Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2017-04-25

FAT SEX WEEK XXL Table of Contents

I knew going into Fat Sex Week XXL it would be longer than a regular week. I’ve learned as part of my body liberation that even though the world is not built for someone who is a size 22/24 that I still deserve to take up as much space as I need.* And the same is true for my art projects that are called a “week” but really more like “two and a half weeks.” FAT SEX WEEK XXL sounds way better than FAT SEX TWO AND A HALF WEEKS OR SO XXL. Thanks for indulging my artistic liberties.

Photo of me wearing lingerie as part of my performance art dessert piece about Mariah Carey’s lingerie lifestyle as applied to social justice. It was at a Shabbat dinner I produced on Inauguration Day with workshops and speakers about activist resilience in the face of the new regime. Photo by Rachel Crowl.

I really wanted to include more about Fat Gay Butt Sex, so for the Table of Contents I’m interspersing short videos and pictures of my friend Shane Shane who is ultra talented, funny and sings beautiful dance songs about Gay Butt Sex. Most of these videos aren’t about Fat Gay Butt Sex but they made me laugh, and they are all safe for work.


Here’s what we covered during FAT SEX WEEK XXL:

I introduced y’all to Fancy Feast, an incredibly talented fat burlesque performer who has a documentary about her speaking to fat sexuality and life as a fat woman in the burlesque world.

I had Femme Sex Chat with Sparklez, a Black Trans Woman with a fabulous perspective on sex, sexuality, online dating and drops Foucault in conversation. She’s a total dreamboat.

We discussed the new book Curvy Girl Sex with six people who talk about why it is so awesome to have 101 positions specifically designed to make sex more accessible to fat folks (and all kinds of other folks).

Shane Shane performing at my Mariah Carey Rebel Cupcake in NYC April 2013. Photo by Kelsey Dickey for Rebel Cupcake.

Fat FTMs reviewed the new Buck Off masturbation toy!

An excerpt from the forthcoming Rope Bottoming Book for Curvy Rope Bottoms.

A Queer Couple reflects on their nude Adipositivity shoot.

I interviewed a fat, femme, queer, non-binary stripper, Cinnamon Maxxine about self care, stripping and asking for help.

My friend Katy and I came up with six ways to reclaim your Fat Upper Pubic Area (FUPA), because everyone deserves to love their whole body!

Photo by Kelsey Dickey.

So that’s Fat Sex Week XXL! If you find anything new in the world of Fat Sex you think I should cover in a future post, leave me a comment here or shoot me an email at queerfatfemme at gmail dot com!

Shane Shane gets sexy with ergonomics:

*You, too! You deserve all the space you need. The world is not built for the actual human diversity that exists, and this is true for size and all of the other ways in which people are different. Reclaiming space is hard but super worthwhile practice to help your body remember that it is just fine as it is.

Do you think you might be gay? Watch this:

2017-01-23

What Kind of Activist Are You? Free Five Minute Journaling Exercise!

In light of the tremendous success of the Womens’ Marches throughout the country this weekend, a lot of people are feeling a strong call to action but don’t know where to start. I have a simple, five minute journaling exercise that can help!

I think this event was so legendary that our kids are going to think of it like we think about Woodstock. When I was young I always asked people who were young adults around that time if they went to Woodstock. Everyone has a good story about it, even if they weren’t there.

On Friday Dara, me and my friend Rick Sorkin implemented Love & Resistance, a Shabbat Dinner party centering activist uplift. We had a number of amazing presenters and Dara’s facilitation of ‘From Words to Action: Changing the Way we Organize with Love & Resistance’ was a hit. (She’s a professional facilitator and she’s fabulous.) I thought the content of her thirty minute facilitated discussion was a fabulous place for folks to use for self-reflection about their activism.

The pics aren’t in from the event but here’s Dara at the Madonna Inn!

Dara broke down five types of activists.

Protestor
If you are the first out on the picket line, you love to participate in boycotts, you are totally into calling your Senators and Congress folks, you might be a Protestor.

Protector
Unfortunately, Dara’s example for this type happened to her on the way to dinner. At the ATM in Silverlake, getting cash to pay for the restaurant, a man walking by screamed “Get all your money you Jew bitch.” For real. So if your inclination if you saw this happen was to roll up on Dara and find out if she’s okay and figure out how you can help her, you might be a Protector. Same if you are on a Southwest flight (where there are no assigned seats) and you sit next to a person of size to keep them from getting hassled by fatphobic seatmates. Or if you engage in other actions of one to one solidarity with folks who are vulnerable for a host of reasons… you might be a protector.

Bridge Builder
If you were invited to a meeting to talk to Drumpf supporters, would you do it? Do you want to figure out how to connect with people who don’t believe in the same things you do? Do you believe empathy and understanding can help us end racism, sexism, homophobia and the like? If so, you might be a Bridge Builder.

