Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2020-07-31

Feeling like there’s not enough space and nowhere to go

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 5:54 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I went to the grocery store today and I had a meltdown I have not had since I lived in a city–going on 8 months now. It would happen a lot in New York City the 11 years I lived there, and occasionally in Los Angeles. The meltdown is when I feel like there’s not enough space to be a person and it seems like there’s nowhere for me to “be” that isn’t “in the way.”

I have to think that thin people experience this, too, but my experience of feeling like there’s not enough space has everything to do with being fat. This happens in stores where the aisles are small, big crowds of people, restaurants that are too crowded, having wait staff hitting your chair a bunch. Basically for me, it’s feeling like there’s not enough space and nowhere for me to go.

No one in my life has ever clocked me for this but frequently if we arrive at a party together you’ll eventually find me entirely outside. My threshold for dealing with crowds has been waning steadily over the years. I remember a house party in Brooklyn (the worst for feeling like there’s anyplace to be that’s not in the way) where there were easily a hundred people crushed into a living room, a backyard that was filling up fast and the only exit through the front door via that crushing crowd.

Once I get to the point of feeling the meltdown of “there’s nowhere to be” I take deep breaths and get myself out of there. Today at the grocery store was NOTHING compared to NYC lifestyles but it stopped me from finishing my shopping. I just went right to the checkstand and started solving for next time.

I’m a fan of evaluated experience and today’s evaluation was: What factors lead to the grocery store feeling so crowded? What can I do differently?

I already make sure when I go to town I am not in a time crunch because going slow is the way to stay safer during a pandemic. I typically find a time block that I’m not already using for work and slide in there. However, Friday afternoon in a town that has a swell of population in the summer and lots of tourism is probably a popular time to go to the grocery store. I could choose to go in on a Tuesday morning. It means I can’t see clients that morning but it does mean I won’t feel boxed in or frustrated by too many people.

It used to be this feeling would land me in being frustrated about my fat body. Now that I’m of the mind that all bodies are good bodies and we take up the space we’re meant to, it didn’t even get to that for me today. I was just frustrated at the volume of people at a typically pretty chill food co-op. The problem is not a body size the problem is a world that is crowded and not built for actual human diversity.

I don’t know what wisdom I have to share from this, except to just remember what you have control over and what you don’t. That it’s okay to occasionally abandon plans when it feels like the circumstances aren’t aligning. If you develop your psychic abilities your crowd tolerance will likely wane. That you get to decide how you feel about crowds, parties, circumstances and follow your gut instincts always–I got out of that dangerous Brooklyn house party ASAP. And don’t stick around parties that don’t have enough fire exits.

xoxo,

Mom

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-30

The heart of life is good

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — Bevin @ 1:11 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I drove up to Hurricane Ridge with mom (Nanny) this morning. Her spouse Pat had gone up with her photographer buddies a couple of weeks ago and I was jealous.

I’ve been hearing about Hurricane Ridge and how it’s “Like the Sound of Music” in the high mountain meadows covered with wildflowers. We never had enough time to visit Hurricane Ridge during the season on my previous visits before I moved here and when I finally got here in November it was already too snowy to go.

I’ve been asking when it’s okay to go and finally when Pat went I was like YAY LET’S DO THIS! But, we had a lot of Corona risk factors to keep in mind.

I live in a beautiful part of the world that is very touristy, especially in the summer. In my new place in the neighborhood I can hear the highway clearly and I know that there’s a ton of traffic headed right for the nature destinations to the East. (It’s also where the closest big box stores are, I’m sure there’s local traffic to account for.)

To dodge tourism we decided to go up early in the morning on a Thursday, departing at 8am and arriving just after 9. It was already fairly bustling with people while we ventured on our mountain path walk through the wildflowers and by the time it was 10:15AM there were more cars and people than I’d be comfortable with.

Only about 75% of folks were wearing masks up on the trails and in the parking lot even less people. Stressful, especially given all the info I keep reading about how even with a mask if a covid infected person isn’t wearing a mask it puts you at risk.

Hard to think of that and see other humans choosing not to wear masks and have compassion and empathy. I kept having to remind myself when I’d have a judgment thought loop beginning, “The heart of life is good.” I say it again and again. The script that my ego/judgment brain goes to is, “It’s HUMANS THAT ARE THE VIRUS.”

The heart of life is good.

