Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2020-07-12

Life is Lifing at you

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Bevin @ 7:50 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

Life is always going to life at you.

It took me until about a year ago to realize that I frequently assumed emotionally that once I got through this next struggle that I would cease to struggle or experience problems. Pretty much, there’s always something.

But, since I’ve survived all of my hardest days, and life hasn’t stopped lifing, that’s what motivates me to get judicious about what I consider a “problem.”

My inner people pleaser and controller deeply wants to identify problems at every turn. Criticism as a form of love is an ancestral pattern I am ending in my generation, which centers from my thought life.

Asking myself, “How important is this?” when I perceive a problem or someone else wants to make something a problem. The real stuff is what life is lifing at you (friend in the hospital, family member in hospice, job lay-off, rugs pulled out from under you) and the other stuff is a distraction from your purpose.

Everyone’s purpose is different, everyone’s bullshit threshold is different. But the less you get way laid by it the more peaceful life can become.

Find the sweetness in the hard times, the joy in the moment, the peace of nature. Stargaze whenever possible, especially when you are going through a tough time. Cannabis and psalm 65 helped me a lot late last year after seismic changes in my life. I just needed hope and to believe it wasn’t the end and it helped me keep going.

Today I’m thinking about life lifing because of a lot of life lifing to folks around me. I’m interacting with other people asking myself “How can I bring value to this person,” because I don’t know how much life is lifing at them. It’s helping me stay really kind, during this pandemic where fear of covid wants to create a fear between people.

Super odd time. I hope you take me up on stargazing, and I hope you wish on every shooting star you see.

xoxo,

Mom

Up at 9am to help mom unload a full truck bed of alder chips. She does a lot of epic garden projects.

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-11

I’m starting to understand why people won’t wear masks

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 5:02 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

Since my last letter I’ve really gone down the rabbit hole of curiosity trying to figure out what is causing people to be reckless about mask use and social distancing. This is my methodology as an artist, leader and healer. I get curious about something and follow those curiosities while seeking to understand.

Yesterday I went out into the world. First to the closest town, about a half hour away from my forest home. Then I drove an hour to the closest Trader Joe’s because it had been 4 months and I needed Everything But the Bagel seasoning.

Washington State’s leadership has been committed to data and science to guide their regulations and I’m so glad. We recently went to 100% mask requirement in public establishments. Which is fantastic because it helps prevent transmission.

I was standing in line at the local food Co-op waiting for the water filling station and had the opportunity to observe who tried to come into the store without a mask. Within the 20 minutes I was standing in the foyer, masked up and social distancing in line, I heard two different white women argue with the person at the door.

The person at the door was so polite when she told folks coming in without masks that they are required to have one or a face shield on in order to enter. They even provided a face shield or a mask if folks didn’t have one–free of charge.

Neither of these women was willing to wear a mask. One woman kept going on and on that she spoke to the Governor’s office and she “had their number” and the Governor said she could do what she wanted to because she’s disabled.

The woman at the front offered that someone could shop for her in the store, but the non-mask wearer refused so the woman went to get a supervisor, who took the woman outside of the store to tell her whatever she did that made the non-mask wearer give up and leave.

The second time it happened the objection was, “My mask is my immune system.” And she said, “I guess none of these people [gesturing to the masked shoppers] has an immune system.”

Wildly ignorant. I also saw a video of a third white woman at a dentist’s office refusing to get her temperature taken or wear a mask.

I am loathe to believe in binaries, but I do think that we’re in a spot in our society (at least in the US) where we’ve got folks who are masking and socially distancing and folks whose personal autonomy is more important than the effects their choices have on other people.

My friend and brilliant herbalist Colelea said that she thinks the enormity of what’s going on is greater than what people can accept. It’s kind of like not wanting to feel the pain and stubbornly refusing to understand what’s happening.

