Bevin's Blog I'm blogging the relentless pursuit of my joy

2013-02-12

FAT SEX WEEK: My Favorite Places to Buy Plus Size Lingerie

After the success of GAY SEX WEEK on my blog in October 2011, I decided to produce FAT SEX WEEK to celebrate sex for all bodies. This is especially inspired to counteract all of the media about sex around Valentine’s Day that’s all heteronormative/couplehood-oriented/body hegemonic. It’s a week of body liberation and sex and it’s going to be really fun! Check out all of the FAT SEX WEEK magic!

(All the photos in this post are Safe For Work as long as fat girls in lingerie are safe for your work. Fair warning.)

Probably one of the questions I am asked most often by people I don’t know very well, other than legal advice, is about plus size lingerie shopping. I suppose it’s a compliment to my personal shopping prowess and exceptional cleavage enhancement techniques. It’s true, I ADORE lingerie. I wear loungerie to hang out in the house in and to sleep in, I wear fancy lingerie in the bedroom as well as on stage femmeceeing, I often wear vintage lingerie as dresses and shirts. I have the equivalent of a full closet of lingerie. That’s not hyperbole. I believe lingerie is for all times and not just special occasions. It’s like make-up for the bedroom.

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Here’s me in 2008 wearing two pieces of vintage lingerie layered over one another. Vintage lingerie is actually really warm.

I thought for FAT SEX WEEK I would do a round-up of the places that I really like (this list is by no means exhaustive, I could probably do four blog entries about lingerie). I also include a quickie product review of the Milana Bra by Genie!

Torrid is one of my favorite places. They don’t nail it every season, but I usually cruise Torrid’s clearance racks at least once a year and find a couple of gems. I love anything they sell that is called “chemise” and involves a microfiber or nylon/spandex blend, lace panel and/or underwire bust. I have a couple of cute chemises that are extremely comfortable and have lasted years.

Torrid sells online as well as in stores, and you can ask them to hold something in store for you to run and pick up if you’re into going to the mall.

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This piece would be in my wardrobe if I had extra cash right now.

Cacique (the Lane Bryant brand) has been a favorite of mine for years. I worked there in the early aughts and their Plunge bra changed my gender. I still wear them pretty much every day. I like getting their lingerie second-hand via ebay or resale sites because the lingerie (not bras, but lingerie) can be laundered fresh enough like new. If you’re buying directly from Cacique, I suggest shopping near Christmas or Valentine’s day, that’s when the pickings are best, in my opinion. Lots of reds and pinks. Post V-Day clearance is best, honestly. And if you can combine clearance pricing and time it with LB gift check time (the “spend $75 get $25 off” deal) then you just win all over.

Pro tip: wear Cacique pieces as sexy tops out in the world. If you’re down with maximal cleavage it’s a hot look!

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The split-side satin chemise is available now. Super hot and shiny!

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The heart apron babydoll! OMG! So cute!

Size Queen Clothing out of Portland is also a favorite stop for intimates. If I was going to get a super custom made piece I would tap Bertha to design and put it together for me. She’s a GENIUS at spandex and fat bodies, and her pieces are exquisite. All of my Size Queen clothing pieces are treasures.

You can cruise her intimates (“tease wear”) on her website, but honestly, she’s so great to work with I would just chat her up with your vision and go from there. My friend Wyatt Riot got an amazing wrestler costume with a heart cut out for his “chubby” tattoo from Bertha. He wore it to Rebel Cupcake, it was amazing.

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Sadly the punching booth sign covers up the heart but you get the idea of the wrestler outfit. A wrestler onesie is a really great example of genderqueer lingerie!

Big Gals Lingerie is a dangerous place to shop (like, don’t shop there at work) for fat femmes who like other fat femmes. Their product photos are beyond sexy. It’s distracting. But, they go from size 1X-12X. I’ve never bought directly from them but know folks who have and have had great experiences both with “off the rack” pieces and custom made pieces. I’ve tried on their clubwear and lingerie when it came into my old workplace, Re/Dress, and I found the pieces to be good value for the money. They have tons of costumes and various other pieces.

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This pink sequin bustier is only $32!

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If you have a loved one who is recovering from illness or surgery, this nurse costume (up to size 12X) is a great outfit to surprise them with.

In terms of garter belts, I think the best you can get is something vintage style with metal clasps. The plastic ones have broken on me and the garter wearing femmes I know so many times! The metal kind are great because usually if something happens to them they are easy to swap out, but I’ve never known someone who broke the metal kind. There is nothing worse than walking around with a broken garter! Invest in a good piece!

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Rago is my favorite garter belt brand. I have a standard 6 strap belt in black and a full girdle style in white. This version goes from Small to 8X and comes in white, black and beige.

If you want to get some stockings to go with those garters, I buy my costume thigh highs from 3wishes.com. They have a whole section of plus size stockings. I buy the lace top stay up thigh high fishnets, which grab onto the fat at the top of your thigh and stay up that way. I also have their cuban heeled stockings and like them. I once got the black lace top stockings by accident and the sizing was very small on those, so look out for that.

I was given a piece of lingerie to review for my FAT SEX WEEK write-up by the folks at Milana Bra by Genie. It’s basically the same thing as the Genie bra, only with a lace panel in front for “modesty.” I’m the same blogger who earlier in this post suggested you wear lingerie as outerwear so I’m not going to ever buy lingerie for modesty. If that’s your thing, I’m totally cool with it. Despite its marketing towards modesty, there is an incredible amount of awesome in this piece!

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It’s the perfect genderqueer summertime outerwear club piece! I think if you paired it with a pair of vintage 80s dance pants or harem pants and some cool necklaces or a blazer it would be totally amazing. I actually really want to get Jessie Dress in one of these.

