In Solidarity With Those Who Have Been Called “Too Much”

I've been called too much my entire life--too fat, too loud, too feminine, too "lipstick" when I first came out, too expressive, too blah blah blah blah blah.

I hate it. I love big and I always express myself. When I am excited about something I get louder, and I really like to be excited. I am effusive in my praise of people, and when I'm with someone in a romantic context I can make them feel like the only person in the room. I've been told this by multiple partners, which is why I tend to date Leos. I have also been told that I am a lot different than people expect by a lot of lovers.

I LOVE romance. I really enjoy giving and receiving special attention and courtship. I am so not the kind of girl who can play aloof--I just don't have time or inclination to pretend to be something I am not. If I can "take it or leave it" I'll just leave it.

I was told by someone I went on a couple of dates with that I was "a lot to get used to." It brought up a lot for me--I had so much rage around being told that and it took me a few weeks to unpack. It felt like being told I was too much, even though I know that wasn't the intention.

Read More

Cupcake Cabaret III This Sunday!

Cupcake Cabaret is a performance celebrating the strength we get from what marks us different in this world. Size, gender, sexuality, class, race, dis/ability, age, religion and all numbers of identities bring the artists in the series a sense of power and esteem.

An ongoing series curated by Bevin Branlandingham, Cupcake Cabaret features comedy, drag, burlesque, spoken word, film, performance art and all manner of genres celebrating the radical act of self-love.

Read More

The Queer Fat Femme Guide to Breaking Up and Declining a Date Invite

've had a hard time articulating a way in which I can turn my latest rage into productivity. In the absence of some flowery prose, I will tell you what is giving me the rage lately:

People who don't know how to break things off with someone properly and/or who cannot gracefully turn down a date.

First, I will give you a list of real life examples from my life and my friends lives in the last couple of months to illustrate why my rage is at a boil.

Read More

On Femme Dates, Femme on Femme Action and Cultivating Both

If you read my definition of Femme Date, I say "In this context I mean it as a platonic event that is ultimately constructed as a romantic date is, but without the bumbling, attraction questions or all of the other baggage of a regular date. It’s specifically designed for Femme bonding time." Femme Dates are all about not being romantic dates. NOT TO THE EXCLUSION OF FEMMES DATING.

Here's the thing--if two Femmes go on a romantic date, it's called a DATE. Just like if a Butch and a Butch go on a romantic date, or a Genderqueer and a Femme or whatever. Two Femmes going on a date is a date that, of course, increases the FOFA (god that's such a great acronym) in the world, and, according to Cherry Poppins, when two Femmes do it they produce glitter that comes out of nowhere. It happened to her and her ladyfriend and they were very thrilled.

Read More