In mainstream porn, I am seen as a plumper or BBW, ebony or urban. In queer porn, I am just me. I don't mind being labeled because I am ebony and I am of size, but I am also a hell of a lot more than that and in queer porn the other parts of me are valued as well. I have said this many times, porn is the only industry that can get away with being sizist, racist, classist, homophobic, ablest, and bigoted. However, if you surround yourself with empowered, fierce people it's not a problem. In mainstream, I am not small enough to be in 'regular' porn and I am not big enough to be in most BBW porns. But in queer porn, I am accept for my style, beauty, and sex appeal. I have not experienced direct negativity from being in porn when it comes to my size or ethnicity, but I have experienced indirect negativity as well as seeing my friends and others deal with it. My goal is to make my own queer fierce femme realness genre versus trying to fit in with one. I also enjoy being able to educate my heterosexual cis gendered male fans about what queer is and how sexy it can be.
Welcome one and all (who are knowingly entering into this adult-themed conversation)! This is Fat Sex Week XXL, the second edition of QueerFatFemme.com Fat Sex Week where I explore many facets of fat sex. Named for Magic Mike XXL, which was even better than the first Magic Mike, I’m hoping this edition is louder and fatter than ever before! Check this tag for all of the posts!
Two weeks ago I hit the moving jackpot. My partner wanted to send me away during the two day packing and moving process of our home and my friend Katy was in town for a work event (the Victoria Beckham for Target launch party). Katy invited me to come chill in her pet friendly hotel so Biscuit Reynolds, Macy and I joined her. I loved hanging with Katy, as always, and I learned two things of note: Harper Beckham is very cute and the term FUPA.
FUPA stands for Fat Upper Pubic Area. I never knew this was a thing anyone cared about. I had noticed that fat people often have fat pubic mons and I have always thought it was cute! When I was on April Flores’ radio show a couple of weeks ago we were talking about why Fat Sex is so awesome and I instantly thought about how fat pussies are so cute!
Katy, like many of us, had to work really hard to reclaim loving her body, a journey she’s still on. She had to specifically focus on her FUPA to make it a source of pride and not insecurity.
“I had all these milestones with my body. I went sleeveless for the first time, that was a big deal. I took photos of my back fat naked. I finally wore sandals for the first time because I was previously so insecure about my big feet, I didn’t want to expose them.
“My leggings got shorter, my dresses started to reveal skin more and more as I learned to accept and love my body.”
The FUPA was difficult. If you google the term, you’ll see it is usually used derogatorily. It’s not gender specific, all types of bodies can have a FUPA.
Self portrait of FUPA by Katy.
The internet likes to come for Chris Christie and Donald Drumpf about their FUPA. I would like to state for the record that body love is for every person. I think it’s body shaming and lazy activism to target Chris Christie for his weight or Donald Drumpf for his “tiny hands.” There are literally hundreds if not thousands of things to critique both of those people for and targeting the body parts of people you dislike is counter to what body liberation activism is about. It perpetuates body negativity and fat shaming.
People’s insecurity about their FUPA sometimes goes to a place of wanting to get surgery. “When your crotch isn’t how you think it should be it is a disabling amount of preoccupation. I have a D cup for a pubic mons,” Katy reveals.
People who have penises and a FUPA might lose up to an inch of usable length, which is another sort of genitalia difficulty. Just like all other benign human body diversity, genitals come in all shapes, sizes and mechanics.
Like me, Katy was a late bloomer, but she took loving her body and owning her sexuality into her own hands. Katy has a really great Tumblr that’s focused on reclaiming her body and celebrating her sexuality. Lots of nude photos and plenty of FUPA reclamation content!
Here are some ideas I brainstormed with Katy to reclaim your FUPA if you’re insecure about it, or just to celebrate it if you’re already down with your Fat Upper Pubic Area.
You’ll notice throughout Katy’s body love journey on her blog that she uses naked photos as a means of reclaiming her body and normalizing it for her and her followers. I started learning how to look myself in the eye in a mirror and loved how I looked by surrounding myself with photos of me and my loved ones. Because I already loved those people, that feeling of love would amplify for my own image. This was before Tumblr, Instagram and blogging (actually even before camera phones and digital cameras) so I just used actual printed pictures and put them up around my law school dorm room.
Katy makes art to reclaim her FUPA.
I started getting tattooed as a way to decorate my body how I wanted it. I always wanted to have them work as whole when I’m naked, so it wasn’t so much about my fat body as my fat decorated body. I’m not suggesting you tattoo your pubic mons unless you want to, more like decorating your body to look how you want to curate it.
Katy says, “I got more tattoos to celebrate the small victories of loving my skin. The cool thing about a tattoo is the process makes me love myself. It connects me to my body and can pull me out of depression and remind me I’m alive in my skin.”
What if you decorated your mons? I know sometimes that involves shaving which isn’t comfortable or the right choice for a lot of people, but it is really cute to put glitter, rhinestones, temporary tattoos, or just draw on your FUPA!
4. Extended Worship!
If you have a lover, sometimes extended foreplay where you incorporate yoni/genital area massage, or other forms of worship can help you feel like you are more comfortable in your skin. Says Katy, “Something happens in sex for me where my girlfriend focusing on my pussy as the thing to be worshipped and reminds me that the skin in and around my pussy, including my FUPA, is filled with nerves.”
Katy highly endorses using edible cannabis to relax for sex. “As a sexual assault survivor it is very helpful for me to get out of my head and get more into my body.”
I can also vouch for certain kinds of edibles (I prefer a sativa edible that brings a joy vibration) helping me to drop into my body better. I don’t do it when I teach aerobics! But, sometimes when I am a student, I like to take a tiny bit of edible to get a body high while I’m doing dance aerobics because it helps me relax into my body and get out of my head more. I haven’t successfully done it for sex, I get too distracted, but I am looking forward to experimenting more and exploring what Ashley Manta the CannaSexual has to recommend.
6. Flagging FUPA Pride!
Katy makes these adorable bracelets that have words and acronyms on them. “It’s hard sometimes, especially as a Femme, to let everyone know what you’re down with. I love passive, decorative forms as a means of communicating something about your body that is uncomfortable for you. I made one that had PTSD on it so that i could talk to someone in a certain setting by communicating without having to use my words.”
I hope this post helps reclaim FUPA for anyone out there who is unfamiliar with the term or has insecurities about their Fat Upper Pubic Area. I want to leave on this great quote from Katy about her body love journey.
“Past Katy, present Katy and future Katy are making moves. Even if I can’t see them today as my own healing, every micro step I take is progress.”