I asked for the 3X to try out and I am typically a 3X according to their size chart but it was way too small for me. It’s very boob minimizing, too, if that is your wish. It fit like a sportsbra. I would say go a size up from where they posit you on the size chart. It goes from small to 3X.

Like I said, I have a million more resources for lingerie looks, and hopefully this first helping gave you some places to start! Stay tuned tomorrow for the next installment of FAT SEX WEEK!

2013-01-04

2013 Intention and New Year’s Eve Look!

Oh, New Year’s Eve came and went and it was a blast and a half. It’s amazing how hard it is to get people to be willing to work on New Year’s Eve. Typically I have a pretty big posse of folks who want to do cash nightlife gigs, especially if it involves getting paid to dress scandalously, but it’s a lot harder on NYE. I, personally, LOVE working on NYE, love having only one place to go, having already set in stone my plan far ahead of time. I’m a Capricorn, it’s my way.

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I also love creating a space without a ton of ridiculous noisemakers. (When Nicky texted me about getting them I was like, “That’s not my style.” She brought some of those popper confetti things anyway.) All photos in this post are by Kelsey Dickey.

My outfit was also pre-determined with the help of Catherines! Catherines asked if I wanted to try out a social occasion look and I said, sure! I was delighted at the amount of vavavoom I was able to score. My outfit was perfectly glamorous and magical.

My two main considerations for plus size party girl New Year’s Eve look were WOW factor and versatility. Number one, I was in charge of counting down to midnight so there’s a moment where eyes are on me. And then also I was going to have to bustle around taking care of party host things like the champagne toast, the weirdly long bathroom line, and all the other trouble shooting I won’t get into but I broke three nails that night and hauled 20 bags of ice while wearing a pin-up wiggle dress. Also, since the Yes Ma’am venue is partially outdoors (I LOVE our “chatio”) I needed to be able to be comfortable chatting outside without having to grab my coat from the coat check.

I selected the Valentina Illusion dress by Kiyonna from the Social Occasion category at Catherines and I was super thrilled with it! I have liked Kiyonna’s designs for a long time and it is fabulous that Catherines has them available. The shipping was really fast and the 3X fit me perfectly.

For a New Year’s Eve wiggle dress I define “fitting perfectly” as a comfortable purple sausage casing.

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I lament I didn’t get a good full-length shot with our photographer but it was a wild party and there wasn’t room for a long shot!

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My co-hosts also looked amazing and I like how Nicky, DJ Average Jo and I are intentionally matchy matchy here.

Catherines also hooked me up with an outerwear piece to complete the look. The Purple Wool Capelet was PERFECT for flouncing back and forth to the chatio. It also buttons in this way that the cleavage still shows when you’re wearing it, an important consideration for WOW factor.

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I took the capelet for a pre-NYE test-run to brunch. This photo is not by Kelsey.

I also love this piece under a coat, because I find that no coat really keeps me warm enough in winter, I usually need a wool layer under my down coat. But because the fur collar is so girthy I don’t need a scarf!

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The cold chatio, with the table for the NY Toy Collective.

Thanks to Catherines I had a really magical fashion New Year’s Eve and am super thankful!

Yes Ma’am’s third party was so great. I was thrilled and touched that so many of my friends came through, what a great crowd to spend the first moments of this brand new baby year with!

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I also love to talk about New Year’s Revoltions/Intentions on my blog and I’ve finally settled on mine, only a few days late. (I got sick and am still recovering.)

This year I’ve decided to “Know My Own Strength.” I struggled with choosing this as an intention for a minute because I wondered if it was going to incite the Goddess to rain down shit upon me the way she did during my Saturn Return. I know I never get any challenge that I’m not actually strong enough for. Also, it’s one of the major emerging themes in the memoir I’m writing, that I didn’t know my own strength. I’m learning a lot from the process of writing the book and some of the stuff I’m learning are things I didn’t realize about myself. Like how much I never really knew my own strength. So I am imagining a 2013 where I meet challenges head-on, knowing I have everything I need to meet them.

Leaning into challenges helps to keep me sane and peaceful in the face of anything. Including the ever important ability to ask for help when I need it!

I hope your NYE was everything you hoped, taught you something about yourself (I sure learned some stuff) and had elements of WOW and glamour and glitter and that your 2013 intention setting has you ready to love yourself right in the coming year!

2012-12-20

How to Stuff a Butch Stocking

After yesterday’s post on How to Stuff a Femme’s Stocking I was asked to draft the complimentary post for stuffing a Butch’s stocking. I enlisted the help of a couple of Butch pals of mine, Jenn and Shelly, and with their input have created the following.

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Jenn and Shelly, both Farm Butch identified. Photo credit: Cordelia.

My friend Shirley weighed in on some ideas for the city butch.

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Shirley is a very accessorized New Yorker and a Taylor Swift fan.

Just as in the case of the Femme stocking, I subscribe to the umbrella gender term for Butch, meaning anyone who is self-identified and masculine of center, and Butch can mean lots of things to lots of people. There are as many ways to be Butch as there are Butches. Look through this list and see what resonates about the Butch whose stocking you are stuffing (heh) and good luck!

My friend Miss Mary Wanna had this to say about getting the wrong gifts. “The flip side is the ache of getting something so wrong from someone otherwise so right, it can be a little ‘Do you KNOW me?’ at times.” So, again, pay attention to the person you’re gifting to!

Accessories!

Someone was asking about my type awhile ago and I somehow got on this long tangent about accessories. “I mean, it’s all about proper brooch placement, you know?” And if you’ve never seen a Butch rock a brooch you don’t hang out with enough gender magicians. In addition to brooches, there are so many incredible accessories that contribute to a fabulous butch aesthetic.