At the outset of the quarantine I felt a lot of compassion for folks in active addiction that requires being out in public like sex/love addicts, gamblers, alcoholics who go to bars. That kind of thing. Addiction is frequently about distraction from pain and being forced to be at home… there’s nowhere to go but inside.

I have to wonder if that’s the same inclination that’s getting people to break quarantine? I’ve already known folks who had folks in their quarantine pod put them in danger because they were sneaking off and tindering.

You don’t wear a mask for yourself you wear it for other people. It’s like avoiding drunk driving–obviously you’re putting yourself in danger but folks who didn’t make the choice to drive drunk don’t deserve to die because of your poor decision making.

Anyway, I have no grand answers except that what these whiny white ladies have in common is a level of panic and self-righteousness in their voices that screams to me their pain at a loss of control.

Here’s to being a “people first” person and being part of collective work so we all have a better shot at staying alive and keeping the most vulnerable around us alive.

xoxo,

Mom

Driving on a road trip (even to the grocery store an hour away) was a nice break, but I was super glad to go detox from people in the forest last night.

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-10

I found myself craving the News lately

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 12:18 am

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I stopped listening to or consuming the news in September, 2016. I had been slowly realizing that the news felt as toxic to me as I once experienced diet and weight loss ads. I think it was the swift uptick in hearing the voice of then candidate Donald Trump and the fascination with the horse race but not the actual issues of the election.

I don’t live in a special bubble with no news. I do still connect to friends and have enough smart folks in my life that the right information comes across my path. I read articles from trusted news sources if I think it will benefit me or I have curiosity. I watched the murder of George Floyd because a trusted journalist friend posted the link to CBS news.

If I really need to know something there are folks who know to directly communicate that to me.

There’s a very small percentage of the information shared on the news of something I “need” to know. In fact, there’s way more than you can possibly consume of news available and most of it is designed to scare you so they can sell more advertising.

I bring this up simply because I found myself craving news recently. Mostly about the pandemic and the mounting death tolls, the record setting days of new Corona cases many of the early re-opened states are posting. Florida’s caseload went up so much it’s more than 1,900% in a week.

I got curious about what was happening because re-opening feels so unwise. I have so much privilege to work from home, I obviously don’t have my event income which has been a hardship, but I have intentionally shifted my focus to things I can do online.

I truly wonder about the people who are going to restaurants and bars, who are partying on Fire Island and who are putting themselves and others at risk.

This is like a group project we all started and a lot of us are wondering why so many people got up from the table. I wonder do they feel invincible? Do they think this is made up? I understand people needing to go back to work and I don’t judge them, but I am really curious about the partiers. And I say this as someone who was dubbed the “Plus Size Party Girl” by Time Out New York. I get partying, I love to socialize. But not if it risks death or serious injury to me or others.

Is death not serious to people? There’s a quote that roughly goes, “Tough times create tough people, tough people create good times, good times create weak people, weak people create tough times.”

Anyway, that’s what’s on my heart today. A genuine and rare desire to consume the news to gain more understanding about what the effects are of the capricious attitudes of a few folks.

I think the majority of people are still staying home. But with talk of opening schools again in just a little over a month that feels like another spike waiting to happen.

I guess we’ll see. I’m still living my life with the optimistic attitude that I’ve seen the end of the movie and we win. If we haven’t won, it’s not the end.

xoxo,

Bevin

Daily there is new life in the forest, and fresh decay. Nature forever teaching me about life. Spend at least as much time meditating than watching the news.

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-08

When I’m Grieving I Turn to Two Things

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 11:06 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

Two things that help me with grief the most are talking to my friends and dancing. Right now a lot of people in the world are grieving. Grief about actual death (we’re at 131,000 deaths reported in the US–not including those that weren’t diagnosed which has to be thousands).

Plus regular other human mortality experiences with funeral services put off due to covid quarantine. Without grief rituals it can be harder to move through the difficult feelings.

