Bevin's Blog I'm blogging the relentless pursuit of my joy

2021-09-05

Debbie Harry and the Owls

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — Bevin @ 2:19 pm

Every single day I leave my house, whether I want to or not, to go on a walk in the forest. Typically it’s during Golden Hour so I can connect to the sunset and am most likely to see banana slugs if they grace me with their presence.

I am always listening to music on a bluetooth speaker because there are cougars, coyotes, bears and other predators I don’t want to run into and I think they’ll avoid me if they hear me coming. They don’t want to run into me, either.

Yesterday as I was entering the forest from my neighborhood Heart of Glass by Blondie started playing. I thought about the first time I was at a party with Debbie Harry.

They just kept passing out free drinks! It was like Wonderland!

I was 29 years old in New York City and at my first celebrity party. Many years before I adopted the mantra “I belong in every room I walk into” (THANK YOU Myleik Teele for this gem and everything you have taught me). I was STUNNED to be in that room but loved every minute.

It was a party celebrating the opening of Cathy Opie’s mid-career retrospective at the Guggenheim and my group wasn’t technically on the list for the after party but we knew people who were there who said we should come to the bar at the Maritime hotel.

Hot party tip for post-pandemic times–if you show up looking cute and say the right names to the door person they might let you in. We got in! I saw Debbie Harry, a childhood idol! John Waters was there, too. I was very very excited.

My friend Silas Howard in front of a portrait of him from Cathy’s exhibit at the Guggenheim!

Cell phone photos were bad at that time and I don’t take pics of celebs without their consent but just seeing cool folks I recognized who made work I admired was a thrill.

Back to last night. I walk into the forest having had that memory. A little down the path I heard the first few bars of James’ Laid and started dancing–I startled a big bird that flew across my path.

Instead of disappearing into the woods it landed on a branch nearby and watched me. Well, we watched each other for ten minutes. It didn’t seem to care that I danced and played music. I took grainy cell phone photos. She was as into spying on me as I was marveling at getting to see her.

She moved her head around with that adorable flat face. I don’t know what kind she was, much smaller than the only other owl encounter I’ve had in the forest (a Great Horned Owl–freaking HUGE).

It was magical. I was radiating joy at seeing her.

It occurred to me that I felt as thrilled to see an owl in nature as I was to see Debbie Harry at a party. And between living in NYC and LA I’ve been to more parties with Debbie Harry than I’ve encountered owls in the wild.

My goal is to encounter way more owls and maybe post pandemic sometime just have a conversation with Debbie if she’s into it. Never any pressure. I’m the gal at the party in the far corner having conversations not mingling in the crowd. Big crowds are not my thing anymore.

It is my practice to set an intention for my forest walks, usually it’s to get to joy and wonder. In a pandemic when the world is falling apart, healthcare systems are collapsing and the government is abandoning the most vulnerable, this practice is truly about exercising my own mental and emotional strength so that I may continue in my work tomorrow.

I believe that when we feel joy, we enable the universal consciousness to use our energy to empower others. Like a battery on a Prius replaces the need for fossil fuel in a hybrid engine. Little kids radiate joy all the time like this–they are closer to the consciousness than most of us. As grown-ups we lose our play and our curiosity if we don’t cultivate it.

Your suffering alleviates nothing for others. Your joy is inspiration to others to find theirs. Prayer and joy are frequently the most powerful thing we have to offer in a world turned upside down so it might come together in a better more sustainable way.

We did not come here to fix a broken world. We came here to create the world of our dreams.


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2021-04-12

Where to find Bevin these days

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Bevin @ 9:48 pm

My blog is dusty and it’s been awhile. A friend of mine said in a throw away comment, “Blogging is dead,” and I kind of agreed with her.

It’s definitely not like it was. Attention spans are even shorter and there are so many places on the web that house content that blogs have to be kind of exceptional to be a thing anymore.

And here’s the thing, there’s only one Bevin! And I’m still in the relentless pursuit of my joy. That’s where this blog came from, chronicling the relentless pursuit of my joy. In so many forms!

I started a blog during law school in 2002 on a website called Diaryland–RIP all of those drag king stories! Eventually I stopped performing drag, started a podcast and then started this blog here at Queer Fat Femme dot com. Then I started Rebel Cupcake my monthly body positive queer dance party in Brooklyn, stopped doing that podcast (RIP FemmeCast: The Queer Fat Femme Guide to Life), then stopped doing Rebel Cupcake monthly and focused on my then-partner’s cancer treatment, then I started Dollypalooza and moved to LA with said partner, started my tea company and Fat Kid Dance Party aerobics, shelved the tea company so I could focus on my start-up, got engaged, planned a wedding while teaching weekly in LA and touring FKDP all over the US, broke up with said partner (RIP that Dollywood wedding), started a new podcast and kind of lost my blog mojo while my life was falling apart in LA and I moved to live down the street from my mom.