Belts are great, especially if you know the waist size (or can sneak a peak into the waist size of their jeans and figure it out). You can go low-cost at a big box store or fancy fancy at a department store or somewhere in between at Ross. Belts make a good cracking sound. (True story, I keep a men’s leather belt that doesn’t fit me in my sex toy picnic basket because of the satisfying noise it makes.) Belts make a good clinkity clinkity noise when they come off. Maybe I should have put belts in the sexy times category.

Belt buckles are also awesome, including antique or vintage belt buckles. You could definitely pop into a Western Wear store to get one of those (they typically have a huge selection), or a well-curated vintage store with a men’s selection will have some baller (but probably pricey) belt buckles. Clinkity clinkity.

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Cuff links are a great accessory I love that are perfect stocking size and come in a wide range of prices, like these custom latitude/longitude cuff links for $22. You can also craft cuff links pretty easily with a quick stop at a craft store to get the cuff link blanks plus some craft glue plus notions. Like dice, coins, buttons or whatever. DIY cuff link tutorial here for $3 each pair.

Hankies! One of my favorite accessories, I think hankies could be a lot of things. Number one, hankies are great at filling up the stocking for girth (size is important), but also they can be a secret code. Like, go to the sporting goods store and buy all the colors of hankies you want the Butch to flag for you. This is again where accessories meets sex toys but whatever. It’s a hot idea. Or you could monogram some yourself. A slick hanky set with a nice monogram is nice and I think you can totally get those at Target.

A nice wallet! I would suggest paying close attention to what kind of wallet they carry, noting whether they are happy with it and how they would react to change. Some people are really picky about their wallet. But, then again, I had a date who rocked this incredible french fry wallet that I’m sure I could have given a cool whimsical other type of wallet.

Shirley suggests a ‘Chrome’ seat belt buckle key chain because “That little click is so satisfying.” Shirley likes a good click, too. Also, at $25 it’s a really cool urban take on the caribiner keychain on the belt loop situation.

A zippo lighter is a great idea for a smoker, or someone who just likes to be prepared to be chivalrous (this is the only reason I carry a lighter).

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Miss Mary Wanna holding Macy.

Tools

Some Butches are into tools! And there are so many kinds of tools. Like knives! A good pocket knife is both a great accessory, sexy as hell, and super useful! Jenn noted to me once she saw a swiss army knife, nail clipper and file that she was drooling over. Also, it could be the kind of knife that is big and goes in the sock or whatever. I don’t know a lot about knives, but I bet you could get a great one at Cabelas if there is one near you.

Also, you could swing by Sears and buy a tool that they have been looking for. Like a wrench? I don’t know, pay attention! But tools totally fit well in stockings. I got a pink toolkit once that was a really great gift that I still use!

Whiskey stones are an important tool for any whiskey drinker! Mackenzi’s store sells them in Queens (and online).

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Christmas at the Haus of Femmespiration.

Clothing

Ties are great. I love ties, both bowties and regular ties. They’re easy to get cheap or expensive and you could easily do a color aesthetic in your stocking by coordinating all of the accessories in the same color scheme.

Boxer briefs (“Butches like getting sexy underthings, too,” says Shelly) or whatever their underwear of choice is. I have always liked getting Calvin Klein underwear for girlfriends and you can get a great deal on them at Ross.

Socks! I have to say, a recent shopping issue I had was trying to find teenage boy size socks for someone on the masculine spectrum. I could only find boring socks in that size. I love to give a wacky sock as a gift and they seem to make wacky socks in just the traditional sock style. But socks are a holiday stocking staple, and I encourage their purchase. Mackenzi’s store also has these amazing hops socks for beer lovers and a bunch of other cute socks. Smart wool socks were also shouted out by the farm Butches. (But anyone in a winter climate should appreciate these friends to warm feet everywhere.)

Longjohns/Longjanes! What a cute thing to stuff in a stocking (that will do well to fill it up, too). These boys’ longjohns would be SO ADORABLE on a hot smaller Butch.

For NYC folks I HIGHLY suggest a walk down what I call “Dapper Alley” in NYC which is Orchard Street between I think Rivington and the next block North. It’s all sorts of suit stores but they have great ties and other accessories for not a lot of dough.

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Hygiene

A vintage shaving cup and brush is a cute idea if the Butch does any kind of shaving.

“A good beeswax pomade to keep that pomp looking tight,” says Shirley. There’s a great queer pompadour tumblr with reviews of lots of pomades. I would say peep the medicine chest and see what they use because probably they are particular about what they use. Or get them a bunch of samples of different pomades at a hair salon so they can try different ones out!

Chapstick. (If they use chapstick.)

Toys

I was recently told by a Butch who was disappointed one of her favorite toys had broken, “Basically we like a lot of the same things little boys like.” Which I find to be true about me with little girls’ things. I have a cherished cupcake backpack that was clearly made for 10 year old girls AND ME.

So take a trip down the toy aisle of Target or wherever and see what speaks to you. Tiny robots, legos, cute things that match their interest. If they are farm dyke identified maybe they want a baby John Deere tractor or something. You should know whether they are John Deere identified or if they like the other kinds of tractors. I know enough about farm dykes to know that there are STRONG tractor preferences. You’ll know whether it’s green/yellow, red or orange. (Did I impress you that I knew that, Jenn?)

Homemade/Sentimental

It was suggested by a couple of the committee members that a photo was a cute stocking stuffer. Like a framed photo of the person stuffing the stocking (I still have a framed photo of my ex fiance he gave me our first Christmas in that box where relics of my past live). Or, Shirley suggests putting an image on the back of a vintage King of Hearts card. Aww!

