Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2014-08-23

(Let’s Pretend We Don’t Have) Feelings–New Music Video from GAYmous!

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I adore the duo behind GAYmous, PizzaCupcake and FxBoi. They are incredible, talented and super rad people. And when I first watched their new video for “(Let’s Pretend We Don’t Have) Feelings” I couldn’t help but smile. Watching fun queers dancing around, many of whom you’ll recognize from my blog in years past and my travels to San Francisco, and listening to the incredibly catchy tune. It was morning when we watched it and my girlfriend was singing it in the shower a few minutes later.

(Let’s Pretend We Don’t Have) Feelings from GAYmous on Vimeo.

It also features some notable cameos by Memphis the Pup! And the Collective Tarot! And LHB–which stands for Long Haired Butch, of which FxBoi is a prime example!

Like GAYmous on Facebook!
Watch the video a trillion times on Vimeo!
Order the digital download of their upcoming dance EP and simultaneously contribute to the funding of creation of the dance EP! Or just throw tons of dollar bills their way because they are amazing!!

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PizzaCupcake’s hot unitard is by Size Queen, the best of all spandex creators.

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Photo by Arkansassy.

2010-03-31

Link Farm! (and other bacon & cupcake related news)

Hey y’all, just a little housekeeping post.

First of all, I have started to tend to a little link farm on Tumblr. QueerFatFemme.Tumblr.Com.

I live in Brooklyn with no plot of land and no way to keep a window box of flowers, so instead I have decided to create a virtual space for sharing of art, events, community resources and the other flotsam and jetsam that comes my way. People email me a lot asking what’s going on in NYC or to get resources from me or give them to me. I love to make connections for people and entertain and that’s what the tumblog will do. It even looks a little bit like my high school newspaper layout, cut and paste style.

It feeds to my twitter and facebook fan page (it’s new, fan me!), so you don’t need to add the tumblog to your RSS feed unless that’s how you want to make it happen. I’m not going to boss you about how to manage your social networking and information gathering on the internet.

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I’m producing a new MONTHLY Thursday drag/burlesque show and dance party! The info is below for the first one (it’s a Thursday thing but not the same Thursday each month since I travel a lot).

Thursday, May 6, 20FEMME * Brooklyn, NY
Bevin Branlandingham Presents
Rebel Cupcake
10PM-2AM Dancing; show 10:30-11:30 * $5
Sugarland: 221 N 9th St @ Roebling, Brooklyn, NY

Bevin presents a new monthly Thursday night for queer fat femmes & our friends, fans and cupcake afficianados! Drag & Burlesque show in a Joan Jett/Pat Benetar theme (some seating available). Music at house party level–great for dancing and for mingling.

DJ Shomi Noise on the decks!

***
Bevin and The Baconettes came back for another turn (remember us from Miss Lez) on the stage of the biggest queer dance party in Brooklyn, That’s My Jam! We performed a group number to Madonna’s “Hanky Panky”. I have always wanted to perform that number. You can check us out again at Hey Queen in April.

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Bevin and the Baconettes L-R: AfroTitty, Hurricane Mae, Bevin Branlandingham, Lola Dean

Photos by Nogga Schwartz, they are SO GOOD! Check them out–clicky here

My next post is a doozy! Stay tuned!

2010-03-14

Get Some South in Yo’ Mouth!: Lola Dean’s Time-Tested Tips for the Ultimate Blow Job Performance

Happy Steak & Blow Job Day! Here at Queer Fat Femme I decided to delay my celebration until Steak & Blow Job Day (Observed) and in the meantime I have made today an academic study brushing up on blow job skills and steak preparation.

This is a good steak primer, from Jen, a friend on Facebook.

Good steak is pan-seared. The trick is to pat it off with paper towel, etc., to get it as dry as possible before it hits the pan. That way, it will crust nicely on the outside and retain the juices inside. And don’t overcook it – steak MUST BE medium rare.

Also, let it rest for a few minutes before serving.

Check out the reluctant gourmet website, for interesting tips.

