Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2010-12-08

Blog Contest: Lesbian Love Jams

The latest episode of the Lesbian Tea Basket is a pretty rare event caught on film. My friend Elisabeth did not set out to do this but I believe she out gayed me for approximately 7 minutes. Not that being gay is a contest, since being gay is truly the greatest team sport of them all. However, I am told by many people quite often that I am the gayest person they know and I cannot wait to show them how Elisabeth is even gayer.

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Typically my gayness is expressed through lesbian cultural references. A subtle Ani DiFranco quote cast into the wind to see if someone might pick up on it or let it fly. The warbling of an Indigo Girls song at just the right moment. My purchase of a labrys necklace that is actually sharp just this past summer at the age of 31 and not as a relic from my queer youth. (Though I did just locate my pride rings from college and just as soon as I polish up the chain I’m going to wear them someplace to horrify some been-there-done-that-over-the-rainbow gays.)

Elisabeth delights me to no end because she does this even better than I do. In fact, at the very same party we filmed this at the slightest hint of something related she busted out her journal from college and began reciting a passage about her ex-girlfriend. So Lez!

During the same party we were wondering what the queer youth of today are listening to to bond them as a queer community. By this I mean that I learned that in the 70s and 80s at Girl Scout Camp, when one person wanted to know if another person was a Lez, they would ask them if they listened to Cris Williamson. Girl Scout Camp is where I first learned about Indigo Girls during a joy ride in a friend’s mom’s borrowed mini van. When I was coming out in the late 90s Ani DiFranco was the tie that bound. It certainly factored in the “I see you, you see me” silent acknowledgment of sexuality between me and my first girlfriend (because I was still almost entirely closeted at that time).

So who is the artist now that the closeted gay youth can use to out themselves to each other? My investigation continues.

As a group of early thirties queermos we were also talking about the ultimate lesbian primer cd. If you could only include one Dar Williams song, one Ani song, one Melissa Etheridge song, one Sleater-Kinney song, etc… which would you choose? This is clearly a Solomon’s choice since you don’t actually have to exclude the remainder of our herstorical lineage, now that we have ipods, but it is an interesting conundrum to think about.

So here we have the aforementioned Episode. The blog contest is this, comment with your list of Deep Lez references from the video and the person who has the most the earliest (so if there’s a tie the person who comments first gets it) before December 20 at midnight Eastern time wins a cd of lesbian hits made by yours truly. The winner will be verified by Elisabeth herself.

Also in this episode we experiment with those magic fruit tablets that change your taste buds.

P.S. Lesbian Love Jams v. 4 is the name of an actual cd that Elisabeth and friends made for my boss at Re/Dress as a thank you for a gift certificate donated to the Lesbian Love Octagon.

2010-08-18

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

Fresh from my annual adventure in the woods at MichFest, I thought I would provide some highlights from my summer adventures.

TAMALE AND THE POWER OF STICKTOITIVENESS

I got to spend a lot of time with the gorgeous and caring Miss Tamale Sepp. I met her through the IDKE community years ago, and have performed alongside her precious few times but consider her a kindred spirit. She’s two months older than me but it feels like we’re twins in some ways. She likes to say “I’m dramatic, not drama” and I could not agree more. We share a penchant for flamboyance and big personalities, red hair and big tits.

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One of the things I love most about Tamale is her relentless drive and passion. She decided the last afternoon of the festival that she wanted to spin poi. She needed this very specific type of camping fuel. “Coleman something something in a red can” she repeated to anyone who would listen. She easily asked 600 people and as the afternoon wore on and I was beginning to give up, as the cuntree store ran out of all sweet snacks other than keebler fudge stripe cookies, as campers had been flooding out the front gates since the early morning hours, as night was beginning to fall. She got a tip from someone to check beside a specific high traffic dumpster as a lot of campers leave things behind. I bid her adieu after another heart to heart atop a hay bail.

Two hours later she was at the Last Chance Desperation Dance* grinning from ear to ear, handing me a book of matches with a can of Coleman fuel at her feet. She saw it in someone’s cart and asked if she could use some and they gave it to her. She performed three of her beautiful fire dances that night, one solo and one using me as a sexy (and very trusting) prop underneath her, and then later as part of the Womyn of Color Community Tent burlesque show.

Had Tamale given up when I was beginning to doubt the possibility, she never would have had that fulfillment and the hundreds of women who watched her perform that night would have missed out on some beautiful midnight magical moments. It was a really salient example to me of the benefits of tenacity and putting your needs out there.

Me and Tamale

ACTIONS FOR TRANSSEXUAL WOMEN’S INCLUSION
Stage Protest during Sia
Photo credit Andrea Alseri
A photo from the stage protest during Sia’s “Breathe Me”. The people are all wearing “Trans Women Belong Here” t-shirts. During the “How to welcome transsexual women to Michfest” organizing meeting Sia and JD attended and she invited people to wear their shirts and come on stage.  There were an additional 3 rows of folks behind the catwalk. Also when we (the folks on stage) raised our arms, a bunch of folks in the crowd stood with their arms raised as well. It was really beautiful to be part of this action.  I’m like third back from the center wearing a long sleeve black undershirt and striped skirt.  I did my best to make a t-shirt look good.

