Hey Brooklyn! August 11th Rebel Cupcake Sad Songs Say So Much!

I really love sad songs. It's fun and indulgent to listen to a tragic torch song. I'm a super glass half-full Pollyanna optimist, but I do acknowledge that sometimes queers get so caught up in the "We have to show how happy we are all the time" act and sometimes it's just plain hard to live a marginalized identity. It's really lonely sometimes. Especially for those of us who maybe don't have families around the holidays or who date emotionally absent folks.

With this in mind I curated a sad songs Rebel Cupcake. I'm not afraid to go there at a dance party cabaret. I tapped my pal Kit Yan, amazing slam poet, who is about to give up his crown to the successor Mr. Transman on August 28th at Murray Hill's pageant. Kit knows how to write a heartbreaker of a poem. He's also doing a kickstarter pre-sale of his new album, check him out and support queer art!

The infamous Taylor Black is a really talented singer and guitar player and knows the plight of the tragic homosexual.

And to top it all off, Miss Mary Wanna returns with a sad burlesque number. I just told her "Work it out onstage, girl." I can't wait to see what she comes up with!

After the show we'll dance to songs about heartbreak!

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Hard Candy Christmas

And, yeah, it's sort of sad and isolating sometimes to be single at the holidays and not with your family or whatever. But then I remember my very saddest Christmas ever, when my ex-fiance and I had just broken up the month before, I was going to California to see my family without him on a trip we had booked together. I remember waking up on Christmas day with this ache in my chest, knowing he was with his new girlfriend and her family I couldn't even begin to think about what to think about through all of that sad. It was so crushing.

This year I've been hearing about everyone's hard candy. Having a family or not having a family is hard. Both are hard. There's either the pain and isolation/liberation and joy of not having obligations on the holidays. Or there's the expectations upon expectations upon performance upon pleasing everyone upon love upon celebration of being with family. I think hard candy is part of life and it can bring you sweetness or toothaches. It's just how you saddle up for the ride.

As a Happy Holidays from me to you, I present this touching video from Rebel Cupcake 7: We <3 Dolly, burlesque legend of our time World Famous *BOB* performing Hard Candy Christmas.

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I’ll Just Say Fare Thee Well: The Myth of “Getting Closure”

I believe the idea of “getting closure” is a myth. I think we idealize “getting closure” where you meet your ex at a neutral coffee shop and share lattes like you’re in an early 90s episode of Friends and you talk about your relationship and get all of those answers you are really missing that will help you tidy everything up like you fold your sweaters and put them away for the summer. Emotions are messy and crazy. You have no control over the other person and what they’re going to say to you. Sometimes they won’t “give” you anything (as I’m experiencing now) or they’ll just do or say the same dissatisfying shit that lead to your break-up in the first place. Zoe’s Break-Up Survival Guide says (the gist of) “Try not to worry about how or why, try accepting that it is.” Learn your new normal. But, I think, unless you’re in the best possible break-up working in out in couples therapy or something, you won’t be able to just walk away and say “that was all neatly packaged, it feels closed.”

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Heartbreak MFA: Additions to the Break Up Survival Guide

One of the most amazing things about being an artist is that people tell me all the time how art I've created or produced has been really important to them in times of trouble and strife. Many times I hear "I have been going through a really terrible break-up and Episode 2 of your podcast really helped me out." I've also heard more than a few times about how Zoe's Break-Up Survival Guide has been passed around like a water cooler article to friends in need.

I'm so glad these resources exist, especially in light of the huge break-up they came out of for me.

Having (yet another) friend need this list this weekend prompted me to add a few updates. I share them with you below.

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In Memory of Luscious

I found out a couple of weeks ago that a former sweetheart of mine passed away. It was very sudden. We do not know why (beyond knowing that it was not foul play), nor do we know if we will find out why.

I have been in a lot of shock and denial about it. I also believe that the stories that are hardest to tell are the most important to share, so I thought I would put down my thoughts and remembrances.

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Love Snippets

At this point in my life -- where I'm learning how to allow myself to have desires and feelings (about things like kids or family or love relationships) and not censor them before they're even allowed to emerge -- being with someone who's interested in imposing emotional limits from the start is a bad idea.

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The Queer Fat Femme Guide to Not Blaming it on the Fact That You Don’t Like Femmes

I also have news for you--Femme does not automatically equal high maintenance.** Most of the powerhouse Femmes I know are, in fact, pretty self-sustaining. The most high maintenance thing about going out with us is scheduling dates!

Dating situations have been broken off with me and many friends before because the person "Just doesn't date Femmes". Often this is accompanied by an explanation that Femme is high maintenance and they don't have those kinds of resources to date a Femme.

Historically I've always accepted that, too. You can't do anything about someone's preference for or against Femmes. And I am certainly not going to argue myself into someone's bed--I don't chase once I get "No". I gave that up many years ago. The "Yes, no, yes, no" game is something straight girls are taught to play and I don't do that.

But frankly, "I don't date Femmes" is a flimsy excuse and used far too often as something to hide behind when the true reason is something different.

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The Queer Fat Femme Guide to Breaking Up and Declining a Date Invite

've had a hard time articulating a way in which I can turn my latest rage into productivity. In the absence of some flowery prose, I will tell you what is giving me the rage lately:

People who don't know how to break things off with someone properly and/or who cannot gracefully turn down a date.

First, I will give you a list of real life examples from my life and my friends lives in the last couple of months to illustrate why my rage is at a boil.

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