When I posted my thoughts about being a good ally to fat folks by getting neutral about food, Dara and I have had a lot of conversations about it, including a pretty startling revelation that I wasn't aware of. It turns out that Dara, working to get neutral about her food self-talk in order to be a better ally to me as a fat person, was able to transition to a low-sugar anti-cancer lifestyle a lot easier with food neutrality than if she had kept up agonizing about food being "bad" or "good." Her words on this are below.
Inspired to create a series about self love by the People Magazine series "Half Their Size," the Half The Self Hate series is about how artists and activists have put into practice the radical act of loving oneself in a society that commodifies self hatred. This is a series about self love triumphing over self hate, and valuing yourself as a radical act of resistance.
Gender Outlaw and legend Kate Bornstein joins the conversation about learning to let go of self-hate:
"I don’t have to follow anyone else’s rules about gender and sexuality—rather, I can explore the non-binaries of me. The struggle? I’m a double Pisces. I don’t struggle so much as I wriggle. I’m wriggling toward being the most fun me I can be. The challenges all seem to come down to someone else’s respectable rules, regulations, standards, and values. I’m wriggling away from all that, as best I can. "
When Heather Von St. James was diagnosed with mesothelioma, as a new mom, she was full of fear. In her own words:
I was only given 15 months to live, and had to undergo a life changing procedure. On February 2nd I had my lung removed, which my sister declared LungLeavin' Day. We celebrate it every year by writing our biggest fears on a plate, and smashing them into a fire. LungLeavin' Day grows bigger every year.
I know first hand how powerful it is to have a project to pour your fears and intention into in the wake of life altering change... When my partner Dara was going through chemo for breast cancer, her chemo karaoke video production and her cancer vlog were incredible for her to orient herself towards looking for the positive. It also gave her something to focus on in the meanwhile to get to the next moment.
Christine had some incredibly valuable advice for me and Dara about how to communicate better and to have a more fulfilling relationship. What surprised me about the process of her coaching was that we both met separately with her via phone, working on our own stuff so that we could get together and create more harmony.
This approach makes me confident Christine is a great singles’ coach. I think a lot of times we get in our own way to finding the kind of love and sex relationships we’re looking for. As queers, women, people of size, people of different abilities and all sorts of marginalized identities, we’re not taught that we’re worthy of love. We’re not taught how to be open to love from a self-confident and self-aware place.
I kept picking the wrong folks who were emotionally unavailable and didn’t have what I wanted. When I realized I was repeating the same pattern again and again I buckled down and did some hard work on myself. I know it was doing that work on myself that opened me up to love with folks who were a better fit for me.
For a limited time, Christine is offering an exciting package deal for folks who are ready to do the work to open themselves up to the right love relationship.
In this month's astrology self development worksheet in partnership with Katie from Empowering Astrology, we're tackling play as stress relief, checking in on lessons and themes from the last couple of major astrological events in October of last year and April of this year, taking stock of how far we've come in big projects and practicing living life with authenticity.
This month's worksheet with Empowering Astrology has some great journaling prompts to use the power of the upcoming Sagittarius full moon to alchemize transition in gentle ways. A reminder about embracing shitty, inconsistent meditation using the Neptune Retrograde on June 9th to get more bang for our meditation buck. And there's more, including Katie's thoughts on the month's astrological highlights.
I was just thinking to myself that since it's May 7th and Mercury moved into Gemini that I needed to schedule an informational interview to take advantage of this astrological energy as per my worksheet with Katie from Empowering Astrology... And then I remembered I finished it as I was off to Dollywood and haven't posted it to the blog yet! Sorry about that folks! I got distracted by the celestial magic that happened when I was among Dolly super fans... and oh yeah, Dolly Parton herself not one but four times this weekend! WHAT!?! Such a great weekend, more to come.
In the meantime, May is a great month to move ahead and make some inroads into all the things your curiosity is leading you to! This month's exercises are all about paying attention to those secret things your heart is longing for and taking some steps to make them happen.
So, with grand triumph that we got through the past week/month/season, I present April's astrological forecast from Katie at Empowering Astrology, with self-development exercises from me. I include some journaling exercises to take note of what's going on with you to help heal your deep emotional wounds. I also talked about how I learned to have compassion, which Katie says is the trait that will help us the most during these rough times. There's also a ritual to acknowledge a significant material loss you've had.
When shit feels like it's hitting the fan, I like to know if things are going on astrologically that are informing it. Sometimes it feels like such a relief to know I'm not alone and that there are others being hit in their deepest places. I'm certainly not the only person in my life who is having to deal with some super deep, core stuff right now.
My partnership with Katie Sweetman of Empowering Astrology continues this month. We've put together a road map of this month's doozy of astrological wallops... Katie says this month is all about self care and she's right. We need to get centered and focused on ourselves in order to get through all of the things the stars have in store for us, leading up to the Cardinal Grand Cross in April.
Self care is a hassle, but the rewards are infinite. In the words of my friend Kelli Jean Drinkwater’s therapist, “Self care stretches time.” If you really are one of those constantly busy people, self care might be just the ticket for settling yourself down enough to create the time, identify and manage your priorities in order to live the life that you want.
Self care is allowing yourself the time to digest what is going on in your life. Processing emotions and mental experiences are as important as rest periods when you’re training for a marathon. It’s that time when your muscles start to heal and become bigger--that’s what self care enables you to do with the mental and emotional stimulation going on.
So what constitutes excellent self care? That’s a highly personal question.