(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)
Dear Kids:
I was speaking with one of my advisors today about communicating with folks that I’m thriving in a compassionate and kind way.
I think it’s hard for folks to want to do or be something different than their peers. There’s a lot of pressure to conform–often we’re raised to believe conformity = belonging = safety. There’s an inherent need for humans to belong and connect, but I don’t think it comes from conformity. I think connection comes from seeing the human being on the other end of communication and seeking to understand their perspective.
I’m thriving but I’m nowhere close to where I want to be in my life. Thriving for me means I’m feeling a vitality, an aliveness, hope for the future, I’m following through on the commitments I’ve made to myself and my loved ones, I’m taking great care of myself.
Given how unprecedented this pandemic is and how off things are from where most folks wanted their year to be, lots of people are understandably depressed, anxious or worse. But just because that’s true for other people doesn’t mean it needs to be true for me.
I learned in Al Anon recovery that just because someone else (especially a significant other/family member) is having a bad day doesn’t mean I need to have a bad day.
I have also learned that it’s kind to express things with compassion. I don’t just holler out to someone who is going through tragedy or tough times “HEY MOFO I’M THRIVING!” But I can still express my enthusiasm for where I’m going and how I’m feeling from a genuine place instead of feeling a need to downplay. Sometimes it’s more appropriate to say it as “I’m actually doing really well emotionally now after a really tough year.”
I’ll say to you–I had the hardest year of my life in 2019. It prepared me for continued uncertainty.
I lost about a third to a half of my projected 2020 income within the space of a week. But, I have multiple sources of income and could shift my focus to that. I had strong routines. I had a lot of mental health supportive self care. I had strong leadership in my life. And now, five months into this quarantine, I feel thriving.
Anyway, I hope you never let the “crowd” tell you how to feel. I hope you dig within yourself and find a way to feel hope and optimism no matter what is going on outside of you. It’s true that it really will all be okay in the end. And if it’s not okay it’s not the end.
xoxo,
Mom
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