The relentless pursuit of my joy.
The idea for this is taking two walks in nature with kids along the same path, two days in a row. Ideally it is someplace with enough privacy that folks won't hassle the gifts from the fairies but if you had another grown-up do the gift drop offs right before you walk with the kids you could probably use a public trail.
No one has to "deserve" to cry in order to deserve to cry. Being ashamed of our tears is a result of the hyper independence we are taught by the white hetero capitalist patriarchy. When I say evict the cop from your brain, this is one example of the way we are taught to police ourselves, to deny our emotions for other people's comfort.
Let’s remember that hands have five digits each and the vigorousness, stamina and strength one can offer with a forearm is far more than what’s possible with other appendages.
Working with foxglove energy is powerful, especially if you resonate with fairies. The fairies aren't medicine to everyone, so check in with your vibes on it. Mostly what I do with foxgloves is hang out, watch their growth and change, marvel at their uniqueness and welcome the fairy vibration.
Fairies help with inner child healing, physical ailments, playfulness, energy, inspiration and household tasks. (And more!)
We are in a time in the Earth's evolution where our personal frequency matters more than ever and we want to be generating our cells in as elevated an environment as possible. Like the food we eat (and supplements) that help our cells generate vibrantly, sound healing is part of giving us the best shot at living verdant, peaceful lives.
Sniffing flowers is less than five minutes of my day but I think it's sacred to spend any amount of your life with 100% pure present moment in the pleasures that delight you.
Our desires are holy information bringing forth a powerful future collectively, and it's important to notice them and indulge them when we are able to. Being on a flower sniffing mission has brought a lot of joy to me this past month.
I was once an attorney and studied law all the time now I work with bodies and study the physiology of wellness. It is very understandable how our bodies resist grind culture and it is bonkers how our culture glorifies burn out.
I've been thinking a lot about how powerful it is in the economy to spend our money directly with other people, and not to companies with shareholders. Imagine if a few hundred people started tipping with cash lavishly how much that could change our economic situation? Community care has shown itself to be the way again and again.
Empaths can experience anxiety, depression, stress, psychosis, you name it because of other people's energy! Protect yourself!
The fairies love when you facilitate magic for children and give the fairies credit. Santa, especially, appreciates all the labor that humans (mostly women) do in Santa’s name.
The idea for Christmas in July is to inspire you to get out into nature with the kids you love, paying attention to the nature around you and delighting them with little gifts.
This framework is just a jumping off point for YOU to add your special flavor and thoughtful touches!
SETTING:
The idea for this is taking two walks in nature with kids along the same path, two days in a row. Ideally it is someplace with enough privacy that folks won’t hassle the gifts from the fairies but if you had another grown-up do the gift drop offs right before you walk with the kids you could probably use a public trail.
This would be easy to facilitate on a land with a half acre to walk around in or maybe even a garden. Get creative!
FIRST WALK:
Explain to the littles that the fairies love Christmas in July, and they love leaving presents at the most festive parts of the forest. On the first walk you’ll go along the path noticing along with the littles which plants look “Christmassy.” Listen to their perspective! Kids are so wise!
In my Pacific Northwest forest there are a ton of red and green plants, some red, green and white. I was inspired to write about a Christmas in July fairy walk just out on my sunset walk every day! I love Christmas I love things to be festive!
This is a great opportunity to teach the littles about the land, about foraging for edible food and identifying berries and plants.
Right now the Salmonberries are fruiting in the forest, the trailing blackberries will fruit really soon, the red huckleberries are totally christmassy and fruiting.
If we were in the Northern California forests I grew up visiting, I would teach about poison oak which is red and green therefore christmassy but NOT something to touch.
As the grown-up facilitating this take a half hour and learn about the native plants that you might encounter on this hike/walk!
SECOND WALK:
While on the first walk remember a few of the spots you pointed out with the littles that were “Christmassy” or spots they thought the fairies might especially like. Before the second walk you (or another grown-up fairy facilitator) go along the path and leave presents from the fairies at a few of those spots.
I want to underscore the principle of LEAVE NO TRACE when using the woods for merriment. You absolutely must promise me (and the fairies) that you’re going to pick up everything you leave out.
I recommend no food, no smelly things that will attract raccoon or other critter attention. It will make more mess in the forest and be a bummer to you!
But cute gifties like madlibs, kazoos, fun straws that spell their names, decks of Uno or what have you! Delightful little things!
