"Luck" is where preparedness and opportunity meet. I had the preparedness of having asked for help and received generosity from people who love me. (Thanks especially to my soil sponsor mother!) Receiving is an important energetic part of asking for help!
I had the opportunity of the chipmunk or squirrel who gathered seeds either from last year's sunflowers or a neighbor's bird feeder and buried them in my containers. THE CUTEST SANTA CLAUS MOMENT.
4 of Cups Livin' is, once again, releasing control and struggle so I can experience contentment and sufficiency. Fully present! Mindful!
I noticed that once I got intentional about the cold water on the back of my neck every morning for 20-30 seconds I stopped getting triggered by her. (With a couple exceptions this has remained true!)
I remembered an old simple self care tip I used to use when I was going through it--reaching out to a trusted friend to ask for compliments. "Hey I'm having a hard time. What are some of your favorite things about me?" has opened up a lot of great heart-warming things I've never forgotten.
The idea for this is taking two walks in nature with kids along the same path, two days in a row. Ideally it is someplace with enough privacy that folks won't hassle the gifts from the fairies but if you had another grown-up do the gift drop offs right before you walk with the kids you could probably use a public trail.
No one has to "deserve" to cry in order to deserve to cry. Being ashamed of our tears is a result of the hyper independence we are taught by the white hetero capitalist patriarchy. When I say evict the cop from your brain, this is one example of the way we are taught to police ourselves, to deny our emotions for other people's comfort.
Let’s remember that hands have five digits each and the vigorousness, stamina and strength one can offer with a forearm is far more than what’s possible with other appendages.
Working with foxglove energy is powerful, especially if you resonate with fairies. The fairies aren't medicine to everyone, so check in with your vibes on it. Mostly what I do with foxgloves is hang out, watch their growth and change, marvel at their uniqueness and welcome the fairy vibration.
Fairies help with inner child healing, physical ailments, playfulness, energy, inspiration and household tasks. (And more!)
We are in a time in the Earth's evolution where our personal frequency matters more than ever and we want to be generating our cells in as elevated an environment as possible. Like the food we eat (and supplements) that help our cells generate vibrantly, sound healing is part of giving us the best shot at living verdant, peaceful lives.
I call my yard “Gay Gardens” because it makes me smile. I have put a lot of energy and resources into it, but very little money. Everything growing right now was either a gift or my small investment in one or two seed packets.
My mom began it for me as a container garden when I first moved into The Lavender Queen, my RV. She lives 2 blocks away with a thriving garden (she calls it “Marianne Land”) and blessed me with a bunch of starter plants, and my step parent Pat built a lattice structure so the sweet peas had something to climb.
I’ve learned a lot about failing forward and just trying stuff out from tending to Gay Gardens for the past four Pandemic summers! (WILD to think we are wrapping up Fourth Pandemic Summer.)
I had a couple of sunflowers grow and bloom last year but didn’t do the work of figuring out how to gather the seeds. So this summer I put the call out to my neighbors to see if anyone had extra sunflower seeds to offer. I’m glad I asked for help!
First of all, I received a half packet from my neighbor’s dog, Douglas! It was a mix of seeds that included these gorgeous black/orange/red varieties that are so pretty.
Second, I received a bunch of plants in containers from my Botanist friend Becky! Most of them are medicinal or pretty and I am excited especially about the marshmallow plant, the root of which is in many herbal tummy recipes. As an IBS Cutie I love the ability to go into the garden, dig up my container of Marshmallow to get some root, grab some spearmint and peppermint and make a fresh herbal tisane by pouring boiling water over the herbs for 10 mins. Delish! Tummy soothing!
Third, I received a bunch of hand me down containers from a friend who is downsizing, and my mom gave me a few new big containers and extra soil! Expanding Gay Gardens was possible simply with some sweat equity from me! All of this was thrilling!
In late May I was buzzing along, getting excited for my foxgloves to bloom and I started noticing some volunteers in my pots.
Volunteer plants are not uncommon in my container garden, last year I snacked on the fruit of a volunteer tomato plant. Most of them end up being “weeds” (a word that simply describes a plant you don’t want there, one person’s “weed” is perhaps another person’s volunteer tomato) aka invasive plants that spread a bunch of seeds making more “weeds” I don’t want.
I let them go because I didn’t want to get rid of them until I was sure what they were and I couldn’t yet tell based on the cotyledon (the first pair of leaves plants grow from seed) but in the fifth container i found them in I noticed they were being born from… SUNFLOWER SEEDS.
