The relentless pursuit of my joy.
I've been thinking a lot about how powerful it is in the economy to spend our money directly with other people, and not to companies with shareholders. Imagine if a few hundred people started tipping with cash lavishly how much that could change our economic situation? Community care has shown itself to be the way again and again.
Empaths can experience anxiety, depression, stress, psychosis, you name it because of other people's energy! Protect yourself!
Changing the way you perceive yourself and the feeling tone of thoughts you have is like turning a big battleship in the ocean. You can’t just flip a U turn, it’s a slow intentional process.
Rachael's lavish love and devotion has shown me I am worthy of so much love, grace and support.
Standing in my truth is a way I bust up the lies I tell myself to "keep myself safe" by keeping myself small. I know because I have gone through something someone else out there probably has, too. My story will help somebody.
Today I want to share what I do when I don't have much to give energetically but still want to milk the holiday cheer for all the seasonal depression busting magic it has to offer my dopamine stash.
I'm not convinced that Santa "isn't real." I think the spirit of generosity alive in each of us, woven together, is what makes the holidays so magic. I think of Santa Claus specifically as an energy of generosity that works through people in little nudges, grand gestures, all sorts of merriment, and even last minute stressed out putting together a big under tree presentation to foster childlike wonder.
Ginger is naturally very warming and a good ally when you're shivvery and cold!
There's science around condensation. When a glass of water is cold it will get wet on the outside. Why? Condensation.
That affects RV walls! On the inside and outside, but most insidious inside. I had neighbors whose trailer had to be demolished because the entire closet walls were moldy beyond repair. A whole house uninhabitable because previous owners didn't take precautions! (😳)
I was raised to believe strongly in tipping. My mom is one of the greats and she has always been a generous tipper. The kind of person who eyeballs the tip left on the table at a group meal and quietly adds to it as she believes it needs to be.
Mom has always ensured she tips with cash. “It’s between me and the server; the government doesn’t need to be involved.”*
I’ve been thinking a lot about how powerful it is in the economy to spend our money directly with other people, and not to companies with shareholders.
If I buy a pride tee shirt for twenty bucks from Target (LOL as if) versus spending forty dollars on a shirt made by an actual queer person at a pride festival. My forty dollars is life changing to that family. Puts food on the table. To Target? I’m just a bottom line number to see if the gays are worth marketing to.
The same amount of power comes through when you choose to tip a service professional in cash. Lavishly when you can.
It feels so good to give a big tip, especially if the professional has rendered a memorable service. I’ve never forgotten the 21 year old Lyft driver in Atlanta who advised me to watch interviews with 2Pac on you tube; I am so glad I gave him a $20. I always tip my groomers well, especially now that I have a unique needs cat with chronic pain! I had to work hard to find my groomer up here in the North Pole (I drive 45 minutes each way!) and I want her to know how much I appreciate the care she gives Biscuit Reynolds.
As an adult one of the first things I look at when discerning a new dating prospect. Did they tip? How much? There are a lot of red flags I’ve had to learn how to see but not tipping is a huge one I’ve been able to notice right up front because I was raised to tip. I absolutely won’t go on a second date with a bad tipper.
Whether you tip says a lot about who you are and how you value people.
A lot of times it seems like the same twenty bucks moves around from person to person in our go fund me healthcare economy and I think the same is true for service professionals–most of them are the best tippers I know.
When I was living in Los Angeles I spent six months as a Lyft driver. I drove more than 1,000 LA miles a week, at least 60 hours, and took home less than four hundred bucks a week before taxes. The tips made a huge difference to me and only one out of every five people tipped me. I was shocked! I’m a fun person who is a delight to ride with or so many people would say. It made me wonder if folks don’t think you’re supposed to tip a driver? I was an early adult in New York City and Philadelphia for fifteen years using yellow cabs, I KNEW you had to tip.
In this economy, where so many folks are looking to gig jobs like grocery shopping and driving and pet sitting to make ends meet, your big tip makes a massive difference.
I keep thinking about whether to write about this and why would it matter but I think if only one person reading this becomes inspired to tip someone well even once it’s worth it.
