Five and a half years is a lifetime
I've noticed Candy apologizing for not having more to offer to our group and I always think to myself how much her presence simply is a gift. Even if she didn't have her various backgrounds she's just a kind, thoughtful, present, fun human to share space with.
Surrendering to the Divine mystery and opening myself up to spiritual help has created so much peace and ease for me, as I hope it will for you! It feels vulnerable to post about this because it's so intimate. But as with everything on my blog, podcast and patreon it's with the intention to help you, which helps me get through the vulnerability.
We are all doing the best we can where we are. A revolution isn't a single event, it doesn't even have to be a bloody war. It can be the radical act of all of us changing where just a small percent of our spending goes.
The Finch App is a daily habit tracker that goads one into self care activities so that you can buy your lil …
One thing I realized is that every time I lose one pet it's like the grief for all the others becomes sharper. I don't think we ever "get over" a loss that hurts deep. I think we get used to livinig life along with it and our joy practice gets bigger. Which means, since grief is like a spiral, we return to it at different places. My house felt so empty with no pets and that was a stark, lonely experience I had to be with.
"Dine and Dash" where folks didn't have time to do a whole gathering. The idea was there was a meal ready at the same time each week, folks could come through and eat, not have to do dishes and get a move on.
At this time in our collective history, this performance is empowering and culture shifting. My hope is it has a lasting effect on how we approach the coming revolution.
90% of deaths have some foresight, but our culture does a terrible job honoring death and preparing us for the inevitable changes in our lives. I knew from having experienced the deaths of dozens of loved ones, the grief process was inevitable, inescapable, and perhaps this one would be the most profound change of my life--no pets in my home for the first time in my adulthood.
About a year ago my mediumship development instructor, Rev Meg, told our class that we should be practicing “fair work” at psychic fairs. I live in the boonies and finding a fair that lined up with my schedule was hard and I forgot to keep pursuing it!
The yoga studio that hosts my Fat Kid Dance Party aerobics classes in Sequim has an annual wellness fair and the owner offered me a free booth! I was brave and said yes to doing a brand new thing!
I may look like a Non Stop Baddie, but I get hella nervous especially right before I do something I have never done before. I have probably done over a hundred psychic readings since I started offering psychic medium readings almost a year ago. But I hadn’t done a series of short readings in a condensed period like a fair booth.
I honestly haven’t ever put together a booth for myself. Only staffed community booths where other folks thought about the pop-up tent and chairs and table etc… I am blessed to live in an organized neighborhood with many capable lesbians. Lesbian Amazons Carry Everything and I sensed I could crowd-source what I needed from my neighbors.
One neighborhood Facebook group post and within forty eight hours I had everything I needed. Asking for help is a sign of strength!
I did not have a budget for signage so I used my camp counselor make it work skills. I took cardboard and wrapped it with inside out wrapping paper and hand lettered my sign with Mr. Sketch markers.
I don’t have access to a printer anymore so my sign-up sheet was a clipboard with hand written time slots from 12-3pm. I offered 15 min readings at $20 a pop and scheduled 20 minute increments.
I figured that the entire booth was a success simply by me getting the practice of setting up a booth. Maybe I would get three readings and that would be so great.
I got to the fair and started setting up. We didn’t have assigned spots and I found a place tucked under a row of cherry trees I enjoy at that venue. I set up my tables and when I tried to put up the pop-up tent my friend loaned me it was more than I could figure out in my nervous space, so I gave up since the cherry trees provided plenty of shade and the bugs weren’t bugging.
The gals running the produce stand next to me at the wellness fair both signed up for my first two slots which was so kind and got me going. (They tipped me later with some peaches!!)
I ended up starting early because I forgot that the owner of the studio was planning a group photo. She came by and took a photo of me giving my first client a reading since we missed the group shot which was so sweet.
By the end of the first hour all of my slots had been claimed! I was so delighted and just in the ZONE. One reading after another.
I understood why Rev Meg wanted us to have that practice, it is a different type of reading environment than what I typically do on Zoom. I found myself pretty checked out of my body’s needs (I did not use the restroom for the whole three hours which is very unlike me). And I think three hours was a good first practice run. I love being “in development” and actively working on my craft with a teacher so I can ask questions and debrief experiences!