Also, another good city Butch idea is a homemade list of places you like. I could probably write a deeply annotated Top 10 Fried Chicken Restaurants in NYC, a Top 10 Pizza Places in NYC list, a list of all the best restaurants to visit in a bunch of major US cities. A list of dive bars in your city so the person can take you there on dates is also good.

Tiny notebooks are great stocking stuffers, especially with an inscribed note on the inside or maybe a decoupaged cover!

How about making the nerd in your life a set of Star Wars snowflakes? Link to a free pattern is here.

Books!

I can’t believe I neglected to suggest books for Femmes! Goes both ways! Paperbacks are PERFECT stocking size. I love taking a stroll through a used book store and getting something that really speaks to me about the person’s interests. Jenn suggested this book Farmer Jane! Don’t forget to inscribe it!

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Sexy Times

You could totally do exactly what I recommended in my Femme post for a Butch you’re doing it with but here are some specifics from a Butch desire point of view.

Non-lubricated, flavored condoms that the giftgiver (if it’s a lover, natch, and assuming this is a cock-identified Butch) applies to the Butch’s cock using their mouth only. A nubbly, clit-bumping silicone cock ring.

A P-style.

A hand-written coupon for permission to photograph or film the giftgiver giving the Butch a blowjob or any other intimate act.

For the stocking itself, I suggest getting a vintage boot or something to stuff! How cute would that be?

Okay, y’all! I hope this stocking stuffer list is going to help you give or get what you want for the upcoming stocking holiday (Gaywitchmas is totally a stocking holiday)! If you use any of the ideas from either post let me know how it goes! I love personal shopping!

Also, if anyone out there is still trying to buy me a present for Christmas or my impending birthday, I totally want a twilight turtle.

2012-12-19

How to Stuff a Femme’s Stocking

I only intend the title of this post to be a slight double entendre. It’s not Gay Sex Week, so this post is mostly just about last-minute shopping for Femmes who have a stocking you’re either creating or participating in. I was inspired by a conversation this weekend with a friend who is stuffing a Femme stocking for the first time (first time seriously dating a Femme who celebrates Christmas/Gaywitchmas). I was spilling my guts about what it is delightful to find in that stocking and I thought it would be helpful to share with you, dear readers. And if you’re the person who wants to receive these treats, Femme or otherwise, you could always print this out and leave it lying around.

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Important and perpetual disclaimer–I subscribed to the umbrella term for self-identified Femmes. All Femmes are different and there are a million ways to be a Femme and receive gifts as Femmes. So look through this list and see what strikes your fancy about the Femme in your life. Pay attention to what they like and you won’t go very wrong.

Okay, so I think a stocking should be delightful and diverse. A hearty mix of useful, whimsical, practical and shiny things.

Make-up

I have always loved treats from Sephora. You can usually get them from the end caps near the check-out line. They have lots of great things.*

A favorite of mine is the Philosophy lip gloss. (That link is to a set but I know they sell loosies at Sephora for about $6/$8.) It tastes amazing and it’s extremely shiny. Probably if you’re kissing the Femme you’re stocking stuffing, you might want to purchase a flavor that works for you. Other flavored lip glosses work well, too, but I am a devout believer in the Philosophy ones.

Nail polish is always a winner, and totally something you can grab at the drug store when you’re scrambling last-minute. The Femme folks I know who use nail polish tend to have quite a stash and it’s always fun to add to it. You can get the NYC brand nail polishes at Target for like $3. Glitter polish is always a charmer and I would be impressed if someone dropped the $9 for an OPI Shatter. Or if you know the Femme is hella into nail art, get her a nail art set! SHANY Nail Art Set is $25.

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A cute compact mirror is also a rad neutral stocking stuffer. If you don’t know what a compact mirror is, they look like this. Sephora has them. Get the Femme a design that seems to speak to their personality. All of the compacts I’ve ever had came as gifts and I really appreciate them.

Any other tiny sample of something fabulous and chichi is nice, too. I got a great sample of mascara once from my ex-GF that I loved (also from Sephora).

Fun Jewelry

Maybe the Femme in your life is a big fan of glamping and partying in the woods. Put in the stocking some glow in the dark earrings or a battery operated light-up necklace! Both bring the party to where you are.

A cute pair of earrings or a big bracelet (make sure it will fit their arm) also make a great stocking stuffer!

Bath Products and Pampering

LUSH is where I send anyone to get things for me and I know they won’t go wrong. All of their products are handmade, not tested on animals, natural, and they smell phenomenal.

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If the Femme is a bath taker (and you’ll probably know if they are or not) Bath bombs are amazing. I’ve gotten them with glitter, confetti, fragrance, soap flowers in them. You just pop them in the bath tub and they do their magic fizzy thing and create an incredible experience. The Sex Bomb is my favorite.

(I generally steer clear of those bath sets from the drug store. Most of those products aren’t great for the skin and could be toxic to the delicate flora of the vagina if this Femme has one of those. Just some Femme real talk for you.)

Massage bars (from LUSH or elsewhere) are great! They melt right on the skin since they’re mostly cocoa butter or something similar to that.

Massage oils are also rad! My mom just gave me a couple of bottles of arnica massage oil she got when she was in Spain last Spring and it’s actually really great. I mean, it’s nice to have someone to give you a massage, but even for the Femme without that, I used it on my heel when I hurt it during a work-out, since arnica helps sore muscles. But any massage oil with some good essential oils would be rad. Mall staple The Body Shop has some, too.

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I made this ornament myself in honor of my friends’ first Christmakkuh together.

Practical Gifts

I highly suggest you tread lightly in this arena. Part of stuffing a stocking is not filling it with useless junk that your recipient is never going to use. So I know a bunch of folks who all agreed that some practical stuff is really helpful. My friend’s mom always gives her a pack of razors, deodorant, other drugstore type purchases which would save her money over the year.