Imagine if a few hundred people started tipping with cash lavishly how much that could change our economic situation? Community care has shown itself to be the way again and again.
The ongoing Covid Pandemique continues to show us immunity is a group project. So is the economy. And right now the shareholder corporations have folks lulled into complacency spending all their money on little treats and not intentionally directing their money where they want to see change.
Tipping is simply the right thing to do in all circumstances. I know people want to have “rules” around things because we are raised in a white heteropatriarchy that thrives on giving us rules for how we act. (Uncertainty is an unavoidable part of life. If you live with “rules” that make you believe you are “safe” it falsely lulls you into complacency.)
I’ve heard things like “if they own the business don’t tip them” and frankly I think every service professional deserves to be tipped and if you own the business you also have to do boring admin things like bookkeeping. It’s really delightful to get cash tips and little treats! (Consider bringing your hair dresser or masseuse cookies or a beverage AND tip them!)
I’ve heard 20% before tax but also, isn’t it kinder to be someone who tips after tax? I treat it as 20% minimum even if they suck because restaurant work is brutal and typically wait staff don’t get paid well hourly and they pretty much live off the tips. And a slide up from there.
When I cannot afford to tip well I don’t go out to eat or take the taxi.
Hey, this is just my idea! If you’re feeling defensive or like you want to argue with me about whether you should tip, consider clicking out of this website and moving along with your day. But if you’re really emotionally brave, journal about what money story you’ve been told that makes you think that service professionals don’t “deserve” your tips and which parent you are always afraid to disappoint! Juicy stuff!
*The APPS don’t need to get involved because they absolutely do skim tips or keep them as delivery charges. Maybe they aren’t “supposed to” or they might get caught, maybe there might be a class action suit down the road but the person giving you service today is so much better off leaving your transaction with cash in hand. Doing the work of having cash on hand and handing it to someone versus being lazy about it and going through the credit card on the apps is… your choice.
Do you value my blog and want it to keep existing? It costs me a lot to host the archives and I would so appreciate your support, either monetary or sharing the post with friends you think would benefit from it! I love that you came by to visit and hope you’ll pop by again and again!
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Buy me a Coffee:
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For folks who have been around this blog (or any of my work) for awhile, you know I’ve worked hard to replace “should” with “could” cuz most of the time that’s a gentler way to say something. I experience a more verdant life when I see possibilities instead of absolutes.
But if you’ve been around awhile you know I roll with psychics and empaths and wow have I seen some folks really spiral when they don’t take salt baths! So I’m sending you the message that salt should be part of your weekly, if not daily, spiritual hygiene!
There are all sorts of reasons! Empaths are like energetic katamaris (magical, highly adhesive balls), rolling around the world picking up other folks energy! Salt is an ally that helps us cut those energetic ties and leaks!
Empaths can experience anxiety, depression, stress, psychosis, you name it because of other people’s energy! Protect yourself!
What kind of salt is an important question, I’m glad you asked. Sea salt is supreme, I get it for 99 cents a pound at my local food co-op. For spiritual work one needs just a little bit to be effective.
Mostly I use epsom salt because it is physically therapeutic! And you need a lot of epsom salt in order to get the benefits through your largest organ, your skin. In a big bathtub I use two cups, in the small bathtub I currently use in my mom’s art studio I use only one cup. Epsom salt has magnesium and I could nerd out about magnesium for hours. Lack of magnesium is why your body feels sore when you get up!
Level up your epsom salt bath healing by using 4 parts epsom salt, 1 part baking soda, 1 part apple cider vinegar. (In a big tub this would be 2 cups epsom salts, 1/2 cup each baking soda and ACV.) I have seen other ratios out there, this is what I was prescribed by a trusted massage therapist for injury recovery.
20 minutes in the epsom salt at a minimum to get those therapeutic bennies, but even just a little salt moment in the shower works for energetic maintenance!
In my shower every day I use a small amount of a sea salt scrub in a counter clockwise motion on my heart and ask that all of my light energy be returned to me with divine care.
You can also of course use salt water from the sea! I like to dunk under water completely during astrologically auspicious moments like the Leo new moon in the summer time.
