If you’re thinking of giving your lover(s) the royal treatment on “Steak and Blow Job Day,” I would encourage you to brush up on your oral service skills to make the holiday special and unforgettable. A full belly can only be complemented by a great blow job, so take your task seriously, and your sweetheart(s) will sing your praises…quite literally. Many of us (but certainly not all) queer femmes service our lover(s)’ not-so-permanent cocks (i.e. dildos and toys), and while this is my specialty, I think these tips can be applied across the board for all body types and genders. First, remember this is a performance, so show us what you got! You are front and center, so pull all the stops, and dazzle your sweetheart by following these three tips:
This is a post I meant to include in Femme Sex Week that got a little thwarted waiting for some interviews to come in. So in the meantime let’s just call this the BEST FEMME STOCKING STUFFER EVER in all of the myriad of entendres that can be.
A little warning that the content of this post is sexually explicit because I talk about sex and so it is NSFW if your work doesn’t like photos of sex toys. (They’re still life, not being used but still, does your boss need to see a photo of a huge hot pink cock?)
I did a photo shoot for the NYTC with a bunch of awesome folks including Tuck Mayo, Majda Fagdaddy, Ericka Hart. Here’s a fun behind the scenes video that involves me juggling dildos.
I first met the women behind the New York Toy Collective at a Dia De Los Muertos party I attended in 2012. They were vending their wares at a table and the opportunity to touch and feel the Shilo (their first design) and compare it to the Vixskin was sale enough–it’s so much softer and more pliant yet still sturdy.
The Shilo is a pack and play, which means you can pack with it in your pants (either while wearing a harness or just shoving it in a pair of tight underpants or panties) and then the idea is you can functionally use it to fuck someone. Lots of people pack with different things that make them have different relationships to their gender and sexuality, but it is a lot easier to pack with a softer dick than with a typical hard dildo. I learned this the hard way (badum-bum) when I was a drag king performer packing with a hard dick and it fell out of my bell bottoms during a group number to a disco song. I was 22 and I was mortified.
As a size queen I initially saw the Shilo and thought my appetite would need it to have more length and girth to be fun for me. But after hanging with them a few times and them vending at my parties, my lover at the time and I decided to give it a try and she bought it (using my friends and family discount, sometimes it pays in discounts on sex toys to be a party promoter).
I was shocked at how awesome it was, as I have low expectations for pack n play cocks. Not only was the Shilo fun for foreplay, doing all the things one might do with a pack n play, it was really easy to use and when she would take it off and just use her hand to fuck me with the Shilo, the bulbous head was amazing for g spot stimulation. A+.
Skip to this summer, when I run unto Chelsea and Parker and they have a new model that’s less phallic and comes in hot pink. Like the brightest hot pink I’ve ever seen a dildo come in. I was thrilled. They also knew I’d be excited to learn about their new model, the Mason, slated to be released late Fall, that was bigger than the Shilo. I begged them to make the Mason in the hot pink because it would make it the perfect packing cock for Femmes and swishy dandies who prefer to have bright colors than flesh tones.
I do want to give a shout out to the range of four flesh tones available for the cocks at New York Toy Collective. That is awesome for folks who like a cock that maybe coordinates with their flesh. But I prefer to have a cock that coordinates with my flamboyance!
I got a review copy of the Mason and I am so stoked about it! It’s 25% longer than the Shilo and the length really helps me because when one is fat and one has sex there is more flesh between you and your partner (for example, bellies take up space!) so having a longer dick when you’re using a harness is easier in that. The bulbous head is still awesome on my gspot.
I also have appreciated the bendiness of the Mason for the, um, fuckee being on top position. Because it bends with my body (when I use it with my current sex roster I’m getting done–it’s just the way my sex life is right now) I find it doesn’t fall out the way other, harder dicks tend to. It’s easier to insert, too!
If you have a Femme in your life you want to buy for, may I suggest this highly awesome sex toy to stuff their stocking? Or just put it on your wish list. Or buy it in a flesh tone for someone who isn’t into hot pink.
This is a super high quality investment piece kind of cock that is fun for play and for packing. It’s very worth it. The Shilo is $149 and the Mason is $159. Optional balls.
This month, the New York Toy Collective is offering a special promotion, the details of which are below. I’ve used these nipple clamp bells and they’re really fun!
The show us your bells promotion is our first social media campaign
(ever) so we’re really excited. It started when we came across these
jingle bell nipple clamps. Literally bells on nipple clamps in red,
green, blue and purple, and we thought on we need these, everyone
needs these. This year we are giving away hundreds of pairs of holiday
bell nipple clamps with the purchase of our products. We’re asking
people to send us (tweet, instagram, fb, tumblr) a picture of
themselves with the nipple clamp. It can be a picture of an earlobe,
cat, water bottle whatever you want just so long as there is no nudity
and it includes the clamp. Each week in December one winner will be
chosen to get $100 gift card at the sex shop of their choice. For a
complete list of the shops you can visit our site, it is basically any
shop that carries our products in the USA or Canada. Additionally,
we’re trying to keep it as open as possible so like any legit
promotion no purchase is necessary, you can use any nipple clamp
you’ve got just send us a picture and you’ll be entered to win. Don’t
own any nipple clamps, a wooden clothes is an affordable and
I love the New York Toy Collective because it’s queer woman owned-and-operated, small business and totally awesome. It is an honor to get to work with them and they make really incredible products. I can’t wait to see what’s next!
I’m fundraising to support my website and the drive is running until the goal is met. So if you’re able to support the site I appreciate any and all donations. There are some amazing prizes up for grabs including a chapter from my forthcoming memoir full of dyke drama, crushes, flirting, fat politics and femme community organizing at the $50 level.