Just last month I published a whole podcast episode about how I feel about funerals! (TL;DR: I think they are optional for me and whoever doesn’t want to go!)

This month I had the opportunity to serve a friend on the sad occasion of her son choosing to end his life via suicide.

Hi! I’m Bevin! I want to be a good influence on you. Typically I wouldn’t wear a hoodie over a dress at a memorial service but when in the PNW…

I have a lot of experience losing friends to their choices, and it’s not guaranteed there will even be services (I would say it’s been about one in three people getting services–suicide is very rupturous for those remaining earth side).

I’m glad there was a celebration of life for my friend’s son–his community, friends and family needed it.

I hadn’t ever met him but I got a ping from the Goddess to offer to do something I felt was pretty out of my depth–creating a kid’s area. I’m a fun aunt and everything and I was a top 10% camp counselor, but those skills are rusty and usually someone else is providing the supplies or toys.

I had the idea of balloons for the kids multiple times and didn’t get it together to grab them. And poof! Someone else had the idea flow to them! I think ideas sometimes float between folks.

I’ve never seen an explicit kid’s area at a memorial. Maybe I would like them more if they were more hospitable to all ages? When I asked my friend if there would be kids in attendance that was a resounding yes–the most important among them was the 9 year old daughter of the man we were celebrating.

Addiction is a disease of many losses. And I know if he could have stayed alive for his daughter he would have, it was clear how much he loved her based on all the stories that were told.

It can be so hard to know how to deal with death and kids in a society that is pathologically afraid of genuine feelings, especially the sad and hard feelings. But the basics are–let’s teach kids how to feel bravely so they can grow up and not have to reparent themselves like the rest of us have had to.

I had no idea what to do so I started with my crafty mom. She said “Roll out some butcher paper to give them space to draw or write their feelings.” She also generously gave me some of her butcher paper roll!

I already had markers and crayons in my shed I hardly use.

Yes, intentionally wrote it in present tense because the love outlives the earthly life, thus why we grieve.

I asked my friend Kendrra if she would donate coloring pages. They were SO perfect! The most popular coloring pages were the “I’ve been feeling low” volcano and the “You’ve always been strong.” I wish I had spread them out throughout the hall instead of keeping them in the kids area–grown-ups have inner children and coloring while connecting about a loved one around tables is nice.

More people chose to color on the butcher paper than the coloring pages, which was good because now my friend has this memory she can look at. I also told her grand daughter as I was packing it up that she could visit it any time she wanted to. I think kids like to know what’s going on because so much of what happens around them is out of their control.

Heck, when I’m going through the acute stages of grief I’m so batty and forgetful it’s nice to have folks explain patiently what’s happening and how I can connect to something when I’m ready.

You can hit up Kendrra or buy her coloring pages on Patreon!

I asked my friend Manduh who has lost many friends to their choice and has been to many funerals/memorials/celebrations of life what would be good in a kids area. She said fidget toys and stuffies for cuddling.

I love having intergenerational friendships and I’ve become friends with my friend’s mom who lives ten minutes away from me. Sheri has this stash of grandchild toys she pulls out for visits. I asked if I could borrow some that weren’t precious to her.

They were great to have as options! Kids like having stuff to look through. They weren’t loud toys. She had some stuffies and fidget toys in there!

Sheri gifted the leftovers of a glow stick box. I was surprised what a hit that was especially since it was kind of dark in the hall for the projector slide show, and then as things wound down and grown-ups were cleaning up the kids waiting around decided to make the longest glow necklace they could. The abundance of those glow necklaces!!

Never underestimate how much of a blessing you can be even with limited financial resources. All I really did was coordinate pick ups and printing, and show up to set-up and be at the memorial service and help clean up.

It’s all a good reminder of how much asking for help and community care can create magic. This service was really sweet.

My favorite grief thing is to get to know someone through their other loved ones. Since I never met my friend’s son I got to know him because I was there and that was nice!

And it sent home the reminder to me that it doesn’t matter how many people love the ever loving SHIT out of you and consider you a best friend. If you have your shame walls up and can’t feel the love, you won’t feel the love.

