My intention with this piece is to teach anyone who is trepidatious about going to a gathering some of my favorite tools for hard conversations and difficult people. I've been working on healing from social anxiety intentionally for nearly five years and I've learned a lot about how to release defensiveness and needing to be "right" which helps a lot with harmonizing conversations.
It can be so hard to know how to deal with death and kids in a society that is pathologically afraid of genuine feelings, especially the sad and hard feelings. But the basics are--let's teach kids how to feel bravely so they can grow up and not have to reparent themselves like the rest of us have had to.
American democracy is getting it wrong. It represents corporations and highest bidders, ignores the will of the people.
I've been brewing my own ideas about a new form of government and I am going to dream out loud with y'all.
Six years ago if you'd asked me about attending weekly Sunday services I would have said, "Unlikely!" Now I got to two different church services on Sundays! Rest assured I only attend services where all seekers are welcomed and valued.
I am really obsessed with making milkshake drinks out of frozen bananas and so proud of myself about figuring out a good pumpkin pie flavor profile.
Our consumer power is the most important. We all have time, attention and money to spend--curating how you do that with folks who align with your values is how we will create the world of our dreams instead of investing in this murderous paradigm.
I didn't come to this concert movie to play it cool and I'm totally over caring if people think I'm crazy. We had such a great time! Singing when and how we want to! Getting up and dancing!
It's cuffing season! That sacred time of year that people seek to keep warm with someone they want to stay safer at home with! I recognize that probably less than 10% of the people reading this even want to go on a date with me and others might just read it cuz they are curious! I hope you are inspired to ask for what you want and to name your desires openly.
I made this chicken soup to offer my neighbors for our outdoor showing of the Barbie movie. I am still getting compliments on it from people and one of my neighbors wanted the recipe.
Happy Pride month! I call it Gay Stamina Month because there are so many things to do. Pride began as a protest and, I believe, our liberation is all interconnected. May it continue to be a protest AND the gathering together of joy, rage and ideas to create the world we want to see!
While the flashpoint that began the modern day Pride movement, and what we celebrate on the last weekend of June, is the Stonewall Rebellion, queer people have always existed. Every person throughout herstory who chose to live and love queerly was building this movement.
“In 1978, Harvey Milk asked Gilbert Baker to create a unifying symbol for the growing gay rights movement, and on June 25 of that year, Baker’s Rainbow Flag debuted at San Francisco’s Gay Liberation Day parade.” You can read more about the creation and intention behind the pride flag in the book Rainbow Warrior: My Life in Color.*
For decades we partied, protested and gathered under the original rainbow flag–designed after the sky with meaning in each stripe. “Red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, blue for serenity, and violet for spirit.”
In 1999 Monica Helms designed the Trans Flag. (Which I absolutely LOVE because if you know me you know how I feel about pastel colors, pink and blue specifically.) The pink and blue represent the traditional gendered girl and boy with the white middle stripe for folks who are intersex or in transition.
In June 2017 the Philadelphia Mayor’s Office of LGBT affairs, under the leadership of AJ Hikes (a friend I met during our mutual year in Los Angeles), unveiled an updated design of the pride flag. It was called “More Pride More Color” and it was intended to be a symbol of solidarity and recognition to the LGBTQ folks of color who have lead our liberation movements.
There was backlash to the 8 stripe flag but in such a short time it’s rooted in and ushered in a whole new wave of Pride flags. It’s kind of wild to think ten years ago we didn’t have the variety of flags we do now! I look back at those gay pride celebrations and don’t see the flag diversity we have now!
There have been many lesbian pride flags (one site I found said 13 different ones) and as a culturally lesbian person it really tracks that our community has so many different symbols because we don’t all agree on one. Have you ever tried to come to consensus with a group of lesbians? There has never been one big lesbian processing meeting to pick one.
Truth be told I kind of hated the most common lesbian flag–the orange and pink one. “My sisters, aesthetically we can do way better and we deserve more!” That’s what I would have said at our lesbian processing meeting about the flag.
But then one day I realized orange is my mom’s signature color (a lesbian) and my signature color is glitter but among my favs is pink and when I realized the flag was the two of our colors blending together I got over my offense at how ugly it is. It made me cry sentimentally, our gay family in a flag.
We have more access to “stuff” than ever before–because of Amazon’s swift delivery and exploitative factories over seas. Making pride flags of all kinds easy to buy and wave and trash. We have never had more trash on earth ever before! As all of our liberation is bound up in one another it makes me so sad to see so much waste in the name of partying.
Last summer I was reflecting my own queerness and how my sexual identity is far more of an unrestrained openness to the most important power in the universe–love.
Queer is in opposition of all compulsory heterosexuality and the very idea of holding hostage our belonging to our conformity. Afraid people are easier to control–who profits off your self loathing?
The most important thing queer community has taught me is solidarity. And solidarity is something I learned very strongly modeled by working class and poor queer folks. Our very survival is bound up in our working together to ensure our mutual liberation and support.
I thought of a new flag I’d like to get up our poles for Pride season and all year long.
A tie dye rainbow piece of fabric (please make it second hand if you can) with “We’re All in this Together” screen printed on it. (Please get together with your comrades for a screen printing party.)