There were magical wildflowers, my mom definitely did not wild forage wildflower seed pods and hide them in her pocket, and we had a lovely day looking at the trees, the mountains in the distance, Canada and a perfect little snowpile on a shady slope that looked like a heart.

A lovely morning hoping that the goodness of life will grow through this snowbank of a pandemic.

xoxo,

Mom

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-29

How white supremacy culture overlaps with the disease of alcoholism

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 10:18 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

I went to this rad anti-racism workshop my pal AmyJo facilitated on zoom yesterday. We spent a lot of time talking about white supremacy and I had a women and gender studies class aha moment.

AmyJo shared with us this list of characteristics of white supremacy culture.

I love the metaphor of the women and gender studies aha because there were so many times in those classes where the professor just tore at the fabric of the limits we didn’t realize our perspective had. One day I woke up at 17 years old (Freshman, first quarter, women and gender studies 101) thinking gender was a fixed binary and by the end of the day I understood that gender was a universe of possibilities.

Consciousness raising is rad.

So, it turns out, our whole culture and all of the most toxic things about having alcoholic relatives really overlaps with characteristics of white supremacy culture.

Perfectionism. Sense of urgency. Defensiveness. Paternalism. Either/or thinking.

I’m excited to keep digging into this, but for sure patriarchy and white supremacy drive us to drink and create the hardest aspects of living with an alcoholic. Loved this workshop, really grateful for all the opportunity to learn with other white folks how to end white supremacy.

xoxo,

Mom

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-28

Supply chain issues

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Bevin @ 10:19 am

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

When the virus first broke out, we had no idea how it would affect our ability to get food and supplies. Mom went really hard in the garden this year so we were certain we would get fresh produce. For a second I thought about doing some canning.

Instead we just stocked up as was advised, for up to 30 days. I go into town once a week to replenish our water stash–the well water here is not delicious–and get supplemental groceries from the food co-op.

So far, at the end of July, four months into quarantine, I have only experienced two big disruptions in supply chain that have affected my life.

I ran out of PG Tips, which if you as my children don’t know that in my opinion this is the greatest commercially available black tea made for daily use then I have failed to prepare you for a great life. PG Tips. Remember this.

I’m trying hard to divest from Amazon, and it used to be I could get it at a little discount on PG Tips from them. Now it’s the same price or more than the grocery store (possibly due to better supply chain on the grocery end, maybe they got a better distributer, who knows).

Though I don’t have much money right now, I am incredibly intentional with how I spend it. So I spend at the Food Co-op which has the greatest impact on my local economy, rather than making Jeff Bezos more rich.

The Co-op (and the local Safeway, to be fair) throughout the pandemic, has had a few empty shelves due to distributor errors. They’ve had times where what they ordered didn’t come in at all and was just ??? when they would be getting things in. Nothing major, nothing irreplaceable. I just drank the rest of my stash of Irish Breakfast Tea from Trader Joe’s.

Finally they got some PG Tips in, in the 40 bag box not the 80 bag box I prefer. Not a huge disruption for an imported tea product. And like everything in this pandemic, it just took more patience on my part to weather the disruption.

The second big supply chain issue I had was Biscuit Reynolds’ food. He has lots of special needs, including a special food from Royal Canin that has two special formulas in it. I like to buy bulk to save over time, but the big bags weren’t available as he was running out of food.

I bought a bag from the online pharmacy our vet up here uses. And then as his food dwindled I heard nothing about shipping. I called, apparently Royal Canin was very disrupted by the pandemic and his food might not be available for a long time.

Panicked, looking at less than a week left of his food in my supply, I called the vet. I was able to get half his formula in a small bag from them (the Urinary SO, to prevent bladder crystals, arguably the most important half) and just had to suck up that I was spending way more than I budgeted for cat food and getting way less. July has been a weird month with more month than money.

But luckily he stayed fed and preventing bladder crystals which is a huge deal. And now his real food finally arrived and I’m just blending the two bags together as best as I can. He seems fine.

Someone predicted in the Fall we would really see supply chain effects from the coronavirus lockdown and I’m genuinely curious if we will. I’m staying adaptable.

xoxo,

Mom

Groomers opened back up in Phase 2 and so grateful he finally got shaved! He’s so much more comfortable.

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-27

Aligning my days for productivity and minimal resistance

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 3:44 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

Lately my focus has been on how to align my days for swift productivity and minimal resistance. Which has a lot to do with working smarter not harder and trying out new forms of energy.