As someone who isolates when I’m sad and shame really builds those walls up, I know it. I have a daily self care habit to connect with three people a day. It can be a three to ten minute exchange. (The science is an 8 minute phone call.) But it makes my mental health feel more stable.

Shame is not a real emotion. It’s something that’s taught to us by society, religion, family systems, grown-ups, the carceral system etc… So when you’re feeling shame bust out your Feelings Wheel and consider what emotion is under that experience of shame.

I can’t find a Feelings Wheel that doesn’t have shameful on it but since this is my blog I am choosing to provide a resource that isn’t fully in alignment.

There are a lot of people in life who I wish I could shake gently by the shoulders and say “Feel that??? So much love beams at you all the time. Stay alive for this!”

Sigh. Heavy weekend. Someone said at the memorial that we should be doing these celebrations of life while folks are still alive to experience it. This is what I’m saying for me! I do not want a funeral! I want my flowers NOW please! (Go ahead and take a day off work if you need an excuse to when I become an ancestor, but let’s do the eulogizing while we’re still alive.)


Bring my flowers is a metaphor for please support my work or just buy me presents or send me a card or note!

Patreon.com/fkdp (you can follow for free and get updates and freebies from me!)
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin (safe and secure way to buy me a snack!)
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Fatkiddanceparty.com/classes
Instagram: @fatkiddanceparty @bevinsparty
Podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/bevin (Search “Bevin” on Spotify or Apple/Google Podcasts)
You Tube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/SelfCareParty
Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Costs nothing extra to you and cuts into that “astronaut’s” profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9
Threads, Tik Tok, Twitter: @bevinsparty
Facebook.com/bevinsparty

Like/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!

“I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.”–James Baldwin

American democracy is getting it wrong. It represents corporations and highest bidders, ignores the will of the people.

I’ve been brewing my own ideas about a new form of government and I am going to dream out loud with y’all. These are my Federalist Papers and like they sung in the musical Hamilton, “Write day and night like you’re running out of time? Ev’ry day you fight, like you’re running out of time. Keep on fighting. In the meantime.”

Hi! I’m Bevin! I want to be a good influence on you! Biscuit Reynolds is my Feline Overlord.

Some of the best minds I know don’t have fancy degrees; they are free thinkers who have evaluated experience. But I am not some random on the internet with political opinions, I have a Bachelor’s degree in Political Science, a law degree, and I worked for the California State Attorney General.

I dual majored in Women and Gender studies with an emphasis on cultural representations of gender. I realized after that dual degree that culture was way more powerful than politics because it’s empowering individuals and not positional leadership. So I left a potential career in politics and am now a full time cultural creator.

I saw a video yesterday of two U.S. Senators on the floor of government telling one another to “stand your butt up” and fight. Last week the House voted to censure the only Palestinian American in congress over her remarks speaking up against the war.

Here’s the thing in the 1800s we didn’t have these tiny computers in our hands to film and didn’t have a social network to share it.

We still have an Electoral College after the Democrats twice in my years as a voting adult won a popular election but lost in the EC. And yet they haven’t changed it. The Republicans bullied the Democrats into not allowing Obama to fill a Supreme Court vacancy but the Dems rolled over and let lame duck Trmp appoint a Supreme Court justice, who ended up being in the crew to overturn Roe v. Wade.

I am done believing Democrats’ lies. I am ready for a new system entirely that represents actual human diversity. This government is a failure. Let’s learn from it and move on.

The two party system has become a distinction without difference. They simply rule through corruption on behalf of corporations not the people. I talk to strangers as a way to heal from my social anxiety and the thing folks on all political spectrums agree on is universal healthcare. (My fav way to talk to strangers at the gas pump is to ask if gas is any cheaper on their side.) Yet we don’t have it.

What we need to align on is our values and become values-based voters. (That’s what I do now, even though I don’t feel I have real choice at the polls. I long for Marianne Williamson to end up on the primary ballot by the time the election gets to me.)

There are 12 signs in the Zodiac that represent perfect balance when brought together. I think that’s what we should do as a country.