I loved the experience! How I structure my readings is by opening the Akashic Records through my prayer pathway, then I ask Spirit for first messages and then ask the client if they have any questions. We roll from there. Fifteen minutes goes by swiftly! The Akashic Records helps me access the soul path and lessons from all their lifetimes, the mediumship helps me access their ancestors, guides, departed loved ones and other metaphysical allies for messages of love and empowerment.
Most of my clients seemed to feel the “lightness” I notice when I do longer readings. Spirit knows what to tell me to say to reflect and release something that is weighing them down. I also liked doing a bunch of readings in a row because I could see some similarities and overlaps and as someone who desires to be a good influence on the internet, it gives me ideas for content I can create.
This experience gave me the bravery to book a trip to Camp Chesterfield, Indiana for their annual Spirit Fest weekend. I am leaping into the Big Dawgs of psychic fairs and sharing a booth with my sister Manduh. (Who introduced me to Rev Meg and whose reading told me it was time to step into mediumship development.)
I had been wanting to go out for a visit and now I get to have a helping hand to do a bigger fair! It is a “I hope this works out financially” leap of faith but as someone who has been studying mediumship from a resident Camp Chesterfield medium for awhile I have been itching to visit the grounds! And I think this is Camp Chesterfield at her most hustle bustle best and excited to get to know the land!
The experience also got me to try opening up a lil online fair doing fifteen minute readings on a Sunday afternoon. Free and paid members of my Patreon got first dibs on those readings.
My conversation with Rev Meg on my podcast is very good and talks more about what happens with mediumship development!
If you would like to book a session with me, here is the booking link!
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Content Warning: Caregiver abuse
The thing that surprised me most about starting psychic mediumship development class was how many messages I would get from practicing with classmates. Sometimes I will get 4-5 in a class, usually it’s 2. I just didn’t expect all that intel from the other side of the veil.
Almost everyone who knew me as a child has passed to the other side and since I experienced caregiver abuse it does make sense that I would potentially hear from abusers.
Most of my young adult life I was telling myself “It wasn’t that bad so it didn’t affect me.” That was incorrect and in fact it did affect me deeply.
The wounds that separated me from being able to love and trust other people leaked into every area of my life.
My dad’s mom was a March 29th Aries and she and my grandpa drank martinis every night. I had no concept how much alcohol that was until I was 21 and started drinking. In my last conversation with my beloved step mother in person before she passed (I was 19) she told me my grandparents were alcoholics. I didn’t really understand what Liz was saying until I took my first sip of a martini.
Recently I’ve been doing some healing of an ancestral wound on the maternal side of my lineage. (Just putting it out there that we each have DOUBLE the ancestors as our parents. And our kids have double the ancestors we do. The math is nuts—while we don’t cause a lot of the stuff we have to heal it is still our responsibility to do it.)
This healing has involved reliving some caregiver abuse, and I’m always so grateful I have an ongoing biweekly therapy appointment to process.
For me when I open up one can of worms around caregiver abuse the other worms sometimes want to get witnessed.
So when I got this message from another student in my development class of my dad’s mom putting on rose hand lotion (which would have been my favorite) and sharing the message “She just likes to be at peace with you. Being with you and being peaceful.”
It had me weeping for the rest of class.
This woman, the few months I lived with her, beat me so hard with a wooden spoon it broke. And she punished me for breaking the wooden spoon. I was four years young. I have relived these scenes many times since I’ve been willing to heal from them and it’s rough. Frankly, I wish I could astral project and hand her a joint and take away the martinis.
It just struck me so suddenly when I got this message that her being peaceful with me was something she wasn’t capable of doing when I was little. She was really resentful of my mother for divorcing my dad and took it out on me.
I have always shined a bright light and I can imagine as a little one I was bafflingly loving, darling and sweet.
Some people react really poorly to my light and as a grown-up I am very discerning. But to be trapped in a house with a caregiver who wants to punish light and curiosity is… I don’t have words. Just so much love for that little girl who didn’t deserve it.
So I’m grateful for the message even though I do keep my distance from those ancestors. I love and have compassion for them but I don’t mingle and I don’t even use their last name anymore.
