Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2012-06-15

Bevin’s New York Pride Guide 2012

Gay Stamina Month is upon us! And there are five weekends in June this year! So much time for homo revelry! I had a reader email and ask what was going on for Pride and my answer is “everything” but here’s what my Gay Agenda looks like for the next week and change.

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Photo by Amos Mac

#1 Rebel Cupcake
It’s my party so it goes first.

THURSDAY, JUNE 21st!! Kicking off NYC Pride Weekend. The theme is Let’s Get Physical, in honor of Crystal Light Dance Aerobic Championships from the 80s.

10PM-2AM Dancing; show 11ish * $7
($2 off admission if you are on our texty texty list)
Late night dancing til 4a
Sugarland: 221 N 9th St @ Roebling, Brooklyn, NY
(3 blocks from the Bedford L subway stop)

Rebel Cupcake: a flamboyant dance party for all shapes & flavors! WINNER of Go Magazine Awards for Best Emcee (Bevin) and Most Eclectic Crowd!

Performers:
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*Axon D’Luxe
Electrotext wordsmith and performance artist teaches us how to reclaim our bodies from trauma through aerobic exercise.
[http://www.axondluxe.com/]

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Photo by Jeep Wheat
*Afrotitty
Ferocious Burlesque Glitter Baby Supreme

*Bevin Branlandingham
Your Femmecee reclaims the President’s Physical Fitness Test
[http://queerfatfemme.com/]

More info available on the Rebel Cupcake page!

#2. Fuck You Dad! A Femme Pride Event
SUNDAY, June 17th, 7PM @ a Private Brooklyn Residence.

My fabulous and smart roommate Damien Luxe is producing it and it is going to be really amazing. I’m performing a piece from my memoir, not about my Dad (who, ironically, I have made a lot of peace with over the last couple of years) but about a Daddy Top I once had a scene with.

“Daddy is a fabulous sexuality … and ‘dad’ is a problem! Ya know it’s true. So on Sunday June 17, come to a variety show, ritual to celebrate femme pride & end patriarchy, backyard hangout & birthday party on the theme of Fuck You Dad!
// Show @ 8p *sharp* //”

Performing artists include:
Bevin Brandlandingham
Damien Luxe
Heather Acs
Jessica Halem
LeRoi Prince
NathAnn Carerra
Princess Tiny Meats
Shomi Noise

More info on the Facebook event.

#3 Queer Pride Party presented by Ellie
FRIDAY, June 22, 11PM in Manhattan.

She’s been doing Choice Cunts for 6 years and she is retiring from nightlife production! Come see Ellie off with a performance from Trans Hearthrob Rocco Katastrophe!

More info at the Facebook event.

#4 BACON BOOBIES presented by WOAHMONE and The Spectrum
SATURDAY, June 23, 10PM-4AM in Bushwick at the Spectrum

I went to my first Woah Mone party last week and it was spectacular! Full of feminine focus from all gender presentations. I felt my inner lesbian heart burst for joy while dancing to an overlay of “Mother Maiden Crone” during a classic rock song. Also Bacon is in the title. And boobies. How can this be wrong?

More info at the Facebook event.

#5 Everybooty Pride Extravaganza
SUNDAY, June 24 Noon to 10PM, Dekalb Market in Brooklyn

That’s right, it’s during the NYC Pride Parade. If you want to avoid that hustle and bustle for a different, less intense hustle, this is the party for you. Vendors, performances. It’s going to be an epic day. I might go, but probably will be at the beach.

More info and presale tickets at their Facebook event.

#6 Queer Pride at Riis Beach
Sunday, June 24, Whenever
Point yourself to Jacob Riis Beach and to the first Bay on the far left. You’ll find the queers.

This is the big alternative to Pride day shenanigans. Just the ocean and some homos. Likely what I will end up doing as a mellow end to the Gay Agenda.

More info at the Facebook event.

#7 Dyke March
SATURDAY, June 23 at 4PM, Bryant Park

It’s put on by an all volunteer force. Check out the Facebook page and the holey army being put together by Coral Short.