I asked my friend Lola Dean, who won an audience favorite award in a recent blow job competition in a certain legendary Park Slope basement, to provide her tips for S & BJ Day.

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Photo by Shameless Photography.

From the flat lands of the Southern Delta, Lola Dean comes to NYC with sassy, white-trashy spirit. Typically found around the queer performance spaces of New York as a burlesque artist with a sultry stage repertoire, she now steps offstage and into the bedroom to provide these erotic tips on giving your sweetie a sensual and special blow job performance.

If you’re thinking of giving your lover(s) the royal treatment on “Steak and Blow Job Day,” I would encourage you to brush up on your oral service skills to make the holiday special and unforgettable. A full belly can only be complemented by a great blow job, so take your task seriously, and your sweetheart(s) will sing your praises…quite literally. Many of us (but certainly not all) queer femmes service our lover(s)’ not-so-permanent cocks (i.e. dildos and toys), and while this is my specialty, I think these tips can be applied across the board for all body types and genders. First, remember this is a performance, so show us what you got! You are front and center, so pull all the stops, and dazzle your sweetheart by following these three tips:

1. Take it slow. Unless of course, your sweetie likes it quick and dirty! But generally speaking, you want to take your time and make a show for your sweetie. Prolonging the act builds excitement, which will intensify the orgasm. Jumping the gun by putting the entire cock in your mouth too soon can spoil the build up. If it helps, sing a song in your head and set “benchmarks” for the verses and choruses. For example, you can sing through Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” and promise to only make it halfway down the shaft by the time she leaves her heart and hand on the dance floor. Just don’t get too caught up in the song that you forget to focus on your lover’s pleasure!

2. Spice it up. This is perhaps, my favorite cock-sucking tip, because it leaves room for creativity, fantasy, and personal preference. The key to spicing up a blow job is being adventurous. For all you femmes and fags, swipe on your favorite shade of lipstick and open wide. The smeared lipstick on both your sweetie’s cock and your lips makes for great visuals and an erotic opportunity for gender expression. I encourage you to also consider role-plays and how a blow job scene can be used to enhance the play. Does your lover have a penchant for boss-secretary fantasies? Set up an “executive chair” and get on those knees! The possibilities are limitless, so let your imagination run wild, and your sweetie will be grateful.

3. Take special care. The third tip is quite possibly, the hardest to master, as it takes attention to detail and more than a little imagination. Taking special care of your lover during a blow job involves performing the service as if every inch of the cock has special and sensitive nerve endings, and every motion and touch can be felt by your lover. Ok, I know I know… you’re eyeing your silicone cock with suspicion right about now. After all, it’s not real, right? Nonsense! Reality lives inside our own erotic imaginations. Flick your tongue on the sensitive soft “skin” underneath the head. Kiss the tip with slow passion and care. If you want to test your gag reflexes, hold the base and slide the entire shaft in until your throat muscles inevitably protest. And I promise your sweetie’s toes will curl. Taking special care lets your lover(s) know you are thinking of their pleasure both physically and emotionally.

And, lastly, there’s nothing hotter than showing your lover(s) that you care about their sexual health and safety, so adorn the cock with a condom and/or play with toys that can be sterilized. And just like your favorite Babeland-bought, mint-flavored condoms, one size does not fit all in the blow job tip department. Experiment with these suggestions, talk to your lover(s) about their bodies and desires, and above all have fun! Share your thoughts and additional tips in the comments, and let the sexy blow job knowledge spread far and wide!

Catch Lola Dean with Bevin & The Baconettes at this month’s That’s My Jam Party! Sure to be magical!

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2009-12-07

No Bacon Left Behind

On October 11, 2009, I competed for the title of Miss Lez 2009. The pageant, founded by the legendary Murray Hill, is “a wildly provocative, insane, jaw-dropping alternative beauty pageant for queer womyn that blows the lid off of ‘gender representation’ and shines the spotlight on New York’s underground queer scene.” It was an honor to represent my favorite clothing store as Miss Re/Dress NYC. It was also really fun to use my art and my extensive wardrobe (I didn’t buy a single new outfit for the pageant) to express myself in this unusual performance art format.

