The relentless pursuit of my joy.

Seth and I were 24 when we started dating and they had a previous relationship that was a volatile. Many break-ups and reconciliations. So they said very definitively at the outset that we couldn't break-up unless it was for real.

This recipe is DELICIOUS and really amenable to lots of dietary needs.

Our connection was so good! Like a hot fast car you can’t take anywhere. I read recently that we become whole and complete ourselves but there’s work we can only do on ourselves in relation to someone else. I think I felt a lot of grief about the work we were going to do together? 

Remembering Ria Pell

I know now that what's most important in love are experiences with loved ones. And Ria gave me such great experiences. I'm so grateful.

r SAD to give you now. Enhanced by my further studies living in Washington State so close to Canada I can see it on a clear day.

Yesterday as I was entering the forest from my neighborhood Heart of Glass by Blondie started playing. I thought about the first time I was at a party with Debbie Harry.

I have learned a lot from teaching at and attending the virtual retreats these past two months and I wanted to share how I am preparing for it so I can get the most out of what is offered. Do what works for you so that you can get the most out of your virtual retreat experience!

But 2020 happened the way it did, all tours were called off and I was left wondering if maybe I could do an online Bachelorette party. That way, everyone can come, no one has to pay to travel or take out a whole weekend. A couple of hours, some good performances and connection time felt great to me!

I formally adopted a "mononym" in 2018, right around this season. I didn't even know that word at the time but I knew I had a deadline to decide what my name was going to be in the credits of my life's greatest work so far.

During this pandemic taking vitamins and supplements has been an important part of how I take personal responsibility for the robust quality of my immune system. I’ve studied enough about the effects of stress on bodies to know that mindset is also a very important part of how we stay physically and mentally healthy.

This whole pandemic I’ve been consciously using my imagination to raise my spirits.

I’m Bevin and I want to be a Good Influence on you!

I’ve walked around Paris countless times while actually walking around my forest home. I check out and revist Dollywood in my mind frequently. I have planned entire trips and parties.

I made a whole plan for a Covid cautious outdoor birthday party last December in Los Angeles. (Even down to the vendors who would be bringing taco trucks, cotton candy and the glow bar.) My brain was getting really tired of the endless pandemic and wanted a break. I felt my spirits get lighter as I focused time and attention on that party so I just let myself do it.

There’s a fun prompt in my mind that is “If I had a private plane…” because I believe the safest way to travel to avoid Covid is private plane or RV. Even in my dreams the lives of folks I might affect through a chain of infection matter to me. So I factor in testing and caution and living a very low Covid transmission life.

Just this week I found out my bestie Rachael is going to Ft. Lauderdale for work next week and one of my favorite artists is playing in Ft. Lauderdale this weekend.

It’s truly delightful to think about getting to visit Rachael for the first time in three years!!

I immediately planned out private plane arrival, getting to go with Rach and our friends all tested negative to an outdoor concert in an empty section. I did no research on the actual venue and don’t know if it’s outdoor but in my imagination I want to be as safe as possible. My friend in real life last summer got to be alone with her friends in a big empty section of an outdoor concert venue and it was the most covid safe rockin’ thing I’ve seen.

In my dream we are all wearing Say Gay sweatshirts in different colors because that terrible Don’t Say Gay Bill passed in Florida and, again, even in my dreams I want to make a positive impact. It’s timely!

The Say Gay sweatshirts are available from Genuine Valentine the same designer who is my beloved friend and supports Fat Kid Dance Party lavishly with gorgeous graphic design and tee shirts!

Most of us are socialized to believe imagination and dreaming are frivolous. The creative adult is the child who survived. My powerful imagination got me through a childhood that was hellish at times, mostly in my own mind because I felt so incredibly unworthy of love.

My imagination and dreams are where possibilities are born.

We are using our imaginations to come up with worst case scenarios when we worry. Simultaneously we are flooding our body with chemicals that harm our immune system and cause disease.

When I find myself worrying I like to antidote it by coming up with five good things that are possible. Training the brain against those tendencies to catastrophize.

One of my favorite law of attraction teachers, Kyle Cease, says to write down fifty things that are possible every morning. Begin a statement with “It’s totally possible that…” and let ‘er rip. It’s harder than you think to get to fifty.

In January I got a strong calling to plan an RV tour for this Spring/Summer/Fall. My beloved psychic Alex confirmed that for me saying “You need to be on the road. Just because you’re good at connecting to people’s energy via Zoom doesn’t mean other people can connect in the same way and you need to serve them. Your community is different now than it was before the pandemic and you need to connect to them.” So I started making the plan all laid out in the back of my planner ready to go when the means present themselves.

