Boss Up with Bevin Your dream life is at the end of your comfort zone

2017-11-24

Shop for the Holidays and Smash the Patriarchy (Getting the Deals, Too)

You need to shop for the holidays and you want to dismantle the patriarchy? Me, too! Supporting small businesses owned by women, queers, people of color and other minorities warms the cockles of my heart. Since my wealth is more in influence than it is in bucks for the time being, one of my favorite holiday blog traditions is my gift guide!

This is what I look like when I blog for the holidays. I’m rocking one of my All Bodies are Worthy of Love stickers 1.0 on my laptop and my Stitch Prism necklace of pyrite and blue kyanite.

On Cyber Monday at Noon Pacific time I’m going live on the Plus Bus facebook page. The Plus Bus is a local plus size resale store here in Northeast LA and I’m stoked to get to bring resale plus size clothing to people all over the world who don’t have a plus size resale store nearby. As a bonus I get to help bolster this plus size women owned store and hone my skills as a QVC hostess by curating a great inventory and featuring indie plus designer Proud Mary Fashion. Like the Plus Bus Boutique Facebook page and turn on notifications for live videos so you get reminded!

I love this All Genders are Valid Tee shirt (sized to 2X) from Genuine Valentine. I also love the To Be An Ally is to Show Basic Human Decency shirt (XS to 4X) and the Making My Own Path onesie (to 24 Months)!! (Pssst… I’m collaborating with the designer on a line of Fat Kid Dance Party tee shirts! Stay tuned for those!)

All weekend long use code “PARADOX” for 25% off orders over $60!

If people you know love their pets the way I love mine, these wood pet portraits are exactly the right gift. Rufus Reineck of The Pop Box sent me the cutest paintings of Macy and Biscuit Reynolds shelacked on wood. I cannot express the leaps my heart made when I got this gift from a self proclaimed “big gay family” who are fans of Biscuit and Macy on Instagram! Macy is pink glitter! It looks amazing on the wall and the colors are both true to our pets and make them seem like pop art. I’m obsessed. Get the custom dog portrait here or the custom cat portrait here. P.S. Someone go snag this amazing pop art of Prince before it goes.

Sometimes you just wanna craft for people. For three bucks you can get a PDF pattern for a pretty simple Feminist Killjoy pattern or for seven bucks you can get Nevertheless She Persisted (I would totally do this for a pillow). All I Want For Christmas is a Functioning Democracy is a fav if you don’t have time to cross stitch yourself. Check out the whole inventory of Caustic Cross Stitch.

Leather Coven is your go-to for body affirming leather harnesses and the leather cage skirt I’m forever obsessed with. The Priestess collar is a great smash the patriarchy gift at $27. I have a piece from there I bought during a cyber Monday sale a couple of years ago and it fits perfectly because it was made to measure. The handmade leather ornaments are so beautiful and are the perfect hostess gift for the leather femme in your life or someone who loves modern design. So beautiful and on trend!

Monday only get 15% off with code CYBERANGEL!

I met Scarlett River of Dirty Lola through Dollypalooza when she donated to our fundraising auction for the Imagination Library. (Stay tuned here for a worldwide online holiday raffle to benefit Dolly’s Imagination Library chapter in Belize–the raffle pull is December 16th!) She makes some beautiful fan art–Dolly prints, Prince candles, and darling vintage pussy plates. But apropos for this gift guide is her Smash the Patriarchy print–only $18!

On Monday 11/27 use code DIRTYMONDAY for a deal!

Stitch Prism is one of my favorite jewelry merchants. I have a couple of pieces and absolutely love them and use them in my crystal practice. This Saturn Return necklace is perfect for the 27ish human in your life who is going through it with the taskmaster in the sky, Saturn. I love the double triangle with agate, as well, or you could customize a piece with a type of crystal that speaks to what your pal is going through!

20% off Stitch Prism until Monday 11/27, automatically applied on Etsy!

Joshica Beauty is a Black-owned natural small batch beauty supply line. This Beard Maintenance gift set is under $20 and the beard oil is a five star rated product! This is a great gift for someone who is very excited about their beard. I know a few very beard-identified people who this would be perfect for!

I met the Gay Pin Guys at A Bear Named Troy‘s brunch event at The Plus Bus. They gave me their Spill the Tea pin and I adore it and featured in my Facebook Live video about how to brew Matcha, the cancer fighting delicious elixer. The Rainbow Resist Pin is a great gift for the militant lesbians, radical queers and PFLAG Moms in your life. The You’ve Got This pin is such a charming way of encouraging someone.

Don’t forget the queer/women/POC healers, massage therapists, tarot readers, mediums, astrologers, and other small business hustlers in your life. If someone you know is going through a rough time, a trip to a healer they usually only see when they have cash flow is a really nice thing to crowd fund for. I got a great medium reading as a crowd fund birthday present one year and it is still a treasured experience.

If you want to buy your 5778 Hannukah candles with a portion of proceeds going to domestic racial justice projects (I am not sure anyone else who makes Hannukah candles can say that), head over to Jonah at Narrow Bridge Candles. I have watched their chandelery in action many years ago and it is a truly beautiful and sacred process. It’s more impactful and intentional than buying your candles from Rite Aid. The North Bay fires (where Jonah’s chandlery and herbal apothecary are located) have affected their sales of the candles this year and they are still available! First Night of Hanukkah is December 12th 2017 / 24 Kislev, so get those orders in ASAP.

My friend Sabine Maxine of A Tribe Called Queer is the curator and designer behind Patty Wack Vintage (some plus vintage available). Sabine is offering 20% off through 11/30 and her shop is worth the look for the photography alone. This sale alone is a great excuse to treat yourself to something cute and new for the holidays!

I watched a lot of Muppet Christmas movies while writing this post and my favorite joke was: Did you hear about the church that burned down? Holy smoke! (Insert Statler and Waldorf Laughing.) Please make no mistake I love churches, of course, and I really love puns.

Do you have a small business you want to plug? I’m looking for brands who want to partner for a giant unboxing party in mid-December. Email me at queerfatfemme at gmail to be included!

When you love yourself, ​everything gets easier. Join me LIVE on Facebook everyday to learn how to love yourself more.

2016-11-29

Bevin’s 2016 Holiday Gift Guide Centering Queer, POC and Women Owned Businesses

I have been doing a gift guide* for almost as many years as I’ve been blogging here (since 2008) and I always center work by queer, POC and women owned businesses. Now, more than ever, we need to be mindful about where we are putting our dollars! If you can buy your holiday gifts or handle your self pampering needs by supporting artists and businesses that are facing a loss of protection after Drumpf’s election, you are able to do a really concrete thing to help folks out. Money is energy in 3D form–it is important to put a damn in Capitalism, reroute it away from corporations and into the hands of folks whose lives will improve because of it!

If you can’t buy but can support folks by amplifying them on social media, that’s a gift, too, for a hustling entrepreneur!

I’m also highlighting folks who live in red states, supporting queers, POC and women in those spaces is especially vital now that racist, homophobic and misogynist nationalists are emboldened. We are in this together and redirecting our spending is an important way to connect and support social justice.

Make Good Choices
OMG OBSESSED. How about for the Femme Jewess in your life, this LIPSTICK MENORAH? Everyone should buy his and his or hers and hers or they and hers or whatever cups for your next queer wedding! I really want the Never Been Gayer mug to reaffirm my commitment in a Drumpf Presidency to get GAYER AND LOUDER AND WITCHIER. I want to buy everyone I know this Hannukah present, Oy to the World mug. NEVER BEEN MORE APPROPRIATE.oytotheworld

The prancing unicorn mug is a perfect idea for a weirdo in your life.youmakemefeellikeprancing

Make Good Choices on Instagram.

Tie By Hand
One of my oldest friends, Christie, just started a woodworking business called Tie By Hand! She makes a lot of really cute and useful accessories and toys. Dad gifts galore! I have always loved watching Christie create, she puts such love and intention to what she builds. 10% of proceeds go to Equitas Health the LGBT health center in Columbus, OH where she lives. Support a queer family living in a red state!

I think her bottle openers are perfect for the rustic masculine person in your life, elegant in their simplicity. tiebyhandbottleopener

The kids’ toys are wooden and adorable.tiebyhandunicorn

I am simply in love with this magnetic knife holder. tiebyhandwalnutknifeholder

Check out all of her unforgettable one of a kind gifts on her website and the LGBTQ mentorship program she is working to implement.

Paypal Christie@tiebyhand.com to buy any of her products!

Genuine Valentine
Genuine Valentine creates apparel for gender nonconforming folks and anyone who identifies outside of the gender binary. I’m so into the simple design and cozy styles. Run by a gender nonconforming roller derby playing drag king performing friend of mine, I’m so excited to share some of my favorite gifts.

This shirt is a great gift for someone who is interested in showing solidarity/acting as an ally for gender nonconforming folks! Comes in XS-3X.
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I have been giving gifts of clever onesies for all the amazing babies born into my life. I love the sentiment, Dolly Parton said in her Pure and Simple Tour that her mom did great by her to let her make her own path and parents could support their kids by just letting them be themselves. I think the Making My Own Path onesie is a great reminder of that great advice.
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The Future is Genderless–I love this kids’ shirt. genuinevalentinefutureisgenderless

Use code QUEERFATFEMME for 15% off orders at Genuine Valentine!
Genuine Valentine on Facebook
Genuine Valentine on Instagram

Furface Pet Portraits
If you know someone who loves their pet, buy them a digital pet portrait from Fur Face Art! Ketch is a queer artist who has two remarkably cute rescue pekingese dogs and draws really compelling art of pets! It’s been a longtime dream of mine to get portraits done of all of my pets! Order soon because Ketch usually gets full up closer to the holidays! furfaceartshihtzu
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Fur Face Pet Portraits on Facebook
Fur Face Art on Instagram

Hello Holiday

I found this shop through queer fat femme fashion icon Nicolette Mason. They are based in Omaha, Nebraska–red state! They also rep Black Lives Matter on their instagram, which immediately got my attention for folks I want to support!

