My First Date in 1998 was Practical Magic – The Relentless Pursuit of my Joy

One of the wildest parts of being in my forties is my massive memory bank. Everyone is different, of course, but I am struck by what ends up being a core memory that I don’t lose to time and the distractions of current life challenges.

Hi! I’m Bevin! I want to be a good influence on you. Photo by Mackensey Alexander.

I waited what seemed like forever to start dating (a post on being a “late bloomer” to come). I was a Junior in college and 19 years young when I fell for a smart, hilarious, deep Scorpio skateboarder. We were already in love and dating but hadn’t had a “date” yet and went to see the 1998 hit Practical Magic.

I am a Scorpio Moon and Venus and if you don’t know astrology that means I am deeply romantic and the loudest way I love is to pay attention and really seek to know someone. That relationship was only four months and the heartbreak over it took at least double or triple the time to release. (“Did they break your heart or break your expectations?” I would learn to ask myself later.)

I have fondly remembered that Practical Magic date for many years, count that movie as one of my favorites and when faced with the opportunity to see the sequel I got in my head about “making it special.”

I don’t have any 1998 photos digitized but here is a 2002 photo in a shirt for my drag king troupe. I am always low key thinking about lining underneath my eyes again.

I am definitely the kind of person who will see a movie in the theaters alone. But this felt like it was going to be noteworthy. Like how did I spend my one wild and precious first time seeing Practical Magic 2 the 28 years later sequel!

I started to spiral about it.

I long to be the kind of person who can tell myself “It’s not that deep” but I am incredibly sentimental and it is that deep, to me.

I haven’t been on a proper romantic date in nearly a decade and it still baffles me that in all my nearly seven years in the Pacific Northwest I haven’t even found a lesbian tech divorcee to hook up with! (Dating is hard in any time of life but I think this middle part is especially rough, only magnified by *sweeping arm gesture* facts and circumstances of the 2020s. I am not alone!)

While I know my worthiness has nothing to do with whether I ever date again, it feels tender!

In addition to that, nothing seems to be flourishing the way I had hoped career wise and that is tender to me, too! My therapist would ask me to ask myself “is this true? What are the facts?”

My mental and physical health are both excellent and that has been the primary focus in these last few years. I tried “success” in ways that didn’t support my health and wellness and I had to redefine success. The emotional work to redefine success is a slower process than the intellectual work!

If I have learned anything from slowing down mental health affecting spirals it is to focus on what is working and be gentle with what is not working.

So even though I spiraled, I called a support person, talked it out and most importantly, cried it out! I had a tantrum, called her, cried a bunch and actually felt way better the next day. About everything.

Sometimes there isn’t a solution that comes we just need to release the Feels and then keep going. Radical acceptance and plausibility defiant optimism are my aspirational attitudes. A solutions mindset is somewhere in that venn diagram.

Post-cathartic meltdown AND a good night’s sleep, I looked up our local drive-in (it is FORESTED and VINTAGE and TEN BUCKS) and Practical Magic was playing there Sunday on opening weekend. I texted all the witches I know locally and one of my friends came! She brought devils club and chaga chai tea in a thermos! She brought snacks, her hubby and dog in their van. We sat on an inflatable couch with a portable radio to hear the movie. It was the perfect temperature outside to wear a blanket hoodie and use one of my friend’s blankets on my knees.

The drive-in had CROWS that were hollering as I drove in and got settled. Because we were outside of the car on the inflatable bench my friend thought ahead to blow up and put in back of the van I got to watch the sky and the clouds broke to reveal stars before the end of the movie. (I loved the movie and it does have a slow series of scenes a couple times towards the middle end. That was a fun time to gaze up and watch the Goddess do her thing in the sky.)

I have a cute pic with my friend from that night. It is a forever memory. The movie is about sisterhood and choosing our sisters and I loved that I saw it with a friend on a sweet date and we even wore witch hats! And drank literal medicine from the same forest we were watching the movie in!

I can’t wait to see this movie again and watch it every year like I do Practical Magic!

Also have you seen Rachael’s new house?