As a Capricorn I appreciate a dose of practical in the context of something larger (as long as there’s still plenty of whimsy involved). If you snoop in this Femme’s medicine chest or bathroom and find out the exact moisturizer they use (I’m talking exact, take a photo of the bottle and compare at the drug store) or the exact lotion, that could be rad. Why stuff a stocking with “filler” when it can be rad and useful?

Sexy Gifts

Are you doing it with this Femme? Do you have an open sexual kind of friend relationship? Lots of sexy stocking stuffers available to you!

Panties! A lacy thing is really nice to find in the stocking. One year a partner bought me lingerie that was too small but we ended up using it for ripping off. But do try to get the sizing right. A quick peek in a lingerie drawer can answer all the questions you might have.

Cute small sex accessories! Swing by your local small feminist sex toy store, like Self Serve Toys in Albuquerque, NM and ask them for stocking stuffer ideas! A magic bullet vibrator or a butt plug might make it a really happy holiday for both of you.

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My friend Leo took off her bowtie at a Christmakkuh party this weekend and several Femmes made audible noises. It was like watching Magic Mike in person, only Leo had no idea. This is why it is good to learn how to come correct and tie a bow tie proper!

Kitchen Stuff

If the Femme you’re shopping for is kitchen-identified, a couple of clever kitchen accessories are a greast way to go. I love this owl kitchen timer from my friend Mackenzi’s store in Queens. And this Vespa Pizza Cutter!

Big Fillers

If the Femme in your life is a crafter, you could stuff the stocking with fabric samples, like big swatches of tulle or even a poofy crinoline skirt. For those of you who don’t speak Femme, this is a crinoline skirt.

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Photo by Randi. This is me and Victoria, showing our pal Clare where baby tutus come from.

You can get tulle at a fabric store. I have a stockpile of it for various craft needs at my home. Also, as a knitter, I love yarn but you should be sure you’re getting the right kind of yarn (something soft and natural fibery is a good choice) and stop by your local yarn shop or craft store to get it.

Also, body glitter or a big pile of craft glitter is never a bad idea, either.

And for whimsy, why not a coloring book with a set of crayons? Last year my BFF Brian and his BF Arnulfo got me the Cunt coloring book. It was hours of fun!

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Arnie colored that himself.

Feet Warmers

Socks (like these moustache socks!) and slippers are classic stocking stuffers! You can easily grab slippers at a small local gift shop or Target. Another great idea is a pair of tights! Tights are vaguely sized and at Target there are only like 3 sizes and you can probably guess which size the Femme falls in. I find the 1X/2X Target tights fit my 5’7″ 24W bottoms well.

I also love Avenue tights and personally don’t feel I can ever have enough textured tights in my life. But this is another lesson in paying attention which is the kind of thing that makes one a great date or good at courtship. Does the Femme wear tights in the first place? What kind do they usually wear?

And if you’re in a situation where you’re providing the stocking, you can get them at lots of places, like Target, any drug store, etc… I suggest pinning a brooch or a letter to the stocking for a personalized touch!

*My ex fiance hit the jackpot in my stocking the last Christmas we spent together when he just showed up at Sephora and said “I need stocking stuffers” and the shop girls really helped him out and everything he bought me was a winner. That was the last time I got a stocking but this year I got the cutest stocking-style Femme care package that really made me feel all glowy inside.

2012-12-17

Freelancer Realness and Vintage Clothing for Sale! Sizes Large through 4X!

As a blog reader myself, I know sometimes the question of “What does this blogger do for money” is mysteriously there. For me, finding a career out of a mix of activities is scary and helpful both at once because I’m able to take on big projects like writing a book and also have the flexibility to travel and have adventures to write about. To answer that question about me, I’m a part time lawyer with my own firm, I get a little revenue from blog sponsorships, I teach workshops at colleges and elsewhere, and party promoting is really something I do for the love of my community but it usually works out to about $6 an hour of work for each Rebel Cupcake and it’s too early to tell about Yes Ma’am.

Being a freelancer also means that when I have financial emergencies like my cat getting sick and costing me about $1,000 unexpectedly in October and then the hurricane killing real estate deals for awhile and the standard December/January transactional lawyer slowdown it can result in a shit storm of brokeness. Not having my part time job at Re/Dress, the fabulous vintage and resale store I worked at for three years (may she rest in power and in our hearts) means that these slow-downs are scarier than they ever were before.

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ALF has kidney failure and gets subcutaneous fluids every other day, a cheap pill for his hypertension and way fancy prescription kidney food. I genuinely never believed I would be the kind of cat mom who sticks her baby with a needle but it’s meant to keep him comfortable and not to artificially prolong his life so I’m doing it. Being a single mom is hard! It involves a little bit of wrestling and bribing and making really hard decisions on your own.

I learned a lot by being the kid of a poor/working class single mom in the 80s and 90s. One of those things was how to live on the edge and it does get easier the more practice I get at it as an adult trying to shift career paths towards what I really love to do, which is write books and have adventures and make the world safe for people to love themselves.

And, as a sidebar, if you’re a freelancer in Brooklyn and want a place to go work on Wednesdays, Liz of Rhino Girl Media has coordinated this awesome Queer Co-Working lunch from 11-4 on Wednesdays. I’ve been going for a couple of months and have gotten a date and a new client from it (not the same person). Plus it’s lots of fun.

I’m writing all this both because I think it’s important to talk about money so it is less mysterious and scary, and also to explain why it is that I am selling a ton of vintage pieces on the internet. I’ve amassed a great collection of vintage and resale plus size clothes since Re/Dress closed, mostly because I was going to start a pop-up shop with a friend of mine so we could keep access to this resource going. But, since I’m having a holiday money shit storm, I’ve instead decided to sell it all online. I wish I could have you all here to my home or a store to try on these lovelies and teach you how to style them ferociously, but sadly I cannot. Instead, I hope if any of these strikes your fancy you’ll buy them from me!

