LA Week Three: Overwhelm, Gratitude and You Can’t Make Old Friends

We’re in our third week in LA!

Dara went on her first business trip back to NYC on Saturday. She’s in leadership development consulting and packed up her sleeping bag coat to go back to the frigid temps for meetings.

I had a visitor for the weekend–my BFF from Girl Scout Camp, Spunky came down from Sacramento to help out at the house. When we planned the trip I told her, “This whole thing is probably going to be just house projects.” I had no idea the gusto with which Spunky would throw herself into the tasks before her.

Click here to read the whole article!

LA Week Two: Progress Not Perfection

When we were planning our move to LA from Brooklyn, we agreed that I would spend the first couple of weeks here setting things up. I genuinely believed that spending most of my time for two weeks would be enough to get us unpacked and functional.

I was really really really wrong.

Click here to read the whole article.

How We Found Our House in LA

As soon as we decided to move to LA I insisted I would only move into a house. They have all of these houses out here that are 2 bedroom, 1 bath bungalows, with little yards and washer/dryers and no walls sharing with anyone else. I’ve never lived in a stand alone house as an adult.

A huge part of why I was so ready for a departure from NYC was to live in an area that had less population density. Not that LA is a bunch different but it is more spread out. My apartment building was a huge pre-war beauty, with a Flintstones meets Camelot style grand lobby and truly the biggest two bedroom apartment of anyone I knew. But it was also a box in a building full of boxes, with people surrounding me at all times.

As I’ve developed my woo, I am realizing how much space I need, physical, emotional, spiritual. It’s helpful for me to get recharged in places where all I can see in one direction is what (in my belief) the Goddess made. Nature. The beach. The forest. The rolling Smokey Mountains. The desert. It’s really exciting for me to get to live in a climate where my seasonal depression will be more low key.

Click here to read the whole article.

Remembering Bryn

I met Bryn almost ten years ago at a Mixer party (I think that’s what it was called) at Levi Braslow’s loft apartment. I thought she was a cisfemme who was really into conventionally masculine trans guys but it turned out she was trans. It took me a few weeks, she told me and laughed at me. She also didn’t tell me she was HIV positive until years after we met (she got progressively more out about it). She moved from rural Ohio to Michigan to New York City, if I’m remembering the whole trajectory. Even though she was from Ohio she was in rural Appalachia and definitely identified strongly with my West Virginia loves. She was queer country, through and through.

Bryn was slow to get to know. I was in the phase of my life when we met (around 26/27) that I was quick to make friends. If I thought you were awesome I would trust you right away. She was more like a cat who comes into the room you’re hanging out in, scopes it out, but it takes a long time to hang out and chill. We talked about that, years later, when I realized that my overly trusting nature was getting me fucked over by people. She and I agreed there was probably a healthy middle between her inclination and mine. I wonder if that shifted for her?

My Website is Having Issues

Hey y’all. Been having some difficulties on the back end of my website. I run Wordpress, and have since the beginning of this blog in 2008. In the past almost eight years I’ve had four big issues, three with hacks and now some backend weird issue with memory allocation. I’m still trying to get it figured out through the Wordpress tune-up service from my host. They migrated my site to a new dedicated Wordpress server, so folks who have my site cached might have to do some kind of cleansing to get to my site again. Cleansing is good for you? I’m trying to adjust my attitude to seeing this as a positive thing, even though it’s stressful to be on the road and trying to manage stuff from afar. Also I got sick in Illinois and it’s cutting our trip short. More on that later!

I would love to have a Wordpress expert person on call who can help me with this stuff as it pops up. (It always happens kind of urgently and I scramble to get someone to help.) Also looking for advice from folks who have blogs with lots of hits about how you handle your backend web stuff. Anyone out there know of a Wordpress expert who is taking new clients let me now. queerfatfemme at gmail

Until it all gets fixed, please be patient if you find weirdness trying to read entries on the site. And greetings and happy new year from Truth or Consequences, NM, where I have spent the past 18 hours sleeping, resting, and healing in the magical hot springs water of Blackstone Hot Springs!

Remembering Ellie

Cancer has claimed another amazing queer pal of mine at a young age.

Ellie Conant was a kind, magical creator of community space. Her parties (Choice Cunts, among others) were legendary in the NYC queer scene when I moved to town and I was honored to join her as a party creator. She was exciting to party with and really fun to be around. She was the kind of person who showed up and instantly made you feel like a friend. And even though maybe you never ended up grabbing that coffee together because. NYC. Busy. We saw each other in crowded bars, clubs, community events and always shared squeezes and managed to have a five minute meaningful conversation.

Click here to read the whole article.

See You Laters instead of Goodbyes: My Last Moments as a New Yorker and First Stop on the Road

Pro-tip: if you know someone going through an intense cross-country move, text them “How can I help?” Pro-tip: if you are going through a cross-country move and someone asks how they can help, take them up on it. I have had to work through some intense “I’m an independent babe, I need to appear perfect” in order to be in a place to receive help. I’m so glad I have done that work because we really needed that help. If I had said, “No, we’re okay!” I would have lost out on hanging out with Victoria AND likely devolved into sobbing and fighting with Dara.

Click here to read the whole article!

New Episode of the Lesbian Tea Basket: Adagio Christmas Tea Sampler

In this episode of the Lesbian Tea Basket, I review the Christmas teas sampler! I also used those teas to serve festive iced tea at my birthday party over the weekend.

Click here to read the whole article!

I Tackled the Bin: Loving Myself Through Paper Adulting

I used to think that going to the dentist was my least favorite adulting task. I can’t believe I have to go and pay money for the privilege. I mildly resent it even though I really like my dentist, I just hate that it has to happen.

Now I realize that filing is absolutely my least favorite task. Filing and it’s supremely aggravating cousin, dealing with the mail.
Click here to read the whole article.

Queer and Indie Holiday Gift Guide!

It’s Cyber Monday again (I kind of still hate that it’s a thing now but it’s a thing now). I believe in putting a dam in Capitalism wherever possible. If I have some wealth, I am going to redirect it to prioritize helping the lives of small businesses, especially those run by queers and POC. […]