Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2015-09-21

Femme on Femme, Art and Inspiration: A conversation with GAYmous!

I wrote about the awesomeness that is GAYmous a year ago, when they released their first video (Let’s Pretend We Don’t Have) Feelings. Since then, they’ve released a new self-titled EP and we’re blessed with their newest video, Femme on Femme!

FOF_Bed-1-jpgPizza Cupcake (left) and FX Boi (right).

If poppy new wave and contemporary radically inclusive queer politics had twin babies and they came out as a spandex clad fat genderqueer femme and an LHB (stands for Long Hair Butch), that’s GAYmous. GAYmous‘ sound is reminiscent of all of the magic I loved in the 80s. Do you like You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) by Dead or Alive? Or What Have I Done to Deserve This by Pet Shop Boys? Or Venus by Bananarama? You should give GAYmous a try!

FOF_Alex-in-Circle-jpg

Femme on Femme is important fat, queer art that gives us representations of fat queer femmes, including femmes of lots of gender presentations including genderqueerdo femmes, femmes of different abilities and racial diversity that is missing in a lot of media representations of queers. Its also full of crystals, glitter, bondage, great outfits (shout out to Size Queen Clothing), pizza tattoos, a queer porn star I recognized from Trouble Films, lingerie, garters, witchcraft, and the Collective Tarot. And an LHB on keyboards and servicing with popcorn and standing to the side while a femme coven does a cake bondage ritual.

I’ve written extensively about Femme on Femme action before and am super excited to see it come alive on screen in this fun and beautiful way!


Queer synth pop duo GAYmous takes you to the magical femme disco witch sex coven of your dreams as singer Pizza Cupcake seduces a sexy new witch recruit with spells, choreographed dances, and kinky rituals.

I took the opportunity to interview the genius duo about art, values and fat queer utopia.

What are your values as a band/queer artists?

Pizza Cupcake: GAYmous values unabashed queerness. We also want to create music and visuals where (gender) queer and fat people can feel seen and celebrated. We also worship at the altar of the synthesizer.

FX Boi: We want to make music that is political, sexy, and embodying. Something that opens up a dance floor. That makes people feel good, feel heard, feel sexy, and music that is very specifically queer.

What inspires you to make art?

Pizza Cupcake: I studied classical music for most of my life and even went to undergrad for vocal performance. I loved the drama of operatic singing but something was missing. I felt like I couldn’t be myself and there wasn’t space for a gender weird fat kinky queer femme in classical music. Starting GAYmous was a happy accident and I will be forever grateful to FX Boi for getting me out of my choir boy shell. It was so liberating collaborating to write original songs instead of singing German Lieder by an old dead white guy.

These days I am inspired by my friends, lovers, and community. I love taking an inside joke and turning it into a kinky queer vocabulary lesson for the masses. I was certainly inspired by your Queer Lexicon posts on your blog. I think I’m always creating art for younger me, a fat, closeted, suburban homo who was hungry for any representation.

FX Boi: I’ve been writing songs since I was 12. To me, it’s just a part of my life, always has been. It’s actually a bit of a compulsion. When I was a young rural queer, it was definitely my lifeline. I felt really isolated and would spend hours behind closed doors writing songs and attempting to create a multitrack recorder with two tape decks because I wanted to write many parts, not just vocals and guitar. Let me tell you, some of these songs were downright terrible, but they were all exercises and therapy for me. I’ve been in bands and done solo music all my life – indie rock bands, metal bands, math rock, punk bands, and now electronic music for the past decade or so after I fell in love with synthesizers and realized my palette could expand from a 5-piece rock band to an infinite number of sounds, shapes, textures and moods.

In reference to GAYmous, it’s about creating queer-specific pop music, by queers, for queers and creating spaces at shows that are specifically for queer people and queerdos. In my own solo project, Sapphic Lasers, I write songs about all sorts of things – alternative masculinities, radical butch-femme love songs, kink, celestial bodies, interrogating whiteness, being a small town country boi and jaded romantic at heart, etc.

gaymousfanartFan art from the GAYmous Facebook Page by Anna Archie Bongiovanni!

How do you carve out time to make art?