Plus all the things 2020 might have held for people that got canceled including graduations, weddings, retirements, making a living wage as a performing artist, making a living period. Change is also full of grief, like losing a job.

Dancing, especially opening up my shoulders, is so good to move feelings through me. All of our emotions just want to pass through us. 90 seconds is all it takes for a big feeling to pass. Movement helps those feelings pass before they get to the big feeling part.

Plus endorphins take the edge off grief.

And calling. Connection with other people. It’s why we’re on the planet, to be in relation to one another. All the most life satisfied people talk about how their relationships matter most. Talking to people takes the edge off grief, too. I don’t not talk about what I’m grieving but I don’t focus on it. It helps to be distracted by listening to other people talk about their life!

Call your people. Dance.

Call someone you haven’t talked to in years. Dance.

I think this is the best kind of simple live your best life advice I could give you, for real.

xoxo,

Mom

Sometimes I can see bats diving among the tops of the trees and it is the most magical thing.

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-07

Report from my friend protesting in Tulsa

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Bevin @ 2:41 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I got the chance to catch up with my friend Cris Sardina the other day, the director of Desiree Alliance a sex worker’s rights non-profit I’ve been working with for much of the past decade. I love doing this work, which is mostly spreadsheets and administration, supporting justice that’s important to me.

Cris shared about going to Tulsa, OK (she lives in Arkansas) with her daughter to protest the Trump rally on June 20th. Her reflections on the MAGA (“Make America Great Again”–a euphemism for white) folks were hilarious. “It’s a bunch of drunk white guys not wearing masks.”

Compared with the protestors who she reported were wearing masks and peaceful. Not drunk! And caring for one another–there were folks passing out water, snacks, information. It’s incredible how this movement helps each other.

We talked about the fireworks in urban areas and the coordinated efforts by white supremacist groups to put fireworks in neighborhoods so that it creates battle fatigue in the bodies of folks hearing explosions constantly. (This is a war tactic!)

Her take on how to make real change these days, especially for sex workers, is to get the “old white guys” out of the Senate. One of the many things she’s been doing lately is tweeting at folks running for office to find out who supports the decriminalization of sex work!

I love my work with Desiree Alliance, it’s put me in contact and coalition with some incredible advocates and activists. It’s been rad to see folks I know who work with trans folks of color sex workers who are getting a good amount of donations during this time. Hoping that folks sustain these donations to trans women of color organizing in their communities! Casa Ruby and GLITS to name a couple doing vital work!

Here’s to maintaining friendships and allyship with folks who are out in the world doing different types of protest work. And here’s to my work on the admin side, spent hours on hold resolving an email issue for Cris so she could keep rattling cages doing what she does best.

xoxo,

Mom

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-06

Quarantine Pods

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 5:41 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

Quarantine pods are the new cliques. But, in a life saving, interdependent social support way. Not in the Mean Girls Burn Book popularity contest way.

Things in the coronavirus quarantine land are more concerning than ever, and having the people you’re sharing germy air with requires mindfulness, honesty and trust.

My mom’s/your Nanny’s birthday was yesterday and for her birthday we expanded our pod beyond just the three of us (her spouse and me). Mostly in our neighborhood it’s easy to stay socially distanced and wear masks to have gatherings. But for her birthday we expanded to include two couples who are dear friends and who had gone through a 14 day quarantine and wear masks 100% of the time in stores and exercise the same caution we do.

It felt risky, but low risk. Worthy of consideration, of course. And we were outside with them but still, it was risk and needed consideration. It reminds me so much of safer sex conversations and harm reduction theories from being a young queer adult. What risk factors are at play, how much do you trust the person you’re connecting with to be honest about their behavior?

I know from friends who have expanded their pods for others and then closed up after risky behavior (e.g. going to a protest, going on a family vacation) until after a covid test or another 14 day quarantine period. I think that’s wise! And definitely requires good boundaries.