I learned the word cotyledon from texting Becky pictures and I began taking advantage of this opportunity.
“Luck” is where preparedness and opportunity meet. I had the preparedness of having asked for help and received generosity from people who love me. (Thanks especially to my soil sponsor mother!) Receiving is an important energetic part of asking for help!
I had the opportunity of the chipmunk or squirrel who gathered seeds either from last year’s sunflowers or a neighbor’s bird feeder and buried them in my containers. THE CUTEST SANTA CLAUS MOMENT.
If I had left the volunteers in their containers they would not have achieved full sunflower greatness. I replanted more than 3 dozen of them in whatever containers I could, even trash picking a pink plastic bucket and hammering holes into it to drain.
I left some of the later season volunteers in their corners of wherever they grew and none of them hit maturity but a lot of them bloomed little bebé yellow flowers.
Now that the Sunflowers of Gay Gardens are well underway blooming, I have been describing myself as feeling “unreasonable joy” as a result.
I don’t actually think joy needs to be reasonable. But I know the capitalist drudge that was colonized inside me is still dying.
I don’t think I need to tamper down my jolly experience in my yard. When I dance with my Zoom aerobics Regulars and I feel the breeze on my skin and see my sunflower friends waving around, my pollinator friends working hard for the collective good, I do not need to limit my enthusiasm.
Flowers exist to bring us joy. Their vibration is the closest we get to angelic presence on Earth. Sunflowers are the very archetype of a warm summer day, the sun hitting a prism and amplifying beauty everywhere.
The hardest part of unrestrained joy is that I know, like everything, this too shall pass. Once it does pass, I will have figured out how to successfully gather and dry my abundance of sunflower seeds so that I can, perhaps, experience this joy again, as a new version of myself next year. And share with my pals along with my epic foxglove seeds ETCETERA.
I even already dove into generosity and gave the rest of Douglas’ seeds to my visiting friend who admired Simone in my yard. I trust that I will be able to successfully gather Simone’s seeds!
Long live the Sunflower miracle of Gay Gardens!
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I think I seem like an optimist because I speak on positive thinking so frequently. But I’m actually wired pessimistically. (Scorpio Moon, stellium in Scorpio and Virgo–I’m wired to see problems and can get very fatalistic.)
I speak so frequently on positive thinking because I really need it as a tool to not spiral into depression. I spent the entirety of my teen years depressed and have battled depression most of my adult life. I know my mind is part of why and how I experience life and that’s why I work so hard at creating a life worth living for me. This summer I’ve been having some success with a framework I want to share based on a tarot card!
During the Spring the 4 of Cups tarot card kept coming up. In personal readings, in collective readings, everywhere I turned it seemed to be present.
The four of cups is typically depicted with three spilled or empty cups and one cup that the subject of the card’s image typically isn’t looking at. Cups is the sign of emotions– BIG FEELS.
I love this image most of all–from the Modern Witch Tarot by Lisa Sterle. I have gotten to look through it because of friends and it’s gorgeous! This deck is on my wishlist.
This is a deck my friend and cosmic guide Jana from Feeling Loudly uses and she’s how I learned the empowering message behind the card.
I’m a big fan of using spiritual tools for empowerment and while it doesn’t feel empowering to know a bunch of your cups are spilled–things you put emotional energy into–it is empowering to remember to look around for what cups are full that I’m not paying attention to.
So I set out to spend the summer focused on 4 of Cups Livin’. The art of looking for the full cups and celebrating the heck out of them.
I’m particularly skilled at downward spirals, I think we all can dwell in negativity and get into the bog of stench. But creating a habit of upward spirals is a lot of thought life discipline.
We can’t control the first thought but we can control our second, third and subsequent thoughts. The longer I practice meditation the better I get at becoming an observer of my thoughts.
I believe “you” are your soul, but we are conditioned to be a “you” that is a projection of what we want people to think we are. When I’m focused on what other people think of me I’m not focused on what is right for me. That’s how I ended up going to law school and trying to perform perfection for love and acceptance.
Now I trust that my genuine self is enough (thank you Mr. Rogers) and anyone I have to perform for isn’t a connection I want to nurture.
I know through practice I can capture my thoughts and dwell on the ones that delight me. This summer has had a focus on flowers because they do delight me! First it was lilacs, then foxgloves, and right now the sunflowers are so epic. I began feeling hopeful this week for no external reason other than perhaps all the sunflowers in my garden!