I’m so into the Girls Support Girls tee shirt–it comes in pink or white and all the way to 3X and is $33. Bust up internalized misogyny! Great gift for pre-teen and teenage feminists!helloholidaygirlssupportgirls
This Intersectional pin is sooo cute. Great gift for academics and social justice types who go to a lot of conferences and wear blazers or denim vests with bling. $13!helloholidayintersectional_2048x2048

Hello Holiday on Instagram
Hello Holiday on Facebook

How to Be You by Jeffrey Marsh
If you have a pre-teen or teenager, especially a weird one, in your life, get them this book! As soon as I cracked this book I knew that every single teenager should read it and work through it. It’s part memoir, part workbook to ask yourself the right questions to get to know yourself. When you are growing up as someone who is not a “normal” it is really isolating and lonely! How to Be You is permission giving and beautiful. I think it is suicide prevention and self care to do the work to get to know yourself, especially during adolescence when it is particularly emotionally difficult to not fit in.

Jeffrey Marsh (they/them pronouns) grew up a genderqueer in a small Pennsylvania town and became a social media superstar with their affirming and positive Vine messages. You can buy it here on Amazon and I get a referral for the purchase, or buy it from an indie shop like The Strand or even better an LGBT bookstore!

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Jeffrey Marsh on Instagram.

Stuzo Clothing
Owned by queers of color, Stuzo Clothing, was nominated over five times on my solicitous Facebook and Instagram posts when I asked my followers and friends for recommendations! “A genderless clothing company designed to invoke thought and emotion” Stuzo has some cute presents! They have a store in LA and a robust online store. Also, if you are a person wearing their Koas Kontrol Coat at a party I will stop you to talk about it. STUNNING piece of art.

I LOVE the black mesh button up shirt–I think it’s so sharp and the kind of thing that is timeless if you have strong style. $75 but only goes Small to XL. (If you’re a bigger person who wants to wear it, contact them and ask them to let you know if they do a bigger run!)stuzomeshshirt

The LEZ hat is so stylish–the bandana brim is a fresh update to the tall letter snapback.

The Adipositivity Calendar
Photographer and Fat Activist Substantia Jones set out to show the world fat bodies in an effort to normalize them. Her cutting-edge work has evolved over the years, and she perseveres doing this stuff through a lot of internet BS from haters. Her play with light, her use of bodies to paint a picture is really beautiful and extraordinary. Modeling for her has been such a great experience. I’m plotzing over this photo from our shoot in June–my eyelashes and tattoo are so incredible in the shot. I feel like art!

Her calendar is an annual collection of never-before-seen shots. I’m in it this year for the second time! It’s such an honor to be Ms. July! (My shot is below–a special sneak preview! I’m a YARD SALE PIN-UP in a rainbow snakeskin lamé bikini.)adipositivity16-06-la-203-yardsale-tagged-1100

In Substantia’s words: Every freaking penny of profit goes toward defraying some of the costs of keeping the Adipositivity Project alive, so stuff ya some stockings with these things. You’ll be supporting fat activism, body positivity, and pushback against bigoted patriarchal jackwaddery. Plus it’s all pretty an’ shit.

Buying this calendar funds the body revolution! Sharing about it helps fund the revolution more! I would love to see Substantia make so much cash off this calendar she can shoot Adipositivity art full time and comfortably for all of 2017! (Share this post on Facebook!)adipositivitycal-page-07-july
Adipositivity on Facebook.

Xiomara Lorenzo Designs

Xiomara Lorenzo Designs makes 3D Printed Hoop Earrings. They come in a variety of bright colors and the process seems really cool. I love the large earrings, I feel like in a bold color they would make an amazing statement piece. If you have a Femme who loves modern design on your holiday giving list, consider these. I would get a color you know she wears a lot (red for red-lipped femmes is a solid choice). If I were buying them I’d get them in hot pink because I’m wearing a lot of black and white lately.
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Xiomara Lorenzo Designs on Facebook

Eye of Crow Herbs
My friend Lizanne is a queer femme herbalist out of Oakland who sells herbal remedy products. We bought some Tumeric Oxymel at the QueerCare LA event in June and we loved it. I am excited to try her other remedies. The 3 of <3s blend is great for anyone you know going through a difficult emotional time, including grief. And the Sleeptime blend would be great for someone you know who is losing sleep at night. Or Lickable massage oil for your lover/love interest/poly side dish / whatever. Lizanne rules. Buy her potions!
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Eye of Crow Herbs on Instagram

Stellarium Jewelry
Stellarium Jewelry is owned by a queer femme friend in Baltimore. Her pieces are beautiful, woo and striking. “Stones that are used in this work are hand selected for their energetic and aesthetic qualities.”

This crescent etching earring is a great choice for someone who loves the moon. stellariumcopperetchingearring

Black, White, and Grey Chalcedony Necklace with Sterling Silver Chain is so beautiful. The stone can help with self doubt or help lessen the effects of dementia and senility. Great gift for someone who could use a tangible reminder that you believe in them. stellariumhowlitenecklace

Last Craft
Last Craft is the work of the amazing Amanda Stilwell, a queer femme in Chicago. If you know someone who loves 80s/90s culture, shop here for them. The New Wave Tarot deck is really cool for anyone who loves New Wave and Woo (a pretty big cross section). As a fan of the movie Heathers and body positivity, I must shout out the Big Fun pin.lastcraftbig_fun_large

Last Craft on Facebook
Last Craft on Instagram

Lockwood Shop
Lockwood is my go-to NYC gift store. My friend Mackenzi owns it and her buying is always on point. When we met 7 or 8 years ago she had one tiny shop in Queens and now she has four! It has been so inspirational to see her work hard and hustle her dreams over the years and I LOVE her baby and kids’ stuff. Like this Metrocard plush rattle!!!nyc-rattles-baby-metro-card_th

Or this dinosaur hand puppet!dinosaurhandpuppetlarge_th

Lockwood Shop on Instagram
Lockwood Shop on Facebook

New York Toy Collective
This dildo and accessories company is owned by a queer woman of color and it is such a labor of love. They work to foster a sex positive world and make gender affirming and fluid products. I met them while they were tabling at a party on mine and Dara’s first one on one outing! (First date according to Dara but since I didn’t know it was a date I don’t count it.) I have the Mason in hot pink and LOVE it as well as the Shilo. Quality pieces that have lasted for the past three and four years, respectively!

I got my Mason as my payment for modeling for New York Toy Collective (it was a “lifestyle shoot” and in the video from the shoot I’m juggling dildos–possibly one of the funnest things I’ve been caught doing on video). I’m super honored to be in this shot with Erika Hart, an amazing breast cancer body acceptance activist who is making big waves right now!
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If you have a friend getting married, consider one of these (or collecting gift cards) for Bachelorette party gifts or wedding shower gifts or I’m in your bridal party gifts. Or maybe give one to your partner to sizzle things up this holiday season! They can make a sex toy out of any genital through their 3D scanning!

New York Toy Collective on Instagram
New York Toy Collective on Facebook

Massage and Body Paint with Julia Cameron Damon
My friend Cam is an amazing body painter and masseuse. She’s based in Longmont, CO, so if you ever are driving through definitely get in touch with her about booking a massage. (I did that once driving cross country, stayed at her place–which is also an airbnb–and got a massage. It was perfect. It’s gorgeous in Colorado.) cammassagetable

If you want the most incredibly unique and romantic experience to give your partner for a holiday gift, book a body paint session with Cam! She will also fly out to you and do a whole body paint/photography session. It’s amazing, such a beautiful embodying experience. In Cam’s words, “Sometimes folk fly into Longmont Friday have dinner and a massage before bed. Then get up Saturday and we paint and shoot all day. They rest and leave Sunday–I have gift certificates for this experience too. Models come away with 100s of digital downloads.” Since Cam is deaf, it’s best to text her–303 243 2240. She does baby belly painting! She travels a bunch, so seriously just get in touch and talk about it. Read all about my experience with our body paint session in Brooklyn five years ago! cambevin

She posts her travel schedule on her Massage Facebook Fan Page.

Novel Idea Crafts
I love bibliophiles and bibliophilic intimacy, thus I love this woman-owned shop with cute crafts made from old books! Much of them are Christmas-oriented, but she does custom work and that’s what I would love to suggest. If there’s a person in your life with whom you have a connection over a book–like if you were Forrest Gump Jr. you might get your dad an ornament made with rolled pages from Curious George.
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The Paira Birds

If you want to give affordable, really cute art, Tabitha Brown’s digital portraits start at only $15 and really pop. I find them so compelling and joyful. Especially the fox clutching the tea mug (obvs) and many representations of Black folks. foxtea
I feel like this Trini Transistor is a great decor item for a kids’ room.pairabirdsboombox

Bevin’s Tea
Mackenzi said that I hadn’t mentioned my tea in awhile on my blog so I’m making sure to remind readers I’m building an energy healing tea business. The tea is a vector for energy healing when maybe you don’t have the time or money to go have a full Reiki session.

My goal is always to have delicious tea blends, so everything is luxury level blends of organic ingredients. I blend with certain healing properties in mind and emotional effects. Feelings tea is great for when you’re going through it, so is Find Your Chill (especially if you need a sleepytime aid). Dolly Mint is meant to help folks get dollars, stay positive, and ease digestion. Hibiscus Coconut has nettles for anti-inflammatory help and positivity enhancement. Self Love is caffeinated and meant for self loving. I also have a Lesbian Tea Basket sampler pack so you can try all the flavors. My Earl Grey is positively the most popular for folks re-ordering after having the Lesbian Tea Basket. I’m still working on getting up on etsy, but for now you can order it from this page on my blog! I want to make energy healing as accessible as your pantry!lesbianteabasketround1

Bevin’s Tea on Facebook.
Bevin’s Tea on Instagram.

