It took me until Tuesday to choose to crawl out of a difficult downward spiral. And it doesn't always feel like a choice but it is. Most of my self care choices are around preventing or relieving chronic depression, a condition I inherited from a lineage full of folks who chose to self medicate with alcohol. This self medication also contributed to traumatic events and violence I experienced as a child that I continue to heal from today.
In people pleaser recovery we learn that what we must ultimately do is the work of knowing what is in our heart, what makes us sing, and what we want. I learned from Jeffrey Marsh that we do not need to be “nice” (doing what other people think we “should” or saying what they want to hear), but we can be kind. We can kindly say, “Hey, this isn’t right for me right now.” And we can be kind to ourselves and let go of the need for other’s approval.