Healer
If your activism stems from a place of offering meditation, yoga, mental/emotional/spiritual/physical healthcare practices. If you gather people together to create healing, or practice self-care you might be a Healer.

Art Maker
If your activism is in the form of making art or music, if you hear “write for an SEO project working to make the internet more positive” and you immediately email them about it, this might be your form of activism.

The stickers are what folks in the room identified as. You’ll note glitter stars are a theme throughout the event. Photo by Tristan Taormino.

Dara then broke out groups of each type of activist (knowing that people fall into multiple categories.) I adapted the group work to journaling prompts here:

Consider the 5 types of activists. For this exercise, I want you to think about the type of activism you feel most drawn to right now. (Picture yourself doing each type of activism. Whichever one rings with the most joy, that’s what you feel drawn to.)

1. In your experience, what’s working about what activists in this area are doing?

2. What are the biggest challenges these activists are facing?

3. What could these activists do to improve the way they organize moving forward?

4. What’s one thing that you would be willing to do to improve the way you engage in activism?

If you find yourself currently engaged in a different type of activism, apply these questions to that type in a subsequent journaling session. If they are different, journal about why you’re active in an area that is not what you are drawn to!

My piece was about Mariah Carey’s Lingerie Lifestyle as applied to social justice. Photo by Tristan Taormino, who helped us by co-hosting, donating a prize and inviting folks!

Doing this simple and powerful work has already impacted how I perceive people in my life and helped me understand better how to work in coalition with them. At the event I noticed when we talked about Bridge Building there were people in the room who actively roared against it. That’s totally okay if you have a strong aversion to one type versus another, it takes all kinds! In my opinion, Bridge Building is essential work to creating change, but so are all the other types of activism. Healing is also essential—and sometimes activism means powering down, healing yourself and staying alive.

I also extra loved that there were report backs from each group. Big takeaways I loved were Protectors saying to remember to stay in listening mode and let folks be autonomous when you’re working in solidarity. Protestors saying it’s been 60 years and we’re still protesting the same stuff. Bridge Builders saying to remember to see people as people, not as monoliths as their ideas. Art Makers saying they need to make sure they are using their art for activism and standing behind what they believe.

Photo by Tristan Taormino.

Whether your activism is protesting or protecting, we need you more than ever so that we can collectively take that marching resistance energy and shift that arc towards justice under the weight of our boots/heels/wheels/loafers/sneakers/sensible lesbian sandals!

Our event was made possible with a grant from the Charles and Lynn Schusterman Family Foundation. We asked our guests in lieu of tickets to donate to Project Q, a fabulous non-profit in Los Angeles that serves LGBTQ homeless youth. If this resource is valuable to you, consider a donation!

2016-02-25

I’m Following My Dreams and Doing a Reiki Tea Pre Sale Through March 2nd!

(If you don’t want to read the backstory and want to go straight to the Reiki tea ordering page, click here for seven blends of Reiki infused tea, available through March 2.)

As readers of my blog know, I am obsessed with tea. I started my web series, The Lesbian Tea Basket as a way to chronicle my burgeoning interest in tea and now I’m a full on tea nerd, with an entire pantry closet of tea and a lot of tea opinions.

findyourchillteaMy “Find Your Chill” blend is my calming blend. Good for bedtime or just chilling out during the day when you’re stressed. I love it with some fresh lemon juice or neighbor lemons.

For the past two years, I have been working on my own blends of tea. Combining herbs and flavors to meet my demanding standards for tea tastiness and personal wellness.

But more exciting than that, I am creating a healing modality out of my tea.

In November 2013, when my partner Dara was diagnosed with breast cancer, I took a Reiki level one class. I barely knew what Reiki was but I knew it was a modality for healing and I wanted to help in any way I could during a time I felt really helpless. I also felt a strong calling, that was buttressed by a tarot reading the summer prior and an astrology reading.

Reiki, for those who aren’t familiar, is a healing modality that infuses life force energy into something. Usually people, but is also used on animals, plants, your house, or pretty much anything. When you are Reiki level two certified, you can send Reiki energy through time and space and into objects. When I learned that you could do that, I knew I needed to start infusing my teas with Reiki energy. I got my level two certification as soon as my Reiki teacher offered the class, in May, 2014.

darabevinmay2014smilingMe and Dara in May 2014. She wants me to mention how much my Reiki treatments helped her during chemo.

When I create a tea blend, I infuse each herb or ingredient with Reiki energy. I go back in time to its seed, and give it Reiki energy all through the plant’s growth, through the harvest and to the person harvesting it. This amplifies the plant’s natural potency. (For example, chamomile has a great reputation for being a calming herb, imagine if you got chamomile that was all Reikied out how calming it could be?)