If I had access to my first love doing graphic design for me right now I’d have it as a graphic but for now we just gotta imagine it.
Happy pride, beloveds! Whether you are LGBTQ+++ or an ally, remember we speak truth to pseudo power by continuing to stay alive and support one another.
*(A reminder that any link I share to Amazon gives me a small commission at no cost to you. I strongly suggest and support indie bookstores so shop local when you can, but if you’re going to use Jeffrey Bezos, please cut into his profits a lil bit!)
**I was once gifted a pair of pride Nikes and the pink triangle wasn’t upside down. The IGNORANCE that is perpetuated in the corporitization and sanitizing of pride.
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I was on LinkedIn (are we pals there–let’s link up!) and their robot overlords asked me to answer the question how folks can move from an internship to paid work* in event planning. I think this advice could apply to any industry! And I didn’t want to let LinkedIn profit off my advice if I could host it here on my blog!
I like Steve Martin’s advice “Be so great they can’t take their eyes off you.” This is a good strategy for social media, branding, content creation and workplace!
My favorite entrepreneurial content creator is Myleik Teele & she says “The extra mile is not crowded.” When you show what you have available at an internship, make genuine friends, are collaborative, people will think of you for future opportunities.
Also, read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. It should be called “How to shave off your rough spots so people you love know you love them.” We are RARELY taught how to connect well with others and people do business with folks they like!
I have hired interns to do paid work, I have also been an intern who got hired!
*I went from an unpaid internship at the California Attorney General’s press office to a paid staff member based on my work habit and people skills. I genuinely regret not putting off law school to keep working in that administration because number one it was fun work for me and I didn’t realize how rare and valuable having fun at work can be!
Also two I might have finally understood that the life experience of attorneys is not the life experience I wanted to have! I did not understand that lawyers have four times the national rate of suicide/addiction and have a higher likelihood of divorce. I treat regrets as my teachers and now know to pay attention and cultivate experiences that bring me joy and satisfaction!
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Recipe first story later.
My Mom’s Enchiladas Recipe
Ingredients
- 1.3 pounds grass fed hamburger
- 24 oz jack and cheddar cheeses (more or less, depending on preference)
- 2.25 oz chopped olives
- 3 cans enchilada sauce my mom likes the old el paso brand because she needs it to be less spicy so it's more of a crowd pleaser
- 1 dozen corn tortillas
- Vegetable oil for frying tortillas (or your frying oil of choice)
Instructions
- Fry hamburger with some garlic, onion and chili powder (like taco seasoning)
- Scoop hamburger out with a slotted spoon so the grease drains off, put cooked hamburger in a bowl.
- Add about 2/3 of the cheese (16oz) and the olives to the cooked hamburger and mix them.
- Add 1/3 of a can of enchilada sauce to the hamburger cheese mixture.
- Lightly fry the corn tortillas in vegetable oil or your frying oil of choice.
- Rest fried corn tortillas on paper towels (create layers) to drain the oil.
- Time to assemble the enchiladas! In the baking dish you're going to bake in, pour enchilada sauce on the floor of the pan. Then take the tortilla, slap it into the bottom of the pan and flip over (mom says "You're gonna get gooky"). Put a a couple dollops of the hamburger mixture in the middle of the tortilla, enough to fill the enchilada to an inch from the end. 2.5 tablespoons or so? You'll figure out what fits well when you roll the first couple up. Keep adding sauce as you go along because the tortillas gobble up the sauce.
- Roll up the enchiladas so the tortilla edge part is on the bottom of the pan. a 9×13 pan will hold a dozen. 8 down one side and 4 going the opposite direction.
- Cover the enchiladas with the rest of the cheese. If you're not baking tiil the next day don't put the rest of the sauce on it til the next day. If you're transporting it before cooking bring the sauce with you and pour it on right before it goes in the oven.
- Bake at 350 for 30-40 minutes.
My mom made this recipe on special occasions when she needed to feed a crowd. A crowd pleaser and total labor of love. I didn’t even try to guess the time on prep for this recipe but last time mom made 12 for just her, me and Pat (her spouse) she said the prep clocked in at 3 hours.
Here’s the pic of the before baked product–seriously if you love enchiladas this will be a delight. I’ve had many in my lifetime but nothing touches my mom’s!
A goal of mine with this blog is to help anyone out there who doesn’t have family resources get a leg up on life. My life has improved immeasurably from the wisdom passed to me by my queer family.
My mom is super generous with her recipes and for those out there who don’t have family recipes for whatever reason, we are passing this along to you!
Check out my recipe tag for other recipes and poke around the search function to find other topics I might have shared about in the past sixteen (!!) years this blog has existed.
If you find value in this blog, please consider supporting! (You’ll note: no sidebar ads or blingie content by third parties–this is truly a community supported endeavor as I am a community supported artist.)
Patreon.com/fkdp (you can follow for free and get updates and freebies from me!)
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Venmo: @bevinb
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Buy my aerobics video! fatkiddanceparty.com/video4pack
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
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Work one on one with me: https://queerfatfemme.com/one-on-one-with-bevin/
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Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Costs nothing extra to you and cuts into that “astronaut’s” profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9
Threads, Tik Tok, Twitter: @bevinsparty
Facebook.com/bevinsparty
Like/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!