First of all, I think most of our energy comes to us metaphysically and meditation and prayer are cornerstones of my life and routine. But even still, since the quarantine began I’ve been getting ultra tired early in the day. I think some of that is metaphysical, I process a lot for those around me and my energy healing clients. I also think this time is being called “The Great Pause” for a reason. It’s not necessarily about max productivity, rest is essential to productive work.

I learned recently that there’s no such thing as time management. Time is going to move along whether you’re “managing” it or not. What’s essential is priority management. That is much more doable and it helps you focus on those few things that truly do matter.

I have learned will power is burned off early in the day, and it’s when I feel sharpest, which is why I see my coaching and energy healing clients first thing in my day and why I try to get the things that require brain power done before 2pm.

I’m totally obsessed with physiology and how the way we move and fuel our bodies affects our experience and enjoyment of life. This stems back to my lifetime of dealing with depression. I get seasonal depression, I have regular genetic depression I can see all through my patriarchal line. (I do not know yet if you kids are genetically related to me or adopted, but I hope you don’t inherit a predisposition to depression or alcoholism. If you do I hope you learn from me how to align your self care so you don’t have to learn the same hard lessons I’ve had to!)

I have always known that dance helps me feel more joyful. In fact, the first thing I did when I was 19 years old and made the fateful decision that I wanted to “stop hating myself” (I had no language for self love, I did not yet understand or identify my depression) was to start doing dance aerobics again. I was using MTV’s The Grind workout on VHS during that era.

How lucky I was in that moment to have a vcr and tv in my dorm room and how wise I was to use dance to shift my perspective of life.

I study physiology for Fat Kid Dance Party because I want folks to have actionable, accessible tools to level up their experience in life. It’s also helpful for me! Not just the founder, I’m also a client!

In this season where I’m optimizing and adapting work efficiency I am working towards having my daily movement practice early in the morning. A wild feat for me since slow mornings are my jam and by the time I’m “ready” to move it’s hot and sunny outside. (Typically for me I move in the late afternoon/early evening.)

But it’s undoubtable that the earlier in the day I dance the more likely I am to be upbeat and dancey the rest of the day. And, oh, how satisfying life is when I feel like dancing.

We’ll see as I progress into daily morning movement how I do. Once I feel my energy flagging in the afternoon when I eventually do move it’s not with the same vigor I could give it in the morning.

I hope you never settle for good enough and keep working to get better and improve your experience of this one and only life you get to live.

xoxo,

Mom

My neighbor caught this while I was walking Biscuit Reynolds. While I don’t stand by this outfit choice for public consumption it was too cute not to share. (And that day I was part of a team putting woodchips down on our forest trail muddy bits and that early morning hauling and shoveling was great pep for the rest of my day.)

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-26

Zoom Domme

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Bevin @ 11:16 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

The first text I read this morning was that your Aunt Rachael was in the hospital for tests. She has the Corona, so this was a perfect day to also just dive right into the Agape church service. So many prayers went out for her today!

She was thankfully discharged, chest pains were muscle spasms from all the coughing she does because the corona feels like knives in your lungs.

And then later tonight we were both on Frankie’s birthday zoom call. I didn’t even know if she’d make it because she was in the hospital today. When she used her zoom wrangling skills to keep the party moving that she uses with executives at her corporate job, I was just so impressed.

First of all, every group zoom needs a Zoom Domme to keep things flowing (or a femmecee, or what have you). Facilitation is key in group gatherings!

And second of all, what a miracle to see her in her competency when just 10 hours earlier I was genuinely afraid she would take a turn for the worse. The Goddess is good!!!

Never forget the power of prayer and to thank the Goddess for every miracle! And enjoy whatever season you’re in because it’s temporary.

xoxo,

Mom

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-24

I am so much happier with an iphone than my Google Pixel and it’s all about connection

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 10:29 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

Your Aunt Rachael in Atlanta has the Corona. We’ve been in tight communication since before the pandemic thanks to Marco Polo, her polycule and my getting an iphone and being added to a group text thread.

Because of all of this newfangled communication–I know how careful she’s been! I’ve seen their polycule become a quarantine pod and I’ve seen them negotiate and talk about risk factors.

