I believe the idea of “getting closure” is a myth. I think we idealize “getting closure” where you meet your ex at a neutral coffee shop and share lattes like you’re in an early 90s episode of Friends and you talk about your relationship and get all of those answers you are really missing that will help you tidy everything up like you fold your sweaters and put them away for the summer. Emotions are messy and crazy. You have no control over the other person and what they’re going to say to you. Sometimes they won’t “give” you anything (as I’m experiencing now) or they’ll just do or say the same dissatisfying shit that lead to your break-up in the first place. Zoe’s Break-Up Survival Guide says (the gist of) “Try not to worry about how or why, try accepting that it is.” Learn your new normal. But, I think, unless you’re in the best possible break-up working in out in couples therapy or something, you won’t be able to just walk away and say “that was all neatly packaged, it feels closed.”
Hi Y’all!!! Exciting news–an Op-Ed I wrote for Newsweek was published today about why perpetuating body shaming against Trump doesn’t create justice it creates harm. The Girther Movement is focusing on the wrong issue! You can read it through this link.
Yes, all bodies, even bodies of people you don’t like and bodies of people who perpetuate harm. Do the work to critique folks on real issues rather than their bodies! Also these are stickers I have available, if you’d like to buy some email me–queerfatfemme at gmail!
I’ve been thinking about this for a long time–ever since the first “Micropenis” chatter, which is not only body shaming but also perpetuates harm against trans bodies. Talking about the size of someone’s genitals having anything to do with their worth misses the point of body liberation and, frankly, as sex positive folks will tell you that it’s not the size of the genitals that have anything to do with how great sex can be.
It made me so bummed out when I saw signs for the Women’s March last year that focused on his small hands instead of the thousands of substantive issues that are available for critique. I thought about the children at the march who would see that and how it might make them think that targeting someone’s body is okay and that might inflame their own insecurities about the way their bodies aren’t “normal.” What a toxic word and idea in a world so full of diverse bodies and totally valid ways to inhabit those bodies.
Signs like this! I even saw some carried by children and babies! Source: Wikipedia commons.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to lovingly inhabit the body you’re in and have some fun–check out my Fat Kid Dance Party Aerobics (For All Sizes to Heal from Body Oppression) videos! Just two weeks left in the pre-sale to be an early adopter!! Also available–body love meditations to help change your thoughts and party packs to be fully outfitted.
P.S. What a missed opportunity to use the term Girther to mean something really hot.