I was already a little nervous about expanding our pod and saw lots of social media about how unsafe folks were being at parties over the 4th of July. We had a spike in cases from Memorial Day I can only imagine what the 4th will be like (and we’ll find out after two weeks).

I read a concerning NBC News article about a guy who after attending a party, contracted the virus and died the day after writing a facebook post publicly apologizing for doing such a risky activity.

The only real “right” thing I can make sense of in these times is to follow my gut instinct, ask questions and rely on trust with people.

But the “right” thing to do has felt like it’s changed a whole bunch during this time, and the kind of scariest part is that most Americans don’t seem like we’re on the same page about what “right” is and we’re fumbling to make anything work to flatten the curve.

I don’t think I’ll regret expanding the pod so Mom could be surrounded by a few folks she loves for her birthday. I do think the folks crowding on Fire Island this past weekend might.

I miss the beach and I miss travel and I miss some semblance of control over my circumstances, but I also know that in time we’ll figure this out and know the way forward. The next right step is sometimes all we’re meant to know in a given time.

xoxo,

Mom

Lemon Merengue pie success! My first one! And bought mom some orange blossoms that bloomed just in time for her party!

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-04

This is not a moment it’s the movement

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 7:26 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

Today is the lunar eclipse in Capricorn. It’s also the 4th of July, on one of the most complicated Independence Days of my adult life.

Hamilton just dropped on Disney+ yesterday. I think the perfect timing to watch that musical for the first (or the 4th) time!

I remember when it first dropped it made a big impression on the culture but I was slow to get into the fever of it. I kind of assumed at some point I might see it and then I’d bother listening to the soundtrack.

And then I went on a trip to Israel with one of the original cast members and I decided to give it a shot… and was hooked! It’s such a vital narrative especially during this time of resistance!

I finally got to see it on Broadway due to the generosity of my former mother in law. I loved it even more once I actually saw the musical. I didn’t get to see Oak when I saw it live (he was already in Shondaland). So awesome to get to see the film version of Hamilton with the original cast!

I am excited for the revolutionary message to hit the masses. When I listen to the Hamilton soundtrack it revitalizes me. I have a whole Fat Kid Dance Party choreography I teach to Hamilton. Someday I’d love to do a whole Hamilton aerobics class!!

Hamilton reminds me of legacy. The first part of that is knowing that rabble rousers and resisters existed before us and we build our movements on the work already laid before us. It can feel daunting to dismantle systems of oppression but it’s not work that will start or end with us!

The second part of legacy I think about with Hamilton is the question of what kind of legacy are we leaving? How will you be remembered? What characteristics do you want to have?

If you can answer those questions you can backward map day to day action that will get you there. That’s a powerful lesson I picked up in a training yesterday that parallels Hamilton.

xoxo,

Mom

P.S. Tomorrow is Nanny’s birthday and I made her a surprise birthday eve cherry pie from scratch. It’s hard to surprise her, and it was a really good pie.

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-03

No ray of sunshine is ever lost

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — Bevin @ 6:32 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

Entering month 4 of Covid quarantine soon (I call March 15th, the Ides of March, the moment it became clear we were really doing shelter in place) and it feels scarier now than it did at the time.

I wasn’t keeping these letters then (or journaling as much) so it’s hard to really know. While it seemed daunting and scary to set out to prevent a virus as contagious as this one, it also felt like we were all in this together and it was surmountable to really flatten the curve.

But now that we’re deep into this and so many people have given up quarantine, being really capricious about who they have mask free contact with… it feels scarier. Masks are now mandated by law except how to even enforce that when we are seriously discussing defunding the police.

Defunding the police is a vision of the world with less harm. That requires a level of faith and social services. Right now, we’re dealing with a virus and cloth barriers aren’t even fully protective! I don’t want the cops called on anyone mask or not but certainly I don’t want anyone’s second-hand capricious covid contact.

I have been going to town even less. Getting ever more intentional about how I use my time when I go into town and prepping more so I need make less trips.