Opening day
Rae, one of the transwomen inclusion organizers, did an excellent t-shirt modification.

There was a lot of productive and peaceful organizing on the Land this summer around the issue of transsexual women’s inclusion in the womyn-born-womyn community intention at the Festival.** It was really great to see so much visible mobilization and have so many great conversations with people who are long-time (like 20+ years) attendees of the Festival. I have seen a shift in the community perception of the presence of an all-inclusive definition of “womyn” within the last decade I’ve been attending the Festival, but of course there is no crystal ball to tell us when/if/how that shift will be reflected by the Festival itself.

Welcoming Transsexual Women on the Land
Photo Credit: Amanda Leinberger

Women’s space is personally very important to me, and something I see as a periodic necessity for my ability to live in this society. I grew up in Girl Scouts and going to Girl Scout camp. I also believe very strongly in gender non-essentialism and that gender is non-binary. I think that women’s space can be inclusive of a non-binary gender, and the umbrella can be as big as it needs to be to include all women. I also don’t believe anyone has the right to decide who else is a “woman”. Not the clerk at vital records who files the birth certificates and not someone who is organizing an event. I think gender is self-determined.

The first time I went to Michfest it blew my mind. This was before I learned about body positivity, before I learned that Femme was anything other than pejorative and being able to see a literal sea of women’s bodies (and a lot that looked like mine) in a comfortable and free environment radically changed my view of my own body. I want Fest to become that kind of space for all women. I am committed to doing the work from the inside, while I’m there to spiritually replenish my ability to do my art and activism in the outside world.

What was disheartening this summer was the interactions with Camp Trans this year. My friend Bryn, a long-time Camp Trans goer, read a piece about her experience at Festival in 2007 on Episode 9 of my podcast. It’s a really great listen.
There were reports of vandalism on the Land this summer from people camped at Camp Trans, and as a worker who works at the front gate, I heard people yelling terrible things from their cars at us as they drove past. This is something I’ve never experienced from Camp Trans. I’ve been over there many times, have a lot of friends who camp there and have enjoyed the “kinder gentler” peaceful activism that has been the trend over the last several years. I know whatever happened were the actions of a few individuals and not a whole community, but it is very disappointing that it happened at all when the actions going on from Festival Goers were so positive.

FINDING YOUR OWN RHYTHM

I spent a lot of time on vacation this year fighting off bugs (they were worse than ever) and trying to look good while doing it. A Festie Virgin friend of mine told me “I was lead to believe this was going to be some sort of non-stop sexy romp in the woods” and I responded “Nothing deters my sexual appetite like the taste of DEET.” Not that sex doesn’t happen in the woods, but when I removed getting laid from whether or not I felt my Festival was fun or a success I had a much better time. This theory is also true for conferences and other high-pressure hook-up queer social gatherings.***

I think it can be really hard to understand that what makes something a good time for one person doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true for other people. This took me so long to internalize. Some people have to get laid to have a good time or do [x,y,z] to have a good time. I would always beat myself up for not enjoying things in a similar way because I absorbed what other people were saying should be my goals for what is a good time.

The Festival is a great space for me to remember this lesson. Some people go to the Festival for the sole purpose of just drinking with their friends all week, some go for the nature, some book up every moment of their day with workshops, concerts and activities. I sometimes get so wrapped up in the idea of the time I think I should be having I become really checked out from the joys and pleasures of the time I am actually having.

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Indigo Girls was my favorite concert and I remained completely sober for it because I wanted to really experience the joy of seeing one of my favorite bands play. I was also experimenting with how to wear flannel as high Femme. Also pictured is my friend Des in her outfit from the Butch Strut.

It took me several years to realize that just because I was “camping” didn’t mean I had to dress like it. I’m always far happier wearing clothes that express who I am in a way that zip away hiking shorts and tevas don’t even come close to doing. So I wear what I want and accept that there might be a wardrobe casualty (rarely).

Sharp in the woods.
Partying in the dark dark woods? Sequins will get you noticed.

This is another lesson in not letting fear hold you back. I don’t worry about being overdressed anymore, and the same goes double for as costume-friendly environment as MichFest.

FEMME PARADE
My friend C. approached me at the beginning of Festival week and told me that her dream was to get her light blue convertible in the Femme Parade and have me ride in it. I told her, “I didn’t know that it was my dream to ride in a light blue convertible in the Femme Parade until this very moment but I am happy to help make this happen.” It took many conversations and work on many folks’ parts but the coveted and extremely difficult to acquire Festival vehicle pass was obtained and we took up the rear of the parade.

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All in all I had a great time, deepening friendships and spending some quality time helping to create something entirely put together from scratch every year by women. It’s an incredible experience and incredible feeling. I can’t wait to do it again.

*Not the official name in the Festival program.
**More on this topic is being pooled at this site here, clickie clickie.
***Likely another blog post on this topic is forthcoming.

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