Since the contest I have received numerous accolades for my performance and requests for the written version of my pageant platform. I don’t like to disappoint, and thus I present unto you, gentle readers, my pageant entry.

PLATFORM:

Each contestant was asked to come out on stage and deliver a short platform after showing off their outfit to the audience. My platform was well-rehearsed and proceeded as follows:

“My name is Bevin Branlandingham. My platform is No Bacon Left Behind. Bacon, like queers, comes in a myriad of forms. You have your standard pork bacon, middle of the road turkey bacon, and bacon from that magical Vegan paradise known as Morningstar Farms. Bacon is the symbol of our national queer meal, which is brunch, where we come together to nurse our hangovers as a community. If selected as Miss Lez 2009, I will ensure that No Bacon is Left Behind.”

It was my intention to be campy and to express my value for creating inclusive community.

I wore a satin Marilyn Monroe Dress with a bacon applique and a small bacon hair bling.

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(Last photo by Syd London)

SWIMSUIT

Swimsuit was the most nerve wracking part of the competition for me and Contestant #2 (we discussed this backstage), Becca Blackwell. I was coached by World Famous *BOB*, who gave me her official endorsement for Miss Lez. Having a schtick made it much easier to be on stage in a bathing suit.

I came out in a red cover up with sparkly eyelash fur that looks great under stage lights. During the first pass I took it off to reveal my swimsuit, a black with white polka dots one piece halter with red piping.
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First photo by Syd London

*BOB* said I should make sure I have matching cunty heels and purse. I chose a black patent leather clutch with black and white polka dot lip detailing from the Beth Ditto collection. I rolled deep in the Queer Fat Femme culture for my entry as Miss Re/Dress.

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As a seasoned burlesque performer, *BOB* told me that she believes that every woman on stage in a swimsuit should eat something. To tie everything into my platform, I reached into my clutch and pulled out a piece of very crispy (and very tasty) bacon, and ate it on stage. The crowd went wild.

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INTERVIEW

Backstage before the pageant I was practicing questions with my team of pageant moms, the Baconettes. I began every answer with “I’m glad you asked me that question, [insert name here]”. I learned a lot of good pageant tricks from watching Toddlers & Tiaras and Drop Dead Gorgeous. I changed again, this time into a red cotton wrap dress. I figured if I flubbed my question at least my cleavage would be a distraction.

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Photo by Syd London

Linda Simpson was the judge who gave me my question. She asked me if selected Miss Lez, if I would pose nude. I was genuinely glad she asked me that question!

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I answered that I was already planning to pose nude for Fat Bottom Boudoir and that I was using those images for my forthcoming Fat and Queer Erotica Anthology. The working title is “Better than Cupcakes: Queer Fat Femmes Kiss and Tell” and that the idea was born because I was tired of not seeing any genuine body or gender diversity on the covers of all of the standard Lesbian erotica anthologies.

I’ll also have you know that I have completed my promise and posed nude for the very first time in front of Molly’s camera. Whether I’ll publish the finished work will be determined when I see the proofs.

TALENT

I had an interesting time determining what my talent should be. I do a lot of performance, comedy, humorious essays, burlesque, drag kinging… However, I am most excited about Femmeceeing. So I did a short game show on stage. I narrated it by telling the audience that I was multi-talented, and my first talent was Femmeceeing. I then introduced my Baconettes.

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Photo by Syd London

My outfit was a red wiggle dress and my very favorite boots in the whole world, red patent leather with white leather gussets. (I had them custom made from a pair of boots I got on ebay, total cost was about $60 for the shoemaker and the boots together.)

I then told the audience that a talent of mine was being surrounded by hot femmes, which is true.

The Baconettes were Black Amethyst, Lola Dean and AfroTitty. All fresh bottoms on the burlesque scene. I really couldn’t have held it together as well as I did backstage without their femmetourage support!

