Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2011-10-16

Solicited Advice: Fat Girls In Your Bed/Fat Girls on Your Arm

I love giving solicited advice. I borrowed an advice request from Taueret (AfroTitty over on the Tumblrzzzz) and gave the following advice.

Dear AfroTitty:

hi you ARE sexy but i also have a real question for your queer bodypositive self. i’m talking to this girl who is cute and awesome and also fat, which i think is hot. what do i say when she says she says she’s fat in a sad way? like we just met so i think it’d be creepy to be like hell yeah girl and it’s awesome but also it feels wrong to say no you’re not when i LIKE that about her and there’s nothing wrong with it! help me be sensitive i have no people skills

sundubu

IMG_0780.JPG
AfroTitty at Hey Queen.

*Note from Afrotitty: I got this question a couple days ago and my brain has been a little occupied with navigating the new addition to my personal pronoun roster, so I decided to pass it on my fat comrade, Bevin [QueerFatFemme.com] who is also an expert on getting fat girls into your bed/arms*

Dear sundubu:

Thank you so much for your compliment about Afrotitty. She IS sexy.

I am Afrotitty’s friend and co-worker at Re/Dress NYC and I am also a queer body positive identified person. Congratulations on talking to an awesome cute fat girl! The thrill of someone new and rad is really among one of life’s best feelings.

IMG_0788.JPG
Door queens at Hey Queen! Hana on the right looking ferocious!

Also, go you for coming from a body positive and fat positive space! Fat is awesome! Fat is also a loaded word with a lot of stigma around it that many people do not find empowering. When I say “Hi Fat friend!” to my pals they know I am saying Fat in a way that celebrates and takes back that word. Body empowerment is special and bonding and I find this like the verbal equivalent to a loving belly bump greeting.

I had a really interesting wake-up call recently when my new girlfriend said “You’re not Fat!” to me when I was talking about my fat. I was like “Uh, yes I am. This is my identity and a big part of my politics.” She has dated lots of Fat Femmes but not a Fat Femme who loved her body and had body politics. I had to remind myself to have compassion for her in the journey to understanding the body politics I have been working on for over a decade. She loves my body and is very vocal about it, but sometimes it’s odd to see someone have that visceral bad reaction to the words I throw around because I am used to being in my radical fat queer communities.

That said, remember when you thought Fat was a disempowering word and maybe you weren’t okay with it? If you can put yourself in that position it will enable you to have some compassion for the long journey your cute awesome fat crush is only just beginning. That is IF she chooses to begin it. Lots and lots of folks on the fat spectrum learn about body positivity and don’t choose to love themselves. This is really difficult work, loving yourself and your body in a world that is hostile to all bodies. Stay open and compassionate to the fact that she might need to come around and might never come around.

IMG_0790.JPG
Nogga and Topher at Hey Queen!

In the meantime, you can gently tell her when she uses the term Fat in a derogatory way or is engaging in body shame (or looks at you in shock when you use the word Fat in a positive way) that you think that ALL bodies are valuable and that Fat is an empowering word that describes your body (or if you are not Fat, describes bodies you find attractive and worthy). Also, it is really helpful for people of all bodies to get compliments.

Also, I want to give you some extra support around learning how to be sensitive in interpersonal relations. It is hard! I am a loud, bold, high intensity person and often I have really flunked at sensitivity. But just *wanting* to be sensitive is a good first step. It’s a lot of work to learn and I am still doing it.

So, anyway, sundubu, I wish you the best of luck with this cute awesome fat girl and I hope you get really well laid.

xoxo,

Bevin

IMG_0775.JPG
Me and Princess Tiny and the Meats at Hey Queen.

2011-10-03

Pre-Order Sissy Calendar by Elisha Lim Now!

You might freak out about your 2012 plans if you think about them now (I do), but what better way to queer up that freak out than to pre-order a subversive gender queer celebration of femininity in the form of Elisha Lim’s latest project SISSY: A 2012 Wall Calendar.

“[E}very month brave and beautiful queers talk about sequins, glitter, femininity, insults, courage, happiness and femme pride.”

sissy erika.jpg

“This is about the international queer community, and models from London, Berlin, Montreal and Toronto each express their own identities, which I kept in their own words.”

sissy sze yang.jpg

“This is also a Universal Calendar, so it doesn’t state weekdays and can be re-used to preserve special events every year.”

All pre-orders are $20 and get you a calendar, two greeting cards and you get to support an incredible, dapper, queer, talented Canadian artist.

32123_438857388153_543828153_5599671_5049740_n.jpg
Photo by Quito. From L-R, Heather, Silas, Elisha in the white shirt, Bevin’s back, Nogga.

Don’t spill the beans (she doesn’t read my blog) but I’ll be buying my sissy fag identified girlfriend a copy of this calendar for Smokey Mountain Christmas or yule or whatever we’re going to celebrate.

2011-05-04

NYC May 12th! Queer Performance Night and Dance Party! Rebel Cupcake!

RebelCupcake13

I just realized that I haven’t produced a new podcast in a whole year and my performance night/dance party is celebrating it’s one year anniversary. These are totally related–it takes a lot of work to produce nightlife and it was that production energy that I lost when my drag troupe disbanded that had fueled FemmeCast*. I still envision a time when my work time isn’t in such demand and I can focus on it, but in the meantime I love Rebel Cupcake like a child.

This month I’m excited because three super star pals of mine are participating in the magic of Rebel Cupcake.

Cristy Road is an amazing illustrator, graphic novelist, legendary punk zine producer, and lead singer of the punk band THE HOMEWRECKERS. At Rebel Cupcake she’s bringing a projector and reading from her forthcoming graphic novel about coming out in seventh grade and Green Day.