After blending each batch of tea, I infuse the entire blend with Reiki energy, so that the person drinking it will then also be infused with Reiki healing.

I have a lot of plans and ideas for my Reiki infused tea line. Feminist icons, wisdom, really fun mystical ideas.

I have a lot of things to do in order to launch my tea line. A great website is key, a marketing plan, killer packaging, writing wisdom that connects with me and the tea, distribution, scaling, figuring out how to make tea bags from high quality loose tea that doesn’t turn the tea into powder.

reikimintteabyafireplaceMy Dolly Mint tea enjoyed at an outdoor fireplace this weekend.

I need capital to get started, so I decided to start small on my blog. I LOVE following the bloggers I love that work towards their dreams, the process and the progress. I love behind the scenes action and I love supporting them. Blogging takes a lot of time and effort and I like supporting their work so they have the time to blog. I am definitely committed to chronicling the journey of developing my tea line with my readers.

Throughout my departure from Brooklyn, I worked on my blends to create a sampler pack of Reiki tea that I would give each of my hosts during our cross country trip to test out my recipes. The reception has been great and people are loving them!

My friend Laura Vogel said, “Helps me start my day calm and centered, and helps me get back there when I’m in the muck of the day!”

I’m offering a pre-sale to my blog readers in order to raise capital. You all know me, know my work and know what I’m about in the world. Maybe you were going to buy tea at the grocery store anyway? Maybe you want to help me launch my dream business?

My first big goal for the money earned with my first Reiki tea presale is to go to B-School. I want to learn how to create a business from the ground up that is centered on being aligned with my values, being financially successful and getting my healing to as many people as it can. I need $2,000 to make my B-School tuition. Is it possible to earn enough from a presale to do it?

Each $20 tin of loose leaf tea I’m pre-selling will have enough tea for 20 cups. Since it is a healing modality, the pricing is more than you’d pay for Twinings, but it’s far beyond what you can get anywhere else. Uniquely infused with Reiki energy and totally delicious.

I’m also offering a $30 sampler tin of all of my blends, with each sample pack enough for 3 cups.

If you don’t have a tea infuser for loose leaf tea, I’ll also send one along with your tea for an additional $10. Trust me, loose leaf tea is better quality than most bagged tea, imagine the tea leaves swimming around in your cup infusing your hot water, versus the powdery stuff in a standard tea bag. Switching to loose leaf is a life upgrade.

B-School’s enrollment is only open for two weeks every year, and enrollment ends on March 2nd. That’s next Wednesday. I was lamenting to Dara that I didn’t have the $2,000 for the tuition (I’m living on savings) because of the otherwise most excellent timing for B-School enrollment. I have lots of time while I’m in my career shift and I do genuinely want to make a plan so I can live off of my Reiki tea hustle and continue to do my artwork, blog and book. Dara said I should try to do a limited time Reiki tea flash presale to see if the universe can help me get what I need to get into B-School.

behappyitdrivespeoplecrazyI love this shirt. This is the corner of my house that’s going to serve as my Lesbian Tea Basket studio so I can interview interesting folks and continue to rate and review tea. More unpacking needs to happen first, as it’s our current staging area.

More about why I want to go to B-School:

I’ve been hearing about B-School, the online business school for internet entrepreneurs, for years–from friends who have taken the course and loved it, and from spiritual thought leaders who I admire. I follow the founder of B-School, Marie Forleo, all over the internet. Her MarieTV episodes are great for anyone who is an entrepreneur and wants to create a business and life they love that is heart centered and authentic to their calling.

When conceiving of my Reiki tea business I have been working on concepts and ideas. I know the B-School curriculum of marketing with authenticity, branding with pizzaz, and shedding fears and limiting beliefs around money are going to help me create something beyond my vision. The strategies taught in B-School are things I need to work on prior to building my tea website, developing my packaging and business model. This is the right time for me and B-School! I want to make my Reiki infused tea business the best it can be and get it into the hands of all of the people who need its healing.

It has long been my wish to retire from the practice of law in order to follow my dreams. For years I thought about it, but had no idea how it could happen.

Eventually I managed to work part time in law and part time advancing my work to help make the world safe for people to love themselves. Moving across the country, out of the states I’m licensed in and having to leave my private practice has really kicked this into high gear. This is the time in my life to gamble on myself… can I do like Mariah Carey and Make it Happen? Will you help by buying some tea or sharing with your networks?

Creating my own line of Reiki-infused teas is one of my biggest dreams, and I’m taking the first steps in order to turn it into a goal. After all, goals are dreams with deadlines!

Clickie here to read about the flavors or just get to ordering!

Maybe you don’t want to buy tea and just want to donate to my B-School tuition? OMG thank you!





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