Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2017-04-04

FAT SEX WEEK XXL: Six People Tell You Why Curvy Girl Sex Is Awesome

Welcome one and all (who are knowingly entering into this adult-themed conversation)! This is Fat Sex Week XXL, the second edition of QueerFatFemme.com Fat Sex Week where I explore many facets of fat sex. Named for Magic Mike XXL, which was even better than the first Magic Mike, I’m hoping this edition is louder and fatter than ever before! Check this tag for all of the posts!

There’s a new book on the market called Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body-Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life. Written by Elle Chase, it’s a huge collection of sex positions to help empower your sex life.

April Flores Pin-Up magic is all over this book. Photo by Nick Holmes.

Let’s first talk about why this is important–fat people are taught that we’re not fuckable. All oppressed people are taught to not take up space and that we should be as invisible as possible. When we try so hard to not take up space it’s actually very physically and psychologically disempowering.* In a society that doesn’t see fat bodies as valuable and the porn that celebrates diverse body size is considered fetish, most fat folks have to go through a ton of self work to empower ourselves enough to thoroughly enjoy sex.

There’s a lot of scaffolding that goes in to feeling free and embodied enough for body oppressed people to have an orgasm, it’s wonderful when work that centers fat pleasure arrives on the scene to help!

Curvy Girl Sex has so much to offer for folks of all sexualities, genders and sizes to improve their sex lives! I decided to interview a sampling of folks about what they loved about the book.

Photo by Nick Holmes.

I’ll go first! It serves as a gorgeous coffee table book full of hot pin-up photos of April Flores. An award-winning trailblazing sex performer; she’s my favorite porn star. She won the very first BBW award at the mainstream porn awards that they ever gave out, then won it again. She is overtly political, not just being a sexy fat woman in porn but also doing it with an empowering message to her fans. I was on her radio show (that links to a porn radio station website) for Fat Sex Week last week and we talked for an hour about fat sex, body positivity and having your best life. We had radio phone callers! One of them identified as Sub Matt. I’m now friends** with April Flores and in real life she’s totally fun, smart and great to hang out with.

This was literally the first thing I thought when I saw the cover of Curvy Girl Sex, “April Flores is the exact right choice for this cover. A Queer, Fat, Latina history making sex performer.” I think everyone loves a coffee table book of pin-ups and maybe it should be a book of fat sex positions with April Flores as the pin-up?

I have had a sex positive household for my entire adult life, so we have had Curvy Girl Sex out in the living room while I’ve been working on Fat Sex Week and it’s been a great conversation starter.

From a design standpoint, it’s a beautiful book in a bright yellow that would look great as a pop of color, too.

World-renowned Sexpert Tristan Taormino loves the key guide in Curvy Girl Sex. “I have a bad back and I can tell at a glance which positions are the ones I should be sure to try.”

Here’s an excerpt from the book that shows how the key guide is used for each position. The keys include suitable for pregnant women, strap-on friendly, easier on the back, easier on the knees, etc… I love that each illustration for the key images is a plump body.

My partner Dara said that Curvy Girl Sex is smart and a great example of intersectionality.

The author of the book, Elle Chase: “I think what makes this book most valuable is that it can be used for ANY body, not just ‘curvy.’ The positions are terrific for people with mobility issues, people who have chronic pain, people of all gender identities and even average sized folks. It’s an all-purpose, permission giving positions book for anyone with a body, with or without body-image issues.”

My friend Dari said he loved that the book has a whole section on car sex! Car sex is hard in a fat body it’s helpful to know that Elle figured that out.

Author Elle Chase, photo by Nick Holmes.

From the book: “Stop the negative thoughts by focusing on what’s happening in the moment and on what kind of pleasure you can or are giving your partner, then revel in your ability to be present and in your pleasure at the same time as your partner—that’s no small feat!”

Click here to check out a pdf of the Whoopie Pie position the page that excerpt is from.

