Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2009-07-04

Correspondence: Aqueel or Michael

I was interviewed on Charlotte Cooper’s amazing blog, Obesity Timebomb. Check it out here!

Also, Friday, July 10th is the Femmes of Power East Coast Launch Party in Atlanta, GA! Check out ME femmeceeing, my oft-mentioned BFF Rachael, Cherry Poppins from Austin, TX, the incomparable Vagina Jenkins, Ms. Stewart and Clover who were all featured in the book. There are rumors Ulrika Dahl, one of the authors, may be in attendance. It’s going to be a PARTY, so get in your car and get over there!
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From the myspace mailbag:

TO: Bevin
FROM: Aqueel
RE: hi

Hi, Nice profile πŸ™‚

Just wondering, do u ever flirt with men ?
If not, would you ever flirt just for fun ?

Michael

Dear Aqueel or Michael:

First of all, thank you very much for the compliment on my myspace profile. I’m not shy to admit it took me years and a lot of websites with glaring and obnoxious blingie flash advertisements to find just the right theme that projected a high femme flourish without being hard to read. Aside from aesthetics, I really love language and have worked hard to express just exactly “Who is this Bevin Branlandingham” within the confines of the Myspace writing prompts*. Language is important, Aqueel or Michael, don’t you agree? Evolutionary psychologists have said humans know over 60,000 words. “We have all these words because we like to mate with people who caress us with language.” It’s totally true.

Of course, let’s be real, I’m not using myspace to get ass. Like a lot of people, these days I’m mostly on The Book. The interactivity of The Book means I can passive aggressively flirt with as many as 6 people at one time. And, frankly, that’s my preference. Overt flirting works for me here and there, but I am so hapless and flummoxed when I’m attracted to people often I can’t do any real cutesy flirting and people have no idea that I’m interested. It’s a struggle for me that I am trying to overcome.

Often, I do flirt just for fun, and it’s way more fun to flirt with people I’m not actually interested in. For example, my friend Glenn Marla and I flirt a lot, but he and I have a lot of good boundaries** and it’s just flirting.

IMG_1526

Through our flirting we’ve actually concocted this story about how we were once high school sweethearts at performing arts high school, and we would lie in bed and sing Madonna lyrics to one another and broke up 12 times and one of our songs was “Hungry Eyes” from Dirty Dancing. Even though Glenn is 4 years younger than I am, it’s still fun to imagine how Baby Glenn and Baby Bevin would be in love. Like the Muppet Babies but with fat queers.

So, Aqueel or Michael, to answer your question, I do flirt with men, and sometimes I do flirt for fun.

I’m not sure if there was a subtext to your question, and I’m thinking there probably was because of the smiley face. Emoticons are the building blocks of text-based flirting. So if you sent me that message to try to start something up with me, I’ll tell you now I’m at a full stop because of this quote from your myspace profile.

“I believe in me, I believe in you And you know I believe in love I believe in truth though I lie a lot.” [Emphasis mine.]

Listen up, Aqueel or Michael, I have had way too many scoundrels in the last couple of years to put up with even a second of any of this business. Scoundrels who would lie to my face and yet claim to have a big ol’ truckload of integrity and, like you, believe in truth. I recognize now that people often show you who they really are right away, you just need to learn how to look.

I asked Dan Savage in Episode 88 of the Savage Love Podcast how I could develop a bionic bullshit detector. I really think in the last year I have, and it’s saving me time and energy I’m not spending on scoundrels.

Scoundrely quote aside, the fact is that the rest of your profile isn’t that interesting. Maybe do some caressing of language and upload a few photos and you’ll have better luck in future endeavors.

*I even managed to get a code to defeat their ridiculously rigid gender binaries and sexuality misnomers. Sure, I’ll let someone call me a lesbian when it’s convenient, but ultimately I do identify as queer because I do not acknowledge a gender binary and most of the people I date don’t identify exclusively (if at all) as women.
**Good boundaries are hot.

2008-12-15

Correspondence: Greeneyes

VIA MYSPACE

—————– Original Message —————–
From: greeneyes
Date: Dec 14, 2008 10:41 PM
Subject: Please read!

Will pay women stand on me at once at crush me under their weight like a roach..

Dear Greeneyes:

When I was a Senior in college I took a Human Sexuality class and the professor said something I paraphrase below that has really stuck with me all these years:

β€œThe first step to good sex is to know what you want, or at least know what you want to try. Then to communicate that.”

You’ve definitely done so in this missive and for that you should be commended. Congratulations for taking those first few crucial steps to having a rockin’ sex life.

Greeneyes, since your profile is private, I know limited information about you. You are 33 years old, the same age people generally cite as the age Jesus was when he died. I’ve always seen that as a big age milestone for me, on account of how, if you believe the historical accounts, Jesus totally was in ministry only 3 years and created a multiple millennial following at a relatively young age. I am about to turn 30 and am trying to set up some goals for myself. Not like, Jesus level goals or anything, but definitely finishing my novel and developing a talk show. What did you accomplish in the last three years?

Second, you are from Commack, NY, which is in the heart of Long Island. I’ve spent a lot of time in my professional life sitting in traffic driving back and forth out to Long Island, and I tell you there is no part of me that ever wants to go there for any reason whatsoever. My interest in Long Island is now exclusively as a route to the ferry to my favorite beach within driving distance of my home (Cherry Grove, Fire Island).

Third, you appear to have an extremely deep tan with orange undertones. I’m not sure if this is from a photoshop incident or you are a devotee of the tanning salon, but it’s really intense. You might benefit from a different user picture, maybe one that doesn’t have a woman’s highly manicured french tips reaching across your neck as though to inflict some sort of damage. Unless that’s the look you’re going for? Totally possible, given your message to me.

Greeneyes, I’m sorry if this is a disappointment, but I’m not a sex worker. I’m not actually sure what about my myspace profile made you think I might be a sex worker, but I can assure you I’m not. I know a lot about sex workers, since I think they rock, I’ve read a lot of great fiction and non fiction about sex workers* and support sex worker’s awareness projects.

In fact, there’s a really great one happening now I think you could support. A bunch of sex bloggers got together and did a calendar to raise funds towards Sex Worker Awareness. Clickie here. It’s only $20 and 100% of the proceeds go to benefit the cause, thanks to the generosity of a lot of sponsors. I went to their release party and it was SO fun, AND I left with a basket full of goodies.

There are only 10 more days left until Christmas, and I’m sure they’ll ship them wherever you want if you want to get them for any friends or relations not on Long Island with you.

Anyway, good luck in your search Greeneyes. Remember what my Human Sex prof said, articulation of your desire is the first step!

xoxo,

Bevin

*Among my favorites, In the Company of the Courtesan, Rent Girl, Valencia, Tipping the Velvet, Slammerkin, The Crimson Petal and the White. Also, my favorite movie is The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

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