You can be ever so careful and one contact with one person outside your pod who said they were safe but forgot to mention dining outside at a cafe with co-workers… And now Rach is having trouble breathing, feels like an alien hijacked her body and can’t watch anything that makes her laugh too much because of the breathing.

I know that worry doesn’t do anything but rob the present of joy. So I do things: Praying. Seeing her whole and healed in my mind’s eye. Talking to other folks about wearing masks–I can’t believe there’s so much resistance to a very practical solution to disease spread.

I’ve been sending lots of energy healing her way. I’ve loved all the massive communication with all of her awesome polycule friends and loves. It’s been rad to know how she’s being supported. It helps from across the country to be that connected.

I stuck to android devices for the entirety of the iphone era. I just switched to the iphone in May when I moved into my trailer, the Lavender Queen. My Google pixel finally gave out and after all of my many years of exclusive android use I switched to the iphone.

The thing that’s most important in life are your people. I knew that having an iphone would make it easy to connect to folks. It’s so much harder to set up an appointment with someone I’m really close with to talk on facetime when you have to use a computer to get facetime.

I kept using android because it made business easier when I was a lawyer. I essentially had an office on my phone and the functionality was easier and better. But I have not been a practicing attorney for a few years now and I just absolutely love having a quick phone based facetime check in with the people I love. I can’t believe I waited this long!

And the imessage group text threads! We can post bitmoji stickers?? I feel like we’re a group of cartoons hanging out.

I’m still on a steep learning curve right now–iphone functionality is fiddly for me, but 2 months into having an iphone and I’m really appreciating it.

Never appreciated it more than a spontaneous facetime group from the imessage on day one of corona symptoms for Rach. And then spontaneous check ins via facetime so I could hear how she was doing and see her face. (She still looks amazing, and forever award winning cleavage.)

I was like, wow this tiny device has so much more connection to offer because of the people on it. And connection is the most important thing there is!

xoxo,

Mom

A camping collage from the Glowing Goddess Getaway couple’s retreat in 2019. Joshua Tree. Unforgettable weekend!

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-23

Getting through insecurity

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Bevin @ 11:37 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

Getting through insecurity is possibly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done–and I still go through it every single day.

I just interviewed my friend Trystan for my podcast and he uses this hack to rise above insecurity: Simply decide to get 1% better every day and commit to that.

When you are continuously growing it’s a relief. I choose to grow and stay committed to the daily habits that make me better. These are things like reading from success books every single day, being very mindful about what input I absorb and surrounding myself with folks who make me better.

Something that kept me from wanting to be a parent for a very long time was thinking I wouldn’t be a perfect parent. There are a lot of generational challenges, traumas and behaviors that have been passed through my family. I thought I could never overcome that.

I know now that it’s an impossible goal to expect to be perfect, but I know I can be great. I know my parents did the best they could with what they had available to them in incredibly difficult circumstances financially and emotionally. I also know that I’ve grown so much over the past 20 years of dedicated work on self love that I have no doubt I’ll continue to grow into the person I’m meant to be to be an awesome mom.

I might be great and there will be places I’m lacking. But instead of focusing on the lack, I focus on my commitment to getting better. These days my big challenges are leveling up my capacity. I’m reading books (heeey Enthusiasm Makes the Difference) and making behavior changes to get more energy. When I’m a parent I’ll pick up books that relate to those challenges and make my behavior changes as I need to.

Getting through insecurity is a snowball effect. Once you develop confidence in one area you can borrow that to level up your effectiveness in other areas. When I started to learn knitting, I used my confidence from passing the bar exam in two states to apply to my attempts. “I can totally learn how to knit lace, I did this really hard thing before.”

I rarely remind myself of the bar exam anymore for confidence because I’m actually more impressed with being willing to make behavior changes. It’s taken me 30 years to dump my procrastination habit but bit by bit I’m getting better at taking things on instead of putting them off until the last minute.

Insecurity is really being focused on what other people think. The way I combat that is by being a person I can believe in.

This is easier on some days than others! Since I don’t always believe in myself I have folks I surround myself with (friends, coaches, mentors, therapist) who believe in me on those days I don’t. It is key to have tools to use to help get you back to confidence!

I sincerely hope I’m able to raise you with confidence in your inherent value and that you can do anything you set your mind to. I know I won’t be your only influence so you’ll still deal with those, “I hope they don’t judge me” kind of thoughts.