The Yoni massage on page 151 is really optimum foreplay for my friend Katy. She’s a fat sex blogger and we spent a lot of time during our hang out talking about this book. “As a fat woman who has been sexually abused I have a weird connection to my pussy. I have to actively envision it being pleasured. Yoni massage is actually what I need to feel that skin and remember these nerve endings because due to trauma I had to so actively choose to ignore, forget and disconnect from them. I really like that inclusion because that’s new to me and empowering!”

Katy can also vouch for the Slip N Slide position on Page 123 being very satisfying.

We both agree the book is missing an essay or something from April Flores! I asked her what she thinks is the most valuable thing about this book and she said the representation for fat women! Look through the sex book section at your local feminist sex toy store and the percentage of women of size is nothing like the actual percentage of larger bodies in the population. Our sexuality matters and our representation matters!

Photo by Nick Holmes.

Consider grabbing a copy of Curvy Girl Sex to help you empower your sex life!

*I do a whole aerobics number for Fat Kid Dance Party about teaching people physical ways of embodying the idea of taking up space and healing by taking up space! 7:30PM on Thursdays at EVERYBODY in Los Angeles.
**My friend H. Alan Scott says in Hollywood being “Friends” with someone means they are in your phone and you can text them right now.

PS: I am soliciting a volunteer to transcribe the video in my previous post with Sparklez to make it more accessible–if you’re available shoot me an email QueerFatFemme at Gmail!

2013-02-19

FAT SEX WEEK: Interview with Queer Porn Star Sophia St. James

After the success of GAY SEX WEEK on my blog in October 2011, I decided to produce FAT SEX WEEK to celebrate sex for all bodies. This is especially inspired to counteract all of the media about sex around Valentine’s Day that’s all heteronormative/couplehood-oriented/body hegemonic. It’s a week of body liberation and sex and it’s going to be really fun! Check out all of the FAT SEX WEEK magic!

(All the photos in this post are Safe For Work as long as fat girls in lingerie are safe for your work. Fair warning.)

Sophia St. James is a Portland-based sex educator, queer porn star and burlesque performer among many other things. I was poking around her website after seeing her in Lesbian Curves and thought she would be a great addition to FAT SEX WEEK. Please imagine my interview being conducted Queer Oprah style, in two fat-friendly chairs, accompanied by cups of tea.

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Sophia St. James photo by Raise Your Fist Productions.

BEVIN: How did you begin performing in porn?

SOPHIA: It’s kind of funny. I ended up slipping off my porch and breaking my elbow and knee. So I was bed bound for weeks and was surfing the net constantly. Somehow I came across an article about Syd Blakovich and Madison Young. The article had mentioned ‘queer porn’ and I asked my partner, “Have you ever heard of queer porn?”. She told me she hadn’t and I immediately began my hunt for this ‘queer porn’. As soon as I learned about it, I applied to be a model with Courtney Trouble, Marie Beatty, and Crash Pad Series. And I guess the rest is history…

BEVIN: What is your experience being a person of color and size in the porn industry? Does it help or hinder getting roles?

SOPHIA: I find queer porn and mainstream porn to be two different worlds. In mainstream porn, I am seen as a plumper or BBW, ebony or urban. In queer porn, I am just me. I don’t mind being labeled because I am ebony and I am of size, but I am also a hell of a lot more than that and in queer porn the other parts of me are valued as well. I have said this many times, porn is the only industry that can get away with being sizist, racist, classist, homophobic, ablest, and bigoted. However, if you surround yourself with empowered, fierce people it’s not a problem. In mainstream, I am not small enough to be in ‘regular’ porn and I am not big enough to be in most BBW porns. But in queer porn, I am accept for my style, beauty, and sex appeal. I have not experienced direct negativity from being in porn when it comes to my size or ethnicity, but I have experienced indirect negativity as well as seeing my friends and others deal with it. My goal is to make my own queer fierce femme realness genre versus trying to fit in with one. I also enjoy being able to educate my heterosexual cis gendered male fans about what queer is and how sexy it can be.

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Sophia St. James photo by BV Imagery.

BEVIN: How about as a person of color and size in the burlesque community? Do you have any advice about people of size and/or color who want to start performing in porn or burlesque?