Pizza Cupcake: I’m a Gemini so I naturally get super excited about projects and then leave them all half done in tiny piles. I’ve been trying to curb this tendency my whole life and GAYmous has helped me figure out time management like a boss. I’m constantly jotting down ideas in a journal, leaving voice memos on my phone, and humming to myself. A lot of these ideas get crystallized together so I make band practice after my day job a priority. I’m also a big fan of those artist way type activities like morning pages to get all my ideas out.

FX Boi: I’m an Aries, which means I have a lot of gusto and energy. I’m very busy and time-challenged, but I make sure to make “art dates” with myself where I will work on editing, songwriting, creating. I also have found that I don’t feel balanced or healthy without carving out this time. Sometimes I squeeze in an hour or so of songwriting in between things (which often makes me late) or I dedicate a whole night or afternoon to working on things. A lot of songwriting actually happens in my head. Melodies or ideas will come to me and I’ll record them walking down the street into my phone and often get weird looks. My ridiculously talented friend, Nomy Lamm, and I actually compared voice notes on our phone once – it turns out she does the same thing! We thought it might be fun to trade phones and finish writing each other’s songs or do a compilation of these funny, fragmented voice notes. Writing GAYmous songs is usually pretty fun and seamless and collaborative with Pizza Cupcake. Whereas I often get more stuck on songs I’m writing for myself. Sometimes I just chew on a song I’m working on in my mind for a while and take it in different directions.

gaymouscasualdonut

What would be your idea of utopia?

Pizza Cupcake: No one ever says the phrase “good fatty” and the only trolls live under bridges. Touring internationally is cheap and easy. All the gym bros have gone missing. Dating scarcity feels doesn’t exist. Everything good feels abundant. Breakfast tacos are found everywhere not just in Texas. Femmes reign supreme. All plus size clothing is cute.

FX Boi: Capitalism, white supremacy, ableism, patriarchy, queerphobia, transphobia, fatphobia, classism, etc. comes crashing down; we destroy all clocks and use their remains to make art projects and have tons of “leisure” time to work on our passions, grow things, cook things, eat things, love people, fuck, lounge, swim, explore, feel sun on our cheeks, lay in grass, try new things, read, sleep, make things, collaborate. It’s like one, big long, eternal queer potluck/skillshare/sex and pool party. And everyone brings stuff like mac n cheese and cookies instead of kale salad. Oh and utopia has no bosses. Except #femmebosses.

gaymousepPlease throw dollars at this amazing queer band and buy their EP!!

2013-02-12

FAT SEX WEEK: My Favorite Places to Buy Plus Size Lingerie

After the success of GAY SEX WEEK on my blog in October 2011, I decided to produce FAT SEX WEEK to celebrate sex for all bodies. This is especially inspired to counteract all of the media about sex around Valentine’s Day that’s all heteronormative/couplehood-oriented/body hegemonic. It’s a week of body liberation and sex and it’s going to be really fun! Check out all of the FAT SEX WEEK magic!

(All the photos in this post are Safe For Work as long as fat girls in lingerie are safe for your work. Fair warning.)

Probably one of the questions I am asked most often by people I don’t know very well, other than legal advice, is about plus size lingerie shopping. I suppose it’s a compliment to my personal shopping prowess and exceptional cleavage enhancement techniques. It’s true, I ADORE lingerie. I wear loungerie to hang out in the house in and to sleep in, I wear fancy lingerie in the bedroom as well as on stage femmeceeing, I often wear vintage lingerie as dresses and shirts. I have the equivalent of a full closet of lingerie. That’s not hyperbole. I believe lingerie is for all times and not just special occasions. It’s like make-up for the bedroom.

IMG_9840
Here’s me in 2008 wearing two pieces of vintage lingerie layered over one another. Vintage lingerie is actually really warm.

I thought for FAT SEX WEEK I would do a round-up of the places that I really like (this list is by no means exhaustive, I could probably do four blog entries about lingerie). I also include a quickie product review of the Milana Bra by Genie!

Torrid is one of my favorite places. They don’t nail it every season, but I usually cruise Torrid’s clearance racks at least once a year and find a couple of gems. I love anything they sell that is called “chemise” and involves a microfiber or nylon/spandex blend, lace panel and/or underwire bust. I have a couple of cute chemises that are extremely comfortable and have lasted years.

Torrid sells online as well as in stores, and you can ask them to hold something in store for you to run and pick up if you’re into going to the mall.

573272_hi.jpeg
This piece would be in my wardrobe if I had extra cash right now.

