Content Warning: Caregiver abuse
The thing that surprised me most about starting psychic mediumship development class was how many messages I would get from practicing with classmates. Sometimes I will get 4-5 in a class, usually it’s 2. I just didn’t expect all that intel from the other side of the veil.
Almost everyone who knew me as a child has passed to the other side and since I experienced caregiver abuse it does make sense that I would potentially hear from abusers.
Most of my young adult life I was telling myself “It wasn’t that bad so it didn’t affect me.” That was incorrect and in fact it did affect me deeply.
The wounds that separated me from being able to love and trust other people leaked into every area of my life.
My dad’s mom was a March 29th Aries and she and my grandpa drank martinis every night. I had no concept how much alcohol that was until I was 21 and started drinking. In my last conversation with my beloved step mother in person before she passed (I was 19) she told me my grandparents were alcoholics. I didn’t really understand what Liz was saying until I took my first sip of a martini.
Recently I’ve been doing some healing of an ancestral wound on the maternal side of my lineage. (Just putting it out there that we each have DOUBLE the ancestors as our parents. And our kids have double the ancestors we do. The math is nuts—while we don’t cause a lot of the stuff we have to heal it is still our responsibility to do it.)
This healing has involved reliving some caregiver abuse, and I’m always so grateful I have an ongoing biweekly therapy appointment to process.
For me when I open up one can of worms around caregiver abuse the other worms sometimes want to get witnessed.
So when I got this message from another student in my development class of my dad’s mom putting on rose hand lotion (which would have been my favorite) and sharing the message “She just likes to be at peace with you. Being with you and being peaceful.”
It had me weeping for the rest of class.
This woman, the few months I lived with her, beat me so hard with a wooden spoon it broke. And she punished me for breaking the wooden spoon. I was four years young. I have relived these scenes many times since I’ve been willing to heal from them and it’s rough. Frankly, I wish I could astral project and hand her a joint and take away the martinis.
It just struck me so suddenly when I got this message that her being peaceful with me was something she wasn’t capable of doing when I was little. She was really resentful of my mother for divorcing my dad and took it out on me.
I have always shined a bright light and I can imagine as a little one I was bafflingly loving, darling and sweet.
Some people react really poorly to my light and as a grown-up I am very discerning. But to be trapped in a house with a caregiver who wants to punish light and curiosity is… I don’t have words. Just so much love for that little girl who didn’t deserve it.
So I’m grateful for the message even though I do keep my distance from those ancestors. I love and have compassion for them but I don’t mingle and I don’t even use their last name anymore.
But how sweet to know that this message of peace was brought to me as I was wrestling with a different experience of physical violence from a different caregiver. It was quite healing.
Spirit has a way of surprising us with messages. I feel like I’m on little quests that keep revealing new layers of truth to me. I hope to be brave and willing to continue allowing surprises and witness and believe the truth.
My psychic mediumship practice brings forth messages of love and healing for the highest good. I want to get really good at delivering messages compassionately. A client said of our reading “There was such a realness and depth in the way you showed up with me. I felt held and seen in a way I didn’t expect.”
Book a one on one with me if you’re curious about what messages might be waiting for you!
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