You could probably also do this as Hannukah in July by focusing on all the cute white or blue things you find! And if you celebrate neither just do a fairy walk and ask the littles where they think the fairies would like to hang out. Probably under mushrooms!
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I think the entire world would change if we said this to everyone who cries in front of us. “I hope your crying is cathartic.”
The other day a good friend of mine apologized for crying when talking about a really hard week she had. Laid off from a job and lived through a tornado ripping through her land and living without power. She had gone through a lot! Still releasing all the emotions that get buried while we have to function during a crisis.
It struck me that she still had that urge to apologize for very understandable tears.
No one has to “deserve” to cry in order to deserve to cry. Being ashamed of our tears is a result of the hyper independence we are taught by the white hetero capitalist patriarchy. When I say evict the cop from your brain, this is one example of the way we are taught to police ourselves, to deny our emotions for other people’s comfort.
Crying is our body’s natural way of closing a stress cycle. We are born with the whole breadth of human emotions and no way to know how to navigate them other than our natural release! Dr. Brene Brown (a Scorpio) has mapped 87 emotions as part of her Atlas of the Heart work.
Somewhere along the line we are taught our emotions are “bad” and the expression of them is “inappropriate” in front of other people. We lose access to the instincts that help keep our meat sack healthy and close stress cycles.
When we don’t feel our feelings they end up manifesting as stress, anxiety and disease.
I am on this planet to perfect my loving; loving myself and of other people.
There isn’t a person in my life I would think poorly of if they cried in front of me. In fact, ever since I picked up the line “I hope your crying is cathartic” on instagram dot com I have used it! I encourage my friends and family to cry as a release whenever possible!
Personally, I cry whenever I feel it coming through because I actually dislike it more when I feel like I need to cry and cannot cry. I want my body to relearn how to feel safe releasing emotions when they need out!
I teach a move at Fat Kid Dance Party Aerobics in every class that is a great option when you feel like you need to cry but it’s not coming. (Linking a video here.) Just two minutes and those feelings can flow out of you and you can experience life on the other side of that emotion.
When a big feeling comes up and you don’t process it, our body stores it away so we end up having to feel it later–with interest.
Part of the work of healing is releasing the hurts we weren’t able to process at the time. Sometimes a big wave will come up on me out of seeming nowhere that’s actually about something that happened 33 years ago. In many ways it is a compliment that I am a safe enough space that my body can release what she’s held onto with a tight grip all these years.
Most of what we are afraid of is how we are going to feel about something. It only takes 90 seconds to feel a strong emotion. I learned this in a book by Martha Beck right before my fiance broke up with me four years ago. WOW did I sob during those early days and like clockwork it was less than 90 seconds for each wave to pass. (Even today I let some tears loose during Brandi Carlisle’s “Every time I Hear that Song.” I’m not judging my grieving, everyone loves differently and everyone grieves differently.)
I felt liberated with the knowledge that even when I feel like I am going to die during a big emotion, if I can just keep breathing I will get to the other side of that wave.
Every morning I do a five minute tapping video that results in tears. Some part of the waking up process means my eyes leak. My beloved Grandmother Anise would leak tears when she went out into sunlight in the morning. I feel her in me when I get my morning leaks flowing and I feel way more emotionally balanced every day I do that tapping video.
Crying is cathartic and it is an important function of your body! I hope all of your tears from here on out are cathartic! And if you’re crying alone imagine me as a fat fairy godmother flying around your head cheering you on for releasing your feelings!
In sum, remember every time you feel shame for something human your body does, you are experiencing the patriarchy from the inside out. You were taught that shame. And it is optional.
Do you value my blog and want it to keep existing? It costs me a lot to host the archives and I would so appreciate your support, either monetary or sharing the post with friends you think would benefit from it! I love that you came by to visit and hope you’ll pop by again and again!
Patreon.com/fkdp
Work one-on-one with me: https://queerfatfemme.com/one-on-one-with-bevin/
Buy me a Coffee:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin
I’m crowdfunding a new laptop so I can keep publishing podcasts, blogs & aerobics:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin/w/4466
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
My Small Business Wishlist
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Fatkiddanceparty.com/classes
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Costs nothing extra to you and cuts into that “astronaut’s” profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9
Bevin on Instagram:
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Like/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!
I have used an asterisk in the title of this piece so I don’t get flagged by Zuckenberger’s robots when I share this on various social media platforms.*
A case for calling it hand sex not fingering!
A rant I have been going on for anyone who will listen since forever but recently renewed when I watched The Ultimatum: Queer Love now streaming on Netflix dot com!