She also really loves persian cats. I had her over this weekend to hang with my boys.

IMG_9311.JPG
ALF and Cristy are giving such good face!

REVHome.jpg
Look! Cristy’s art is so awesome. She also did the artwork for the cover of the new book co-edited by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha. Go buy it! The Revolution Starts at Home: Confronting Intimate Violence Within Activist Communities

Silas Howard is a filmmaker (if you haven’t seen By Hook or By Crook, it is essential queer cinema and I implore you to buy a copy), writer, and was the guitar player for Tribe8. I mean, he’s a bunch of other stuff, too. He’ll be doing a couple of musical acts with special guests at Rebel Cupcake.

172381_10150119162639386_512354385_6102721_995365_o.jpg
He played Darry Curtis in our queer re-telling of the Outsiders at March’s Rebel Cupcake. Photo by Nogga Schwartz for Rebel Cupcake.

Our regular photographer is recovering from top surgery (get better soon Nogga!) and I am really excited to have invited Amos Mac to fill in this month. You’ll recognize his work from Original Plumbing Magazine, Translady Fanzine and from just being a spectacular photographer.

163717_1678990207252_1012413064_31838680_1538302_n
Me photographed by Amos Mac!

To be honest, I’ve been slow creeping the Stay Gold dance party** in San Francisco for awhile and he was their long-time party photographer. I love his style and was excited to get my picture taken while visiting San Francisco on our Plus Size Party Girl gaycation.

Stay Gold
I count at least five people who used to live in New York City and currently live in the Bay in this picture. Photo by Amos Mac.

I can’t wait to see how Amos captures the Rebel Cupcakes!

Amos Mac B/W
It also doesn’t hurt that Amos is positively dreamy. Photo by Peter Ash Lee.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! A couple of friends suggested a friendly cupcake bake-off. So, I am offering a prize basket full of over $60 worth of cook’s goodies donated by SITE NYC to the winner of our bake-off. If you’re interested get in touch with me! It’s all friendly, winner chosen by ballot of Rebel Cupcake attendees.

IMG_9240.JPGIMG_9241.JPG
Mackenzi and I spent an afternoon selecting the best nightlife cupcake bake-off gifties. Donut water bottle, whip whisk, cupcake bandages, kitsch ‘n’ glam oven mitt, fancy black tote bag.

The bar offers a $6 beer/shot combo all night. All the info on the party is at the Rebel Cupcake page. And if you’re planning a trip to Brooklyn this summer I’ll be hosting one on June 9 and again on July 14th, taking off in August.

*Minus two years in between when I was in love jail a/k/a cotton candy pink sugar pussy brain a/k/a engaged and devoted all my artistic energy to my relationship and playing the Sims 2. He cheated on me and left and I deleted the Sims off my computer and threw myself back into my art. It’s good to be living my truth again.
**When Heather and I were putting together Queer Outsiders we realized Stay Gold was for the line “Stay gold Pony Boy” at the end of the book which just makes me crush a little harder on that party.

2011-03-17

Upcoming Workshop and Performance in Philly Area and Some NYC Shows

Whenever I see the abbreviation STD (Save the Date) it makes me giggle. But that’s what I’m asking you all to do, gentle readers in NYC or Philly or coming to visit either of those places. STD in a totally non disease way.

167937_500891939693_598884693_5925795_1455052_n
Photo by Miki Vargas for Hot Box.

TOMORROW! Friday, March 18, 2011 * Brooklyn, NY
Nogga Schwartz Presents
TaTa Titty Party and Houseboy Raffle
8PM-3AM Dancing * $5-$10 sliding scale
Marilyn Mansion: 326 E. 17th St, Brooklyn, NY (Ditmas Park)

It’s going to be a blast! More info on my calendar page!

I am super excited to be presenting a workshop and performing at this awesome conference. I’ve been prepping this workshop for a couple of college engagements I have coming up. And my performance will be Lesbolesque, which is not an act I perform very often, so if you’re in the area come check it out!
Saturday, March 26, 2011 * Swarthmore, PA
Swarthmore Queer and Trans Conference 2011
2PM Workshop / 9PM Performance * Open to the Public
Register here & check out the rest of the amazing schedule!
Workshop: (Kohlberg, Scheuer Room), Swarthmore College
Peformance: (Olde Club)

2:00pm – “Love for EveryBODY” – Workshop with Bevin Branlandingham In a fatphobic society it is a radical act for anyone to love their body. This interactive, humorous and tender workshop provides a safe space for people of all body types, sizes, sexualities, gender expressions and abilities to explore learning to love your body as it is. Body liberation activism, Health at Every Size, and using movement and fashion to improve self-esteem will be discussed.(Kohlberg, Scheuer Room)
9:00pm – Performance Night with Bevin Brandlandingham, the Lost Bois and DJ Shomi Noise (Olde Club)

Upcoming Rebel Cupcakes: April 14th and May 12th (my big 1 year Rebel Cupcake anniversary!). More info on the Rebel Cupcake page.

And Save the Date! More info will be edited and revealed but I want to make sure folks know about this!Saturday, May 14, 2011 * New York, NY
Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme Anthology NYC Launch Party
8PM-2AM Dancing; readings/performances in two parts beginning 8ish * $5-$15 sliding scale
Late night dancing til 2a
Stonewall: 59 Christopher Street, NYC

Bevin joins the publisher and editors of the new anthology Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme to produce an extraordinary launch party in the way queers celebrate our identities–dancing, performing and mingling. Books will be on sale and authors will read brief highlights from their passages. Plus the sound stylings of the fabulous Canadian Rae Spoon.

Powered by WordPress