I have adopted a defensive driving tact for dealing with people in public. Many folks don’t stay 6 feet away from me, so I back up. I give myself lots of time to get in and out of businesses so I am not time pressured to reach around someone for an item. I just stand back and wait for the crowd to thin. I go into town on weekdays not on weekend when tourists descend.

I make choices about my life so I can be as mindful as possible of other folks. It really feels like a group project we were all working on and, outside of essential workers, those of us wearing masks and continuing social distancing are the ones who were always doing the work on the group project in school with no help from classmates.

I don’t even watch the news but an article from the Atlantic out yesterday about 16 states hitting record Coronavirus numbers is alarming. Hey, not my state (Washington), but people are traveling all over right now.

I am doing what I can control and SMILING is one of the biggest things folks overlook! I have been studying human physiology for success, always improving Fat Kid Dance Party, and learned so much about smiling.

One big component of smiling is eye contact–if you smile and don’t look someone in the eye it doesn’t convey enthusiasm or love. If you give someone eye contact while smiling even behind a mask they still get the similar dopamine zing that they get from the full visual.

Smiling has been a big addition to my covid behavior changes around defensive driving and going slow. Just being sure to add that level of connection to my interactions with other masked people so they feel the love. No ray of sunlight is ever lost.

Plus, smiles are good for the smiler, physiologically, so I’m giving myself a boost by adding a smile to my rituals of going to town. Bust mostly, I’m keeping my human interactions to frequent zoom calls and facetimes with friends and business associates.

xoxo,

Bevin

Grandmother’s lemon merengue pie recipe! I’m making it for my mom for her birthday on Sunday! First time making a merengue in 8 years!

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-02

All About That Bass

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 10:06 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I promised myself I would mention in today’s letter, that I’ve been second guessing myself all day. As soon as I was done with my dancing in the forest video I contemplated reshooting it. I have re-written that last sentence a bunch of times.

Days like that I tend to need to shift gears. Create a new segment, as taught by Esther Hicks. And remind myself that self doubt is human. Action cures fear and worrying about what people think is the root of a lot of suffering.

I was dancing to All About that Bass (really second-guessed the capitalization on the title of this post) because I have been thinking about Covid-19 Weight Gain AKA Corona Weight Gain AKA the Covid 19 AKA the Covid 15 (like the Freshman 15 for the weight gained first year eating in the dorms) AKA Rona Roundness…

People were joking about it at the outset of the pandemic three and a half months ago, but it’s probably happened for some folks. They maybe got a little tummy or their access to their former lifestyle kept them at home and they don’t feel as vital.

I have been the opposite, I was already swimming in uncertainty for a year by the time the quarantine hit. I had figured out that a strong routine and habit stacking was growing me out of my funk and keeping me emotionally stable.

Maybe they feel discouraged because they fell off their routine and their bodies are feeling it.

I was filmed for a documentary about body image and after interviewing dozens of fat people the director told me that most folks learn their body image from their mother. From all of my research about how kids learn most, they learn by who the parent is. I know that my work on myself now is work you don’t have to do.

In my dream scenario you totally love your body exactly as it is no matter what, and you nourish it in ways that make you feel vital and enjoy life. So that’s what I practice.

Shared simple ways to approach a bit of covid 19 weight gain on my podcast. Intentionally made it short. Used it being short as an excuse to second guess myself and want to re-record. I denied the urge. Allowing things to be imperfect or one take wonders is my primary artistic impulse to defeat perfectionism.

Here’s hoping more people dance around in their underwear loving their tummies to All About That Bass. (So inconsistent with that capitalization.)

xoxo,

Mom

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-07-01

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Bevin @ 12:41 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

We are at a really interesting point in the pandemic. I saw a meme the other day that said that the people who are still quarantined and wearing masks are the same people who always did all the work in the group assignments in school.

Couldn’t feel more accurate.

