Bevin's Blog I'm blogging the relentless pursuit of my joy


Additions to the Queer Lexicography: Dry Spell Edition

I have the following updates to the Queer Lexicography to present unto you.

The first, courtesy of Zuleikha Mahmood, co-founder of the Femme Sharks.

Critically underbanged. It’s a great alternative to the term “dry spell” but can also be used to describe Lesbian Bed Death and any really unsatisfying sex. She used it in a craig’s list ad of all places, to request that someone help her protest her state of being. It worked, too, she totally found her recent boo from it and is now contentedly well-banged.

I think it’s also important to use this term during times in which your critically underbanged status has more to to with your own choosiness than any lack of interest. I am not going to settle or have sex with people who I am ambivalent about. It’s nice in periods of critical underbangedness to have such a colorful turn of phrase to use.

The second, courtesy of Glenn Marla, Tranny Superstar and oft-contributor to FemmeCast.

Tragic. It’s an alternative to the term depression, since being depressed is such a sad word that means inaction. When you’re depressed you’re sitting around like a lump, but tragic is an action word. So next time someone asks you how you’re doing, instead of saying “depressed” you should say you’re “tragic”. I find it’s a great way to spur me to action and making art out of my sad feelings. (In fact, Mr. Marla, together with Silas Howard and Heather Acs, put together an amazing piece of theater called “Tragic Magic” which was all about taking really horrible things in their lives and turning them into beautiful art. It’s moving and wonderful and when they go on tour through the Pac Northwest, CA, etc… this summer you need to bring your friends. Fan them on the Book.)

Of course, sometimes you give into the depression for a little while and listen to some hardcore Tracy Chapman (Smoke and Ashes anyone?) and play Bejeweled Blitz over and over again.

Trampage. Brought to you courtesy of Ms. Cherry Poppins, head whatever of the Femme Mafia ATX.

Trampage is a great word to describe sleeping your way through a town. For example, “My recent trip to Austin was a total trampage, I hooked up in a boxcar, a gay bar, an abandoned theater, my friend’s couch and in a van.” That was not my trip, I’m just using it as an example. But if anyone wants to invite a Femme to ATX sometime for some abandoned theater action, I might be up for it.

Femme Date. This one is totally just so obvious it can’t be attributed. It’s awesome to ask someone out on a Femme Date. In this context I mean it as a platonic event that is ultimately constructed as a romantic date is, but without the bumbling, attraction questions or all of the other baggage of a regular date. It’s specifically designed for Femme bonding time.

I had a lovely Femme Date with Zoe last night, because I wanted some one on one time with her to find out about her recent Toronto trip to see her sweetie and try out a new restaurant in my neighborhood. It was marvelous. And tonight I had a wonderful Femme friend of mine ask me on a Femme Date because we’d never hung out one on one. It was wonderful, we went to a wine bar nearby and had a couple of glasses and some cheese and great conversation. She was very chivalrous and ordered for me and it was quite lovely.

If you’re somewhere and know a Femme you want to get to know better, I highly recommend asking her on a Femme Date. Or if you’re just hitting a dearth of romantic action, being romanced by a friend (or romancing a friend) in this kind of sweetly platonic way, is really a wonderful way to feel special intimacy. Also, when you are having lots of romantic regular kind of dates, you should still have Femme Dates to build community and have those wonderful special bonding moments that Femmes have together.

It’s a great way to have an adventure and do those fun things you do on creative dates (pull out a guide book for your home city and find something fun you’ve never done! explore a new restaurant! split a bottle of wine and hang out in your backyard!) with the addition of a Femme bonding focus. I also suggest Butches, Genderqueers and the Trans do it, too! More buddy time!

In other news, if you’re in and around NYC for Pride (Sunday, June 28, 2009) you should march with the Femme Family!! Meet at noon at 54th Street between 5th & 6th Aves. Look for our van! RSVP and keep track of updated info at our Facebook invite! All femmes and allies invited!


The Kentucky Fried Woman Show: Video Post!

I first saw Kentucky Fried Woman at an International Drag King Community Extravaganza conference in 2002 and many years subsequent. She’s always been a tour de force of queer fat femme love, community leadership and great performance. I’ve never seen a troupe, group or solo performance that she was in that was anything less than superb. We’ve become good friends over the last couple of years and when I got a call for performers for her new monthly show at Velvet* in Oakland, CA… well, it was hard to deny a $200 bargain fare from Philadelphia to Oakland for a subsidized vacation.

The show was TV Show Theme Songs. The Jeffersons theme, Charles in Charge, Six Feet Under, The Golden Girls, Facts of Life and a few others were highlighted. I co-femmeceed the show.

Kentucky Fried Woman married her two loves of Dallas and the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders in a burlesque extravaganza that included a kick line AND tassel twirling.

Thanks to my mom being in the audience, I have video! Here’s my number.

I did the True Blood theme song and married my two loves of morality vampires and Paula Deen.

I also have video of my FemmeCast promo from the show here, as well. What you should know is that right before this segment we had a commercial break (Penny Whistle & Lance Armstar did several commercials, this one was Mr. Clean featuring a dirty pig and a farmer with a knife).

The KFW show is thematic and every single first Friday of the month until the end of the year. I was totally sad to miss the Muppets Take Oakland theme show, but it’s the day before the Fat Girl Flea Market. I have to say a big thanks to KFW for having me at this show, though, because this trip to California was really restorative for me, both as a performer and a human being.

*The management of Velvet has been taken over by the inimitable Christine De La Rosa. It is truly becoming a community space under her leadership and you should consider going there for the free wifi and community space Monday-Wed, and on the weekends for their extremely hot patronage.

I loved Velvet so much that I went back on Sunday night to spend that historic End of the L Word Forever Thank God night with Zuleikha and Gina De Vries. I was overwhelmed by how packed it was and HOW HOT all of the queers were. I mean. Oakland, where were all these hotties when I was a baby gay and living in the Bay Area? I tried to take a clandestine photo of the audience (only half of which I could get from my angle) but mostly failed.

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