I’ve been living up here since right before the pandemic started and living in the forest on the Olympic Peninsula is truly the greatest living situation for me. I’m feeling pretty peaceful most of the time.

In this day and age so many folks are called “content creators” and “influencers” and since I’ve been creating content on the internet for so long I think I get to decide what it is that I do. And this has always been about passing the peace. I figure out how I found some peace for myself and I share the recipe.

I called this blog QueerFatFemme because at the time there weren’t a lot of out of the closet fat femmes creating in the world. I thought if I shared my story at the intersection of those identities I’d help folks open their hearts and minds about a different kind of life and or show possibilities out there to other queer fat femmes. That’s still true! But the URL does feel a bit like an itchy sweater now.

I am definitely all of those things–queer, fat and femme. But there are tons of other identities that take up as much space or more than those in my heart and mind! I felt like it was a total coming out about using cannabis (for me it’s medicinal and I think most cannabis use is medicinal whether folks see it like that or not). I really wrestled with how much to share about being spiritual. That my newfound connection to the Goddess would drive people away. I started on that path in 2011 and it has created such a depth in my experience of the world. Honestly, I would have given up on Fat Kid Dance Party if it didn’t feel like a calling.

My work passing the peace, creating content, teaching aerobics–all of it feels like a ministry. Teaching folks how to love their bodies is pretty sacred work, in my opinion. And if it hadn’t been for my Patreon subscribers I couldn’t have kept this going with the pandemic canceling my tour. (THANK YOU to all of the babes who trust me to provide them self care!)

In the information age we are all voting with our dollars. Where we spend our money and the subscriptions we maintain are part of creating the world we want to see. I feel so honored to continue to create and thanks to Patreon be able to be a digital nomad–when travel is ethical again.

These days here’s where I’m creating:

Patreon.com/fldp for on demand aerobics videos, zoom aerobics classes and spiritual self care practice how to videos

You tube for free movement videos, vlogs, live podcast recordings

Podcast for chats with my friends who are all at marvelously different intersections of identities and pursuits! And occasional solo episodes about whatever I’m growing through or body image

Email list–described as “always informative never intrusive” by a reader, I usually send out one maaaaybe two a week

Instagram! (@bevinsparty) I just really love IG stories and am a dedicated daily forest dancer so you’ll find my stories pretty much always on and full of forest stuff and uplift and growth. Fat Kid Dance Party has an IG @fatkiddanceparty and so does my cat Biscuit Reynolds @biscuitreynolds

Tik Tok (@bevinsparty): So far I think Tik Tok is about being yourself, adding value and having a good time so that’s what I’m up to over there.

Twitter is an aggregate of stuff I’ve published. @bevinsparty

Glowing Goddess Getaway! This cannabis sisterhood has been such a wonderful community! I am stoked to get to be a Goddess Guide. The gatherings this year are going all have a digital component with three in person covid safe gatherings. I’m suuuuper excited about it and am having to work on not foreboding joy about it because I am afraid they will get canceled again this year. Dates will be released on their Instagram @glowinggoddessgetaway on 4/20.

You will also find me doing yoga on the forest floor, and walking daily in the forest. Having a dedicated daily outdoor movement commitment makes a huge difference in my mental health. Even if it’s just doing corpse pose on a tarp, it’s breath and body connection. I feel so blessed that I live in the forest. I heal in it daily.

A couple summers ago I changed my name on IG to @bevinsparty which was mostly because I think there are a ton of visible queer fat femmes out there I don’t need to be “the one” with the IG name. So I changed it.

The most meaningful thing I do is bring people together to have fun and do good in the world. I overheard someone say at my house once “Did I meet you at Bevin’s party or are you from TV?” and “Bevin’s party” as a meaningful place someone met someone cool sounded like true music to me.

(The answer was they were from TV. Living in LA was fun! I’m excited to visit and create there again when it’s less pandemicky.)

I tried doing daily letters to my future kids during the pandemic on this blog last summer but it became stressful. I shifted that to paper journaling.

I want to talk about the things going on right now. I think I have value to add. So be on the lookout for recipes, thoughts, stories and small business shopping guides.

Here’s to beginning again, with the Aries New Moon!

Quarantine mermaid hair, photo taken a couple days ago in front of these poppin’ Rhodedendruns. Washington State flower.

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