Additions To The Queer Lexicography: You’ve Got Toptions

Additions to the Queer Lexicography: You’ve Got Toptions

Toptions. This is the idea that you have a lot of different Tops to choose from. And yes, I'm talking about Tops in a sexual way not a sartorial way, but feel free to use it that way too, especially when talking about fat friendly crop tops! Being open to Toptions means being in a mindset of abundance. I think a lot of people out there lament that they do not have a lot of Tops to choose from. Believe me, as a Femme who is Top leaning, especially when it comes to public play, I know that there are lots of Tops out there. I feel like going into any situation where you may want to play, you've got to be open to possibilities, talk to lots of folks, explore your Toptions (or bottom possibilities) and have a mindset that there are lots of people out there waiting to be explored!

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Be A Great Ally To Fat Folks By Getting Neutral About Food

Be a Great Ally to Fat Folks by Getting Neutral about Food

Nothing bums me out faster when I'm about to eat some food than someone commenting about food. Like this, "Oh I'm being SO BAD! I NEVER eat cupcakes!" Or "I really SHOULDN'T EAT THIS!" Or "I wish I could eat THAT but it would make me SO FAT!" Or "You're lucky you can eat whatever you WANT I will blow up like a BALOON!!!"

So what do you do when you're surrounded by the I'M SO BADs of the world?

When I'm in situations like that with people judging food I have a variety of responses. I'm pretty secure in my body and have a pretty deep analysis of the fatphobia in our culture so I'm pretty resilient to the commentary. I'm also a fat person whose reputation and activism often precedes her so I feel pretty confident piping up with something educational in the moment.

Here are some scripts that I employ...

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That Time Dara And I Met Abbi And Ilana From Broad City And The New Yorker Wrote About It

That Time Dara and I Met Abbi and Ilana from Broad City and the New Yorker Wrote About It

One night after our second round of watching Broad City, I said, “What if you made a Make a Wish video and asked Abbi and Ilana to write you into their show?” Dara immediately countered with, “I should get them to come be in my Chemo Karaoke video shoot!”

So we did it. Why not? It was a low-stakes, really fun way to spend an evening, making the video. And even if Abbi and Ilana couldn’t come to the video shoot, at least it was a way to say thank you for producing art that was really delighting us during a time that was pretty shitty... It's never a bad time to make someone feel good about themselves, as my bestie Rachael likes to say.

Abby and Ilana were busy writing the second season of their amazing show and couldn’t come to the shoot. But they did invite us to be their guests at their show the night before Dara’s birthday party.

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Nine Steps To Be Ready To Wear Sleeveless Shirts Or Shorts Next Summer

Nine Steps to Be Ready to Wear Sleeveless Shirts or Shorts Next Summer

I knew instinctively that I was wrong for hiding my arms. It was uncomfortable and annoying and I wanted to feel the freedom of my skinny counterparts. I had a couple of tank tops as layering pieces and I started to open myself up to the idea of wearing them, and set a goal to be wearing them outside by the next year. I wasn’t sure exactly how, but I was going to do it.

If you want to do things differently, you need only set your mind to it. If you’ve been spending your summers all bottled up under hoodies or wearing pants even though you would be way more comfortable in shorts, you can move past your fear and shame and start being more confident.

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How To Gracefully Survive Mercury Retrograde And February Worksheet With Empowering Astrology

How to Gracefully Survive Mercury Retrograde and February Worksheet with Empowering Astrology

Let's talk nuts and bolts Mercury Retrograde. When I gave you all the heads up recently, there more than a little anxiety. I got a lot of nervous questions about signing things and starting this or that during the retrograde. So here's my spiel:

* Life goes on during Mercury Retrograde. You just may have to retrace your steps.

* The retrograde is about review.

* Traditionally Mercury Retrograde is not a time to sign a contract, buy a car, or a computer — all Mercury ruled things. If you can wait to sign or make an important purchase or make an important decision, wait.

* My belief about Mercury Retrograde is that if you cannot afford to have something not work out, wait.

* Sometimes we don't have the luxury of waiting till after the retrograde. If you must move forward with something, double and triple check the fine print. Be prepared to make adjustments once Mercury turns direct.

* Above all, don't fear Mercury Retrograde. Fear is the lowest energy to create from and you are an aspect of the Creator made physical. Work with Mercury Retrograde. Go back to something that's been on the back burner. Revise a manuscript. Try a different path. Meditate and reflect. Click here for more.

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FEMME SEX WEEK: My Experience with Getting Femme Visibility on the Streets

I've noticed over the last year or so that I have had an increase in my own queer visibility on the street. I tend to tweet about it whenever it happens because I'm usually alone and it's so remarkable to be a Femme presenting person getting a dyke head nod or a wink on the street from a queer presenting person. It rules! It's like that inner 20 year old in me who wore nothing but baggy Old Navy men's clothing to appear more "andro" because I thought that's what would get me attention from other queers is finally getting what she always wanted. To be seen.

I'm also an intrepid queer explorer so as soon as this visibility started happening to me I went into self-examination mode to determine what I was doing differently.

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Just Text Them: Four Text Message Ideas to Ask Your Friend to Go to the Next Level

I received the following comment to my popular blog post, Nobody Ever Died of Awkward: The Queer Fat Femme Guide to Battling Insecurity and Asking People Out:
...
Many times when asking someone out I have relied on a friend to basically write the script for me. Here is some sample language you can use to ask this lucky girl if she wants to go out with you:

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Lesbian Jack Kerouac Gay American Road Trip Part 2: Packing

I am a scattered packer. I am also a procrastinator and while I was very on it in terms of preparing to leave I left packing until the day I left. I eased my anxiety by reminding myself if I needed something I could get it on the road and packing the car was going to take exactly as long as it was going to take. I pecked around my house like a hen gathering things to the couch, relying primarily on my reusable grocery bags to separate things.

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Magical Smoothies

{Also, stuff I've been up to lately}

I have given up on caffeine and refined sugar again (after a happy Fall/early winter free of both and physically feeling great) and other than being ever so tired I'm doing okay. I'm sleeping a lot right now. Curse the late winter blah blah blahs and the traitor daylight savings sun that makes it seem like it should be a lot warmer than it really is!
Smoothies are really helping this time, the natural sugar pep is waking me up and ever so tasty. To this end I've started concocting smoothies from basic ingredients around. I just made this one up and was super happy about it.

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Love Snippets

At this point in my life -- where I'm learning how to allow myself to have desires and feelings (about things like kids or family or love relationships) and not censor them before they're even allowed to emerge -- being with someone who's interested in imposing emotional limits from the start is a bad idea.

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