You know what? People will judge you. And that’s about them. People won’t like you. And that’s not your job, to be liked. Your job is to be the best you that you can and to know that your value comes from within. Not from the opinions of folks who aren’t doing enough with their lives that they waste their time being judgmental and critical.

xoxo,

Mom

This leopard print banana slug is not insecure. It is focused on the task at hand, climbing a log.

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

2020-07-22

The Tidy Cats Breeze branded litter box pads are 500% better than the Amazon Basics pads

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Bevin @ 10:27 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm. Also all the links to Amazon on this earn me a tiny commission from whatever you buy when you enter Amazon through that link. Thanks for helping me run this blog!)

Dear Kids:

I remain obsessed with my cat litter box, the Tidy Cats Breeze system. I don’t know if there will ever be a system that tops it, but I’m ready to know. I hope when you’re adults and ready for cat companions that there has been an even better litter box invented.

Last year I got excited when I bought these generic “Amazon Basic” pads for the box. They are far cheaper than the branded Tidy Cats Breeze box pads. Every penny counts when you’re an entrepreneur, but it was scarcity mindset that kept me using the pads when I first moved into the Lavender Queen, my trailer.

Now that I live in a very small space, I can assure you, the branded Tidy Cats Breeze box pads are far superior.

In my castle in Los Angeles, I had the cat box inside a big cabinet with a hole cut out. (My mom, your Nanny, made it and gave it to me when she downsized.) I never smelled the pee on the pee pad with the Amazon Basics, but I did need to change it more frequently.

In the fairy cottage I sublet when I first moved to the Olympic Peninsula, I had the litter box in a little vestibule off the hallway. Didn’t notice a smell often but every now and again I would smell cat pee and spray Nature’s Miracle “around” the floor to “refresh” the environment.

When I moved into the Lavender Queen and the most logical place to keep the litter box was in my small bedroom, it would smell like pee in like 3 days. I kept “refreshing” the carpet and it took me about three weeks to realize that it was the pee pads–they didn’t trap odor at all!

I knew the solution was likely switching back to the original pee pad. But I just let scarcity mentality rule for awhile and I suffered! Why??? It’s a little over $3 a week for pellets and branded pee pads. $12 a month is still less than I was paying in actual clay litter that tracks all over my house. It would be unbearable in this tiny space to have to sweep like that, I still just pick up the pellets when they get out of the box and toss them back in.

I lived with that cat pee smell way longer than I should have! I deserve to have an environment that smells awesome–nothing like pee! I want anyone coming into my space to only know I have a cat because they met him!

Anyway, I give myself props for finally getting around to buying the branded Tidy Cats Breeze pads . I changed the pad after one week and never smelled pee! They truly trap odor!

Kids, I hope you never settle for an environment that doesn’t support you thriving.

xoxo,

Mom

I’m learning a lot about boundaries living with my cat during quarantine.

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-21

Feel the fear, do it anyway

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Bevin @ 3:01 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I just got really scared to send an email “putting myself out there” and decided to take a break and shift my focus.

Fear, discomfort, and awkwardness are all symptoms of resistance. If there’s anything I can tell you about living your best life it’s that feeling those things and doing it anyway is the key.

I say this at every Fat Kid Dance Party class, we cheer for awkward because life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Plus, it’s so much fun to hear someone holler out “I feel awkward” and cheer them for doing it anyway. It feels super awkward to do a thing for the first time and we experience that a lot when we do new movement modalities.

I used to have a sticker on the back of my phone that said “action cures fear” which is totally true. Either you’re doing the thing or you’re thinking about doing the thing, creating more resistance.

It’s like jumping into a pool when you know it’ll be cold and uncomfortable until your body temperature regulates to the water. The faster you go the faster it feels better.

When I was producing nightlife shows and a performer would confess to me that they had stage fright, I always said this: Your nervousness says that you care about your audience. That’s a good thing. Go out there and love on them and give them a great time.

So now that I’ve done this pep talk for myself by talking this out with you, I’m going to go sit down and get this email written and breathe and send it. I hope you always walk swiftly into your fear and love on people.

xoxo,

Bevin

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-19

Today was a harder day in quarantine

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Bevin @ 8:48 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I took a break today to go play ping pong with my mom. She bought a moveable table set from a facebook ad over the winter (dreaming of summer days and ping pong) and we inaugurated it at her birthday party two weeks ago. I figured I’d keep making her vision a reality and up my mirth on a day where mirth felt a little hard to access.