*Inclusion in my gift guide is always free and it is a true labor of love–it takes me 30-40 hours to curate, write, html code, research and resize photos for this post. Dara reminded me I always say I want to start it sooner because I annually forget how long it takes. I’m totally indebted to my friends and followers who help me source a diverse roster of folks to include!

2016-02-15

Beth Ditto has a new Fashion Line!

New plus size fashion has been given unto us… and it is good!

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One of my very favorite wardrobe staples is the sweater face dress I bought from Beth Ditto’s first fashion line, a collaboration with Evans in the UK. For those of you who don’t know Beth Ditto, she’s probably the most famous queer fat femme out there, rising to fame as the lead singer of Gossip, has her own awesome solo music projects and wrote a memoir with Michelle Tea.

I consider that sweater dress an investment piece–I spent a bunch of money on it, I adore it and will continue to wear year after year. I always make a huge impression when I wear it.

Beth’s first line for Evans was so killer and I still regret not buying the Domino dress! At the time I was working for Re/Dress in Brooklyn and Deb, the owner, coordinated a big purchase from Evans so we could all share the shipping. I think each of the shop girls bought a piece!

I was so excited to hear that Beth was working on a new line and it launched Monday at 3AM Pacific Time! First thing I did this morning was browse the collection.

This time Beth is doing it herself as an indie designer–no corporation. Everything is made in factories in NYC and she’s gotten input from her designer friends to help put it together. Beth says herself these are investment pieces, and she’s right. They are priced like indie designer pieces but from what I can tell via the internet look totally worth it. Timeless and well conceived. I can’t wait to hear from folks their feedback about the fit and fabric!

loladressbethdittoWhen I am a rich lesbian I will buy the Lola dress in Lipstick Traces. I LOVE the cut and the color and fabric pattern design.

As my readers know I’m in the middle of my transition from NYC to LA so since I’m living off savings and working on new career prospects I don’t have the cash to plunk down on all of the jumpsuits and dresses I want to add to my life. I thought I would aspirationally shop on this post to perhaps inspire my readers to buy some of her pieces so she can be wildly successful with this venture and continue to make clothes that I can buy when my transition period is over and I am a rich lesbian.

04_185-815x1024I LOVE this Modern Love Jumpsuit in Liquid Black. I just think wearing a sheer silver lamé jumpsuit with great underwear out to an event with exceptional shoes sounds like an amazing experience. New item on my bucket list!

timessquarejumpsuitbethdittoThe Modern Love Jumpsuit is also in this Times Square pattern. Adore it!

ninadressbethdittoWhile my first choice dress from the collection is the Lola, I’m kind of dying over the Nina dress! I think it’s so versatile, I think it could be a good fancy work dress, a great cocktail party dress, a great red carpet dress. And if I were giving Hillary Clinton a make-over I would put her in this dress. The only reason it’s not my top choice for aspirational shopping is because I have a dress that is a similar cut and color combination.

04-01-Bubble-color-eatyourmakeup_1024x1024The Double Bubble Dress in Eat Your Make-up (comes in a couple of other colors as well) is on top of my list to twin with Kelli Jean Drinkwater, my queer fat femme friend from Sydney Australia. Because when I’m a rich lesbian I’ll fly her to LA so we can twin in whatever we want!

bethdittoleighdressBoth the Leigh Dress and the Kim oversize shirt look sooo comfortable. I have a dress that is sleeveless with a similar drape, big and flowy, and it is perfect in hot weather. Casually glamorous.

Working at Re/Dress for the three years it was open in Brooklyn and being a body positive activist for over fourteen years has put me in contact with so many indie plus designers. Doing this work is truly a labor of love, has a lot of overhead and rarely yields a profit that lets anyone live high on the hog. I love to support indie designers and think that it’s worth it to spend your money on a quality garment that’s well made. As plus size consumers we have way more corporate options than ever before and sometimes you need/want a pair of $13 jeggings from Forever 21. But I think that prioritizing our investment piece spending to indie designers who support the mission that all bodies are worthy of great fashion and style is super important!

Readers! If you get one of Beth’s pieces tell me how the fit is and what you loved about it in the comments, on my Facebook fan page or on instagram!

ninadress

2015-11-30

Queer and Indie Holiday Gift Guide!

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It’s Cyber Monday again (I kind of still hate that it’s a thing now but it’s a thing now). I believe in putting a dam in Capitalism wherever possible. If I have some wealth, I am going to redirect it to prioritize helping the lives of small businesses, especially those run by queers and POC. I don’t want my gift money going to increase some bottom line on the New York Stock Exchange.

I figure if you’re going to participate in gift giving, I’m super into connecting people to small businesses. I’m also into giving people good gift ideas because I love to shop. I have some ideas for literally anyone on your list.

My holiday gift guide this year is not compensated–I included small businesses owned by folks I know and indie businesses suggested by my followers who commented on my instagram and facebook posts asking for their favorites. Every now and again a proprietor sends me a sample of something or a discount. Many thanks to my friends Lexi and Jamison who helped me come up with some of these ideas, too!

My astrologer once told me that money is energy in 3D form and I totally believe in being mindful about putting your energy out there, especially when you’re doing holiday shopping. So here is a big list of possible holiday gifts for all kinds of folks on your list, enjoy!

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Jewelry & Adornments

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I am so into Stitch Prism Jewelry this year. Handmade by KellyAnne Mifflin, the jewelry is aesthetically gorgeous woo. Maybe you just want something pretty, I love the designs so much! Maybe you want something energetically supportive–it is so powerful to wear crystals on your body. I bought a necklace at their booth at a craft fair after asking which stones I needed have hovering over my heart while traveling.
KellyAnne makes custom work, custom chain sizes, too. I have a custom Capricorn necklace with additional stones that I love. They are also great about “Hey I have this piece from you and need the chain reworked” so if you’re nervous about chain length for your gift recipient you can always get it amended. Also consider a gift card for a custom piece!

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Leather Coven! I bought the above-pictured Medusa harness from them after my holiday gift guide last year and it fits so well! Seriously, getting a custom, hand made piece of art is such a marvelous experience. Mateo is a leatherworking genius and I love their stuff! You can style it in lots of ways–wear it over your clothes for a baller accessory, wear it over an undergarment to amplify sexy, and if you want to really go for deep sexy wear nothing under it!

For a simpler style I love the Sebastian Harness for only $41.40 (pictured above, modeled by Mateo) and I am deeply coveting the new Elektra crop top that just came out this Fall. They take Etsy gift cards if you are unsure of the measurements of your loved ones. If you’re ready for their Cyber Monday deal, for today only CYBERME20 for 20% off!

Chubby_Cartwheels_meshundies

I love Chubby Cartwheels so much. (This is the brand behind my beloved Diet Industry Dropout crop top.) I think it can be hard to buy other people clothes, but as a Fat Femme, I love when my lovers buy me great lingerie. How about these Chubby Cartwheels All Around Mesh Undies? I feel like they work well for folks who love lingerie and folks who just love to be comfy. Both sexy and cozy. (I would count this as loungerie.) At $18 and sizes 1X-5X I think it’s a great choice. If you don’t know your sweetie’s size, go check out their underwear drawer, find a couple pairs you know they enjoy and scope the size tag! And if you’re really unsure, email Shawna, the babe behind the brand, and say “It’s a Torrid 2X, what size is that for your garments?” A lot of fat femmes know what a Torrid 2X fits like and can translate.

redressneonleggings
Speaking of fab fatties, I also gotta shout out Rachel Cupcake’s Re/Dress. Every time I’ve bought online it comes really fast. They have all these AMAZING microfiber bright print leggings for $28. If you’re shopping for a babe who is size 14-26, the leggings fit that whole size range so you can’t go wrong. I love a bold print legging, it goes with my easy tunic tops and I don’t have to think about how to really wear an outfit. Also, it puts me in touch with my inner Peg Bundy.

Collartips

Dapper and Swag’s Livery and Adornments has some very fabulous Collar Tips. My well-dressed dapper friend Lexi says Collar Tips are her new favorite accessory. Dapper and Swag has this great Nautical themed collar tip for only $15! I also love the stag antler ones.

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Project TransAction (in their words) is an eco-conscious, artist driven, independent leatherwork and screen printing company in Boston, MA. We use only top quality American cowhide and source our hardware from small – often family owned and operated – US companies. All of the inks, dyes, and finishes that we use on our leather are water based, and our screen cleaning products are biodegradable. All of our work is 100% Quality and Satisfaction Guaranteed. We aren’t satisfied until you are. Right now I’m obsessed with how good leather suspenders look and really want a pair for Dara. Their base price is $85 for leather suspenders and they have so much great leather to choose from. This is another item to order custom sized. If you want to go pricier these Distressed Brown Leather Suspenders (swoon) are $150.

It can be so hard to find a belt that fits for a larger or smaller than average person! Project Transaction also sell really cute custom belts like this Gears and Cogs belt for the nerd in your life. Find Project Transaction on Facebook and Instagram! Get 15% off with Promo Code WINTER and free holiday shipping!

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Kelly Horrigan Handmade makes such great earrings, shoulder bling, necklaces, wall hangings, etc… From Kelly: At least 75% of the leather used at KHH | KELLY HORRIGAN HANDMADE is repurposed from high quality scrap leather. We strive to make sustainable choices whenever possible. I love the Diamond Teal Peacock earrings so much. This Python Necklace is so baller. Kelly makes a lot of things in hot pink and I am very into bright leather. Receive 15% off when you use code HANDMADE at checkout.

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Wild Fancy Design has some of the coolest jewelry for your favorite witch, feminist or queer. The Dandy Unicorn collar tip shown above is $33. Yes Homo necklace is $25. Or how about flagging with a Switch pin for $16? With code DARKSKIES you can get 15% off through December 31st!

