Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone


Don’t Compare Your Insides to Other People’s Outsides

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Bevin @ 3:58 pm

(This post is a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

This month that I began this daily letter writing habit is also a month where I don’t have internet at my house. Due to the quarantine the only internet service provider that works in the remote village in the forest I live in (imagine it like the North Pole but only snowy a couple few weeks of the year) won’t install new service due to stay at home orders.

I would argue that Internet installation is an essential business, but the proprietor did not agree and that left me scrambling when I moved from my sublet to my trailer to get internet.

Mom (who you will probably call Nanny) was kind enough to set up the bedroom of her art studio as my office for the month while we wait for the ISP to install at my trailer. It’s been kind of rad to have a co-working space with my mom and Pat. I run into them way more often since I work an awful lot.

When I first moved up to Washington state to live in their neighborhood, I was curious how our dynamic would be. My mom was my primary influencer the first 17 years of my life, but then I moved away for college and then across the country for law school and the first 20 years of my adult life.

Something that was super interesting to me is that over these past few months as I watch and sometimes help my mom accomplish her goals, I started comparing my results to hers. The goals my mom works on are primarily art projects, service projects for neighbors or gardening projects. It’s fun to see what lights mom up and how much of a diligent worker she is.

However, I’m a Capricorn she’s a Cancer, we’re really opposite people. I’m learning how to tackle big tasks in daily micro chunks instead of fear-based procrastination and slap dash efforts. I’m learning how to deeply prioritize what I am moving forward and be okay with feeling out of balance. (Balance is a myth.)

I noticed, because I was comparing my internal process to my mom’s external results, I was feeling not good enough. That’s an old dusty rusty feeling. I know better than to compare my insides to other people’s outsides, but yet it still happens.

This morning she was explaining her preferred work habit which is slowly and steadily working at a task until it’s done. Verrrry similar to my current aspiration to achieve in a methodical way. But I wouldn’t know that if she hadn’t explained it.

Just a great reminder why it’s not nourishing to “compare and despair” as they say in Al-Anon.

Also, an effective use of time in the Great Uprising is for white folks to set aside 15-30 minutes a day to learning about anti-racism and doing some work to dismantle it. Read a book! Consuming social media about justice! Listening to a podcast about abolishing the police!

Here’s to eating the frog one bite at a time!



Mom’s a wildly talented artist! I’m excited for the body of work she’s leaving us!

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

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