It feels like time is hurtling by. March of this year felt like the longest month ever because our entire paradigm kept shifting. Word of the virus, word of a potential shut down, word of shutting down, word of really shutting down. In my mind this all began March 15th.

It was scary but seemed doable. I was grateful for all the emotional maturity and stability I had developed in the past year. 2019 was uncertainty central and covid quarantine only brought more uncertainty. I had a strong routine and had been making great strides and decisions towards my emotional stability.

I remember thinking that by July things would be opening back up. I don’t think that’s actually incorrect–I was able to get Biscuit Reynolds groomed on Friday because they are phase 2 re-opening and Washington hasn’t had to roll back to phase 1 like California.

I definitely thought July would be like, more fully open than it is. And since this second wave of covid has come on so strong I feel like this is the time everyone’s most vulnerable. I opted out of a very tempting weekend away with some dear ones of mine simply because I think it feels too risky to fly commercial.

I did leave it open if I find someone with a private jet to loan me. Truly, I feel safe in her far remote neck of the woods in the desert, just as I feel safer up here in so far north I can see Canada from where I’m sitting right now.

But also. If time is going by so swiftly, I can probably wait until Fall. I miss my friends and hugs and lounging in floaties on the grass smoking grass with babes at the Glowing Goddess Getaways. In my alternative pre-planned 2020 I would be on tour right now with Biscuit Reynolds in a Class B RV going to GGGs and stopping at friends between and having a couple different weeks as a teacher at girls self esteem camps (I had booked one in Maine and I figured I could find at least one more).

Instead, I’m bringing summer camp vibes to all of my weekly online aerobics class subscribers by filming aerobics in the woods.

I’m so wildly grateful I live full time essentially at summer camp. When I lived in the city I always felt like I needed regular recharging in nature. Now that I know what it’s like to have that battery always full I’m like, okay I’ll dip into cities sometimes but really I gotta get back and look for new mushrooms in the forest.

I have some grief about what I thought 2020 was going to be, and I am also doing my very best to appreciate where I am and what I am doing instead. Everyday can feel like vacation if you let it–this is why I have been working on my emotional stability and maturity. But, even still, today was kind of a rough and grumpy day. I am segment intending my way to an early night’s sleep.

One thing I can always count on: things always feel better in the morning.

xoxo,

Mom

I haven’t bothered to look up what this Christmas plant is called; I call it what it looks like. The Goddess is so good to make the foliage perfect for Christmas in July in this blessedly cool forest. Today was the hottest it’s been all summer at 74 degrees.

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-18

Moving towards life or away from life

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Bevin @ 11:07 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I read an incredible article by adrienne maree brown yesterday. Incredible. If you’re not my kids 25 years from now reading this and cruising this blog go read it right now.

She talked about life, and whether we are choosing to move towards it or away from it.

I immediately thought of this unmasked 20 something year old woman marching through the grocery store the other day. She had a big Jesus is my Savior sticker on her car I noticed when I saw her in the parking lot. I wondered if she thought Jesus was her cloth face covering.

I was again pondering the mask vs no mask trend and if it’s coming from a place of not really caring if other people live or die or not caring if they themselves live or die. If some mask refusal is really about a low-key death wish or a low-key murder wish for people who don’t value others.

We already know the disproportionate effect covid is having on Black and Latinx folks. I have still only ever seen white folks online or in person refusing to wear a mask. Maybe it’s murderous white supremacy?

She talked about cancel culture and what’s toxic about it. According to brown in her article, cancel culture has gotten especially rampant during Covid.

A friend of mine asked my advice today about a cancel culture issue she’s potentially facing. The best thing to come out of my experience with cancel culture is being able to help people I care about navigate the waters of cancel culture.

My work in the world is about helping people get free mentally and physically. Understanding how to think about a call out and cancelation is really helpful when you’re navigating it. Mental fortitude and understanding what’s happening when a bunch of people are coming for you on the internet is key. I’ll be giving everyone who asks my perspective on cancelation a link to this article.

I sincerely hope that by the time you’re reading this that we’ve moved so far away from cancel culture that you need me to explain what that means.

And I’ll send you to this epic, brilliant video from Contrapoints explaining what cancel culture is and how it works. I hope it’s a dusty relic in 2045!

Always be too busy building something beautiful to tear anyone else down. And remember that no person is disposable.

xoxo,

Mom

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