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Deliciousness & Potions

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Do you know a tea lover? The Plum Deluxe folks have an amazing tea of the month club with a hand-blended seasonal tea exclusive for their tea of the month members. They sent me a sampler of their tea to check it out for my Lesbian Tea Basket series and I’m prepping a video about all that. I looooved the seasonal sample they sent from an autumn monthly delivery. In fact, my dog groomer Sequinette came over and asked for a “seasonal” tea and boy was I a proud lesbian busting out my tea of the month for the moment. (And it was delicious!) You should definitely consider the gift of a tea of the month! They do the gift subscriptions in 3, 6 and 12 month increments, either one tea at a time ($10 per month) or two teas at a time ($16 per month). As a tea lover who loves to sample new tea, I would be super into this gift.

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(Hint hint if any of my loved ones are reading this and want to buy me this tea of the month club gift please go for it, email address is queerfatfemme@gmail.com I will update them with my address as I make my way cross country.)

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Gemly and Fern is the potion arm of Stitch Prism, which is really great. Such great potions to choose from if you have a loved one going through it: Deep Self Love, Heal Through This, and Mercury Retrograde Support Potion.

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As someone who has food sensitivities I have learned to rely heavily on my cooking skills. I have definitely leveled up my cooking game and doing so, relying on high quality great spices. I’ve also learned that high quality delicious salt can transform any vegetable. (I have more than five types of salt right now and I feel really great about it.) My friend Lexi suggested Penzey’s, a local spice shop located in Boston and Missouri, for cute gift ideas for literally anyone who cooks. The Sunny Paris seasoning, is salt free. It is pricey but it is definitely because of the dried shallots inside. Lexi shared it with me and it smells delicious. And for $10 for 1/2 cup it will help jazz up pretty much anything. Jamison and I used the Buttermilk Ranch spice mix on chicken the last time I visited their home and it was out of this world. The Sandwich Sprinkle is also recommended from the Lexi/Jamison household. They also have gift cards and gift boxes, and all the salts.

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Kids & Pets

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Queer kid’s coloring books! Jacinta Bunnell has a whole line of them for the gaybies and small children in your life! The Big Gay Alphabet Coloring Book is only $12.95 Sixty-four page coloring book illustrating twenty-six words that highlight memorable victories and collective moments in LGBTQP (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, and Pansexual) culture. Sometimes the Spoon Runs Away With Another Spoon Coloring Book is only $10. There are lots more, check out the store!

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If you know a high school or middle school-aged person consider the gift of this amazing young adult book I just finished, Dumplin. I definitely plan to write up a full review on my blog but until I get to it (I will be done moving in 3 weeks, maybe then I will finish my backlog of blog endeavors!) you should know it is a heartwarming tale of a fat but mostly okay with it girl and her coming of age. She lives in a tiny town in Texas and loves Dolly Parton. There’s teenage (hetero)sexuality in it. It was such a great book I had a hard time putting it down.

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Ruff Haus is the pet collar arm of ProjectTransAction and I love their gorgeous work–the prints are so unusual! I especially love the circus horses and polka dot design.

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For cats, I have an unusual present that’s pretty cheap. I follow a really cute flat faced cat named Kyle on instagram. Kyle has a big online presence and because his adoption origin story involves his previous mom being killed by domestic violence, his new parents use his online swag to raise money for a pet friendly domestic violence shelter in NYC. This tickle pickle is only $4, stuffed with catnip and I’ve seen many famous instagram cats playing with it so I know it’s a hit among the feline sector. What an amazing win-win, a great stocking stuffer and a donation to benefit a pet friendly DV shelter!

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Books & Prints

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Glitter & Grit – Queer art anthology

My writing is featured in a new anthology that is coming out on a limited edition pre-sale run! Glitter and Grit: Queer Performance from the Heels on Wheels Femme Galaxy features writing and art by over 60 queer artists, all of whom have worked with Heels on Wheels — the notorious all-femme, DIY touring & community art troupe. (I wrote about my experience touring with Heels on Wheels in this blog post.) To fund this printing, this anthology is on pre-sale Nov 30-Dec 14, only at this link. First 30 books sold @ 20% off – $20 + shipping, next 100 books sold @ 10% off – $23 + shipping. Note that you can select express shipping and get it in time to gift, if you want! This is the kind of thing you’ll want to give other people and you’ll want to give to yourself. STOCKING STUFFER MAGIC for the Femmes and Queers of all genders in your life!

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Charlotte Cooper has a new book coming out! Maybe you want to pre-order it and give a card to your friend/relative/partner who needs or wants something like this? In Charlotte’s words: Fat Activism: A Radical Social Movement is going to be published on 4 January 2016. I picked this date because it is the beginning of the new year weight loss season and the first day back to work for people who have to hustle for a living. I thought that this would be when readers would need something really encouraging about hope and social change at this bleak time of year. Also definitely don’t miss the cute holiday video starring Charlotte!

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For someone who needs a little more of a body love 101 ride, and someone to walk them through the process of loving your body like a friend I am reading and loving Jes Baker of the Militant Baker‘s Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls. I’m also quoted in it! (What a total honor!!!) That photo above is me and Jes Baker at the book launch in NYC!

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I went to a craft show this weekend and I barely looked at the letterpress booths because I love Panorama Press so much! Queer owned and operated, Madeline makes such amazing beautiful creations. Tons of cards, the amazing California Poppy print above I love so much, and occasionally jewelry. And Don We Now Our Gay Apparel for only $5 is the BEST gay holiday card.

Other Things!


I have had this Ring Thing on my phone for the past year and it’s frickin’ amazing. Here’s the blurb from Zachary, Dara’s friend who runs it and its awesome charitable arm. Never drop your phone again! Ring Thing allows for a comfortable, safe & secure grip for any smart device. Ring Thing can be used for a verticle or horizontal kickstand and rotates 360 degrees & swivels 180 degrees. New phone, new case, no problem, Ring Thing can be peeled off and reused over 100 times!** So if you’re looking to take the perfect selfie or watch a video with ease and comfort, you need a Ring Thing!

This holiday season, you can support Schools That Can (STC) and get your stocking-stuffing-shopping done. Enter the “SchoolsThatCan” coupon and $9 for each RingThing purchase will be donated to STC, helping them provide quality programming, partnerships, and thought leadership to their schools. To learn more about STC and Ring Thing, visit www.GoodForMeLifestyle.com/Fundraising

P.S. Watch a holiday video starring me, Dara and Macy on you tube from the Schools that Can/Ring Thing mash-up last year!

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And I always want to shout out my friend Mackenzi’s great store Lockwood! She has three locations now, one in Astoria, one in Jackson Heights and a clothing store in Astoria that carries sizes 0-24. If you’re a NYC local go shop in her store, I can literally buy all of my presents for everyone there, she curates epically. The webstore has only a fraction of her inventory, but online I love the plates with cute sayings on them, like these for $24.95. Watching Mackenzi work so hard and actualize her dreams is very inspirational for me. Her store has really bloomed over the past 7 years of our friendship!!

2015-08-20

More Thigh Chafing (aka Chub Rub) Prevention and Treatment Strategies

One of the blog posts that continues to get the most traffic for me is my original post about thigh chafing prevention. The summer is hot and sweaty, if you have any fat at all in your thighs regardless of your gender you may be prone to getting uncomfortable rashes between your legs. You can also get rashes anywhere skin touches and gets sweaty like under bellies or arms. I have heard reports from men who wear jeans that they can get chub rub on the parts of their thighs that meet above the leg holes.

thighchafingbandeletteThis is me in Bandelettes.

Finding great prevention for chub rub revolutionized my wardrobe because I never thought I could wear dresses. Chub rub prevention allows me such versatility!

Chub rub potions are also great for helping your arms when you wear sequins, like on formal gowns!

Early this summer I officiated Mackenzi’s wedding and I used my tried and true Body Glide and it gave me a zit on my inner thigh! That was almost worse than chub rub because it hurt a lot and very high maintenance–if it got infected it would be even worse, so I had to keep it really clean and disinfect it a lot.

11053231_10153211931949213_2568513953323858205_nMackenzi’s gorgeous sequined wedding dress definitely required some chafing prevention on her arms, too!

This prompted me to do a new round of testing potions for chub rub prevention and treatment. The results are below!

Gold Bond Friction Defense Stick. This one is my favorite of the new sticks for friction defense. I love it and it works. Not as long as the Chamois Butt’r, but definitely good for a reapplication or a couple of hours out and about. It goes on smooth and it’s pretty inexpensive. Bonus that it is scent-free. Buy a couple and keep the second one in your purse or your beach bag for reapplication!

Chamois Butt’r. This is a potion used by bikers to prevent chafing and is so far my favorite of a chub rub preventative measure that is not in stick form. I found it really easy for applying (it’s a clear cream, so you squeeze out a bit and rub it on). I tend to use it before I leave the house and it lasts several hours. When I find myself really sweaty and needing to reapply, I grab whatever stick I have in my purse. I can’t tell if it has a fragrance, so scent sensitive folks should check the ingredients!

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Anti Monkey Butt Powder. Victoria gave me some to try (she swears by it) and I thought it was fiddly. Pros: It smells nice (if you are into scent) and for a powder I think it’s better than corn starch alone because it has the calamine in it. It is very very soft, which is nice. Cons: It is totally difficult to put on without getting pink powder all over your bathroom. Victoria says she does it in her tub. It’s hard to reapply. I didn’t feel 100% confident in it so I didn’t try it for an extensive walking around time. My vote is to skip it unless you really like powder forms of chafing prevention.

I’m still wearing Bandelettes whenever I want something sexy in the land of chub rub prevention. Let me assure you, bending over wearing lacy chub rub prevention in Bandelettes form is hot and provocative. I now get a 10% commission whenever you buy Bandelettes through the links on my blog! (I have so far used my commission to buy fatkinis.)