#8 Trans Day of Action
FRIDAY, June 22 at 3PM, Washington Square Park

“We call on our Trans and Gender Non-Conforming (TGNC) community and on all of our allies from many movements to join us for the 8th Annual Trans Day of Action for Social and Economic Justice. We as TGNC People of Color (POC) recognize the importance of working together alongside other movements to change the world we want to see. We live in a time when oppressed peoples including people of color, immigrants, youth and elders, people with disabilities, women and TGNC people, and poor people are underserved, face higher levels of discrimination, heightened surveillance and experience increased violence at the hands of the state. We must unite and work together towards dismantling the transphobia, racism, classism, sexism, ageism, ableism, homophobia and xenophobia that permeates our movements for social justice. Let’s come together to let the world know that TGNC rights will not be undermined and together we will not be silenced!”

More info at the Facebook event!

2011-10-16

Solicited Advice: Fat Girls In Your Bed/Fat Girls on Your Arm

I love giving solicited advice. I borrowed an advice request from Taueret (AfroTitty over on the Tumblrzzzz) and gave the following advice.

Dear AfroTitty:

hi you ARE sexy but i also have a real question for your queer bodypositive self. i’m talking to this girl who is cute and awesome and also fat, which i think is hot. what do i say when she says she says she’s fat in a sad way? like we just met so i think it’d be creepy to be like hell yeah girl and it’s awesome but also it feels wrong to say no you’re not when i LIKE that about her and there’s nothing wrong with it! help me be sensitive i have no people skills

sundubu

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AfroTitty at Hey Queen.

*Note from Afrotitty: I got this question a couple days ago and my brain has been a little occupied with navigating the new addition to my personal pronoun roster, so I decided to pass it on my fat comrade, Bevin [QueerFatFemme.com] who is also an expert on getting fat girls into your bed/arms*

Dear sundubu:

Thank you so much for your compliment about Afrotitty. She IS sexy.

I am Afrotitty’s friend and co-worker at Re/Dress NYC and I am also a queer body positive identified person. Congratulations on talking to an awesome cute fat girl! The thrill of someone new and rad is really among one of life’s best feelings.

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Door queens at Hey Queen! Hana on the right looking ferocious!

Also, go you for coming from a body positive and fat positive space! Fat is awesome! Fat is also a loaded word with a lot of stigma around it that many people do not find empowering. When I say “Hi Fat friend!” to my pals they know I am saying Fat in a way that celebrates and takes back that word. Body empowerment is special and bonding and I find this like the verbal equivalent to a loving belly bump greeting.

I had a really interesting wake-up call recently when my new girlfriend said “You’re not Fat!” to me when I was talking about my fat. I was like “Uh, yes I am. This is my identity and a big part of my politics.” She has dated lots of Fat Femmes but not a Fat Femme who loved her body and had body politics. I had to remind myself to have compassion for her in the journey to understanding the body politics I have been working on for over a decade. She loves my body and is very vocal about it, but sometimes it’s odd to see someone have that visceral bad reaction to the words I throw around because I am used to being in my radical fat queer communities.

That said, remember when you thought Fat was a disempowering word and maybe you weren’t okay with it? If you can put yourself in that position it will enable you to have some compassion for the long journey your cute awesome fat crush is only just beginning. That is IF she chooses to begin it. Lots and lots of folks on the fat spectrum learn about body positivity and don’t choose to love themselves. This is really difficult work, loving yourself and your body in a world that is hostile to all bodies. Stay open and compassionate to the fact that she might need to come around and might never come around.

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Nogga and Topher at Hey Queen!

In the meantime, you can gently tell her when she uses the term Fat in a derogatory way or is engaging in body shame (or looks at you in shock when you use the word Fat in a positive way) that you think that ALL bodies are valuable and that Fat is an empowering word that describes your body (or if you are not Fat, describes bodies you find attractive and worthy). Also, it is really helpful for people of all bodies to get compliments.

Also, I want to give you some extra support around learning how to be sensitive in interpersonal relations. It is hard! I am a loud, bold, high intensity person and often I have really flunked at sensitivity. But just *wanting* to be sensitive is a good first step. It’s a lot of work to learn and I am still doing it.