Each held a box with a number on it. I had a bacon spinner in my hands made by my drag dad Johnny Kingpin, who also made the bacon pieces worn in my hair, on my clothes and on each of the Baconettes.

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I invited up an audience member to spin the wheel to tell their fortune.

It landed on Box 2 and the corresponding Baconette (Lola Dean) approached with the box. She opened it to reveal to the audience a box full of red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing. I made those from scratch (another talent).

I then took one of the cupcakes and put it in my cleavage for Anne (I mean, my totally random audience member) to eat. The crowd went wild!

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Photo by Syd London

I sent Anne back into the audience with a box of cupcakes for her to share with her section of the crowd.

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Photo by Syd London

Murray Hill had told us before the pageant that there were no rules and we were allowed to bribe the judges. I sent the remaining two Baconettes over to give them some cupcakes and cleavage.

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I also bribed Murray with a polyester tie (one of his passions) from Re/Dress.
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EVENING WEAR

The last section was evening wear. I went with another red dress, this one a floor length lingerie dress with a sheer back for the reveal aspect. I also upgraded my bacon hair bling to a bigger hairpiece.

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Photo by Syd London

The majority of my evening was spent backstage. It is a really fast paced show and we had 5 outfit changes. Since I was contestant #1, I never got to go outside the stage door to see what the other contestants did, but I hear everyone was absolutely fabulous. It was really fun to get to know the other performers and hang out backstage.
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Fw:The lineup
L-R: Miss Butch Mamas: KS Stevens, Miss This is Burlesque: Helen Pontani, Miss Choice Cunts: Sarah Jenny, Mx. That’s My Jam: Becca Blackwell, and me, Miss Re/Dress: Bevin Branlandingham.

After a long intermission, the judges’ results were announced.
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I was second runner up. That means if Miss Lez (Miss Butch Mamas) or the first runner up are unable or unwilling to fulfill their duties as Miss Lez, I will totally step in. My goal for competing was not to win, though, it was to be unforgettable. Considering all of the press for the show mentioned my platform, I think I did just that.

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Photo by Syd London

I was consoled by the fact that everyone performed really well, and apparently all of the contestants’ scores were apart by just one point.

Brian, my interview coach and Gay Boy BFF has charged me with becoming the Clay Aiken of Miss Lez.

My whole No Bacon Left Behind platform is really all about inclusivity and creating space in the queer community for the myriad of forms that queer comes in–just like bacon manifests in all different forms on our brunch tables. Undeterred by my loss, I will carry on my mission as Miss Re/Dress NYC. I styled a photo booth at a Brooklyn queer dance party (That’s My Jam), encouraging people to get flamboyant and do a little hipster cross-dressing. And this week I am producing Maxi Craft, a free community craft fair, giving many queer vendors the opportunity to sell their stuff. I’ll continue to do more community building using the title of Miss Re/Dress, and expressing my love for bacon every chance I get.

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In the That’s My Jam Photobooth by Bloodhound Photography

2009-11-30

Bevin’s December Calendar!

Hello to you! I am performing and producing a bunch of really unique and fun shows this month! I am also celebrating my 31st birthday at the December 17th show (my actual birthday is Christmas Eve–Jesus has always made scheduling a party very challenging). So if you’re around please come! I would love to take a family photo with you in the queer family photo booth!!

If you cannot attend any of the events (especially my birthday/holiday show) for lack of funds, please let me know and I will help you out!!

Upcoming performances featuring Bevin Branlandingham!

Saturday, December 5, 2009 * New York, NY
Hyper Gender Burlesque!
Show at 10p, $10
59-61 E. 4th Street, buzz #6 and take the elevator to the 4th floor
Between Bowery and 2nd Ave in the Lower East Side
Train: F to 2nd Ave, N/R to 8th street or 6 to Astor Place
Bevin Branlandingham performs a piece in homage to Paula Deen (never before seen in NYC) in the Hyper Gender Burlesque Gluttony Show.
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Sunday, December 6, 2009 * Brooklyn, NY
BEVIN BRANLANDINGHAM PRESENTS!
Cupcake Cabaret NYC
doors at 8p, show at 8:30p, $10-$15 sliding scale (proceeds go to performers)
45 Berry st (corner of N 11th) L to Bedford or G to Nassau
Bevin Branlandingham femmecees and performs funny spoken word don’t miss an evening of celebrating our esteem through our differences!

