It’s been awhile since I updated the Queer Lexicography here at QueerFatFemme.com and I have been employing some gems in my real life lately that might apply to yours.
Textversation. This is that tendency to use texting like IMing was back in the day. (Remember AOL Instant Messenger?) Some people are more prone to this than others, but I go back and forth. Sometimes I only want to use texting for pertinent information shares, sometimes I want a meaningful conversation to continue. Also, certain couples I know are basically always in textversation with one another when not in the same room.
“We were in textversation for a solid week and then, BAM, nothing for like four days. What happened?”
Victoria setting up Apples to Apples at my birthday party. I want to start using the Queer Lexicography words in Apples to Apples.
Sending the Representative. This is a gem my friend Mackenzi introduced to me about that thing that happens when folks don’t show you who they really are when you date them. A particularly hilarious story accompanies this term that involves a suitor who engaged her intern to burn some cds she could keep in her car that would make Mackenzi think the suitor had good taste in music. It’s such a gift when your beau is being authentic!
“We were really vibing but it turns out they were totally sending the representative and I don’t actually know them at all.”
Sex Vortex. See also Kissing Vortex. This occurs when you’re in the kind of chemical magic with another human that time either stands still or ceases to exist when you’re having sex or kissing. I’ve had this happen to me, where I lose track of time and space, and also where my frien was watching me make out with someone at a dance party and said, “Bev, it was like time was slowing down watching you two.”
“We were supposed to have dinner at 7:30 but we accidentally fell into a sex vortex at 6 and didn’t realize it until 8:30. Oops.”
Me and Sexpert Diana Cage at my birthday party.
DTR conversation. My BFF Spunky and I have been using this for years. DTR stands for Define The Relationship and the DTR CONVO is totally important but not something to be rushed. Being okay with ambiguity is something I’ve acquired over the years (see, why I love a date not a date), after a couple of years of really intense emotional work. But, dang, before I turned 31 I would go crazy without a DTR.
“I’m not trying to have a DTR with you but I need you to not euphemize this as ‘hanging out.'”
Speaking of, let’s talk about the euphemism “hanging out.” I “hang out” with lots of folks. Let’s say I would actually hang out with pretty much all of my facebook friends. But I only sleep with/have slept with a small number of those people. I bristle at that common euphemism because if someone says they’re hanging out with someone I don’t know if they mean just like, chilling, with a friend or if they mean they are going to be doing it.
A friend of mine recently said that about someone she was sleeping with and I said, No, be more specific and she said, “Well, this is a girl I don’t spend money on and I’m not trying to woo. What do we call that? Is that just friends with benefits?” Dear readers who know more slang than I do, is there a term out there that I’m missing? Does everyone use the term “hanging out?” What if you’re not really friends but you just do it sometimes? What if it’s like somewhere before dating? Relationships are so complicated!
“hang and bang”
Whatever you do, do not ask a girl in for coffee after going to a party. I found out this is not code for “having the sex” because she made me coffee and wanted to chat. At two in the morning.
“banging” seems to be the general consensus around here.
I believe the term you’re looking for is “hooking up.” Clearly not dating or serious, but obviously sexual.
Oh or sometimes I will say, We are “HANGING OUT”, complete with air quotes. Or sometimes the opposite. “He and I were “DATING” “, which I think most people read as “banging.” Right?
Haha, I just say, “We’re bangin’ ” if that’s what we’re doing. My girlfriend says “kickin’ it,” but then she also uses “kickin’ it” to mean hanging out, so there’s confusion! Please note I also have pretty much zero tolerance for ambiguity, in any context. [I might be one of those “DTR before the date” kind of femmes, but I mean, it doesn’t have to be a big deal kind of talk or require a relationship counselor. Just like, “Hey lemme make my intentions clear.” I tend to think one date-not-date and a bit of ambiguous feel-it-out texting / emailing / FB posts is cute. Beyond that, and if we don’t end up in bed together but we’re still hanging out, I’m asking for clarification. Self preservation!]