Here are my Bandelettes pro tips:

*Tuck them up onto your thigh fat, I use that with thigh highs with the same latex gripper material and it works really well to hold up.

*Be consistent with the orientation you use for them when you re-use. For example, I use the seam as a guide and keep that on the middle of my outer thigh every time so the Bandelettes are grabbing at the same point each time I wear them.

*Use them on a clean thigh as much as possible (i.e. don’t use a chub rub cream and then use the Bandelettes, it kind of deteriorates the latex faster).

I get a few uses out of each pair before I need to replace them by being pretty tender with them.

briansweddingwithbrianActively using Body Glide on my upper arms here to prevent sequin rash during Brian’s wedding in February. I officiated that one, too!

Many thanks to my friends who gave me the recommendations to try these new formulas! Anything new and good in the land of chub rub prevention and treatment you’ve found? Leave a comment!

Remember everyone’s body chemistry is different so certain things work better or worse for folks! And everyone has differently shaped bodies and sometimes that changes up how chub rub prevention works best!

2015-01-02

Queer and Body Positive Calendars for 2015

I cannot believe it’s already 2015. Where does the time go? I’ve been lost in a holiday/birthday/travel time vortex and I’m scratching my head about being 36 already and have so much I want to get done this year!

What better way to set goals and mark time than with a calendar that acknowledges queer bodies and lots of different bodies! I think it is incredibly powerful self-love to surround yourself with images of hot queer and fat folks who have diverse bodies. Sensitizing yourself to queer and fat bodies that look like yours and the people you love is an important part of loving yourself and/or being a good fat/queer ally.

Like my 2014 Queer Fat Femme gift guide, I am not being compensated for these listings, I just want to get folks connected to great artists and support queer and body positive projects!

Q-were Calendar
I’m really excited about the Q-were project. I met Patience, the photographer, this summer and got to look through the 2013 and 2014 calendars and I was like daaaaang these are basically hot queer stroke books. I loved it. And I was doubly, maybe even triply, thrilled to find out my queer fat femme pal Rahjah is the centerfold for 2015!! Buy the calendar for $25 and support queer body positive diverse art!
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Q-were Instagram
Q-were Website
Link to buy the 2015 Calendar on Etsy

Queer Porn Star Calendar
Another hot queer, sex positive, body positive calendar is the Queer Porn Star Calendar. Included in the spread are April Flores, Courtney Trouble and Chelsea Poe, three of my favorite queer porn stars and really awesome people. (I had brunch with April Flores recently and she’s so wonderful.) I absolutely love what Courtney is doing with their queer porn femmepire at Trouble Films and the amplification of authentic and fun queer sex. If I had been able to see queer porn like what Trouble Films puts out when I was a baby queer it would have changed my life.

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chelsea-poe-1bTake a minute to sign Chelsea’s petition to ask mainstream porn sites to cease using the term shemale.

Link to buy the 2015 Queer Porn Star Calendar
The Trouble Films Porn Empire

Adipositivity Calendar
The Adipositivity project is a fat acceptance project that goes back several years. “Part fat, part feminism, part fuck you.” Substantia Jones is still clicking away, preserving bigger and better images of fat bodies. The calendar is $19.99 and supports this great art collection of fat bodies.
The Adipositivity Project: The 2015 Adipositivity Calendar is here! &emdash;
Link to the Adipositivity project
Buy the 2015 calendar

Pudge PDX Calendar
I did a little googling to make sure I wasn’t missing any body positive calendars and found the Pudge PDX plus size pin-up calendar! Queer heartthrob Melody Awesomazing is seen in the below photo (far left) as a lumberjack! “Pudge PDX’s body positive calendar includes 13 months with lunar cycles and wacky holidays. Fawn over these fancy folks while staying up to speed with your schedule!”

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Buy the calendar for $25!
Link to Pudge PDX

2014-12-01

Queer Fat Femme Holiday Gift Guide

It’s Cyber Monday (I kind of hate that it’s a thing now but it’s a thing now) and I am fresh from watching so many movies about how the spirit of the holidays is not about capitalism it’s about feeling warm and generous. I, personally, love all things glitter and magical and really appreciate the holidays in a take what you like and leave the rest sort of way. I love that people decorate their houses in glitter and lights. I also enjoy supporting small businesses and queer owned businesses. So if you’re going to participate in gift giving, I’m super into connecting people to small businesses. I’m also into giving people good gift ideas.

My holiday gift guide this year is not compensated–I included small businesses owned by folks I know and indie businesses suggested by my followers who commented on my instagram and facebook posts asking for their favorites. I also threw in a couple of wild cards from more corporate origins that were just good gift suggestions for folks struggling with what to give. I’ve got ideas for the femmes, queers, masculine of center, pets and woo/spiritual folks on your list!

My astrologer once told me that money is energy in 3D form and I totally believe in being mindful about putting your energy out there, especially when you’re doing holiday shopping. So here is a big list of possible holiday gifts for all kinds of folks on your list, enjoy!

IMG_20141201_151407The Medusa Bustier modeled by Art Queen Caitlin Rose Sweet from the Leather Coven Instagram.
Leather Coven, “LUXE LEATHER AMULETS FOR ALL BODIES by chicano FTfeMme papi Mateo” was by far the most popular suggestion when I crowd-sourced gift ideas, but they were already on my list! I met Mateo at Hampshire College at a queer conference I performed at with Heels on Wheels and was impressed forever with the design Mateo was wearing! I’m so excited to see Leather Coven taking off lately, with queer babes of all sizes sporting some of these gorgeous designs. I love the Pentagram Harness ($56 and up depending on your choice of hardware) and the Medusa Bustier ($52+) and love love love that the designs work well both for fashion and for kink!

Leather Coven takes Etsy gift cards, which is great if you don’t know your intended’s measurements, or you can just order the gift and send the measurements in when you give the gift. (Their instagram is worth a follow–@leathercoven!) Cyber Monday savings through 12/1 (that’s tonight!) enter code CYBERSAGITTARIUS at check out.

IMG_20141201_151436Vinyl & Sequin Bow Tie as seen on GNATGlitterKink Instagram in the Gender: Queer photo series with Jacob Tobia and Sunny Frothingham. Photo by Chelsea Pieroni.
GNAT Glitter Kink. For vegan kink & fashion harnesses and for other accessories in an array of flamboyant glitter vinyls! I especially love the Vinyl & Sequin Bow Tie for the flamboyant Dandy on your holiday giving list! $25. Use code CYBERME for 25% off through December 1st!

Brownstargirl Tarot! I’ve had my tarot read by Leah Lakshmi Piepzana-Samarasinha many times since 2008 and she’s so amazing! She offers readings all over the world via skype, google hangout, phone and in person where she might travel (based in Toronto right now). Tarot, one and a half hours: $60-140 sliding scale, Tarot and numerology combination reading: $100-160 sliding scale, Group, couple or two-person readings: $80-130 sliding scale. I love what she says about sliding scale: I appreciate my clients with access to financial wealth sharing it as a form of economic justice and accountability. I appreciate this because I love working with other raised or currently poor and working class folks, and if you’ve got money, honey, your paying at the higher end of my sliding scale allows me to make a living while providing high quality divination to badass broke geniuses who have access to less cash.

If someone you know loves woo, get them a reading with Leah! It’s going to help center them for the New Year, or gird them for the Winter ahead!

bobby-pins-print_thLockwood Shop is owned by my friend Mackenzi, who has exceptional taste in gifts. I’ve successfully shopped for 90% of my holiday gifts at her store over the past few years. For bobby pin identified femmes what about this bobby pin print? ($28)

Whisky stones ($22.95) are a great choice for the drinker on your list. For the little one (or space inclined one) on your list, the Galaxy Night Light is so magical. ($8) You should cruise the website to see all of the other things they have, including lots of Queens and NYC inspired gifts. And if you’re in Astoria definitely stop by and get one of the Shop Keeps to help you shop!

il_570xN.681311055_io9hJessika Fancy is a queer femme in Portland, OR with some amazing jewelry and fashion designs as well as gem essence blends. I adore the Full Moon earrings (out of stock right now) and the Queer Magic Femme Hands patch ($11). Maybe someone you know is going through a rough patch and a protection blend aura spray for $14 might help them out a bunch?

Jessika Fancy is also part of the Spinning Wheel Apothecary, that makes seasonal woo boxes!

il_570xN.603522703_jbzvAdam Rabbit Jewelry: So many raw crystal designs at really great prices! These raw amethyst chunk earrings are only $15! Raw crystals are so powerful. Amethyst is great for healing and developing patience and calm. I really appreciate crystal jewelry designs that leave the crystals looking like a rock.

Peacock_necklace-berryKelly Horrigan Handmade! Kelly is really great queer designer and I love all of her stunning pieces of jewelry and clothing. Her peacock feather leather designs are so striking (I’ve seen them in several colors) and for my queer holiday gift guide I had to highlight her new Yoni necklace design.
Yoni_necklace2Regardless of whether or not you identify with a yoni, you can totally wear one as a necklace. Through December 2 you can get 45% off in her online store with code CYBERWOW.

slide3The IRing is a little kickstand device that you adhere to the back of your smartphone case and it acts as a vertical or horizontal stand for your phone. My partner Dara has one and it’s actually really handy. The adhesive doesn’t screw up your phone case, allows you to take it on and off though it is very sturdy once applied. You can hang your phone from a hook, a carabiner, or watch videos. It’s such a great stocking stuffer.

The reason Dara is involved with it is that there is a special fundraiser benefitting a non-profit supporting school improvement in the urban school community. If you buy an IRing for $20 and enter the code “SchoolsThatCan” (all one word) $8 of your purchase price goes towards Schools That Can.

