FEMME SEX WEEK: Excerpt from my Memoir for International Fisting Day

After the success of FAT SEX WEEK and GAY SEX WEEK it only made sense to round out the trifecta with FEMME SEX WEEK. Check out the tag to see all of the entries in this topic and check back soon for more amazing Femme sex talk!

It’s International Fisting Day, an online celebration created by queer porn mogul and star Courtney Trouble and queer porn star Jiz Lee to bring awareness to an important sex act that uses the whole hand!

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Jacqueline, Me, Miss Mary Wanna and Courtney Trouble in a cab.

It may seem kind of flippant to have a whole day dedicated to fisting, but it’s actually born of the struggles Courtney has had as a pornographer getting distribution for films that involve fisting. Even though it’s a really common sex act, especially amongst queers, it is maligned in a list of potentially “obsene” and therefore possibly illegal sex acts. You can read more about fisting in pornography and Courtney’s activism around distribution of films in her State of the Fist address.

In terms of my contribution to the Fisting Day lexicon, I want to provide an excerpt from my memoir. It’s not yet published (I am very close to finishing the first draft and am looking for a publisher) but fisting featured prominently in a few stories I tell in the book and I spent a lot of time figuring out how to communicate the mechanics of fisting in this excerpt. Enjoy!


We were making out until the beach combing trucks came. With that heady mix of chemistry and alcohol, I knew with every fiber of my being that I wanted to sleep with her.

When we got back to my place I was really glad I had prepared for my date.

We were rolling around on the bed, getting sand everywhere and she basically said “None for me, thanks,” with regards to receiving any fucking, because she had her period. Our clothes came off quickly and at some point she had her (relatively small) hand inside me but I couldn’t really feel anything. I asked how many fingers she was using and she said, “One…”

I laughed. I always laugh a lot in bed. Sex is silly! There are so many weird things to talk about.
“You can start with three.” Picking up her free hand I said, “Um, your hands can probably fist me.” I didn’t use the term Size Queen with Jen Small but I was definitely thinking it. And I certainly don’t have any shame being one. Some bodies are built to pass a child and the pursuit of pleasure can accommodate a lot with enough patience and lube.

Jen Small did some more fumbling and I started laughing again. My hands flew up to my mouth and I tried to stifle my laughter. “I’m not laughing at you! I’m laughing at me!” I tried to reassure her as my laughing continued. Jen Small wasn’t very insecure and she seemed to understand.

I explained, “I was assuming you know how to fist someone. Have you ever done that before?” I realized, at twenty five, she might not have fisted anyone. I certainly hadn’t had any fisting on the giving or receiving end by twenty five.

Valentine by Damien Luxe
Image by Damien Luxe. Read about the history and intent behind this piece here.

She shook her head no. I did a thirty second fisting demonstration for her. Using my left hand as a prop vaginal opening, connecting my thumb and forefinger making a circle. I shaped my right hand into a duck bill “fist,” with the top of the bill my four fingers and the bottom of the bill my thumb placed in the center, scrunching the whole situation as thin as possible and inserted my duck billed hand into the left hand circle, twisting it to fit.

If I were doing this demonstration for a friend I would also include some tips for maneuvering the fist to graze the g-spot as it is working its way in, positions that work best for accommodating something bigger than your vagina is used to, and probably end the demonstration with a fist insertion/jazz hands flourish. But I didn’t finish my demonstration with any of these bells and whistles because I was anxious to get Jen Small’s hand back in there.

I had also never been in the position of sleeping with someone with less experience than I had and wanted to ensure she was at ease. I always want to make sure the folks I sleep with feel safe being their authentic selves in bed. So instead of the jazz hands flourish I said, “But you don’t have to do it if you are uncomfortable!”

“No, I really want to!” she said. And she did.

P.S. I also found this post on my tumblr for folks with long nails who want to fist people!

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I have more fun things to include in FEMME SEX WEEK coming up this week and next. If you’d like to read a longer excerpt from my memoir, I’m giving away a whole chapter (it’s lots of dyke drama and fat politics) at the $50 level for my fundraiser to support QueerFatFemme.com.

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