When it’s freezing most of the year here in the North Pole I take a sea shell, fill it with some sea water and anoint each of my chakras (crown to root but you choose your path) and ask for my light energy to be returned to me with divine care.
This is the first time in my adult life I’ve lived somewhere without a bathtub. It’s worth it to make living decisions around self care sustainability! I live in an RV down the street from my mom in a peaceful gorgeous lil rural neighborhood with private forest land. The trade-off of no tub in the home was worth it and I’m grateful for my mom’s art studio!
I also set up energetic protection multiple times a day because I find it helps me maintain my peace. I think if everyone who is energetically sensitive would use daily spiritual hygiene we could collectively live in peace. I believe so strongly that the lesson I taught on Spiritual Hygiene on my patreon is FREE and so is the 90 second guided meditation I recorded.
When I first started learning about spirituality and energy I was living in an apartment building in Brooklyn. I realized I was surrounded by people’s energy. I wondered how my life might improve if I lived in a house that didn’t share walls with anyone!
As I have since moved to Los Angeles and now the forest in the North Pole, I have discovered I was correct! It feels so much more expansive to have my primary energetic connection be with the forest.
Our energy is finite and meant for our own use and healing. When we serve others we can tap into a divine unlimited source of energy that doesn’t drain us! To quote the prophets Jerry Garcia and Robert Hunter “Let it be known there is a fountain that was not made by the hands of men.”
Marianne Williamson, spiritual thought leader and candidate for president, taught in a class of hers I took for compassion professionals that we can pray for each of our clients before sessions or classes we teach. It connects us to the divine flow so we can serve in a more guided and beneficial way!
I typically do my root planting & calling in divine guidance before I teach classes or see one on one clients.
Humans are energetic beings! I recently learned we are nourished more by energy than even the calories and nutrients we consume. Mind your energy as Oprah likes to remind.
In sum! Use salt to help protect your energy! You deserve less anxiety and more freedom!
Do you value my blog and want it to keep existing? It costs me a lot to host the archives and I would so appreciate your support, either monetary or sharing the post with friends you think would benefit from it! I love that you came by to visit and hope you’ll pop by again and again!
Patreon.com/fkdp
Work one-on-one with me: https://queerfatfemme.com/one-on-one-with-bevin/
Buy me a Coffee:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin
I’m crowdfunding a new laptop so I can keep publishing podcasts, blogs & aerobics:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin/w/4466
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
My Small Business Wishlist
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1X49srtmBmbZCYo-QQwZTDBHIaYPTltGwBNbfhajKNP0/edit?usp=sharing
Fatkiddanceparty.com/classes
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Bevin on Instagram:
Instagram.com/bevinsparty
You Tube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/SelfCareParty
Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Like/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!
One of the greatest results of my experience microdosing psilocybin in protocol* has been the shift in my thought life.
For 13 years I have been using mindfulness to work with intrusive thoughts. We can’t control that first thought but we can choose our second, third and subsequent thoughts.
I like the metaphor of your thoughts being a river floating by. If you saw a big pile of poop floating by would you grab onto it and float down river? Or would you instead find a better float for the journey? Your choice.
Changing the way you perceive yourself and the feeling tone of thoughts you have is like turning a big battleship in the ocean. You can’t just flip a U turn, it’s a slow intentional process.
It begins with self awareness, becoming the observer of your thoughts and then choosing them. YOU are not your thoughts. Meditation has helped me tons with that and starting with a shitty, inconsistent meditation practice over a decade ago has me now meditating three times a day (mostly).
What I have found most helpful in thought life work is mindful input. We become the five people we spend the most time around and the books we read. I believe you can choose someone you don’t even know to be in your top five influences by consciously consuming their creations.
An author is going to give you their BEST in a book not in an IG post, so spending less time scrolling and more time consuming intentional creations is a great place to start.
So is being mindful of people and things that feel “yucky” and hurt your self esteem. There’s a distinction from being challenged to think differently versus self-judgement being relentlessly normalized.
My brief experience following Kim Kardashian on snapchat years ago taught me how at war she was with her body. It never seemed good enough to her. I decided that wasn’t the influence I wanted so I made choices about unfollowing.