The whole set is through this link. The set is organized roughly in size order from largest to smallest (4X-Large). The prices widely vary, from $10 items that are damaged but too fabulous not to sell, to a $50 vintage brown coat with fur collar and cuffs. Most of the vintage dresses are about $30 and the tops are about $20.

1X/2X Light Blue Zip Front Poly Dress $40 (#16)
1X/2X Zip Front Poly $40

XL/1X/2X Blue peplum dress $30 (#7)
XL/1X/2X Blue peplum dress $30

2X/3X Leopard Silk Bomber Jacket $30 #32
2X/3X Leopard Silk Bomber Jacket $30

SEE ALL THE REST HERE!

All items for sale! Email queerfatfemme at gmail dot com with the item number you wish to purchase and I will send you an invoice via paypal.

Shipping is $5 per item, but if you buy 2 items or more I’ll ship them for free!

Each item is described in the first photo (each additional photo is for detail) and, unless otherwise noted in good used condition. All sales are final, please feel free to ask any questions!

1X/2X Vintage Brown Fur Collar & Cuffs Coat $50 (#10)
$50

Please check them out and if you have any questions, email me!

2012-10-23

Window Shopping with Simply Be

Hi friends! This featured post is brought to you in partnership with Simply Be, as an introduction for my readers. The words are all mine, but Simply Be and I both believe everyone deserves to look amazing at every size!

Simply Be offers clothing in UK sizes 10-28, US 8-26.

I’m super into the Gok Wan retro lingerie collection for Simply Be!

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This bra and high waisted brief combo is so killer! I also really appreciate that the photographs for the retro collection are pin-up styled because, lez be honest, that’s the look I’m going for with my underthings!

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I also love the Gok Wan Divine Outline shaper. I love shapers used as tools and not for body shame. Last night I performed in a performance art tribute to Taylor Swift and reinterpreted the Taylor Swift song “Speak Now,” her wedding busting up song. And I dressed like a bride. And dressing like a bride means bridal shapewear and that kind of stuff is no joke. I came home with some intense marks on my body. I was actually longing for a piece like this outline shaper that’s just about squishing in the right place and not about digging into me with a ton of extra boning. Fashion! (P.S. Shapewear is great for staying warm in the Winter!)

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A friend of mine was just raving about Simply Be bras and I deeply adore a Marilyn Plunge bra. I think the essential garment I wear every day is a plunge bra, regardless of how cleavagey an outfit happens to be.

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This Joe Browns Honeycomb Knit Dress is to die for! I love this for workwear or hanging out. I actually am totally adverse to regular sweaters and prefer sweater dresses where I get to choose where my waistline is.

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Great for going out, the Stud Detail Tunic Dress! I think it’s super sexy and edgy but is still something you can wear to your significant others’ corporate cocktail party.

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I love retro looks in modern fabrics and the Ring Printed Dress With Collar blends this well. The peter pan collar is so sweet and I still think the dress is sophisticated and not totally twee.

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The Joe Browns Fur Collar Coat is really close to the coat I wear all the time in the Late Fall. I created mine by pairing a vintage fur collar with a jaquard coat, but this is actually all the work done for you. And I get compliments every single time I wear it. This coat with the rose details is incredible.

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Simply Be also carries a ton of wide calf boots, including Legroom Boots Extra Ultra Large Calf Width. That’s a lot of superlatives but they are super foxy!

2012-10-09

Queer Artists Make Great Queer Gifts

I have had the privilege of some Blog Benefacting lately and I want to share with you these gems from queer artists, either to gift to someone or to treat yo’ self!

Elisha Lim’s New Calendar and Portraits

Elisha Lim, the dapper illustrator and author of 100 Butches, has been making these incredible queer calendars for a few years now and this year’s creation is highlighted in the following tender you tube video that actually made me cry.

“I call it the Comfort of Queer Family Wisdom and it’s for anyone who could use a little tender love and history because we are not alone.”

We can all use tender love! The calendar is beautiful and full of queer faces.

“This is all-out, gloves off, direct action TLC. These are the voices and role models that I sought out for comfort and strength. This is the calendar that I’d wished I’d had: full of family trees and loving words to remind you that you belong. A lot of the advice is also for facing racism.”

The 2013 calendar is only $20 and is available now in Elisha’s Etsy Shop!

Also, Elisha is offering custom portraits for only $100! What a great gift for yourself or someone else. Elisha has been promising to draw a portrait of me for years and here it is!

Artwork by Elisha Lim

When you hire Elisha you get your portrait in black and white, a choice of colours (because Elisha’s Canadian, your colours get an extra u for free), and jpegs that you can print, multiply and use anywhere you like. And up to 3 changes!

I love supporting queer artists and this is a great, very personal gift!

Brownstargirl Tarot: snarky, compassionate intuitive reading, by a brown, queer, disabled babe

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Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha is a good friend of mine and an incredible Tarot reader. She has given me a few readings over the last four years and it always helps me to understand my life a lot or a little bit better. A reading once predicted my girlfriend was about to dump me! True story!

Leah can read tarot from anywhere. “Video Skype has broadly expanded things for me, and I have read for clients in Germany, Toronto, New York and more- so anybody, anywhere, can get a phone or Skype reading. And folks in Oakland can still come see my in person in my gorgeous North Oakland home.”