I’m calling it the “Just Saying it Could Even Make it Happen” Covid Safe 2022 Tour based on the Kate Bush line I instruct my Fat Kid Dance Party students to say out loud during aerobics.

One of my best traits is that I’m an audacious dreamer with a strong vision for what the world could be and should be. I know using Vitamin Imagination helps my mental health because as soon as I start focusing on the lack of material results from my hard work over the years I feel really awful and can spiral fast.

When I spend even a little bit of time thinking about taking a private plane to spend a special weekend with my besties I feel great! When you’re feeling good you’re feeling God and I want to be vibed up and ready for divine inspiration not in a shame spiral talking myself off the proverbial ledge.

I hope this helps you remember to value your imagination, your visions for what is possible and dream a little more. We live in a dream crushing society that profits off your self loathing. Keep dreaming, keep going. We need you!

For more on this concept and some cute pictures from my once upon a time Dollywood wedding read this post about Pronoia! (RIP those plans!)


If you find value in this blog or in my work in the world, please consider supporting! It costs me nearly $300 a year just to keep this blog and archives running!

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I miss March 2020 energy. The world was suddenly shifting and we were all in this together! We cared for one another and stories of people bringing groceries to neighbors were shared on social media! We fed our neighbors! We checked in! We suddenly became more aware of our neighborhoods than ever before.

We were worried about supply chain issues coming down the road! And we stocked up and we planted gardens because here in the Northern Hemisphere Spring had just started and we wanted to be prepared with bountiful harvests for the coming Covid disaster!

I’m Bevin and I want to be a good influence on you.

We didn’t anticipate two years of this pandemic (though somehow all global pandemics have been two years…) and the supply chain issues we have been dealing with, and the inflation, are only getting worse. February 2022 was the fourth deadliest month of Covid so far!

I hang out with a lot of plant obsessed babes and they’ve been talking about garden plans for this Spring.

I want to encourage you to make your garden plan. Even if it’s your fire escape, the piece of dirt between your sidewalk and street, wherever you can. Get curious & creative!

Consider planting more than you need. Plant even more than you think you have capacity for and between now and harvest(s) keep your ears out for ways to be generous.

I believe that if we open ourselves up to the flow of generosity we can give away things that aren’t a big deal to us that are literal miracles to other folks.

Imagine the Santa vibes you will feel this late Spring, Summer and Fall when you drop off produce to that single mom you met down the road who can barely afford gas and daycare. What if you heard of a neighbor willing to cook and make soups out of your harvest and give them to folks who need them?

My cat Biscuit Reynolds loves to be outside with me while I garden.

If you found someone who needed seeds, soil and fertilizer to start a garden and you had extra that’s pre-harvest generosity that’s also filling bellies! Or maybe you can have satellite gardens because you really like to. Or maybe a family member will let you have a garden at their place.

There is just so much staggering need right now. Inflation, gas prices, tremedous healthcare costs–even missing work because of catching covid means the bills aren’t paid since most folks are on razor thin wires. What if your zucchinis meant someone didn’t have to choose between feeding the kids and paying for medicine?

Considering all the serotonin and anti-depressant benefits of gardening your generosity could be the seed of your better mood. Also when you are doing things in service to other people it helps your state of mind–volunteerism is also an anti-depressant.

One of my favorite Covid projects is Free99 fridge in Atlanta. An incredible story of mutual aid that began as fridges all over ATL filled by neighbors that is blooming into a free community grocery. “For the people, from the people.”

This is the energy I want to be seeing in this third year of this pandemic! We will save each other through person to person generosity! Give what you can lavishly!

I was trying to find pics of my garden last year but instead was reminded of the gorgeous robin’s eggs that litter the forest floor in Late May.

Here’s the garden advice I got from my plant lady friends I am using for my container garden and want to pass along to you:

Plant what you like to eat (you can plant SALSA! I like to make bone broth and noodles with fresh greens and scallions cut from the garden)

Plant for your climate zone

You can keep growing kale and onions over the Winter

Potatoes take practice

Yes you need to fertilize

I didn’t realize about fertilizing last year and had a great Late Spring harvest of greens and scallions and herbs but they didn’t produce in Summer or Fall. I was a city gal for so long I didn’t start growing food beyond tomato plants and herbs until I moved near my mom and she helped me get started. I’m working on failing forward. Gardening takes patience, practice, perseverance. These are all great skills to have!