I’m so grateful that I live in a place that is very much a travel destination (the Olympic Peninsula) yet my wanderlust is still piqued. I adore traveling and exploring the world. This is probably the longest I’ve gone without travel in many years.

Prior to the pandemic I was playing with the feeling tone of “vacation” all the time. I never want a life that I feel like I need a vacation from, I want to feel the magic, wonder and relaxation of vacation while truly enjoying the work that I do in the world.

“Be in the Greeting Card” is a method that I’ve been using.

It’s hard not to feel squirrelly when travel is so restricted, whether by law or science. But that squirrelly feeling is actually resistance to being present for whatever is coming up.

The first time I realized I used travel to escape my feelings was when I was traveling almost every weekend after my first fiance and I broke up. After 6 months I noticed (but didn’t change my behavior) that I was probably using it as a distraction. The funny thing is that now that I’ve had 12 more years of emotional development, I know that being present for “unpleasant” feelings is not as hard as I used to think. Certainly the effort I put forth to not feel them was a hundred fold more than if I simply compassionately identified and released the feelings.

I like to treat my harder feelings as tourists in my head and heart. I’m here as a tour guide to find out what’s going on for them, what they are indicating, and allowing them a release. Since my break-up with my second fiance in 2019, I have been working to be present for feelings as they come up.

The really hard ones, the big sobbing, the huge grief. Those go in waves and only take about 90 seconds to clear. I learned that in the book Finding Your Way in a Wild New World and it totally tracked for me. As long as I’m willing to be with the feeling as it passes and not judge it, it can clear and I can release it. It was a powerful realization.

This wanderlust I’m feeling, it’s definitely part of a desire to continue to explore the world. But it’s also a sign that I probably need to go within and examine what’s feeling unsettled with me and what I might be ignoring.

I’ve learned a lot about addiction and what creates it through my work in Al Anon (12 step recovery for family and friends of alcoholics). Addiction frequently acts as a way to distract from actual feelings. I could be doing a daily inventory to find out if my itch to get out of town is indicating something I need to understand about myself or if I just am not used to doing this weird thing of staying home for months at a time.

Finding heaven on earth, experiencing life as a gift every day, that’s a vacation all the time mindset I seek. (Regardless of whether I’m able to travel.) Being willing to get uncomfortable everyday is the growth edge I seek to become 1% better everyday.

The here and now is all you have and if you play it right it’s all you need.

Ann Richards

This quote was from the Holland Taylor one woman show about Ann Richards the former governor of Texas. I captured that quote thinking about how to manage those mountains in the distance. You don’t! You just need to find the solutions available today and when the next set of problems appear (as they always will) trust those solutions to be available then.

So. I sit in month four of quarantine and manage my wanderlust. Learn what it has to teach me and work to feel like I’m living life as a gift every day.

xoxo,

Mom

This morning I swung by a campfire where the arts and crafts task force was experimenting with a wood fire kiln for pottery. I love a campfire at any time of day!!

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-06-30

I hope you dance

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 4:27 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

One of the coolest parts of being over forty is that I have the wisdom of experience to match with my foresight. When I was a young adult I was full of very strong, firm opinions. Those have waned some and become a few core principles and values with a release of caring about the rest of the stuff that doesn’t really matter.

In sum, the more I know the more I realize I don’t know and I don’t need to care so much about the small stuff.

I’m also much more willing to change my mind about things and open to new ways of looking at things with less of a need to snap to judgment. A great centering question series I learned was “Will this matter in 5 weeks? 5 months? 5 years?” That really helped take the rigidity out of my thinking.

The song “I Hope you Dance” by LeeAnn Womack debuted when I was graduating from college and starting law school. I thought it was incredible cheesy but loved to sing along with it anyway.

I heard it again about six months ago with fresh ears. I realized, given that I have a renewed sense of hope that I will have children someday, that I in fact really hope that all of these nuggets of advice in the lyrics are things you would follow.