There’s a plot point by the villain of the show, Vanessa. She wanted to downplay the seriousness of the sex she had with one of the other cast members by calling their sex “just fingering.” Bless her soul, the heteropatriarchy impacts each person differently and some of us try avoiding our shame by presenting a facade of overconfidence and cool detachment.
Vanessa’s portrayal as the kind of person who is so fragile and full of narcissistic shame (narcissism seems like confidence but is all shame) she twists reality around whatever is most convenient for her at the time. All of that is unskillful attempts to get our needs met, needs usually around belonging and worthiness.
Of course there is more to a person than their edited portrayal in a reality TV show. I’m using this story as a teaching point!
I think the term fingering is used because mainstream culture centers penises in sex. In fact, heterosexual mainstream sex is so boring it’s reduced to three sex acts–plug in socket sex, oral sex and anal sex. Of course some being more taboo than others.
People who actually have great sex know that there are infinite ways to have sex and they are all valid! I would define sex as anything one or more folks do for the mutual pleasure of all involved. It’s a team sport, we are working together!
I watched an interview with Garcelle Beauvais (RHOBH) on Laverne Cox’s brilliant talk show “If We’re Being Honest” (streaming on Peacock). Garcelle disclosed that she only started having good sex in her forties (after three children) because she was raised to believe that sex was about centering the pleasure of the man. She had to learn to prioritize her pleasure and confidently ask for what she wanted.
Please don’t wait until your forties to have great sex! And if you’re not having great sex yet please consider how valid and important and worthy of pleasure you are!
Hand sex is my personal favorite. I was a late bloomer (in hindsight I’m so glad I waited) and had sex for the first time at 21. I had GOOD sex for the first time at 23. The kind of sex that shows you what is possible with your one and only body.
When people say “fingering” they are indicating one maybe two digits. Intentionally minimizing what’s possible with hands in order to support a penis-centric way of thinking about sex.
Let’s remember that hands have five digits each and the vigorousness, stamina and strength one can offer with a forearm is far more than what’s possible with other appendages.
As Samantha offered in Sex and the City when she briefly dipped in the lady pond, two hands is ten dicks (please imagine me giving you jazz hands right now).
My friend, queer femme Ashley Manta the Cannasexual, offers an incredible class on Handy Sex. She is offering it in a bundle with dirty talk and butt stuff. Don’t forget that butt holes have no gender and being great at butt sex can benefit you in any relationship.
I wanted to exit the quarantine having gained some skills and I took Ashley’s hand sex class because I wanted to be better at sex even without having sex cuz I was in a period of post-divorce healing celibacy.
Forearms, in my opinion, are the sexiest part of anyone’s bodies!
I hope you choose to either educate or NOT have sex with anyone who calls it “fingering.”
P.S. We also don’t have sex with Trump supporters or TERFs. Dump your racist, homophobic, fatphobic or transphobic boyfriend! You deserve WAY better.
*Did you know if you use the term Dykes on Bikes on Zuckenberger’s platforms you will get flagged for hate speech? I made an Instagram Stories post in February waxing philosophical about how the (so-called) Washington State Ferries release the motorcycles off the ferry first. The rumble of the engines and the zooming off the ferries of the motorcycles reminds me of Dykes on Bikes in the Pride Parade. Dykes on Bikes is a real organization, a whole 501(c)(3) recognized by the IRS, and yet I was flagged for hate speech and shadow banned for three months. Hidden from all the people who actually follow me and want to hear from me!
P.S. For more on how to have great sex please check out the archives of this blog! Fat Sex Week XXL is a great place to start!
Do you value my blog and want it to keep existing? It costs me a lot to host the archives and I would so appreciate your support, either monetary or sharing the post with friends you think would benefit from it! I love that you came by to visit and hope you’ll pop by again and again!
Patreon.com/fkdp
Work one-on-one with me: https://queerfatfemme.com/one-on-one-with-bevin/
Buy me a Coffee:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin
I’m crowdfunding a new laptop so I can keep publishing podcasts, blogs & aerobics:
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin/w/4466
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
My Small Business Wishlist
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1X49srtmBmbZCYo-QQwZTDBHIaYPTltGwBNbfhajKNP0/edit?usp=sharing
Fatkiddanceparty.com/classes
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Costs nothing extra to you and cuts into that “astronaut’s” profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9
Bevin on Instagram:
Instagram.com/bevinsparty
You Tube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/SelfCareParty
Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Like/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!