But how sweet to know that this message of peace was brought to me as I was wrestling with a different experience of physical violence from a different caregiver. It was quite healing.
Spirit has a way of surprising us with messages. I feel like I’m on little quests that keep revealing new layers of truth to me. I hope to be brave and willing to continue allowing surprises and witness and believe the truth.
My psychic mediumship practice brings forth messages of love and healing for the highest good. I want to get really good at delivering messages compassionately. A client said of our reading “There was such a realness and depth in the way you showed up with me. I felt held and seen in a way I didn’t expect.”
Book a one on one with me if you’re curious about what messages might be waiting for you!
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Our arrival day to the Alchemy Burn was Thursday this year instead of Wednesday. Last year we rolled in around 4PM and our RV had already arrived and all we had to do was unpack and mourn the fact that our RV vendor had neglected to fill the rig with water. Some gentle problem solving in cool turning cold weather late in the day without a lot of distractions because most folks arrive Thursday or Friday.
This year, we arrived on Thursday which meant getting up early and packing the car. I was stressed about whether or not all of our stuff and things were going to fit in Rachael’s SUV, even with the addition of a roof bag this year. We did it (I was so proud) and were on our way. I want to point out here that stress also wears out the body pretty fast and I was more stressed about packing our stuff than I was conscious of.
We were waylaid first by Bojangles for breakfast sandwiches. Here’s an aside about Bojangles–this Southern fast food restaurant is a revelation. Their biscuits are PERFECT and fluffy and they serve real bacon and the iced tea is incredible.
I adore iced tea and when I visit the South I like to enjoy one sweet tea and this time I cashed it in on a giant half unsweet and sweet iced tea and it was incredible. (I prefer unsweet tea but enjoy sweet tea as a treat.) I think it’s the quality of the tea leaves and how Bojangles steeps it–it’s strong.
Rachael loves their dessert Boberry biscuits and she’s practically perfect in every way and usually correct about everything and she was very correct to order us two to bring with us to the Burn. (A Taurus with a Capricorn Rising–she knows things.)
We were waylaid a second time after we ate our breakfast since Rach forgot to leave the key for the dog sitter. We doubled back–luckily we hadn’t yet arrived at the Burn and gone through the gate which would have been way harder to double back. Saved by the Bojangles detour of delight!
A 36 minute trip in a weighed down SUV became a 2 hour trip, but our RV still wasn’t being delivered til 3 so we had plenty of time to arrive and unload the car.
Outdoor events are so affected by weather, obviously, which I appreciate in an ancestral connection kind of way.
We are not that many generations away from having our entire lives be massively affected by weather. I love getting to be someplace outdoors with my clothes nearby and able to change as the weather shifts. It’s an intimacy with Land we don’t typically get with our climate controlled, insulated interiors.
We unloaded the car swiftly and with a Helping Hand to pull our heavy ass generator out of the car. “Another one of these” he muttered as we pulled it out. At a Burn you need to bring everything except a toilet, a generator is a luxury but it’s how the whole place is filled with sound and lights. The gentle hummmmm of the generators whizzing is almost white noise by the end.
We put up the pop-up tent right away (another Rachael Great Idea TM) and had some shade and a break to rest and hydrate. I was feeling hot but unwilling to open my suitcase to find something cooler to wear because I wanted to wait for the RV. That was an error.
I did, however, realize after I got back from dropping the car in parking that I was getting nauseous from the heat and asked our camp mates if I could have one of their rapidly melting pedialyte popsicles. They gave me two and I put one on the back of my neck while I drank the other one.
Getting heat sick is something I inherited from my maternal line. I remember when I was little my mom would get crabby and mean when it was hot. I learned a cold washcloth on her neck went a long way but I had no idea how she was feeling til I hit my thirties and realized what was happening to her through my own experience.
The more sensitive I become spiritually my body becomes more sensitive. I understand this now as a super power.
A lot of people were accused of witchcraft because of their herbal remedies, perceptual sensitivities and “knowing” things. What we think of now as neurodivergence is likely the natural diversity of human understanding.
Coloniality strips us of so much ancestral wisdom, including what our lineage did with our gifts and sensitivities. Imagine being raised to understand, curate, shepherd and protect our sensitivities and the ways we perceive the world. Instead our society holds our belonging (an actual human need) hostage to our conformity.