Children follow your example more than your words. If there’s something that I want you to do, I need to be doing it myself. I audit the lyrics every time I hear it to ensure I am really living all of that out.

I will say this, the lyric “I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance” is a challenge! It can be so daunting for me to think about how far I need to climb, how much more there is to go not just in my own businesses/life but also in the social justice work of dismantling racism and saving our democracy. (I don’t write to you much about the 2020 presidential election but it’s a shit show full of voter suppression right now.)

I continually fear the mountains in the distance, but I also shift my mindset frequently. Lately I’m using a technique called segment intending by Esther Hicks. For each next segment of activity, I audit my mindset and calibrate to a higher vibe and set an intention for how I will feel in a certain period of time. It works when I remember to use it. And it helps reset my energy when anxiety over BIG PROBLEMS starts to flare.

Anyway, the fear might never go away, but what I want you to understand about that lyric specifically is that the mountains don’t need to be solved today, just break it down into next right action. And, even when you feel fear, I want you to do it scared. That’s what courage is, action in spite of fear. (And, action cures fear.)

I hope you dance!

xoxo,

Mom

New dancing fairy theme wallpaper I put up in my trailer.

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2020-06-29

Yes, You Can Totally Change: The Chicks

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 5:30 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I’m in a neighborhood singing group with my mom (your Nanny). I got an email about wanting to sing a new song March, March during our next gathering. I was curious, who is “The Chicks” that sing this? And wow they sound a lot like the Dixie Chicks are they the same group? And if they are how does everyone know the nickname your Aunt Spunky gave them (my bestie Spunky has been calling them The Chicks for years).

I googled and, in fact, the Dixie Chicks changed their name to The Chicks and rebranded because the term Dixie is problematically associated with slavery.

First time we saw The Chicks was in 2016! Aunt Spunky flew down from Sacramento to LA to take me to the concert at the Hollywood Bowl. So grateful for this tender memory!! Have now adjusted our memorial photo to be contemporarily accurate! (P.S. Elle King, who opened for them, is a hottie.)

Rebranding is a big undertaking (as I’ve done a few times). The bigger of an entity you are, it’s a lot to do, and I’m proud of The Chicks for being willing to take that on and reflect the emerging paradigm rather than cling to the dying paradigm because “that’s the way it’s always been done.” Tradition that perpetuates genocide needs to be rethought. And tradition as a reason for not undertaking change is a weak argument.

They followed in the footsteps of Dolly Parton who rebranded her Dixie Stampede dinner theater to “Dolly Parton’s Stampede” back in 2018. When I was googling to get more information about why the term is problematic I found an article that went through some of the backlash Dolly received which is hilarious and not dissimilar to some of the top comments on The Chicks announcement post on Facebook.

One person said about Dolly Parton’s Stampede name change, “That show is funny, simple and clean family fun where no one is insulted.” Incorrect, I say!

I saw that show in 2014–I was offended and wrote a comment card about some problematic tokenizing of Native Americans. And that show is not as funny or as good as her other dinner theater show Celebration! or whatever they are calling it now/if it ever comes back/will we ever gather in public again.

I started this series of letters because things have been changing so fast, I wanted the chance to reflect and share this with you, especially since you might not be born until well after these changes roll out.

For me this has never been about being “politically correct” or performative activism. It’s about how can I as a human being be more kind to other human beings, especially those who are not as privileged as I am.

I hope you always consider doing something that can make the world kinder for others, and reconsider what you’ve already got momentum doing so that you can become kinder. Even if it’s a massive rebranding.

xoxo,

Mom

2018 vs 1998! We have always had a long tradition of singing along loudly to The Chicks and I’m sure Aunt Spunky and I will continue!
Getting to watch Spunky marry the love of her life Max is a highlight of 2020 (we had been visioning for the love of her life since we met in 1998 and he finally came around when we were 39 with two kids)!

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

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