Leah charges sliding scale rates, $40-$100. She also does Numerology! She uses the Collective Tarot which is my favorite deck ever, it includes lots of people of color, fat folks, dis/abled folks, people of all walks of life and the cards were reconceived by a Collective of folks interested in taking the patriarchal and oppressive elements from the Tarot.

Late night tarot reading for myself with new deck. Fleshed out some but mostly what I had intuited. Going through a dark time right now that turns fabulous.
The Collective Tarot cards are so beautiful! I totally used them to help me decide to go to the Bay for Thanksgiving.

I don’t do readings where I tell you, “You’re going to meet someone with red hair at 7-11 next Tuesday who’s going to change your life.” Instead,what I offer is an intuitive reading that can clarify what’s going on in your life, how your past history, legacies and choices are affecting your current decisions, and what your sources of strength and options are as you move into your future. If you have questions about lovers, healing, money, moving, destiny, work, school, depression, big or little life decisions- or if all hell is breaking loose in your life – tarot can help you figure out what is going on. For me, the idea that the future is unwritten, that we write it with our choices every day, and that we have personal and collective power while still living within systemic oppression, are important political beliefs that infuse my work.

Get a tarot reading from Leah! You can email brownstargirl at gmail dot com to inquire and read more information and testimonials at her tarot webpage.

Feminist Playing Cards

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My pal Mamone from Riot Grrrl Ink gave me a copy of the Feminist Playing Cards to review. A production of Homoground, they are super rad! 56 feminist musicians drawn by 14 artists! Including the incredible Cristy C. Road!

The illustrations are gorgeous and include the following bad ass artists: Patti Smith, Beth Ditto, Poly Styrene, Nina Simone, Kathleen Hanna, Robyn, Brontez Purnell, Liz Phair, Yoko Ono, Loretta Lynn.

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I love playing cards and it can be really hard to use “novelty” cards because often they change the suits (I tried playing a game called “Swish” with my friends with my A Bug’s Life cards and was vetoed because the suits were acorns). But these are totally traditional suits (with the addition of women’s symbols) and are super easy to work with.

So much work, collaboration and love went into this project and it is clear when you take a gander at the spread.

Each deck is $25 and totally gorgeous and worth it. What a wonderful gift for the musicians, feminists, or poker afficianados in your life! Buy them here!

If you’re interested in becoming a blog benefactor on QueerFatFemme.com, which helps me run the site, let me know! QueerFatFemme at gmail dot com

2012-05-04

Window Shopping With Adam and Eve

Filed under: Shopping — Bevin @ 11:48 am

Hi friends! This featured post is brought to you in partnership with AdamEve.com, as an introduction for my readers. The opinions and language are all mine!

As you know, I am a big fan of accessories. I’m also a big fan of getting laid and other people getting laid. Window shopping accessories for sex is a really fun pass time. Let’s do it!

Sex & Mischief Bondage Tape

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A friend of mine got me this in pink once. Adam & Eve has it in black or red for $9.95. It’s great because it sticks to itself and if you’re not a very good knot person (unlike me, I was a Girl Scout) and want to play with bondage it is a great tool. **Safety first! Always have good scissors on hand–medical scissors recommended. And play with a safe word.**

I have to say that in lieu of having someone to play or have sex with, bondage tape makes a great make-shift halter bra when you need maximal cleavage and your back free of straps. Just get a friend to help you and wrap a fairly tight circle around your neck and under your boobs a bunch of time. I have a really cute deep cleavage halter dress and this is a must-have accessory.

I also like bondage tape for the cute stripes and criss crosses you can make along your body for costume purposes.

Nina Hartley’s Guide To Great Sex During Pregnancy DVD

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As a 33 year old woman I think about 40% of my friends are procreating or about to procreate. I am tired of baby shower gifts being all about the baby. What about my friends’ needs? I think this is a great gift. I like Nina Hartley a lot, and I like that one of the scenes is described as Nina having sex with a pregnant porn star using a strap-on. It’s $19.95.

Adam & Eve Mini Love Bullet

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This tiny bullet is waterproof and smaller than a lipstick. I just think it is handy to have, and you never know when you’re going to be meeting up with a date and need to have a stash of sexcessories in your purse for later. Dating in NYC is a hassle like that because mostly we don’t have cars to keep our overnight bags in so we need to be as compact as possible. $9.95 and done!

Hitachi Magic Wand

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I think the Hitachi Magic Wand is an essential component to any well-stocked sex toy collection. It’s the go to when the stars aren’t aligning enough to make an orgasm happen and it really just aligns those stars for you. I bought mine a decade ago and (knock on wood) it’s still in great shape. $69.95 here and a total investment piece. (Also, I totally bought mine for more than that in the olden days when it was way more expensive.)

Lace Long-Sleeved Bodystocking

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I know this is supposed to be about sex accessories and I keep veering toward fashion, but I really love the way a full body stocking looks under a slutty dress for clubwear or you know, a Tuesday. This one comes in Queen Size for only $22.95, apparently fits up to a size 20 but I know some ingenious fat girls who will stretch it to work for them. Plus, how hot is it when you end up getting home with someone and it turns out you’re wearing a full body stocking?

Camouflage Boxers

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Adam & Eve have cutie stuff for all gender presentations. I just know there are some drag kings who read my blog who are ready for this number. Feel free to use it. Song: Love is a Hunter by Rae Spoon. Slow fade to hunter walking in, wearing full hunter regalia (like camouflage rain gear and a hat with flaps on the ears) and holding a big toy rifle. Another two drag performers come out dressed as deer and there is a whole interpretive dance where the hunter tries to get the two deer and then they outfox him and then during the crescendo of the song the hunter strips down to these camo boxers that are $24.95. Then the hunter, down to his base human form, has the realization that he doesn’t need to shoot things to feel alive. And the deer do a victory dance. Jazz hooves.