Shout out to everyone who has read or is reading Braiding Sweetgrass, I hope you plant beans corn & squash!


If you find value in this blog or in my work in the world, please consider supporting! It costs me nearly $300 a year just to keep this blog and archives running!

Patreon.com/fkdp
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin
Fatkiddanceparty.com/classes
Instagram: @fatkiddanceparty @bevinsparty
Podcast: Anchor.fm/bevin (Search “Bevin” on Spotify or Apple/Google Podcasts)
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Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Cuts into that “astronaut’s” profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9

I was already working on this boundary prior to the pandemic. Since I experienced a mental health crisis in 2019 I began centering my life around supporting my mental health. I figured if I didn’t want to live anymore I needed to figure out how to make my life worth living.

I started centering the needs of my body and pausing to ask her what she wants. “What does my body want” is one of the best questions I can ask myself for clarity.

When I consider if I want to do something I look for a full body YES. Not a regular yes. A FULL BODY yes.

Lots of stuff sounds fun, interesting, I can even logic them into being beneficial. But unless my body is in agreement, it’s a no. Just because you’re adaptable doesn’t mean what you’re doing isn’t a people pleasing mask getting in the way of your true calling.

I’m still masking inside 100% except with my quarantine pod (my mom and her spouse Pat). And when they take risks I don’t want to absorb I quarantine from them.

How does this fit into the current pandemic? It has everything to do with it!

Emotionally strong people take calculated risks. Since connecting with people in person could literally risk your life, someone else’s life, the quality of your life going forward (it should be a bigger deal that up to 30% of folks who had Covid lose two of their five main senses, much higher risk of heart disease etc…), or just miss paid days of work–I think it deserves a FULL BODY YES if you’re gonna take that risk.

Here’s the boundary I use:

I’m being cautious.

That’s it! “Do you want to hang out with me inside?”

“Sorry, outdoor only for me–I’m being cautious.”

“Why are you wearing a mask?”

“I’m being cautious.”

“Why are you turning around we drove all this way to go to this outdoor festival. Who cares if it’s crowded?”

“I’m being cautious.”

“Everyone else is flying commercial! If you loved us you would!”

“I’m being cautious.”

“Your favorite artist is on tour and I got you VIP tickets to an indoor arena show!”

“Unless this comes with several at home tests, a state of the art mask with filters, social distancing and a place to plug in an air purifier it’s a no–I’m being cautious.”

Anyone who tries to fight you about your boundaries probably doesn’t care that much about your health and wants to justify their own reckless behavior.

I mean, looking at best intentions they probably want to spend time with you because you are rad but you can spend time on Zoom and have a nice safe cup of tea. I’ve had a Zoom catch up with hundreds of friends over the past two years. It’s been really nice!

Remember, also, NO is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

“I’m being cautious.”

I love this line because it is simply true. It’s a benevolent place of reflection to folks who believe they are being cautious. Almost everyone believes they are being “safe” in this pandemic and I believe most of those people are not being safe. I’ll post another piece about all of the protocols I’ve adopted to stay out of the current of covid.

I’ve taken a significant financial hit to make that choice but I’m soooo grateful I can pay my living expenses with the income from my Patreon membership. That’s why I can update this blog!

I wish the below were true for more folks:

“How’s minimum wage while putting your life and health at risk?”

“I’m being cautious.”

(I know not everyone has the privilege of making that choice but I think they SHOULD get that choice. Really disappointed in the way the US government has treated this pandemic. Instead funding $700 billion towards the war machine. When I dwell too long on how unfair it is that folks have to work in the stream of disease while folks privileged to work from home choose to then go to concerts and travel to spread the disease… My blood pressure rises. I can’t let myself and I have to redirect my thoughts.)

This article in Forbes talks about the latest surge in Europe and Las Vegas that seems pretty likely to land all over the US. Sure hope all of you out there who are choosing to be cautious are given grace and understanding.

Here’s a high five for community care from me for making those hard choices. We are all in this together to actually end this pandemic.

Remember: boundaries are hot! And without a no there can be no yes! Respect people’s No!


If you find value in this blog or in my work in the world, please consider supporting! It costs me nearly $300 a year just to keep this blog and archives running!

Patreon.com/fkdp
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin
Fatkiddanceparty.com/classes
Instagram: @fatkiddanceparty @bevinsparty
Podcast: Anchor.fm/bevin (Search “Bevin” on Spotify or Apple/Google Podcasts)
Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Cuts into that “astronaut’s” profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9