Being a big dreamer comes with a lot of grief! I can get so hard on myself because I keep setting goals I haven’t achieved yet. I love my job and it hasn’t been paying enough for me to live off this summer so I’ve had to get creative, more frugal than ever, and take on a side job to support the work. I still believe in it, but I think most entrepreneurs who have had downturns in volume of clients served know that sometimes your passion needs you to supplement. Money problems specifically have spiraled me out many times.
4 of Cups Livin’ is a daily practice of pronoia where I know that my cup is as full as the air in my lungs! The trees I choose to walk amongst! The authentic connections I nurture! It’s bigger than just gratitude it’s more like a gratitude rampage, really working myself up so the gratitude is so big it overwhelms the grief I feel that I’m not yet where I thought I “should” be by now.
4 of Cups Livin’ is, once again, releasing control and struggle so I can experience contentment and sufficiency. Fully present! Mindful!
I’m reading a book right now called Failing Forward by John C. Maxwell. He talks about contentment being part of the process of pursuing passion. You experience contentment with that vigorous gratitude practice while surrendering to the journey of success, which is designed to build us through discomfort into the kind of person that can sustain our goals.
Little kids learn and are uncomfortable frequently because they are always growing, but they balance that with play and rest. That’s the balance people of all ages need to strike to have a growth mindset and pursue our potential.
Maxwell also writes about how the past impacts the present. The ability to put past events behind us and move on allows a person to focus on the present challenge with enthusiasm. Saying “I have yet to meet a successful person who continually dwells on past difficulties.”
As someone who is in her forties I know from witnessing friends go through emotional challenges how folks can get really stuck never risking love again, resentments and just isolating. Sometimes we need times to heal and slow down, but I really admire the grit of someone willing to risk love/a big dream/whatever again. On Shark Tank they always edify an entrepreneur who has had the grit to try again.
4 of Cups Livin’ has been a way to remind myself to be in the glory of what is instead of wishing it was the Big Dream. A mindset shift that has me feeling legit hope and not resting on how bleak things feel objectively. I hope it helps you!
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I can’t create more time for you but I can help you identify simple ways to improve your quality of life slipping into the time you have!
Around May of 2020 I went to an online wellness event and one of the teacher suggested running cold water on the back of the neck as a way to soothe our nervous system.
At the time I was a little over six months living down the street from my mother for the first time since I was 17. I truly never thought I would live near her. As I reconnect with old friends a lot of them check in about how it’s going living so near to my mom with trepidation–my relationship with my mother has not always been harmonious.
I consider my current relationship with her one of my greatest life successes. We’ve both grown a lot and know how to communicate in a way that doesn’t devolve into fights. I have a great therapist and I have a considerable amount of tools to deal with being triggered.
There’s something special about parents who installed all of our buttons and then push them later in life without being conscious of it. When I first moved up here she triggered me frequently! I had my tools, so I could go regulate myself, but I noticed that once I got intentional about the cold water on the back of my neck every morning for 20-30 seconds I stopped getting triggered by her. (With a couple exceptions this has remained true!)
You hear rich people talk about cold plunges all the time on social media because cold water therapy has numerous benefits and now they sell rich people cold plunge pools!
A cold shower has lots of overlapping benefits, and I started taking cold showers in 2017 after being influenced by Shaman Durek, a teacher I adore. Summer is a great time to start this practice!
It wasn’t the cold showers, it was the intentional exposure of my vagus nerve that was the game changer.
The vagus nerve is a major player in your parasympathetic nervous system. It’s how your heart pumps, you digest, your immune system functions and you don’t have to think about it. (THE BODY IS A MIRACLE.) When you’re a traumatized kid your body wants to keep you safe. Nerd out more about the body keeping you safe on my podcast episode (#143) with Jes Baker.
I now perceive triggers as opportunities to heal old wounds in the present moment when I am SAFE and HAVE CHOICES unlike when the original trauma happened. The trigger train now makes final stops in my life because I can regulate my nervous system, get curious, get under the hood and investigate what is seeking to be healed.
In the Winter I jump into the shower before turning on the water, using the cold water that rolls out on the back of my neck and by the time the water is warm my vagus nerve has had her 20-30 seconds of cold exposure. (Be mindful of taking cold showers in the winter or you’ll be like me and have no water outflow til the snow thaws because it all froze in the pipes after a cold shower. When I know better I do better! Haha!)
My understanding of why this works is just teaching your nervous system that you’re safe no matter what. I also do a five minute tapping video first thing in the morning. It’s way easier for me to stay emotionally regulated when I’m resourcing myself with nourishing habits!
Anyway, I hope this simple self care helps you! Click here to read more simple self care posts! You deserve to feel awesome!
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