It’s time to get in the kitchen and rearrange some things.

I want a party centered around mental wellness for all Americans. I saw a study that more than 70% of Americans suffer from mental health challenges. That statistic along with other factors makes the majority of the citizens of the United States qualify as living in “third world” (developing) country conditions.

Convincing low wage workers that they should believe in the policies that benefit rich people is a delusion that I hope is lifting.

I’d like to see walk-in mental health clinics as prevalent as urgent care clinics. And universal healthcare so no one has to choose to suffer versus taking on medical debt they can’t get out of.

With twelve parties it’s at least slightly likely that constituents would feel listened to by their representatives. Human’s have a core need of being listened to.

We have to get money out of politics. We have to create a government that is by the people, for the people, and represents the way our information streams are now not how they were in 1787.

Imagine what could happen if nothing in government moved forward without consensus from seven of twelve segments of society? The coalitions that could forge to benefit everyone.

Imagine if our first president of the People’s Republic of the United States: By the People for the People was none other than Professor Angela Yvonne Davis? I bet there would be a party around prison abolition. We could focus on the support we need as a society that will address the root cause of crime.

All behavior is a result of unmet needs and our current government is not meeting the needs of our populace. Israel has universal healthcare but our tax dollars pay for their weapons.

I don’t propose to know what all the parties should be. If we were at Girl Scout Camp having this discussion I would begin by doing a “you can’t get this wrong” brainstorm session. We put all the ideas on the screen. Everyone would vote for their top 20 party issue ideas and we would keep whittling it down. As we are getting to the second round of whittling I would open up the floor to impassioned ideas of constituents.

We could do it, figure out 12 parties. Figure out how to run our government in a way that achieves true harmony, solidarity, and serves the needs of all Americans. Except the mean ones.

I’m not trying to sow dissent against the current government or administration. I’m trying to sow desire. I want each and every one of you to know the dreams and desires on your heart, however delusional they feel, are brewing in you for a reason. You are meant to bring them earthside.

Curious about this? Listen to my podcast episode (number 109) with Leah Garza on Questioning Reality.


Do you value my work? Please support my work! So many different ways!

Patreon.com/fkdp (you can follow for free and get updates and freebies from me!)
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin (safe and secure way to buy me a snack!)
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Fatkiddanceparty.com/classes
Instagram: @fatkiddanceparty @bevinsparty
Podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/bevin (Search “Bevin” on Spotify or Apple/Google Podcasts)
You Tube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/SelfCareParty
Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Costs nothing extra to you and cuts into that “astronaut’s” profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9
Threads, Tik Tok, Twitter: @bevinsparty
Facebook.com/bevinsparty

Like/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!

Six years ago if you’d asked me about attending weekly Sunday services I would have said, “Unlikely!” Now I got to two different church services on Sundays! Rest assured I only attend services where all seekers are welcomed and valued.

Hi! I’m Bevin! I want to be a good influence on you! I am a strong proponent of attraction not promotion. I’m sharing these services with you in case they can be a blessing to you in uncertain times!

I was not raised in religion (my family was Catholic but mom didn’t want to put me in a thing where they taught that divorce and gay were sinful).

I am so grateful that of all the trauma experiences I’ve experienced religious trauma isn’t one of them! And beginning my spiritual journey at 31 I realized I didn’t need to be “religious” to have a conscious vibrant relationship with a loving higher power. Eventually I found myself appreciating a regular Sunday attendance with a congregation that aligned with my spiritual beliefs. It’s like filling up my gas tank so I can meet what is coming in the week ahead.

Nature is “my church” but I love attending church services that make me feel nourished by teaching and community.

I started attending Agape International Spiritual Center when I lived in Los Angeles. My first service was to see Marianne Williamson as the guest speaker in May 2019. (Linking a July 2023 service with Marianne that was very powerful.)

I kept going back weekly. They still meet a the Saban theater in Beverly Hills, just three blocks from where my beloved Grandmother lived when she was a real estate agent. (Please imagine an elegant 80s career woman Capricorn.) Every time I drove to services I saw multiple hawks. Early Sunday morning drives in Los Angeles are so peaceful.