Cacique (the Lane Bryant brand) has been a favorite of mine for years. I worked there in the early aughts and their Plunge bra changed my gender. I still wear them pretty much every day. I like getting their lingerie second-hand via ebay or resale sites because the lingerie (not bras, but lingerie) can be laundered fresh enough like new. If you’re buying directly from Cacique, I suggest shopping near Christmas or Valentine’s day, that’s when the pickings are best, in my opinion. Lots of reds and pinks. Post V-Day clearance is best, honestly. And if you can combine clearance pricing and time it with LB gift check time (the “spend $75 get $25 off” deal) then you just win all over.

Pro tip: wear Cacique pieces as sexy tops out in the world. If you’re down with maximal cleavage it’s a hot look!

pr_168397_9Z.jpeg
The split-side satin chemise is available now. Super hot and shiny!

pr_168410_I9.jpeg
The heart apron babydoll! OMG! So cute!

Size Queen Clothing out of Portland is also a favorite stop for intimates. If I was going to get a super custom made piece I would tap Bertha to design and put it together for me. She’s a GENIUS at spandex and fat bodies, and her pieces are exquisite. All of my Size Queen clothing pieces are treasures.

You can cruise her intimates (“tease wear”) on her website, but honestly, she’s so great to work with I would just chat her up with your vision and go from there. My friend Wyatt Riot got an amazing wrestler costume with a heart cut out for his “chubby” tattoo from Bertha. He wore it to Rebel Cupcake, it was amazing.

IMG_8865.JPG
Sadly the punching booth sign covers up the heart but you get the idea of the wrestler outfit. A wrestler onesie is a really great example of genderqueer lingerie!

Big Gals Lingerie is a dangerous place to shop (like, don’t shop there at work) for fat femmes who like other fat femmes. Their product photos are beyond sexy. It’s distracting. But, they go from size 1X-12X. I’ve never bought directly from them but know folks who have and have had great experiences both with “off the rack” pieces and custom made pieces. I’ve tried on their clubwear and lingerie when it came into my old workplace, Re/Dress, and I found the pieces to be good value for the money. They have tons of costumes and various other pieces.

STM-9127X.jpeg
This pink sequin bustier is only $32!

DI-nursebetty.jpeg
If you have a loved one who is recovering from illness or surgery, this nurse costume (up to size 12X) is a great outfit to surprise them with.

In terms of garter belts, I think the best you can get is something vintage style with metal clasps. The plastic ones have broken on me and the garter wearing femmes I know so many times! The metal kind are great because usually if something happens to them they are easy to swap out, but I’ve never known someone who broke the metal kind. There is nothing worse than walking around with a broken garter! Invest in a good piece!

product_thumb.jpeg
Rago is my favorite garter belt brand. I have a standard 6 strap belt in black and a full girdle style in white. This version goes from Small to 8X and comes in white, black and beige.

If you want to get some stockings to go with those garters, I buy my costume thigh highs from 3wishes.com. They have a whole section of plus size stockings. I buy the lace top stay up thigh high fishnets, which grab onto the fat at the top of your thigh and stay up that way. I also have their cuban heeled stockings and like them. I once got the black lace top stockings by accident and the sizing was very small on those, so look out for that.

I was given a piece of lingerie to review for my FAT SEX WEEK write-up by the folks at Milana Bra by Genie. It’s basically the same thing as the Genie bra, only with a lace panel in front for “modesty.” I’m the same blogger who earlier in this post suggested you wear lingerie as outerwear so I’m not going to ever buy lingerie for modesty. If that’s your thing, I’m totally cool with it. Despite its marketing towards modesty, there is an incredible amount of awesome in this piece!

MB_shop_black_big.jpeg

It’s the perfect genderqueer summertime outerwear club piece! I think if you paired it with a pair of vintage 80s dance pants or harem pants and some cool necklaces or a blazer it would be totally amazing. I actually really want to get Jessie Dress in one of these.

I asked for the 3X to try out and I am typically a 3X according to their size chart but it was way too small for me. It’s very boob minimizing, too, if that is your wish. It fit like a sportsbra. I would say go a size up from where they posit you on the size chart. It goes from small to 3X.

Like I said, I have a million more resources for lingerie looks, and hopefully this first helping gave you some places to start! Stay tuned tomorrow for the next installment of FAT SEX WEEK!

Powered by WordPress