(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)
Dear Kids:
Getting through insecurity is possibly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done–and I still go through it every single day.
I just interviewed my friend Trystan for my podcast and he uses this hack to rise above insecurity: Simply decide to get 1% better every day and commit to that.
When you are continuously growing it’s a relief. I choose to grow and stay committed to the daily habits that make me better. These are things like reading from success books every single day, being very mindful about what input I absorb and surrounding myself with folks who make me better.
Something that kept me from wanting to be a parent for a very long time was thinking I wouldn’t be a perfect parent. There are a lot of generational challenges, traumas and behaviors that have been passed through my family. I thought I could never overcome that.
I know now that it’s an impossible goal to expect to be perfect, but I know I can be great. I know my parents did the best they could with what they had available to them in incredibly difficult circumstances financially and emotionally. I also know that I’ve grown so much over the past 20 years of dedicated work on self love that I have no doubt I’ll continue to grow into the person I’m meant to be to be an awesome mom.
I might be great and there will be places I’m lacking. But instead of focusing on the lack, I focus on my commitment to getting better. These days my big challenges are leveling up my capacity. I’m reading books (heeey Enthusiasm Makes the Difference) and making behavior changes to get more energy. When I’m a parent I’ll pick up books that relate to those challenges and make my behavior changes as I need to.
Getting through insecurity is a snowball effect. Once you develop confidence in one area you can borrow that to level up your effectiveness in other areas. When I started to learn knitting, I used my confidence from passing the bar exam in two states to apply to my attempts. “I can totally learn how to knit lace, I did this really hard thing before.”
I rarely remind myself of the bar exam anymore for confidence because I’m actually more impressed with being willing to make behavior changes. It’s taken me 30 years to dump my procrastination habit but bit by bit I’m getting better at taking things on instead of putting them off until the last minute.
Insecurity is really being focused on what other people think. The way I combat that is by being a person I can believe in.
This is easier on some days than others! Since I don’t always believe in myself I have folks I surround myself with (friends, coaches, mentors, therapist) who believe in me on those days I don’t. It is key to have tools to use to help get you back to confidence!
I sincerely hope I’m able to raise you with confidence in your inherent value and that you can do anything you set your mind to. I know I won’t be your only influence so you’ll still deal with those, “I hope they don’t judge me” kind of thoughts.
You know what? People will judge you. And that’s about them. People won’t like you. And that’s not your job, to be liked. Your job is to be the best you that you can and to know that your value comes from within. Not from the opinions of folks who aren’t doing enough with their lives that they waste their time being judgmental and critical.
xoxo,
Mom
(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)