What Brian Learned from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Child

Last night, Arnie and I sat down to watch the premier of this program. We had a houseguest from China. We baked pasta and poured pinot noir. I learned a lot. These are the top 10 things I learned.

1) A vagina is more properly known as a biscuit. This is becuase vaginas flake open like a really well made biscuit. Like the kind you get at Hardees.

2) When searching for a family home, don’t look for one that is merely near the rail road tracks. Look for one that has freight trains constantly roaring through on an easement you’ve granted the rail road across your lawn.

3) In some parts of Georgia, black men get the confederate flag painted onto their chests and drape themselves in an Ol’ Dixie the size of a bed sheet at sporting events.

What You Could Be Watching Instantly Right Now

Oh my lard, readers, it has been a crazy adventure. And by adventure I mean I have done literally nothing but convulse/rest/look pathetic in bed for a solid seven days, then in my recovery period I went to work, came home and fell asleep. The flu. Bad. I am paler than usual and have very little creative juice available.

The one thing I am really up on are the things you can stream instantly on your computer, since that is what is seeing me through these days. Most of what I’ve been watching are courtesy of the recommendations of friends. Hopefully this blesses my fellow crusaders against the flu virus. Grab a popsicle and some clear liquids and start streaming!