Also, important to note that AdamEve.com offers free shipping for orders over $59!

2011-11-15

Introducing Plus Size Brand Marisota

Hi friends! This featured post is brought to you in partnership with Marisota, as an introduction for my International readers. The opinions and language are all mine!

I was asked to look through the plus size ladies wear from Marisota. The first thing I do when I find a new plus brand is check out their shapewear and lingerie.

Well-made plus size shapewear is hard to find and I really appreciate the variety on the Marisota site. I am not a shapewear proponent for everyday, but it can help wiggle you into an outfit, smooth out a line, help prevent chub rub or act as a strapless bra that won’t migrate. The building block for a lot of fat style for ladies, men and gender benders is often found in the wonders of a foundation garment.

Marisota Plus Size Ladies Wear
I love the Gok Wan Osaka Shaper. Super cute Cherry Blossom print. Goes up to 46C.

Marisota Plus Size Ladies Wear
I’ve never found a plunge body shaper going up to size 48C. Naturally Close Plunge Bodyshaper.

Marisota Plus Size Ladies Wear
They have tons of bras all the way up to size 50. Like this babesauce navy situation Milliarosa Underwired Bra.

Marisota Plus Size Ladies Wear
Their boot selection is extensive and they carry lots of wide width calf styles that go up up up in fit. Like these Patent Riding Boots!

Marisota Plus Size Ladies Wear
I’m also a fan of this Zandra Rhodes Vintage Print Dress.

Marisota Plus Size Ladies Wear
And really intrigued by Joe Brown’s Ultimate Coat. There is so much going on but I think it could look really cool. I am into statement pieces as outerwear as a means to combat the Winter blah blah blahs.

Sadly they don’t ship to the US–yet. I will let you know when I find out that they do!

2011-10-03

Pre-Order Sissy Calendar by Elisha Lim Now!

You might freak out about your 2012 plans if you think about them now (I do), but what better way to queer up that freak out than to pre-order a subversive gender queer celebration of femininity in the form of Elisha Lim’s latest project SISSY: A 2012 Wall Calendar.

“[E}very month brave and beautiful queers talk about sequins, glitter, femininity, insults, courage, happiness and femme pride.”

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“This is about the international queer community, and models from London, Berlin, Montreal and Toronto each express their own identities, which I kept in their own words.”

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“This is also a Universal Calendar, so it doesn’t state weekdays and can be re-used to preserve special events every year.”

All pre-orders are $20 and get you a calendar, two greeting cards and you get to support an incredible, dapper, queer, talented Canadian artist.

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Photo by Quito. From L-R, Heather, Silas, Elisha in the white shirt, Bevin’s back, Nogga.

Don’t spill the beans (she doesn’t read my blog) but I’ll be buying my sissy fag identified girlfriend a copy of this calendar for Smokey Mountain Christmas or yule or whatever we’re going to celebrate.

2011-09-21

Linkage, Buying Jeans and a New Episode of the Lesbian Tea Basket

ITEM THE FIRST: There is this really great article from National Geographic about Health at Every Size. It also includes a pretty great primer on the concepts of intuitive eating and exercising for fun and feeling good and not for culturally mandated self-worth. If only unlearning all of the self-hatred and doubting of food from decades of dieting were so easy to put into a primer…

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Me and Leslie not wearing jeans but shopping! At SITE!

ITEM THE SECOND: I contributed to Autostraddle’s article The Jeans Issue: Queer Fashion Guide For Various Shapes, Sizes, Styles and Gender Expressions using the help of my trusty friend Leslie Medlik from TLC’s Big Sexy. We talk about how to shop for plus size jeans and what to look for in trends, fit and style. We also recommend our favorite brands and some self-esteem guarding pieces of wisdom to bring into the fitting room with you.

ITEM THE THIRD: As summer sadly draws to a close for New Yorkers, I am reliving the beginning of this beautiful season by editing an episode of the Lesbian Tea Basket. One of the best parts of my life are all of the incredible characters I have the privilege of meeting and chatting with. I love to share that with you, and here’s someone amazing I had tea with.

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Bird is amazing. This is her jacket.

Bird La Bird is a performance artist and Femme from London who is quite good to look at and very charming, smart and funny. We discuss her process of coming out as Femme, queer temporality, Jack Halberstam, her time as an award-winning strict Catholic playboy bunny and Whole Foods “Get Gorgeous” tea.

Check it out!



ITEM THE FOURTH:
My prayers go out to Troy Davis and his loved ones. This is just awful.

2010-12-16

Why You Should Buy Elisha Lim’s Calendar Right Now

Let’s start with the facts.

Elisha Lim is handsome.
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Elisha Lim is well-dressed.
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Elisha Lim is a talented artist.
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Elisha Lim has used this triple threat for good by converting it into a 2011 calendar.

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A 12 month calendar of handsome dandy queers from January to December. Full colour images and comics feature sartorial queer style, shopping anecdotes and strategies, and a celebration of walking proud in what you wear.

The comics feature excerpts from “The Illustrated Gentleman” and “100 Butches” and contain a hand-drawn monthly schedule for each month.

I like that it’s small. It’s the kind of thing I could tuck easily into a small corner of my kitchen or by my bed or anywhere on the walls of weird narrow New York City realness apartments. However, you want to make sure it is someplace where you can read each month. Each illustration includes an essay.

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Elisha further offers purchasers of the calendar a bonus.

If you want to send this calendar to flirt with somebody, or just to say happy birthday, I can add a dedication into the package.

I appreciated so much that my version of the calendar was sent to me in brown paper packaging with my name in a fancy script. I loved it. I am going to save it. Perhaps it will become my return address label.

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Support a hardworking queer artist!! Clickie here to go to the calendar shop!

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