SOPHIA: The burlesque community as a whole can be very similar to porn. With the movement of feminist and queer burlesque, there is a lot more acceptance of plus sized performers. I find each major city has it’s hidden gem of a community that produced radical, sex positive, body positive burlesque. Those are the gems to look for. I would suggest to anyone wanting to perform burlesque that is of size or a person of color to find these areas. The queer performance scene is very welcoming to all sized bodies and skin colors.

BEVIN: What is your body love story–did you always love it or did you need to love it? Did BDSM help you become more comfortable?

SOPHIA: I have always been comfortable in my skin. I mean, there were times I questioned myself and how my body looked, but for the most part I have always been happy with my appearance. No matter the size I am, I know I am still fierce and am able to do what I need to do in order to be happy. And believe it or not, when I was a size 9/10 I had more issue with my body size than I do now at a size 20/22. I remember trying to fit in with the other girls in school. I had a very womanly shape as a teenager (big boobs, small waist, big hips.booty) and that was not a normal thing at where I went to school. I felt like I was fat and need to lose weight. Not to mention I was in the pageant and model circuit, but that’s an entirely different topic. At my size now, I am happy and I am fit. I just recently decided to start exercising more. Not to lose weight, but to increase my stamina and flexibility. BDSM can be a great self confidence builder. BDSM is centered all around power dynamics. It is also about community. The depth of community you are involved in is up to you, but I find that kink and leather families can be some of the strongest bonds made. They help lift you up when you need and family members ‘have your back’ when you need it.

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Sophia St. James photo by Maxwell Lander.

BEVIN: As a sex educator, you have a lot to teach folks about sex! What’s one thing that people (at any size but especially fat folks) can do to feel more comfortable having sex in their bodies?

SOPHIA: I think the most important thing would be to stop comparing yourself to societal standards of what sex appeal means. This means don’t try to fit into someone elses box of what sexy is. Rub your fat. Touch your fat. Caress your fat. Let your lover(s) kiss and worship your body for the sex pot that you are. Know that it is all a part of you and that makes you the most beautiful YOU that you could be. Allow yourself to accept the love and lust others have for you and know that you are sexy no matter what!

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Sophia St. James photo by Maxwell Lander.

Sophia is launching her official education site in March (www.professorsophia.com) and will be launching a queer kink/BDSM site at the beginning of April (www.thedeviantspectrum.com), so stay tuned for both of that. Sophia is also producing Hedonistic Decadence, a queer strip night, on March 8th in Portland. You can find it on Facebook and Tumblr! I love their mission, “Bringing sexy, radical, sex positive, body positive, gender inclusive, queer erotic performance to the community.” Thanks Sophia!

Stay tuned for more FAT SEX WEEK tomorrow! (Clearly FAT SEX WEEK is too big for just one week…)

2013-02-11

FAT SEX WEEK: Courtney Trouble’s New Porn “Lesbian Curves”

After the success of GAY SEX WEEK on my blog in October 2011, I decided to produce FAT SEX WEEK to celebrate sex for all bodies. This is especially inspired to counteract all of the media about sex around Valentine’s Day that’s all heteronormative/couplehood-oriented/body hegemonic. It’s a week of body liberation and sex and it’s going to be really fun! Check out all of the FAT SEX WEEK magic!

(All the photos in this post are Safe For Work as long as fat girls in lingerie are safe for your work. Fair warning.)

The best thing in the world to launch FAT SEX WEEK here at QueerFatFemme.com is a review of a totally QUEER FAT FEMME ON FEMME porn! Lesbian Curves was just released by that bombshell Courtney Trouble from her indie body positive porn production company TROUBLEfilms.

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This is hot babe Courtney Trouble wearing an outfit of lingerie I wrote in my porn review notes “Need to find those underwear and buy them.” Femme reviewer realness.

I have long admired and appreciated Courtney Trouble’s porn femmepire. She says in her blog, “My audience may be smaller than most, but knowing that my art is on track with a larger scheme of the adult industry makes me feel like I’m working towards a goal of normalizing, representing, and respectfully erotizing what may seem like a ‘fetish’ or a minority in mainstream sexual ideals.” This is exactly in line with why I think sexual content in identity work is so important–it is really powerful to own our sexual liberation and represent it in a way that is both sexy and honest. I love Courtney’s art!