P.S. I star in a video Dara made to promote the fundraiser.

il_570xN.540347972_el51Mister Sister NYC is a vegan bakery run by a queer in Queens. I’ve had the vegan fudge and it’s so delicious! You can get a vegan fudge gift pack for $12! Would make a great stocking stuffer for your vegan or non-vegan pals.

il_570xN.691982428_6iplFemme Anarchist. So much amazing queer and feminist schwag! I love the above glitter queer broaches for queer visibility! ($9.99) Or the Femme necklace for Femme visibility! ($12.99) I also love the trans inclusive feminism always pin, cats against cat calls pin, riots not diets patch, pizza slut necklace (to my friends: no one else get that for Miss Mary Wanna, I already ordered it), or baby got books necklace. A stocking stuffed with prizes from this shop would rule! Use code FEMMEFATALE for 10% off!

IMG_5032Age of Eleven. A friend of mine has been raving about the concept of a crystal dick. That’s right, crystal power in the form of a penis and insertable. So imagine the healing power of a quartz phallus. For $249 you can use it as a toy or a massage wand or an altar piece or whatever you can imagine doing with a penis shaped crystal. They also sell yoni eggs, earrings, necklaces and other jewelry.

cats-are-the-new-kids-3Best in Show SF has a great online store with tons of unique dog and cat items. I especially love the Cats are the New Kids / Dogs are the New Kids tee shirts. ($29.95, sizes S-XXL) Also comes in tote bags and coffee cups.

Paco Collars: I absolutely adore this word bracelet ($40-$50) for a simple way to say something custom to a person in your life. I think the leather is sooo handsome and I really like their font choice. Paco Collars also has a custom dog collar feature on their website and some really great leatherwork for dog and cat collars.

image6For the woo person in your life who loves affirmations, I really enjoy the I Can Do It page a day calendar from Louise Hay. A friend turned me onto it a couple of years ago and I find it really uplifting and enjoy writing folks notes on the back of the pages. It’s $8 right now on sale at the link above. If you need it to be on sale later I just got a circular in the mail that offers free shipping and holiday savings with the code 6124.

Self Serve Toys: Literally anytime someone mentions Albuquerque to me I tell them they need to go to Self Serve Toys and say hi to my friend Matie (even people I’ve never discussed sex toy shopping with). She’s owned and operated this store for five years! It is a gorgeous store and very well-curated.

My gift suggestion is the NJoy Pure Wand from Self Serve, but pretty much anything you need from them you can call and get recommendations. The NJoy Pure Wand is a great indulgence present ($109) that is a welcome addition to a sex toy supply, especially for people who enjoy a g-spot or p-spot stimulation. Check out Matie showing you how wonderful this toy is in this video. “This toy feels different than anything or anyone you’ve ever had inside you.” Shipping is free for $100 orders or over, or flat rate $5 for anything less than that.

il_570xN.683521950_cge4Right in the Childhood has cute masculine of center accessories, like this Lego Wonder Woman Tie Bar. ($17)

il_570xN.679721099_7cshYes Ma’am Designs (you know I love that name!) has fantastic accessories, including this flagging red duct tape clutch!

2014-10-10

Nine Steps to Be Ready to Wear Sleeveless Shirts or Shorts Next Summer

If you spent this summer consistently covering up your arms because you were ashamed to show that part of your body, now is a great time to start working on being ready for next year. You can unlearn the lies that people tell you about how you have to cover up in order to be socially acceptable.

I remember very distinctly an episode of the Oprah show I watched when I was a teenager where she waved her upper arm in the air and spoke derisively about the skin and fat “waddle” dangling there. I turned crimson with the recognition that I already had that “waddle” and that because Oprah was opposed to it then I should be ashamed of it.
2957045493_cb41415748_zI thought I’d do a little flashback Friday with photos of me sleeveless through the last decade. Here is a photo of me showing my arm waddle during a performance at the International Drag King Extravaganza in Columbus circa 2010. This is the dapper and amazing Heywood Wakefield.

Oprah is in a unique position—she’s so influential in US culture that many people listen to what she says with the same kind of attention that we might give to a parent or relative. My parents and relatives were also fatphobic and ashamed of their bodies and it was easy to internalize that the fat body I had all my life was wrong, with a hearty reiteration from Oprah.

We’re all human, though, and I recognize everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. My mom is now super supportive of my work with body liberation and Oprah is definitely much more body accepting in the twenty teens than she was in the nineties.

I don’t understand why our culture is so opposed to fat people’s arms. What is it about the arms specifically that makes us need to cover them up most of all? No fat person’s arm has caused more harm than a thin person’s.

I was on the phone with a body liberation coaching client and told her the story of how I got through my own shame about sleeveless shirts, and I wanted to share that with my readers. This is the same time of year I began that journey, so I thought it would be great to encourage others who are ready to take these steps to begin now for next summer.

I’m outlining here a process of self-acceptance and learning to be comfortable in the body you have right now. All bodies are worthy of love exactly as they are AND they deserve to be comfortable.

14558700107_5d7497a1ae_oThese are my stickers! Aren’t they cute? If anyone wants some, make a donation via paypal of any amount to queerfatfemme at gmail and include your address.

1. Get ready to do things differently

I was 19 when I embarked on the journey to start wearing sleeveless shirts. I was at an interesting turning point in my life. After a many years long, often suicidal depression, I had decided to stop hating myself. I didn’t know what that meant and I had no identifiable role models for fat people who didn’t hate themselves, but I knew I needed to do something different. That summer, I met someone who basically made me promise to stop putting myself down and work on loving myself. Grant was a lifeguard at the Girl Scout camp I worked at and he wrote me the sweetest note in my camp yearbook. It meant so much to me. It was the first time I was ever able to hear that I was worthy of not hating myself.

I knew instinctively that I was wrong for hiding my arms. It was uncomfortable and annoying and I wanted to feel the freedom of my skinny counterparts. I had a couple of tank tops as layering pieces and I started to open myself up to the idea of wearing them, and set a goal to be wearing them outside by the next year. I wasn’t sure exactly how, but I was going to do it.

If you want to do things differently, you need only set your mind to it. If you’ve been spending your summers all bottled up under hoodies or wearing pants even though you would be way more comfortable in shorts, you can move past your fear and shame and start being more confident.

You just need to want it. It’s also okay to not want it and spend the next year or however long getting to a point to want to go sleeveless or wear shorts. That’s okay, too!

2. Go shopping

If you already have tank tops or shorts you want to wear, great, skip this step. If you’ve avoided them forever, this is a great time of year to get low stakes clothing that you’re not that attached to.

Now that I’m comfortable with my body I don’t have a problem investing in pieces that are armless and short legged (herstorically I’ve spent a pretty penny on vintage lingerie pieces). But if I wasn’t comfortable in a short sleeved shirt, I wouldn’t want to spend a bunch of cash on them just to see if I could learn to love myself in spite of all the lies people tell me about my body.

Right now Target has summer clearance hanging around—I got two really great sleeveless dresses for $12 recently. And a quick search online yields promising results (like this long tank top, I love a long tank top). I also totally adore Target’s Liz Lange maternity clothes–this sleeveless V neck cami marketed for “sleep” but totally not just for sleep is a great plus size sleeveless first step shirt.

Layering pieces are super helpful for this process, too, if you need some guidance for what to buy. The tank tops I started trying out when I was 19 were meant to go under overshirts. One of my favorite looks when I was in college in the late nineties were men’s dress shirts worn open over a frilly tank top. When I was ready to wear tank tops out of the house it helped to have the layers ready to go whenever I felt shy.

If you’re wanting to try shorts out, there’s a little less layering wiggle room, but it’s a great time of year to get clearance shorts, too.

15498653845_ffa838faff_zThis is a layering look I adored in 2011, a sleeveless dress with a cardigan on top.

3. Identify confidence anchors on your body

I didn’t do this when I transitioned to tank tops, but when I came out as Femme I used this a whole bunch. I found the part of my body I felt the most confident about (my cleavage) and I dressed around it. I could try pretty much anything if my cleavage was bangin’. The Lane Bryant Plunge bra was great for this. If your anchor is your cleavage, make sure you have a great bra for stepping your way into wearing tank tops next summer.

For some tips on bra shopping check out this article I wrote about getting a custom bra fitting.

So maybe your favorite part of your body is your calves or your forearms or something. Find a way to highlight it and use it as an anchor.

647924376_8cb8653c4f_o2002, at the IDKE showcase. Corsets were really good to me in the focus on the cleavage not the arms department.

4. Practice at home

Once you have the will to try something new and the new garments you want to try, start practicing at home. At 19 I was a Resident Advisor in the dorms, so this was an experiment just in my room at Thoreau Hall at UC Davis. I would just use tank tops as my around the house wear. Previous to this I was so ashamed of my arms that I wasn’t even wearing tank tops in the privacy of my own home, not even as loungewear.

What made the tank tops different than loungewear was that I would be all dressed for outside, but in a tank top. This is where layering pieces helped—I was able to just throw on an overshirt and go about my day. But in the house, I was wearing the tank top that I wished I had the confidence to wear outside.

If you’re trying on shorts, wear them around the house and get used to what your body looks like in shorts. I know a lot of folks who are super insecure about hairy legs, cellulite, weird skin stuff and leg size or shape.

5. Identify your body positive allies

This is a really great exercise whether or not you are already a sleeveless shirt and shorts wearer. Who in your life is a body positive ally? Your best friend? A certain group of friends? I sure hope you have some folks in your life who affirm the body that you’re in right now and don’t think you need to change.

If not, start making a list of the attributes of friends who will be body positive allies to you, and open yourself up to finding those friends.

9304102569_cdb266b898_oThis was the first time I ever wore a bikini, with my friend Jacqueline.

