Last week I found out a friend of mine passed away. It was unexpected and she was only 45. A couple weeks before that I found out a beloved of mine has been diagnosed with breast cancer–we were already having long conversations about mortality when I got word that Ria passed. And two night ago I found out another friend of mine unexpectedly passed away at 33.
Me and Ria. I love this photo of her mid-laugh. Her laugh was amazing.
This is kind of bananas.
I’m leaning in a lot on my spirituality through all of this. I do know that the Goddess never gives me more than I can handle. I’m also seeing a lot of the gifts that you can get through grief and difficulty and paring my life down to the important things.
I wrote this piece in my journal the other night while reflecting on Ria’s passing and what a huge influence she was on my life personally and on her community (over 1,000 folks attended her funeral). I have more words to say about her at a later time, but I felt compelled to post these on my blog for now.
This is my friend Michael (left)
I want to live a deliberate life and I want to be effective and have a lot of fun and great adventures. I want to be unafraid of “no” and keep asking for what I want no matter all the “nos” I get. I don’t want to doubt myself. I don’t want to be held back by self doubt that seeps in. I want to be compassionate, loving, big hearted, generous, abundant, but always put my self care first. I want to live with integrity, make a lot of art. Keep bettering myself so I can better the world. I want to see my life as full and rich and abundant just as it is and not lacking even as there are other things I’m visioning and believing for. I want to trust the Goddess’ plan and be a vessel for her work here on Earth. I want to appreciate God’s gifts and beauty and all of the splendor this Earth has to offer. I want to make meaningful connections with people and sustain the ones that continue to sustain me and let go with love those that no longer do. I want to trust the process and I want to love ferociously, honestly and gratefully. I want to work hard and feel like it’s fun.
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