World Famous *BOB*, Tano-rexic, Granny Chasing, F to F , Baby Woman [http://www.myspace.com/dreamcometruegirl]
Alysia Angel, Queer Fat Femme poet and storyteller from Olympia Washington [AlysiaAngel.blogspot.com]
Dave End, Meandering genderfabulous queer musician [http://www.myspace.com/daveend]
Miasia, World Class Queer Fat Femme Burlesque [Miasia.org]

Cupcake Cabaret is a performance celebrating the strength we get from what marks us different in this world. Size, gender, sexuality, class, race, dis/ability, age, religion and all numbers of identities bring the artists in the series a sense of power and esteem.

An ongoing series curated by Bevin Branlandingham, Cupcake Cabaret features comedy, drag, burlesque, spoken word, film, performance art and all manner of genres celebrating the radical act of self-love.

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Wednesday, December 9, 2009 * Brooklyn, NY
MAXI CRAFT! A Re/Dress NYC Community Craft Fair!
7pm-9pm * CASH ONLY!
Re/Dress: 109 Boerum Place www.redressnyc.com
Bevin Branlandingham, in her capacity as the reigning Miss Re/Dress, presents MAXI CRAFT: A Re/Dress Community Craft Fair. Enabling our crafty clientele to sell their wares to our holiday shoppers, this one night only affair will celebrate the handmade, unusual, radical and raucous. Including jewelry, scarves, hair bling, accessories, handmade cards, zines, chapbooks, art, coloring books, perfume oil, and more just in time for Holiday shopping. There will also be a brief reading from works available at the event and a short video presentation.

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Thursday, December 17, 2009 * New York City, NY
BEVIN BRANLANDINGHAM PRESENTS!
Queer Family Holiday Extravaganza & Glittery Dance Party!
doors at 9p, show at 10p, dancing and mingling ’til 1a! $5-$10 sliding scale (outrageous holiday outfits encouraged but not required)
The Historic Stonewall Inn, 53 Christopher St.
Bevin Branlandingham Femmecees w/a spectacular and hilarious gender bending cabaret filling our hearts with queer families of choice before some of us go back to families of origin.

Using the glitter of the holidays for our own queer devices, the show features drag, comedy & burlesque by a mostly Femme cast in the style of the Zombie Queer Cabaret and the Femme Family Coming Out Party.

PERFORMANCES BY:
Bevin & The Baconettes
AfroTitty, Devastating Burlesque
Tommy Torpedo & Trixi Vixxen, Drag act Formerly of Legendary Drag Troupe DKPDX
Black Amethyst, Queer Fat Femme Burlesqe
Lola Dean, Sultry Southern Fresh Bottom Burlesque
More TBA!

QUEER FAMILY PHOTO BOOTH by Bloodhound Photography.

SEXY CUPCAKES in honor of Bevin’s birthday by Bambi Galore!

DJ SHOMI NOISE!
Spinning 90s Slow Jams before the show and the best mix of danceable hits, hip-hop and homo hop in NYC after!

Bring cash for Merch after the show!
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Thursday, December 31, 2009 * Brooklyn, NY
Femme Family NYC New Year’s Eve Anniversary Party!
10pm * $10-$15 (fundraiser for Femme Conference) * BYOB
Re/Dress: 109 Boerum Place www.redressnyc.com

We’re celebrating the anniversary of the amazing Femme Family with a New Year’s Eve party. A great TBD DJ will spin dance music that will make you want to move. BYO Booze, we’ll have mixers and ice. Lounge space and hot go go dancers of all shapes and sizes. Dress is Fancy, however you self-determine that.

…stay tuned at queerfatfemme.com/calendar for more up to the minute calendar magic & gigs!!

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