One of the things I value most about a Burn is it’s a whole bunch of neurodivergent folks delighting in their differences and sharing them in curated ways. Freak flags are flying and it’s gorgeous.
I wanted to go and do and see all the things popping up around the Burn but I knew my body was requiring me to rest. The RV arrived and because of the generator we could run the A/C for awhile and I got unpacked, dressed in something far lighter than my cute black arrival outfit, and Rachael Great Idea TM delivered me a Viva paper towel doused in some ice that had fallen out of the cooler.
Our camp (Bunny Reasons) has a common sitting area and collectively has five pop-up shelters with cute purple roofs. I love collective interdependence it makes things so easy and social. After my rest I went and sat in my “office” (a friend called my camp chair with attached table and it’s very apt, when I settle in someplace I am on my business) and caught up with everyone.
Getting heat sick isn’t like just cooling down and gathering energy again. I’m pretty much done for the day once my body overheats. It’s not something I can power through. Sometimes I get a dehydration hangover that makes me nauseous the next day. I can’t imagine how I would feel or how sick I would get if I hadn’t stopped drinking alcohol 12 years ago.
I used to live dissociated and overriding my body in all manner of ways until I would get so sick my doctor would tell me that resting meant being in bed and not using my brain for a week at a time.
I was so grateful for our kick it space so I could be social and feel like a participant because it can be such a bummer to feel sidelined by my body’s requirement for rest. I even got to help someone fulfill a need! I had just met Al and he said to the group “I have a 5-10 minute task I need help with” and I thought I would have to say no due to capacity. The task was doing a manicure on him! I was absolutely available for a manicure! It was a joyous bonding activity and the launch of our wonderful friendship!
My scarcity mindset tries to kick up in times like this when I’m torn between Going and Doing vs Sitting and Being. The FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) monster thinks there’s some magic happening I can’t be part of. Instead of focusing on where I’m at and creating JOWID (Joy Of Whatever I’m Doing). The magic was right where I was at!
Lying in bed that night, having told myself I was just going to have a Disco Nap at 8:45PM after walking the equivalent of eight blocks wiped me out, I kept pep talking myself about how surrendering to my body is the only way and my body is closer to my intuition than my conscious mind. My intuition is always correct and I kept thinking about this person I took Akashic Mentorship Level One with.
At the time they were recently disabled and reflecting that all the rest they need got them closer to their intuition and able to access the Akashic realms with more ease. That perhaps part of their body’s disability was opening up deeper abilities in other ways. That hit me profoundly.
My basic pep talk for when my brain wants to do what my body is not available for is “What is for me will not pass me by.”
How serendipitous that our arrival to the Burn was waylaid so I wasn’t out in the heat any longer than what made me so sick in the first place! It was actually a very fun road trip, Rach and I can make anything fun.
The next morning I got nauseous while prepping for the day I realized I should just stay put at camp again til my body settled down. I just released all control and all effs about how I spent my time and was satisfied to sit in our kick it space. (I was so nauseous I turned down BACON offered to me by Alex who is a Camp Daddy Breakfast Master).
It all worked out so delightfully because Psychic (that’s her Burn name; I still don’t have one) brought a craft bin with coloring books and all manner of fun crafty things to delight someone sitting down. I spent several hours coloring and chatting with the folks who had to come back to camp because their psilocybin was working too well for them to be walking around. It was incredibly bonding and fostered an intimacy level that we wouldn’t have achieved without our bodies telling us it’s time to sit down and take it easy.
I didn’t have the time I thought I wanted to have I had an even better time enjoying the experience I was meant to have and that was such a joy. My body finally chilled out that evening and I had probably one of the best nights from 2025 dancing to queer music by DJ Al and watching a wooden sculpture of Marsha P. Johnson throwing a brick go up in flames after honoring the recent death of fellow Stonewall Rebellion hero Miss Major Griffin-Gracy.
I could never have been as present or joyous that evening without surrendering to my body and letting her recover.
More reflections on this Burn to come, but perhaps you want to listen to my podcast episode 187 about my experience at my first Burn event.
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