6. Identifiy your “safer” spaces

Once you’ve identified body positive allies, come up with a list of safe(r) spaces to try out wearing new clothes. This is a great technique for any kind of fashion risk. Places I like to try things out:

*Casual hang out with your allies.
*A body positive ally comes over and you just don’t cover up your arms.
*Brunch—this is my favorite petri dish for new fashion. Low stakes and early in the day.
*Going out in public with a body positive ally who can compliment you when you’re feeling nervous.
*Going out in public with a layering piece so you can quickly cover up if you need to. Challenge yourself to go without the layer longer and longer each time.

2504463608_9827babbb3_zA little chicken satay and body positivity with Rachael, one of my oldest friends, in 2008.

7. Fake it till you make it and act “as if” you’re already comfortable in sleeveless shirts

When I was trying out tank tops I remember the first time someone came over by surprise and I just didn’t cover up my arms. It was my not-yet first girlfriend and I remember feeling embarrassed about my arms showing but also really wanted to try to be okay with it. I was so crushed out on her that it was easy to forget to be insecure because my mind was absolutely full, and that’s exactly why I forgot to put on an overshirt in the first place!

What I did was I just faked it. I pretended to be okay with my arms showing. The more it happened with folks coming over the more I realized it wasn’t a big deal. No one was going to think differently of me with my arms showing.

3683063609_4ce737edc2_zPride parade 2009 with the Femme Family NYC.

8. Instagram or tumblr body positive images

I really like to reinforce positive body image for all bodies. I love Instagram and Tumblr for this. To consistently surround myself with people who believe all bodies are good bodies and who exude self-confidence is a really great antidote for our fat shaming society. Get used to seeing bodies like yours in sleeveless tops or shorts!

By the way—never read the comments. People are gross on the internet.

Remember throughout this process—so many of us have been there. The people you see in Instagram and Tumblr feeds are people who have survived the same body policing and fat hating society. Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides. Just because someone seems confident doesn’t mean they are not vulnerable, human and insecure just like you.

9. Do what you need to do about beauty rituals to feel comfortable in sleeveless shirts

Again, this is a process of self-acceptance and learning to be comfortable in the body you have right now. However, if you need to do things to feel good in them that are achievable, maybe you try that. Maybe it’s a spray tan. Maybe it’s an arm tattoo. Maybe it’s shaving your legs every single day to wear shorts until you can get comfortable enough to go hairy legged one summer. Maybe it’s addressing a skin thing keeping you from showing your arms. I’m not saying modification of your body is necessary to body acceptance, but sometimes it’s helpful to baby step your way.

1393354441_e2bef3304b_zFound this photo of my friend Zoe’s leg tattoo–a great reason to wear shorts!

Dolly Parton’s character Truvy in Steel Magnolias says there’s no such thing as natural beauty, and I do believe that everyone should get to do exactly as much “work” as they want to on their appearance. For me, when I’m feeling nervous about something, I throw on a full face of make-up including fake eyelashes and big hair and it definitely ups my confidence.

When I was about 9 years old I started developing bumps on my arms. It looked kind of like chicken skin after feathers were plucked from them. I was super insecure about it, and my paternal Grammy told me it was genetic. Eventually I learned that this is a really typical skin condition and I could just exfoliate three times a week and it would go away. I don’t know if I would have felt comfortable trying tank tops if I hadn’t already addressed this skin issue I was having, but I’d like to think I would have still tried. (Right now I use Lush’s sandstone soap to exfoliate, and also a scrubby washcloth.)

Oh, and once I started exposing my skin to the sun more often, the bumps were way less prevalent.

Being self confident is a baby stepping process. I was 19 when I started trying to wear tank tops and it took me until I was 22 to start to embrace my fat body and fat as an identity. You can get there. Every single day is a great day to start.

7310063030_3093c1724a_zRebel Cupcake second anniversary party, 2012.

2013-12-13

Femme Stocking Stuffer: New York Toy Collective’s new Mason

This is a post I meant to include in Femme Sex Week that got a little thwarted waiting for some interviews to come in. So in the meantime let’s just call this the BEST FEMME STOCKING STUFFER EVER in all of the myriad of entendres that can be.

A little warning that the content of this post is sexually explicit because I talk about sex and so it is NSFW if your work doesn’t like photos of sex toys. (They’re still life, not being used but still, does your boss need to see a photo of a huge hot pink cock?)


I did a photo shoot for the NYTC with a bunch of awesome folks including Tuck Mayo, Majda Fagdaddy, Ericka Hart. Here’s a fun behind the scenes video that involves me juggling dildos.

I first met the women behind the New York Toy Collective at a Dia De Los Muertos party I attended in 2012. They were vending their wares at a table and the opportunity to touch and feel the Shilo (their first design) and compare it to the Vixskin was sale enough–it’s so much softer and more pliant yet still sturdy.

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The Shilo in some of their fun colors.

The Shilo is a pack and play, which means you can pack with it in your pants (either while wearing a harness or just shoving it in a pair of tight underpants or panties) and then the idea is you can functionally use it to fuck someone. Lots of people pack with different things that make them have different relationships to their gender and sexuality, but it is a lot easier to pack with a softer dick than with a typical hard dildo. I learned this the hard way (badum-bum) when I was a drag king performer packing with a hard dick and it fell out of my bell bottoms during a group number to a disco song. I was 22 and I was mortified.

As a size queen I initially saw the Shilo and thought my appetite would need it to have more length and girth to be fun for me. But after hanging with them a few times and them vending at my parties, my lover at the time and I decided to give it a try and she bought it (using my friends and family discount, sometimes it pays in discounts on sex toys to be a party promoter).

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Optional balls with little bullet vibe.

I was shocked at how awesome it was, as I have low expectations for pack n play cocks. Not only was the Shilo fun for foreplay, doing all the things one might do with a pack n play, it was really easy to use and when she would take it off and just use her hand to fuck me with the Shilo, the bulbous head was amazing for g spot stimulation. A+.

Skip to this summer, when I run unto Chelsea and Parker and they have a new model that’s less phallic and comes in hot pink. Like the brightest hot pink I’ve ever seen a dildo come in. I was thrilled. They also knew I’d be excited to learn about their new model, the Mason, slated to be released late Fall, that was bigger than the Shilo. I begged them to make the Mason in the hot pink because it would make it the perfect packing cock for Femmes and swishy dandies who prefer to have bright colors than flesh tones.

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So pink and magical!

I do want to give a shout out to the range of four flesh tones available for the cocks at New York Toy Collective. That is awesome for folks who like a cock that maybe coordinates with their flesh. But I prefer to have a cock that coordinates with my flamboyance!

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The Mason.

I got a review copy of the Mason and I am so stoked about it! It’s 25% longer than the Shilo and the length really helps me because when one is fat and one has sex there is more flesh between you and your partner (for example, bellies take up space!) so having a longer dick when you’re using a harness is easier in that. The bulbous head is still awesome on my gspot.

I also have appreciated the bendiness of the Mason for the, um, fuckee being on top position. Because it bends with my body (when I use it with my current sex roster I’m getting done–it’s just the way my sex life is right now) I find it doesn’t fall out the way other, harder dicks tend to. It’s easier to insert, too!

If you have a Femme in your life you want to buy for, may I suggest this highly awesome sex toy to stuff their stocking? Or just put it on your wish list. Or buy it in a flesh tone for someone who isn’t into hot pink.

This is a super high quality investment piece kind of cock that is fun for play and for packing. It’s very worth it. The Shilo is $149 and the Mason is $159. Optional balls.

This month, the New York Toy Collective is offering a special promotion, the details of which are below. I’ve used these nipple clamp bells and they’re really fun!

The show us your bells promotion is our first social media campaign
(ever) so we’re really excited. It started when we came across these
jingle bell nipple clamps. Literally bells on nipple clamps in red,
green, blue and purple, and we thought on we need these, everyone
needs these. This year we are giving away hundreds of pairs of holiday
bell nipple clamps with the purchase of our products. We’re asking
people to send us (tweet, instagram, fb, tumblr) a picture of
themselves with the nipple clamp. It can be a picture of an earlobe,
cat, water bottle whatever you want just so long as there is no nudity
and it includes the clamp. Each week in December one winner will be
chosen to get $100 gift card at the sex shop of their choice. For a
complete list of the shops you can visit our site, it is basically any
shop that carries our products in the USA or Canada. Additionally,
we’re trying to keep it as open as possible so like any legit
promotion no purchase is necessary, you can use any nipple clamp
you’ve got just send us a picture and you’ll be entered to win. Don’t
own any nipple clamps, a wooden clothes is an affordable and
accessible alternative.

The offer is valid when you buy online or at retail.

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I love the New York Toy Collective because it’s queer woman owned-and-operated, small business and totally awesome. It is an honor to get to work with them and they make really incredible products. I can’t wait to see what’s next!

***

I’m fundraising to support my website and the drive is running until the goal is met. So if you’re able to support the site I appreciate any and all donations. There are some amazing prizes up for grabs including a chapter from my forthcoming memoir full of dyke drama, crushes, flirting, fat politics and femme community organizing at the $50 level.

2013-07-10

Flower Bois, Summer Trend in Butch Fashion

Nicky pointed out to me at the last WHAM BAM! that floral prints are all the rage in the queer scene–especially for the masculine of center crowd. “Flower bois,” they said (pronounced “bwah” here). “They’re everywhere.”

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DJ Average Jo at WHAM BAM! The next WHAM BAM is July 14th (the last one until Labor Day). Photo by Kelsy Chauvin.

They were right. I’ve been seeing it everywhere. Florals are all over menswear. I love it, especially because it’s a little gender bendy. It’s the same reason I love pink on butches–it’s one of my favorite colors and I like butches. Together, it is pleasing. I love a bold floral print and I love seeing it on my fashionable friends.

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I was really feeling the floral blazer on the queer to the far right in this photo. Photo by Kelsy Chauvin.

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Alex, one of the most fashionable men I know, to the left in floral and Leo, who overheard the discussion of flower bois, wearing a floral tie to the right. All at Nicky’s fortieth birthday. Also pictured, Randee Riot and Utah.