That’s just one example.
Does this person help me become who I want to be? I focus my five people on folks I admire and supportive friends who help me see myself with true delight. I’m lucky to have both in many people.
When I was first on the journey to love my body twenty something years ago it was pre-social media and I totally stopped watching TV. I posted pictures of happy fat people all around my house. The solution to pollution is dilution and after an adolescence of suicidal self loathing I needed to make a big change.
At 31 years old I thought I had done the work of self love because I loved my body. I had no idea how self abusive my thought life was until I started artist life coaching with Lynnee Breedlove. In our first session Lynnee asked me to speak to myself like I was a six year old child. I could NOT access tenderness for myself.
It was alarming to realize the self love mountain continued to loom ahead no matter how far I had come. It’s reassuring to me now to know that healing isn’t a destination. It’s a choice to live my journey a little bit kinder every day. (Same, too, with success. It’s a journey and it’s self-defined. I choose success for me to mean serenity.)
I am so grateful for all the work I’ve done and if I had realized it would take me 13 years to reach this milestone I probably never would have begun. But it was worth it!
During week seven of my first protocol under the guidance of Tamara of Mohala Yoga (get to know her offerings through Episode 145 of my podcast) I made a huge breakthrough in my thought life. I realized that my first thought used to be the one I needed to question. We are imprinted during ages 0-7 by our caregivers and mine believed that criticism is love. That is not true! Love and adoration and affirmation are love. Criticism is criticism.
For my whole life my first thought was the critical, self abusive one.
I realized in week 7 that my first thought was now my intuition. I had done so much work to connect to and identify that still, small voice. Much quieter than the inner critic. And now she comes in with more dominance. I still take the pause and consideration of my thoughts and impulses. (Responding vs reacting.) But the fact that my intuition is so dominant now is such a huge level up in my whole life experience.
The benefits of intentional use of psychedelics are many, including increased neuroplasticity. Your brain is more available for new pathways. Trauma and negative self talk create grooves in that gorgeous brain of yours and it can be hard to change.
It’s not as simple as just popping psilocybin, it is the conscious consistency of mindfulness practices that partner with the neuroplasticity to help create results swifter than on their own.
I am so grateful for this protocol helping to create these new grooves in my brain and I am SO grateful for Tamara’s microdosing cohorts (I have now completed two, thinking about a third) for helping me have a gorgeous peace of mind that is my definition of success.
Week 7 for me was back in December. I am still doing my protocol (it’s May now), have shifted strains a couple of times and am still experiencing the magic of my intuition front and center. That first strain was wavy caps (definitely intuition and spiritual connection), then I used Albino Tidal Wave (that seemed to help more with focus) and now using Golden Teachers (helps make my emotions easier to bear by making life a lil more sparkly).
Tamara is booking her Summer cohort now, if you’re considering taking this journey she is a guide who has a lot to offer!
Here’s a post about my week 3 microdosing psilocybin revelation!
If you’re interested in hearing more narratives about using psilocybin to heal, here is a treasure map of my podcast episodes interviewing people about just that!
*I want to underscore how essential it has been to be doing this in a specific protocol versus the occasional one-off usage. For a couple of years I was finding mental health relief by using what I would call a “party dose” every couple of weeks. But the big lasting shifts have come from microdosing a subperceptual dose regularly. I don’t feel it when I take the meds (it is like a brain vitamin) but the aggregate effect makes a huge difference.
I put hours of labor into each episode and blog post. I’m only able to do this because of the support of my Patreon supporters. If you value this work (this is my job) please contribute! Big Pharma isn’t giving me any sponsorships (nor do I want them).
Patreon.com/fkdp
Buy me a Coffee:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin
I’m crowdfunding a new laptop so I can keep publishing podcasts, blogs & aerobics:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin/w/4466
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
My Small Business Wishlist
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1X49srtmBmbZCYo-QQwZTDBHIaYPTltGwBNbfhajKNP0/edit?usp=sharing
Fatkiddanceparty.com/classes
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Bevin on Instagram:
Instagram.com/bevinsparty
You Tube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/SelfCareParty
Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Like/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!