I had never thought of that as something of an asset and because of the loving way that was shared I have leaned into living into that. I hope you know how loved you are, just as you are, flaws and all.
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