Florals are “on trend” this year so they are widely available, which kind of explains why we’re seeing so much of it in the queer circles but, still, it takes something pretty rad to tip like this in the queer community. So, because I love masculine of center florals, I present a shopping round-up to encourage more!

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Grey Geometric Mixed Floral Print shirt from Topman is a floral masterpiece. Goes from XXS-XXL but not sure how roomy of an XXL they offer.

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This rust floral bowtie from Fox and Brie is a great way to add a floral without going overboard if you’re hesitant to go full-print.

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Or if you want to be all hipster about it, try a floral snapback cap! But be sure to wear it hipster style, sort of popping up off your head like you’re an old-timey 1950s child.

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Wear your hat like this for full effect. (I actually really like this style of cap wearing.) Photo by Kelsy Chauvin.

It’s important to note the difference between cheese ball Hawaiin shirt and florals that are pushing the line of loud without going over. I am all for the cheese ball print if that’s your style but you have to know how to pull that off so that it looks stylish on purpose and not the shirt equivalent of socks with sandals.

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This Brooksfield short sleeve floral is a nice version of the classic loud shirt in pastel colors.

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This Tallia Woven Floral Shirt is long sleeved and has a nice tight floral pattern. Goes all the way up to 5XLT at Macy’s!

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And a bold floral in a black and white graphic tee (size S-L, $28) for those who are a little shy about adding color. I think this is the Avory Agony* response to the floral trend.

I had a hard time finding budget-friendly florals on trend but since summer is already heated up look for sales racks and clearance items, and know all these florals will hit the Marshall’s/TJ Maxx/Ross circuit in the next few months. Also vintage is full of florals, so that gives one something to hunt around for and are definitely more of a bargain if you know how to cull a thrift store (or etsy or ebay).

*Avory is a stylish dear friend who wears predominantly black and white. Like if the dreamiest Robert Smith clone in your high school grew up to have impeccable fashion taste but maintained their goth kid roots.

2013-06-07

Introducing Bandelettes, a Sexy New Way to Prevent Thigh Chafing

This blog post is brought to you in partnership with Bandelettes. Like me, Bandelettes agree that people of all sizes should get to enjoy as many fashion opportunities as possible free from chub rub. The words and opinions are all mine.

Ever since I learned there was something one could do to prevent chub rub while wearing dresses I have become somewhat of a magpie about remedies and prevention strategies. I have a whole round-up post about the causes and myriad prevention strategies for thigh chafing.

Bandelettes are a strategy that doesn’t involve creams, lotions or reapplication. They are bands of stretchy lace 6″ long and silicone grippers that fit on your thighs where the chafe is most egregious and prevent the rubbing.

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I was a bit dubious at first, having been wildly disappointed by thigh high stockings in the past where the silicone gripper was meant to keep them up and failed horribly. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how well Bandelettes performed!

You order Bandelettes based on the measurements of one thigh. You just take a tape measure and wrap it where your thighs are the chaffiest (where the Bandelettes will go) and send that into the wonderful women in Staten Island who captain this endeavor. Bands come in 5 sizes – A – 21-22″, B-23-24″, C – 25-26″, D-27-28″ and E – 29-30″. They also are ready to sell size F – 31-32″ but with different lace pattern not as shown on pictures.

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My thigh is about 29 inches. so technically I’m an E, though they sent me the D and that actually fit me really well. And everyone wears their fat differently (never forget the myriad of body diversity within size fat), and everyone, even skinny folks, can succumb to thigh chafing.

I got my test pair last weekend when we had a freak late Spring heat wave.

Bandelettes are light–like tiny pieces of lingerie for your thighs. And they are actually pretty sexy. The beige ones are only a slight bit darker than my very pale thighs, but I think the black ones would look like cute lingerie peeking out from under a mini skirt or short shorts.

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Imagine how hot this would look with a fat, round ass.

My tender, chafe free thighs are scared to try new things, so I started with just a trip to the store. I put them on and adjusted them to the biggest part of my thigh, using the fat at the top of my inner thigh to hold onto the lace. They fit snugly there and were really comfortable. It didn’t feel like “nothing,” I was always aware that they were on me, but it was kind of like underwear on my thighs and not uncomfortable.

It felt much more free than wearing bike shorts, thigh shapers or even leggings. After walking to the store, I hung out in them for the rest of my evening and they felt fine, they never bothered me.

The ultimate test was the next day when I wore them to the beach. They lasted the whole day, through sweat and walking a really long way and held up great. I was a little nervous at one point that they might shift around but they never did. I’m sold on Bandelettes!

The packaging warns against wearing them over lotions or other creams because it could degrade the silicone. Hand wash, etc…

Bandelettes are so tiny they could easily fold up and tuck into your purse. They weigh less than my tiny travel body glide (my go-to clear chub rub prevention cream) and don’t melt in hot weather, which is why I took them to the beach!

At $14.99 Bandelettes are a bargain. Literally a third of the cost of a good pair of thigh shapers, and just a bit more than a tube of body glide.

Bandelettes also rule because, if you’re in a sexy situation, having some pieces of lace on your thighs is a lot sexier for spontaneous sexy times than having to excuse yourself to wriggle out of a pair of compression thigh shapers (how many times have I hastily shoved those in the bathroom of a queer bar, praying we weren’t going to walk very far).

I only wish there was a more gender-neutral version of Bandelettes, because as we know, chub rub affects all gender presentations!

I highly recommend adding Bandelettes to your summer arsenal! I’ve added them to my tips for preventing thigh chafing post, along with a great new natural remedy I picked up from another fat femme friend!

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2013-02-18

FAT SEX WEEK: Review of the Plus Size Liberator Wedge

After the success of GAY SEX WEEK on my blog in October 2011, I decided to produce FAT SEX WEEK to celebrate sex for all bodies. This is especially inspired to counteract all of the media about sex around Valentine’s Day that’s all heteronormative/couplehood-oriented/body hegemonic. It’s a week of body liberation and sex and it’s going to be really fun! Check out all of the FAT SEX WEEK magic!

(All the photos in this post are Safe For Work but the photos depict people in suggestive positions.)

When I told a friend of mine who shall remain nameless that I was planning a FAT SEX WEEK she immediately asked if I would review the Liberator Wedge for my website. Liberator sells a Plus Size Wedge and it seemed like the perfect addition to FAT SEX WEEK. I’ve been familiar with the Liberator furniture for years, they did a lounge at the Femme Mafia Masquerade in 2008.* The whole Liberator collection is incredible and luxurious.

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Since the Liberator folks haven’t upgraded the Wedge photos to include plus size participants in the Wedge lifestyle, I needed to include at least one photo of plus size babes. Photo by Kelsey Dickey for Rebel Cupcake.

Making the decision to invest in a piece of furniture for sex is a giant commitment not just in cost but also in space. Brooklyn is not a place to take storage lightly, so I didn’t really ever consider a Liberator an option in my life.

I put the call out to pals to see if someone wanted to loan me one before I made the commitment of asking for a review Wedge from the kind folks at Liberator. I got enough positives from friends, including a suggestion to use it as a “reading ramp” to prop your pillows on for reading in bed. Genius storage idea won out and I asked for my own Wedge.

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The Wedge, just casually laying about.

I had a few misgivings ahead of time. Number one is, why wouldn’t you just use a pillow to do what the Liberator does? I learned immediately upon receiving the Wedge that it’s not that simple, since the Liberator is made of this heavy duty foam material that’s way sturdier than a pillow but just pliant enough to be comfortable. Welcome to sex in the 21st Century! None of my fluffy pillows could possibly compete with this firm foam.

The Plus Size Wedge differs from the original Wedge in the dimensions. The original measures 24 x 14 x 7 whereas the plus measures 30 x 14 x 7. I was on it and I was glad for the extra space. I could feel firmly planted in the center of the Wedge and didn’t feel like I was falling off either side. If it was six inches smaller I would probably feel sort of insecure on it, like I might roll off. Insecurity is a total buzz kill for fat sex!

The Wedge is often marketed for its great leverage for amazing g-spot (and p-spot) stimulation. That was my favorite part. A toy that was sort of okay at g-spotting was phenomenal while on the Wedge (position: legs in the air and back on the wedge angle). The $105 investment in the Wedge is a great one when you think that how many of your sorta “Meh” toys sitting in your sex toy box will get a new life out of the new positions you can support on the Wedge.

Like many things involved in having fun sex, the Liberator Wedge requires an openness to being silly and a little planning. There is nothing “smooth” about getting onto this thing. I’ve tried it both in prepared “We’re going to try the Wedge tonight” and “Oh, we should get the Wedge!” moments. I’ll tell you, the “We should get the Wedge!” moment requires getting up and resetting the stage, which might not be the ideal for your sexual situations if you’re one of those heat of the moment hard to get revved up again people.

Also, getting onto the Wedge is sort of hilarious. I don’t have a photograph of this, but I sat on it once and almost entirely rolled into a backward somersault in a red babydoll chemise which was hilarious for my fellow wedge tester to witness and something we laughed about for a long time. But I don’t know if I could have recovered from the foolishness with a brand new partner. So be warned to settle in slowly.

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This girl looks like a pin-up on the Wedge. I bet she looked really foolish settling in for this photo shoot!

My fellow wedge tester reported that her arms were significantly less tired than usual. “More bang for your buck,” she said. I laughed heartily.

The foam really holds up, it’s firm and I can easily stay in position. I think the Liberator Plus Size Wedge is totally worth the investment of money and storage space. The Plus Size Wedge comes in a ton of colors and prints, including leopard, and the microfiber cover is easily removable and machine washable. I’m seriously considering the Plus Size Ramp for my next trick.

Thanks Liberator!

*A big room full of sex furniture at a party is a pretty amazing feat, Rachael throws incredible events.

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