So, anyway, sundubu, I wish you the best of luck with this cute awesome fat girl and I hope you get really well laid.

xoxo,

Bevin

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Me and Princess Tiny and the Meats at Hey Queen.

2011-10-05

Mailbag: Can I Meet Single Hotties at Rebel Cupcake?

Hi Bevin,

I happened to come across your blog and find it fun. I’m average weight but queer. I am interested in attending one of your Rebel Cupcake parties. Do you have a mailing list that you can add me to?

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[All photos by Nogga Schwartz for Rebel Cupcake. These are from the John Waters Rebel Cupcake on September 9.]

I have another question and am a little embarrassed to ask it but here goes… Do you get at least a few unattached butch women showing up to your parties (and I mean very butch)? I don’t know how to meet these kind of women and they’re my favorite.

Thanks,

[Name Withheld]

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Diana, AfroTitty and Bev.

Hi [Name Withheld]!

Thanks for your compliment about my blog! Rebel cupcake has two ways to stay in touch–there is a Facebook group (if this link doesn’t work search for the group named, aptly, “Rebel Cupcake”) where you’ll be automatically invited to each event and a text list where I text you once a month and remind you about the party. The text list gets in for $2 off the cover price to all of my events.

As for your question about unattached butches, the thing to know is lots of the folks in the queer community, while they may present masculine of center, don’t always identify as butch. You might find some of them attractive if you like butches but it is always best to let other folks tell you their identity preferences instead of assuming. I met my GF at Rebel Cupcake and she is not butch identified. But she looks and acts like a fag, which is how I like my women.

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This is the John Waters quote I wished I had used in the pool in Atlantic City.

Folks all along the gender spectrum and body spectrum find a home at Rebel Cupcake.

Also lots of other folks met their sweethearts at Rebel Cupcake (butch or otherwise). So yes, lots of unattached folks but it is a really low-pressure easy environment and not explicitly creepy or cruisey in a non-consensual way. Sometimes I poll the audience during the show to ask who is actively looking for action. I once got scolded by a regular because I forgot. Anytime I am nearing the end of the show and it looks like I’m forgetting, please remind me! I love a gentle heckle.

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Rebel Cupcake is up for some awesome GO Magazine Nightlife awards. One is for Sexiest Vibe (what happens on the smoking deck stays on the smoking deck), Most Eclectic Crowd, Best Queer Party and I am nominated for Best Emcee. Anyone on the internet can vote, and voting is open until November 5th! Please vote for Rebel Cupcake!

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Look! It’s Rebel Cupcake favorite Bambi Galore! Rebel Cupcake is also home to lots of Femmes. And we encourage the wearing of sexy clothing and burlesque.

I think Rebel Cupcake is a great place to meet people regardless of whether you are looking for a sweetheart, a meaningful overnight relationship or just friends or meet no one and just dance (though usually I try to introduce myself to everyone who is there between 10 and 11 before the show starts, thus if you are there early I might meet you). The smoking deck is not very loud, it is easy to strike up a conversation, there are grottos to chill out in and the performance at 11pm is meant as a way for me to break the ice for you. PLUS the photo booth is a great way to stay in facebook touch with the folks you meet.

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Also Rebel Cupcake is really fun and it’s an explicitly body positive dance party which is not really common. Support the queer nightlife that supports you!

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(Sometimes there is a discount for wearing costumes but there is always discount for being on the texty list.)

And if you are really interested in explicitly Butch-identified extremely Butch and you mean VERY Butch women, I suggest the NYC Butch-Femme socials. Story dropping time–I know someone who went to those socials explicitly hunting for her future Lesband* and she totally found her dream Butch. I am not saying anything about how Butch anyone who goes to those events are because I haven’t been in a long time, but I bet if there is a VERY Butch woman really looking for the Femme of her dreams she would probably go to those. But I hope she’d also show up to Rebel Cupcake.

Hope to see you there!!

xoxox,

Bevin

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I look a little crazy in this photo but I feel it was in the theme.

*Lesband: Addition to the queer lexicography. Lesbian spouse who is maybe not all the way husband identified. My friend Lauren and I came up with this when we were in college and I was exploring my new lesbian identity and wondering “HOW DOES IT ALL WORK???”

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