Hey everybody! I’m Bevin! I’ve been writing this blog since 2008 and so much of who I am has changed!
Since the beginning of this blog I’ve always been writing about the relentless pursuit of my joy. I have stumbled a lot, I’m still so far from perfect, but I am committed to getting 1% better every day. Time for a fresh intro post.
I am thriving in this pandemic. [I’m mad at/about the world for a little bit each day but mostly I’m thriving.] I think I may have figured some stuff out and want to share! I had to figure out my own unique way to thrive but maybe I can inspire you to figure out what makes you thrive!
I don’t really identify as an “influencer” I just want to be a good influence in the world. I figure out how to find peace in my life and I share the recipe. Passing the peace! It’s what I have always been up to on this blog, throwing parties, podcasting, performing, teaching aerobics!
In 2021 I read the book Professional Troublemaker: The Fear Fighter Manual by Luvvie Ajayi Jones! It’s fabulous please buy a copy!
It took me a month to finish chapter one because I took her first assignment really seriously. Luvvie has you write an Oriki–she details the assignment in this blog post if you want to make one of your own. I highly recommend it! When you choose what you identify as you speak life into that identity and it shapes your future.
The Oriki I wrote from that exercise sums up the identities I’m choosing that matter to me in this lifetime. I had to release a lot of perfectionism (the agony of forgetting something! mitigated by a lot of grace and willingness to start before I am ready). I can always change this as I discover new things about myself or integrate more forgotten childhood parts of me. But for now here’s what I’m affirming to myself about myself.
I am Bevin! Of House Fat Kid Dance Party
First of her name!
Mother of Muppets
Queen of the Fairies
Head Cheerleader
Doctor of Laws
Lifter of Spirits
Warrior for Self Love
Deliberate Dancer
Now I shall explicate for you!
I am Bevin! Of House Fat Kid Dance Party
I don’t use a last name, I’m mononymous like Prince or Cher. So for house I chose my beloved first child, my aerobics company. At some point I will marry and receive another house or camp or whatever we’re gonna call it.
Mother of Muppets
If you’ve been around this blog or my presence on the internet before 2018 you probably met my beloved Shih Tzu Macy, my cats Bear or ALF! My only pet right now is Biscuit Reynolds. They all look like Muppets.
I also excitedly look forward to having human kids join my life in the next decade and I hope my kids will grow up each uniquely muppety. The Muppets are fun and cute and original. I also intend to age as well as Miss Piggy.
Queen of the Fairies
I study Prince a little bit every day and he was super into teaching us our sovreignty. I would encourage you to find a sovereign title that fits into your Oriki. I like Queen.
When I have received atunements (as a Reiki Master and other energy healing modalities) I was getting messages through my teachers about how aligned I am with the fairies. So I started studying their medicine.
I’m very into healing with plant medicine and I think the fairies have a big role in those types of medicines. They reveal the truth and the truth sets you free. As I say when I teach a party walk at aerobics–you learn to walk when you’re a toddler but you learn to party every day you release caring about what other folks think about you.
This is defintiely an earth magic kind of identity but also a totally queer identity. I am a product of the queer and social justice ancestors and carry that energy and flamboyance into everything I do.
Head Cheerleader
Fat Kid Dance Party is a business I’ve thrown everything I have into (and then some). I decided my “job” at the company is Head Cheerleader. I like cheering! I like dancing! The whole company exists to facilitate me teaching these one of a kind aerobics three times a week. I also wanted to be a sideline rhyming cheerleader in high school but never bothered to try out because of money and being fat. I get to be a Head Cheerleader forever now. I need to get a cheer sweater.
Doctor of Laws
I have my Juris Doctor degree. I still owe all that debt (no refunds on school tuition) even though after fifteen years of practicing I gave up my law career. Lawyers have four times the national rate of suicide and an astronomical divorce rate. I developed a chronic digestive disorder and mental health struggles working as an attorney. I’m really glad I took that leap and left the profession to chase my dream!
Anyway, I may not practice law but that Doctor of Laws–sing it with me–they can’t take that away from me!! And I worked hard for it.
Lifter of Spirits
I choose to live a life that is a blessing to other folks. Kind words, compliments, telling people I love them. Grief either makes you bitter and closed off or you double down on loving other people. I started losing friends as a young adult and I chose double down on loving.
Warrior for Self Love
A decade ago an article about me and my blog called me that. I thought it was charming and I do have a warrior spirit.
People try to drag a fat girl out here challenging the status quo. I’m a fighter. I’m getting better and better at failing and popping right back up. Shame is what keeps me down but everything we are ashamed of was taught to us by people or systems.
The only two fears humans have naturally is falling and fear of loud noises. I had to stop letting the fear of what other people think keep me frozen! Reminding myself daily (yeah, Luvvie says to recite your Oriki daily) that I’m a warrior gasses me up!
Deliberate Dancer
When I was writing this I knew dance had to be in there. It was a true moment of personal liberation in 2002 when I started to really embrace dance floor freedom. It made all the difference in how my body moved around in the world. Now two decades later I am dancing for my own mental health at least 60 seconds a day, usually five minutes to an hour.
And teaching dance aerobics! If you had told NYC Real Estate Attorney Bevin in a rent stabilized apartment in Brooklyn 7 years ago I’d move to LA and become an aerobics instructor I would have laughed. And YET! Here I am. It doesn’t matter if I’m a good dancer, it only matters that I show up–deliberate.
Starting to care about how I talked to myself and doing rituals like this Oriki every day have had a tremendous impact on my self image. And self image is the fuel that gets you back up when you get knocked down.
I called this blog queerfatfemme back when I used to care a lot about identity politics because embracing who I was set me free! I grew up in a time (80s/90s) with NO queer representation in media or body liberation politics on mainstream talk shows. I met queer fat femmes and it set me free. I always wanted to be that possibility for someone–a friend on the internet that was an example of how just one queer fat femme person might live. There are soooo many queer fat femmes out there in the world I’m in no way representative of anyone but me.
I use fat as a neutral descriptor of body size. Just like tall and short. It’s just a way bodies are. When you look at actual human diversity we are all supposed to be different–by design!
Since 2017 have I been out about using cannabis. I use it for grief, depression, anxiety, pain relief, muscle recovery, to connect to god, as a bitch be gone tonic. I got penalized for cannabis content just yesterday on Instagram. Nice reminder to create more for the platforms I run than the Zuckerberg apps.
I want to encourage YOU to be the best YOU that you can be. Thrive on those fools who underestimate you! Own your truth!
Hope you find some healing here, some ideas for how you can thrive in the pandemic, maybe a new recipe or two.
If you want me to be a good influence in your life you could: Listen to my free weekly podcast episodes, check out my epic you tube archive of videos, attend my on demand aerobics classes filmed in the woods and zoom aerobics classes, Join my Patreon (I’m an artist entirely supported by Patreon and tons of content there I don’t share anywhere else), connect with me on the glowing goddess getaway discord, subscribe to my email list, follow me on IG (I give good IG stories), follow Fat Kid Dance Party on IG or Biscuit Reynolds.
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