On to the review! Courtney sent me a review DVD of Lesbian Curves and I watched it a little differently than I usually watch porn, which is usually picking and choosing scenes based on my mood. This time I went beginning to end, on the couch like a movie, and we even went into the special features the next day!

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Betty Blac. All of the stars of Lesbian Curves are hardcore babes.

Here is Courtney’s summary of Lesbian Curves:

Sultry body worship, sensuous kissing, playful taunting, sex toys, chemistry, and hard core lesbian fucking are what make Lesbian Curves the genre-busting adult film you’ve been craving. This full length feature is full of luscious skin, bodacious bodies and intense orgasms, brought to you by the fiercest femmes in porn, soaking wet and thirsty for passionate, curvaceous, gritty, real lesbian sex.

Starring Courtney Trouble, Kelly Shibari, Betty Blac, Sophia St James, Sandy Bottoms, Kitty Stryker, Peppermint Fatty, and Eden Alexander and shot in full HD.

I really adored that the cast is size diverse throughout the range of “fat” sizes–from inbetweenie on up. Check out the cast photos here (NOT safe for work). It’s also racially diverse, including a scene that is just two queer women of color.

It’s clear that the porn performers have real chemistry. Especially the scene between Kelly Shibari and Betty Blac. I had a long conversation while watching it about whether or not they were a couple in real life.

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The music is good, especially during the first partner scene. It’s almost like someone was DJing the porn. I like it when porn music actually flows well. It’s also luxuriously edited. There aren’t a lot of story lines in this movie except the scene between Kitty Stryker and Eden Alexander.

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There were no safe for work photos of Kitty Stryker from the press kit so I borrowed this from Kitty herself. She has two-toned hair and cute glasses in the movie. I had a long conversation during her scene about how to get Kitty to make out with me.

Sophia St. James has been a favorite of mine for a long time, ever since I saw her in Bordello (another amazing work by TROUBLEfilms). She has a great scene with Peppermint Fatty that involves a juicy strap-on. I’m interviewing Sophia later this week as part of FAT SEX WEEK.

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I’m pretty sure no nipples makes it safe for work.

A lot of the scenes are best described as “Sweet and hot.” There’s a deep tenderness and body appreciation between the performers. Not a lot of kink involved in the movie, which is a little bit of a bummer because, to be frank, a lot of those sweet asses could have used a vigorous spanking and/or some good biting. (Just saying. Kitty Stryker, call me.)

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I never consider time wasted watching porn if I learned a sex technique I can fold into my repertoire. Courtney does this thing in her scene where she holds her tits together and has her scene partner suck both nipples at once. This is not easily accomplished in real life but is fun to try!

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Watching porn that represents people whose bodies look like yours and who are doing sex the way you like to do sex is incredibly self-affirming. I thought that the intro to the video, where a fat girl (Courtney) is engaged in some serious self-loving body worship, was extremely powerful from an artistic and embodied point of view. And also just totally hot.

It can be hard to find porn that represents your body or how you like to do sex, which is why it is so crucial to support indie porn makers like Courtney and TROUBLEfilms (which has a pretty incredible queer, race, gender and size diaspora).

Lesbian Curves is $28 on dvd (which includes lots of extras, that I enjoyed greatly). You can download to own Lesbian Curves for $26.

I was talking to my friend Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasina in my kitchen the other day about Lesbian Curves and she said, “Were there queer fat femmes getting tied up? That’s what I want to see!” And we went on to basically write the sequel, Lesbian Curves Two: Femme on Femme Action and it involves a scene where LLPS whips someone while they recite the Femme Shark Manifesto. Courtney, if you want me and Leah to help you vision this we’re happy to get coffee.

A copy of Lesbian Curves is the perfect present for your lover, partner, bestie, future sexcapade for Valentine’s Day! Also, you can give the gift of a QueerPorn gift certificate from Courtney’s website!

Stay tuned for the next installment of FAT SEX WEEK tomorrow!

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