Getting to hang out in Grandmother’s old neighborhood before I moved away felt really special.

I went to new member classes in July 2019 and have been attending weekly ever since. I switched to live stream when I moved up to the lesbian woods, but feel just as connected. I have found it an anchor during these uncertain times.

I love the way Rev Michael Bernard Beckwith speaks of a loving God, animating our breath. Not some man in the sky, not religiosity, focusing on the potential to express God through every person on the planet. He doesn’t ignore the things going on in the world around us, he helps us make sense of them from a higher perspective. “Governments wage war, people wage peace.”

There’s a world class choir, wildly various and talented musical guests, 90 minutes of bells and whistles. (Plus a pre-service meditation service.)

July 2019!

Agape meets three times on Sundays, all of them are “love streamed” on you tube and facebook. I typically attend the 11AM service. On really moving sermon days I’ll watch the repeat of the 9AM service.

Sunday Morning – Way of Meditation.  

  • 6:45am to 7:30am Meditation and Teaching

Sunday Morning – First Service

  • 8:30am Meditation
  • 9:00am Service

Sunday Morning – Second Service

  • 11:00am Meditation
  • 11:30am Service
Agape-Signing-Light-Ministry

11:00am service interpreted for the Deaf.

I love to rewatch church in the bathtub, since I like baths to be about me connecting to Spirit.

Last weekend’s service was a great example of a powerful service. These folks pray beautifully and do it towards peace and a beautiful world unfolding.

MORE CHURCH!

I go to two different churches every Sunday! The other service was because my friend Manduh kept inviting our whole Glowing Goddess Sisterhood. I tried it out and really enjoy it.

Camp Chesterfield online services (on Zoom) are a really fun and nourishing experience. Sundays 8:30AM -10AM Pacific.

The unique part of the service are the messages from loved ones that come through. Two mediums facilitate messages from the other side for the folks in attendance. Each taking about a 20 minute turn.

I’ve gotten messages from my Grandmother, friends, my dog Macy, my joy guide, other grandparents and more. I don’t always get a message but I learn a lot from other folks’ messages. If there’s an aspect of a spirit coming through that reminds me of someone I know I pay extra attention to those messages.

They begin with a guided meditation where you might spend 5-15 minutes traveling into a tree or walking in a field. (Not like Agape which is 20 minutes simply sitting in meditation together.)

Then there’s a sermon. They are the Indiana Society of Spiritualists so they are Jesus plus more. Here’s their Declaration of Principles!

Manduh makes it really easy to get to Zoom services because she posts the registration link to attend every Sunday morning on our Sisterhood Discord server. (I loooooove Discord for connecting with the communities that matter to me.)

If you are interested, look on the Camp Chesterfield website. I can usually find service registration link on the carousel on the landing page. They call it “Online Sunday Service” and it’s at 11:30AM EASTERN time so that’s what they say on their website.

I’m posting this pic to manifest more hot tub hangs with people I love as soon as now! And so it is!

Our sisterhood hangs out after services for “Coffee and Donuts in the Sanctuary.” It’s an hour for fellowship in our voice channel, which functions like a Zoom room on Discord (bring your own donuts).

It’s nice to have friends to process with after getting messages, and some of other other members join us after their in-person church services. It’s really sweet.

One time my neighbors randomly dropped off donuts to me while I was having coffee and donuts in the Sanctuary which felt very serendipitous!

If you’re scared of Discord I made a lil tutorial video!

Okay, if you go to any of these services tell me what you thought!


Please consider donating to help me keep offering this free blog resource!

Patreon.com/fkdp (you can follow for free and get updates and freebies from me!)
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin (safe and secure way to buy me a snack!)
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Fatkiddanceparty.com/classes
Instagram: @fatkiddanceparty @bevinsparty
Podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/bevin (Search “Bevin” on Spotify or Apple/Google Podcasts)
You Tube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/SelfCareParty
Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Costs nothing extra to you and cuts into that “astronaut’s” profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9
Threads, Tik Tok, Twitter: @bevinsparty
Facebook.com/bevinsparty

Like/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!