Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2020-08-09

Cheerfully adapting to what I thought I didn’t want going into 2020

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , — Bevin @ 10:12 pm

(This post is part of a series of daily letters from me to my future children reporting from the emerging paradigm.)

Dear Kids:

I’m starting to settle into the idea that I might not travel for the next year.

It’s been seven months since the last time I traveled (January, for Spunky’s wedding, which was two months prior to quarantine). This has to be the longest I’ve gone without travel since I was in high school. And even that, I think I went camping with my girl scout troop at least four times a year. And went to camp every summer.

Kyle Cease teaches to lean into doing something different, that’s the opposite of what you usually do, in order to expand. Last year I stopped producing any content for four months, the most private I had been on the internet since I started blogging in 2002.

I learned so much about myself during that time. I think this might be the case, too.

I don’t know for sure if I won’t travel at all, but it sure seems unlikely that this virus will be under control anytime soon. I can thrive in whatever circumstances.

Maybe I’ll get an RV I can drive around in (the one I live in can’t go anywhere because I don’t have a vehicle to pull it). Maybe I’ll go someplace nearby for a day trip. I just feel like staying put is the most cautious choice and I’m in a quarantine pod with my mother. Traveling doesn’t seem like a risk worth taking.

Quarantine kind of feels like a deeper adventure than I originally contemplated as I tuck into “How long is this going to last?” It’s always with a big heap of gratitude that I get to quarantine at a place that feels like summer camp. I can even go to my mom’s art studio for arts and crafts, sometimes she and I play ping pong.

I had some really fun zooms and lives today. I taught my first chair only zoom aerobics class for my friend Chrystal’s “Fat Chat.”

Deidra hosted a 4:20 instagram live sister sesh where we got to pop in and share things the other Glowing Goddess Getaway babes might not know about us. A bunch of my friends went live with Deidra and it felt like we were all together. I miss getting together with them but Deidra and Sailene have done a remarkable job keeping the sisterhood together with their livestreams.

Community happens when we all continue to show up.

I have been studying leadership skills intensely for the past year and one thing I am working to do is cheerfully adapt to new circumstances.

It takes an emotionally mature and mentally tough person to adapt cheerfully when things don’t go their way. I had originally intended to be on the road much of this summer and that didn’t happen. The pandemic is making travel potentially lethal. I don’t really need to go anywhere. So I’ll cheerfully adapt and see what I can learn about myself staying in one place for a long time.

This is already the first home I’ve lived in where I’m completely unpacked! And it’s easier for me to keep clean.

As an aside, I’m not motivated to do laundry frequently since it involves wearing a mask in the common area laundry room. Doing laundry with a mask on is weird, it is an oddly sensory experience for me and not being able to smell my fresh clothes from the dryer is something I am missing. So much weird pandemic grief!

I hope you learn to cheerfully adapt to changing circumstances.

xoxo,

Mom

This blog is entirely supported by Patreon. Every dollar counts to making this work sustainable and maintaining the archives of this blog. Thanks to my awesome Patronus supporters (as my mom calls them) for co-creating with me!

2017-04-11

FAT SEX WEEK XXL: Curvy Rope Bottoming

Welcome one and all (who are knowingly entering into this adult-themed conversation)! This is Fat Sex Week XXL, the second edition of QueerFatFemme.com Fat Sex Week where I explore many facets of fat sex. Named for Magic Mike XXL, which was even better than the first Magic Mike, I’m hoping this edition is louder and fatter than ever before! Check this tag for all of the posts!

I know so many people for whom kink and BDSM have been their gateways to body acceptance. I’ve been to lots of parties and seen rope suspension, whether for art or kink (or both!) and there is definitely an overwhelming amount of suspension that privileges young, thin, White bodies.

Evie Vane is an author whose forthcoming book, Better Bondage for Every Body, excerpted below, seeks to provide the support needed to diversify the rope bottoming scene.

For folks who don’t know, rope bottoming is the experience of being tied up. When you’re doing the tying, you’re the rope top! Not everyone who rope bottoms is a bottom all the time and likewise with topping.

Below are several excerpts from the chapter “For Curvy Rope Bottoms” in Better Bondage for Every Body (out in May).

The photos of fat rope bottoms in suspension in the book are really beautiful.

***

As deviant as the rope world is, its public face often seems to share mainstream views about body image. Just look at FetLife’s Kinky & Popular page, all the rope groups on Facebook, bondage photos published in magazines and books…more often than not, the rope bottoms are thin, young, very flexible women—in other words, not representative of the majority of rope bottoms, who have a wide range of body types, whose ages run the gamut, and who include men and transgender people.

This is not to judge thin, young, bendy women, by the way, who deserve to be who they are without being shamed or judged, just like everyone else… This book is one small effort that I hope will take root and grow until every rope bottom sees their beauty.

Model: Terri F.
Bondage by Zetsu Nawa and Demonsix
Photos by Retrotie
Hair and makeup by Anastasia Panagiotidis

***

Bri Burning offers this: “The biggest challenge I’ve faced being a rope bottom is the doubt of tops—whether that be doubt in my body and what it can do, or insecurities in their own skills.” That last part brings up another part of the challenge: incorrect assumptions about the limitations and capabilities of larger bodies. “I’m a very curvy woman who is extremely flexible,” Bri continues. “[But] most people assume that I can’t stay in stress positions for long or can’t bend a certain way.”

Let’s be clear: Flexibility is not related to size. Curvy bottoms run the gamut from having very limited flexibility to having very high flexibility, the same way noncurvy rope bottoms
do. (See Chapter 12 on ties for limited range of motion if you fall into the former category.) As Starberry says, “There may be some things I can’t do, but those are my limitations and not necessarily due to weight.”

***

“An educated top is your biggest ally,” Kurious says. “Ask the questions…‘Have you ever tied up a big [person]? What do you do differently with someone my size versus someone that is half my weight?…Will you be prepared to catch me if I am falling?’”

If you just can’t find an educated top, consider creating
one! Do your own research and educate your partner. Learn together. “There are always workarounds to an uncomfortable tie,” WyldOrchi_soumi says. “My top has added wraps or changed the point of the primary pull, and it has made all the difference. Also, a good wrap clearing or cleaning can make a huge difference when you have a lot of fleshiness under those wraps. Hurts like a bitch in the moment but is worth the extra minutes I can hold the tie.”

Model: Terri F.
Bondage by Zetsu Nawa and Demonsix
Photos by Retrotie
Hair and makeup by Anastasia Panagiotidis

***
Learning how to tie and even self-suspend can be helpful as well. “Self-tying has helped me the most physically and mentally to rope bottom,” thisgirl_m says. “I’ve gained knowledge about the technicalities of the ties that allows me to judge the safety of the ties I am in. I have learned my body’s ‘normal’ in rope so I able to tell if something is causing me harm.” Gnethys adds, “If someone tells you you’re too fat to fly, nothing will shut them up faster than self-suspending in front of them.”

***
If you are wildly intrigued by rope bottoming, here are some great resources:

If you’re interested in topping for the first time, start with the Topping Book. Likewise, if you’ve never bottomed, start with the Bottoming Book.

Evie Vane’s previous book, The Little Guide to Getting Tied Up, is available now.

Better Bondage for Every Body
is coming out in May. Sign up on Evie’s email list to find out when you can get it!

Here’s Evie’s YouTube channel with rope bottoming videos.

Remember, all bodies are worthy of love/sex/rope bondage exactly as they are!

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